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I need advice about my fuck buddy agreement

Ok.....so I have a fuck buddy. The rule was that whoever wants sex gets it. That was until this week. Since I seemed to have wanted sex more than he thought he limited to strictly

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View Poll Results: What should I do?
Hold out from sex until he acts right? 9 5.59%
Leave his ass? 114 70.81%
Make him feel how I feel by hurting his feelings? 9 5.59%
Keep fucking him until I find someone better? 31 19.25%
Do nothing? 1 0.62%
Don't know? 0 0%
Other? 4 2.48%
Multiple Choice Poll. Voters: 161. You may not vote on this poll

 
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Old 09-05-2009   #1 (permalink)
Rommette is offline

Lightbulb I need advice about my fuck buddy agreement

Ok.....so I have a fuck buddy. The rule was that whoever wants sex gets it. That was until this week. Since I seemed to have wanted sex more than he thought he limited to strictly 3 times a week. That's killing me. have to pick 3 out of 7 days to have sex. The sex is great and I love sucking his dick. (That just started recently )He fucks the shit out of me just how I like it. Here's where I get fustrated. The other 90% of the time we hang out he treats me like shit and it makes me feel bad. He's cool and all but at times he's just a straight out ass to me. I don't like it at all. I'm a woman and and I deserve to be treated as such. Then I started thinking that maybe its my fault because I fuck him alot. We've never had a break from this fuck buddy agreement over the past year besides the few times he's "found god" but that didn't last long. When this agreement first started I was welcome over his room anytime. I'd just show up. Then he told me to start letting him know before I come over. I got suspicious so I wanted to fuck him more. I figure that he wouldn't be fucking somebody else if I was fucking him all the time. We both have mutual friends and they don't know about our fuckbuddy agreement and he treats me like shit in front of them. Its like he's a totally different person when we're together and about to have sex. He asks me which way I want to have sex and what I think but in front of our friends he's very rude. Its embarrasing to be treated this way. I feel like he treats me like i'm just pussy to fuck and i'm much more than that. I've made compromises with him. It took him 8 months of persuasion to get me to give him oral sex. We're having unprotected sex most of the time. (He says it feels better without).We've tried anal sex a time or two. I don't like being on top but i've given it a try every blue moon. I keep wondering what more does he want from me? I've given my all and i dont know what to do. As an example today I went over to his room unanounced (which he wasn't too pleased about) and asked him could I play on xbox live. My xbox live subscription recently expired and i wanna buy the 13 month subscription for 41 bucks on amazon rather than to pay 20 dollars for 3 months. With that said it'll probably be another 2 weeks before I buy it. Every once in a while I get that itch to play so I was hoping he wasn't playing when I arrived and he wasn't. He was playing his nintendo D.S. and his t.v. was on mute. I asked him would I play and he said no. I asked him why not (since he wasn't playing on xbox live or using the t.v. I figured he might say he had somewhere to go which is understandable). Nope, he didn't want me to play because I had my own xbox. I had asked to play XBOX LIVE and clearly said so. He knows I don't have xbox live. He then said go ask a friend of his who I shall name James. James is ALWAYS on my fuck buddy's side. I told him that its his xbox and his xbox live subscription so it doesn't matter what James thinks. He instant messages James and James says that he shouldn't let me play because I might give his xbox the RED RING OF DEATH. WTF!!!!! Anybody who has an xbox knows that pressing the buttons on the controller isn't gonna give you the red rings of death. Often times people get it from being on the xbox for several hours at a time and the xbox overheats. He then decides he's going down to James room where I can confront James. He knows James has something against me and that I'm not allowed in his room. When we get there James opens he door and my fuck buddy walks in and i'm left in the hall alone forced to talk to my fuck buddy and James through the door. All the guys in the dorm are looking at me like i'm crazy. I can't make out what they are saying but I hear then laughing at me and at that moment I wanted to almost break down and cry. I went back to my room furious. I'm tired of him treating me like shit. He's nice, kind and polite when he wants to fuck but mean to me at other times. I really don't know what to do. All this emotional abuse is taking its toll on me. Often times I'm so mad i hit him on his arm or something and then he says "what did you do that for?" Why the fuck do you think I did that? Once I didn't speak to him for a week when he hurt my feelings. During the summer when we were fucking he was much different....but still not polite. We never argued or were mean to each other. It was that he just wasn't polite. I would drive 45 minutes to his house and let him fuck me. Sometimes afterward he would go get something to drink. He'd come back with a class full of juice and when I'd ask for some juice he'd say no. He said that after my first visit I was no longer a guest. WTF!!! If I don't live there then i'm a guest. He fucked me so hard my period came on and I'm not worthy of a glass of juice? I want to continue having sex with him but I want him to treat me better when we're not fucking. My question here is what should I do? Do I end the fuck buddy agreement? Hold out till he treats me better? Get mean and nasty with him? It gets to a point when I feel like enough is enough. Well, I know i've written alot but there's so much more that you don't even know. Tell me what you think.

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Last edited by Rommette; 09-05-2009 at 11:47 PM..
Rommette is offline  
Old 09-05-2009   #2 (permalink)
Indelicate is offline


Rommette, your mutual friends know about the arrangement because your FB has told them, because he is an asshole.

You need to find a new one who is a little more mature and knows the importance of being discreet about the arrangement. I know it would be tough to give up the thing you feel you really need, but if you want to have any self-respect left, you need to end it now.
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Old 09-05-2009   #3 (permalink)
Rommette is offline


i dont think he told them

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Old 09-05-2009   #4 (permalink)
D_Tyrone_Tittickler
Banned

Rommette,

He is using you for his own pleasure. The very fact that he demeans you in the presence of others without a twinge of conscience tells me that he does not value your company and friendship. Do not continue to enable his behavior. There are plenty of nice guys who would appreciate you without using you for their own ends. Tell him you are through, and mean it! He level of emotional maturity seriously lags behind physical maturity. You will be better off without all of his grief.
Old 09-05-2009   #5 (permalink)
sykray is offline


Sorry if this comes across as unsympathetic and brutal, maybe I've missed something but you are his fuck buddy not his girlfriend. It seems that your times together for sex are fine - presumably for both of you. Your relationship appears to me about having sex together - as far as he's concerned. He doesn't seem to want you as a friend - let alone, a girlfriend. You are simply a woman to fuck with no other strings or commitments.

You, on the other hand, seem to want to be his friend, too. Friendship is what he gets from guys, such as James. He seems not to be looking for a female friend. He certainly doesn't think of you as his girlfriend.

For him, a fuckbuddy is someone to fuck - maybe like having sex with a sex worker without having to pay for it because you want the sex as much - if not more than he does. The sex is the trading agreement.

For you, the definition of fuckbuddy seems to be more like girlfriend but with less commitment maybe. From his perspective, you should have your own friends to hang out with. You each can have other sex partners. There was no promise to be monogamous or faithful.

I suspect that you have made the same confusing mistake that other women have
made. You start out by having a purely sexual relationship but then want it to be a "friendship with sexual benefits" and then maybe something more emotionally committed than that even. For many men (often young and immature men) sex is sex. It has nothing to do with feelings or friendship or commitment or love or respect or anything other than getting your rocks off.

I recommend that you end this relationship and find a guy who is into you. Someone who will be the boyfriend you deserve and seem to want to have.
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Old 09-05-2009   #6 (permalink)
Eboomo is offline


I've been in a relationship that was all physical and bad emotional. The guy only comes to you when he needs something. I KNOW exactly how hard it is to cut them off because it can be hard to find a physical match... but its also hard to find that emotional match too. I can't tell you I have all the answers but I (cliche possibly) think communication is whats lacking in this world. So my advice is to be brutally honest with him.
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Old 09-05-2009   #7 (permalink)
D_Fiona_Farvel
Account Disabled

He isn't your boyfriend - fuck him and go home.
If he's holding out? Find someone else to fuck.

Don't play games.
Old 09-05-2009   #8 (permalink)
Eboomo is offline


The post above my original post must have been typing while i was... I just want to say I don't think that's accurate. I think she made it clear that they have mutual friends. They knew each other before. I don't think this "agreement" was how they met. My 2cents.
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Old 09-06-2009   #9 (permalink)
Rommette is offline


Quote:
Originally Posted by sykray View Post
Sorry if this comes across as unsympathetic and brutal, maybe I've missed something but you are his fuck buddy not his girlfriend. It seems that your times together for sex are fine - presumably for both of you. Your relationship appears to me about having sex together - as far as he's concerned. He doesn't seem to want you as a friend - let alone, a girlfriend. You are simply a woman to fuck with no other strings or commitments.

You, on the other hand, seem to want to be his friend, too. Friendship is what he gets from guys, such as James. He seems not to be looking for a female friend. He certainly doesn't think of you as his girlfriend.

For him, a fuckbuddy is someone to fuck - maybe like having sex with a sex worker without having to pay for it because you want the sex as much - if not more than he does. The sex is the trading agreement.

For you, the definition of fuckbuddy seems to be more like girlfriend but with less commitment maybe. From his perspective, you should have your own friends to hang out with. You each can have other sex partners. There was no promise to be monogamous or faithful.

I suspect that you have made the same confusing mistake that other women have
made. You start out by having a purely sexual relationship but then want it to be a "friendship with sexual benefits" and then maybe something more emotionally committed than that even. For many men (often young and immature men) sex is sex. It has nothing to do with feelings or friendship or commitment or love or respect or anything other than getting your rocks off.

I recommend that you end this relationship and find a guy who is into you. Someone who will be the boyfriend you deserve and seem to want to have.

I understand perfectly what you are saying but we were friends before the sex and the fuck buddy thing was supposed to be in addition to our original friendship.

I said there was alot I didn't say. One of them was our agreement to be monogamous to only each other. This was supposed to be something to do until I get a boyfriend or he gets a girlfriend. That was our agreement. Once one of us was seeing someone it was to immediately be over. He can talk to other women in front of me and its perfectly fine. There was one time where the sex was sooooo good and I left feeling like I was attracted to him. I didn't say anything but like 2 days later he asked me did I feel any different and I of course said no and then he told me he felt different about me. The exact same way I had felt. I then confessed and told him that that feeling would probably go away...which it did.

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Old 09-06-2009   #10 (permalink)
rainbowknight is offline


GF, you stated it in your post "I am a woman and I deserve to be treated as such." However, you have settled on not being treated like a woman. Gurl you can find a fuck buddy anywhere. He is not 50 Cent I'm sure, he cannot have a magic stick, does he?

You have settled for all of the headaches of a relationship without the benefit of respect. Don't try to get back at him because the best revenge is to live well. Go find another fuck buddy and make him stand in the hallway. Let him stand at your door while you enjoy getting yours. Answer the door smelling like sex, good sex so that he gets the message that he lost something good. Naw, don't do that just let him go because like dogtrainer said, it is a maturity thing.

Just let him go. There are plenty of guys out there. Also remember that a fuck buddy is not a friend. In the urban way of looking at things, urban males do not treat female fuck buddies as friends. I heard a rap song today where the guy was saying he would not take his wife to the club he would have 20 dhimes.

If he will not respect you after you have put your mouth on the most private part of his body, then he never will respect you.

How in the hell are you gonna' love somebody else if you don't love yourself - RuPaul
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Old 09-06-2009   #11 (permalink)
D_Paddy Gonia

Girl regardless of if he told them or not you need to break this agreement off. If he thought of you as more than just a piece of convenient ass he wouldn't be treating you like shit.
Old 09-06-2009   #12 (permalink)
sykray is offline


Eboomo, you are correct in saying that they knew each other prior to having sex. However, I do not think that he regarded her as a friend at that time. Maybe, he did but now doesn't want her friendship. The basic message and advice remains the same.

She deserves better and wants better. She needs to end the sexual relationship and find another guy. She can choose to keep the same mutual friends, if she wishes. She can still see him around.

It may flatter his ego that a woman wants to have sex with him and he may wish to prove to himself and others that he doesn't care for her. He treats her like shit and talks and laughs about her with others. "Look at me! I can have sex whenever I feel like it. She's hung up on my cock. I don't give a fuck about her."

He's a silly little boy and she needs to get out it.
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Old 09-06-2009   #13 (permalink)
Rommette is offline


Ok everyone.....we knew each other for 2 years before this last yr as fuck buddies. This isn't some random guy I met. We had friends in common so I would be in a friends room and he would be there too. That's how we got to know each other. We were 18 then. We often hung out and ate together. Eventually that person who we would hang out with no longer attended our school in which we then became closer. Then we became fuck buddies in addition to friends

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Old 09-06-2009   #14 (permalink)
Rommette is offline


Quote:
Originally Posted by rainbowknight View Post
GF, you stated it in your post "I am a woman and I deserve to be treated as such." However, you have settled on not being treated like a woman. Gurl you can find a fuck buddy anywhere. He is not 50 Cent I'm sure, he cannot have a magic stick, does he?

You have settled for all of the headaches of a relationship without the benefit of respect. Don't try to get back at him because the best revenge is to live well. Go find another fuck buddy and make him stand in the hallway. Let him stand at your door while you enjoy getting yours. Answer the door smelling like sex, good sex so that he gets the message that he lost something good. Naw, don't do that just let him go because like dogtrainer said, it is a maturity thing.

Just let him go. There are plenty of guys out there. Also remember that a fuck buddy is not a friend. In the urban way of looking at things, urban males do not treat female fuck buddies as friends. I heard a rap song today where the guy was saying he would not take his wife to the club he would have 20 dhimes.

If he will not respect you after you have put your mouth on the most private part of his body, then he never will respect you.

the way you put that was crazy. I knew exactly what you were saying but its just hard to let go....but then again, he aint got no magic stick

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Old 09-06-2009   #15 (permalink)
polesmoker is offline


Did you both go and get tested befor you entered this no condom oral/vaginal/anal sex agreement? If you can't trust a dude to treat you with respect, you shouldn't trust him to not give you chlamydia.

I like my clothes to be tight enough to show I'm a woman, but loose enough to show I'm a lady..............I'll try anything once, twice if I like it, three times to make sure. - Mae West
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