would u have a baby for a gay guy?

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assuming you're in your viable child bearing years without any health complications would u:

A) be willing to have a baby for a gay guy (or couple) who was just a friend(s),

and B) be ok if he wanted full custody and not make you a part of the kids life?

more or less just offer to be his(their) surrogate and conceive and carry the baby for him(them)? might not even be close friend but you would have a good sense that he(they) would be good parents and provide well.


reason i'm asking is I'd really like to have kids of my own (biological) but don't see a traditional marriage with a woman in my future. any ethical issues that might make you decline?

Et in Arcadia Ego

Yes and yes, I've offered to my close gay friends, as long as I'm done school.

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damn, u look hot. i didn't want to include requirements for the surrogate because i thought it would incite a sexist backlash, but the mother of my child would definitely have to be physically hot. i know i know some really cute kids have come out of really ugly parents but why stack the deck against him.

I also would want to plant the seed myself, raised catholic i'm not very keen on the mad scientist laboratory methods. it would have to be all natural from the beginning.

have any openings in ur womb for about 18mos from now?

Et in Arcadia Ego

I have 4 years on university ahead of me hun. Had that not happened... sure. But give me 4 years and let me get on my feet in the professional world, I want to be able to afford the right foods and nutrients a developing baby might need.

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Yes I would and have offered for a few of my gay friends when/if they find the right partner. I am fine with not playing the mother role or anything of the sort but I wouldn't want to be kicked out of the person's life all together.....especially if it is a close friend.

That's not to say that I wouldn't be willing to have a baby for a stranger......I would just expect more from that person.......perhaps a form of payment....more like a business transaction I suppose. Whereas with my friends it's more of an investment in our friendship....a way to make their life as happy as possible....to give them something they couldn't give themselves. No payment necessary. That being said I would also consider it for straight friends who might find themselves unable to have children.

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ya of course there would be alot of details that would need to be worked out in advance.

I didn't mean to imply that the friend or surrogate would necessarily be "kicked out" of an existing relationship, just that sole legal custody would be mine & my partner's. I would definitely respect the kid's right to know his birth mom if he chose to.

i think i'd be ok with him knowing from the start, but i'd get some professional advice on what was best for the kid. I guess my main concern would be the surrogate's inability to let go after the birth and assume a secondary role or no role. does an intensely possessive maternal instinct kick in for all women once the kid is born, even if she didnt' feel it during the pregnancy?

and definitely as far as expenses go, i would be completely supportive, if the woman had fantastic insurance great, but i would definitely want to do anything and everything to make it as easy and stress free as possible. including her living arrangement.

it's good to have some female insight. i have a couple of female friends that i would consider asking, but it's only ever come up as sort of a joke in passing like : "hey, i'd have ur kid in a minute" kind of thing.

Et in Arcadia Ego

quote from thadjock 2 days ago on thread drug testing for unemployment benefits:
"there are plenty of legitimate reasons for drug tests. I dont' think it's unreasonable to test someone who drives a bus full of those miscreant progeny some of you call "kids""


busted dude. it's not like babysitting. what kind of fuckn ego trip are you on?
yeah sure, some gay guys and lesbians love kids, others don't, but want it all anyway.

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I didn't suppose you had meant that but I just wanted to clarify. I think it is definitely harder for some women than others....so definitely consider some type of counseling to be as sure as possible that she would be able to let go....and beyond that good legal agreements.


When my friends and I have talked about it I would be more like an "Auntie" role. Since we are friends of course I would be around and I think that when using a close friend it might be an easier transition for the child when they do become aware that 2 men or 2 women can't have a baby. Having their birth mother already be a familiar person in their life might, imo, make the transition to that realization and the reality that they have another parent out there easier.

Clearly if the person has been continuously involved in their life as an "auntie" or "close family friend" the child will know that they are in fact loved by that "absent parent" and were not merely an afterthough or an abandoned child. My friends and I have talked about it a great deal and there are still many things that we haven't determined if it ever were to occur.

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Don't suppose you know someone's desire to have children by a single quote. I myself want to have children and find myself referring to people's children as "pets" or "animals" when they are ill-behaved and uncontrollable in public. There is a difference between having an attitude that some "miscreants should not be considered children" and all children are bad. Quite clearly some people in today's society lack proper parenting skills and raise a creature that is clearly more akin to a wild monkey or dog than a child.

i stand by my post without ANY remorse.

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i dont' see how me being in favor of drug testing for school bus drivers, puts me on an ego trip, but maybe u self edited and lost ur point.

and "miscreant progeny" was sarcasm, in the "other people's kids are urchins, mine are angels" vein.

it was fun to feel ur hate though.

Et in Arcadia Ego

re: ego trip - how bout just the fact it has to be with your own sperm and a "hot" woman of your own choosing. there are loads of gays and lesbians willing to adopt kids who need a home. i think with you, as in the case of octomom, it's all about your ego, not about the kid(s).
i would never use the term "miscreatn progeny" to refer to kids, much less 2 days ago. if it were a passing comment from a couple of years ago i might understand. hey dude, it's your fuckin business, good luck with this one.

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PS: to offroad

i'm fully aware that there are tons of staunch right-wing republican heteros out there that would fight till the end of their days to deny EVERY gay couple or individual the right to be parents, but the extra hurdles we're willing to go through proves our committment to parenting. hetero's don't have to pass those kinds of tests.

Et in Arcadia Ego

I don't have a problem carrying a baby for someone else as long as it is a gestational surrogacy. You are looking for a traditional surrogate. I won't do that for anyone whether they are straight, married, gay, single, etc. And for informational purposes traditional surros do not have sex to conceive they either use IUI done at the doctor's office or at home inseminations using a syringe, etc. Most surro arrangements require extensive testing both medical and psychological and then approximately 30 page legal contracts. Rarely have I seen a surro who has never given birth before. It's not something to be had cheaply either. A good surro will cost you quite a bit in her compensation plus you would have to pay all legal bill, medical bills and any of her childcare, housekeeping, and lost wages.

life is tough. it's not easy for anybody. really, good luck dude. a kid will change your life forever.