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I caught my wife having sex with another man

Originally Posted by dolfette but...sometimes people take risks because they want to get caught. a twisted way of coming clean. Yes, that is true. Especially the twisted part. And she could have still lied about

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Old 11-02-2009   #31 (permalink)
Wish-4-8 is offline


Quote:
Originally Posted by dolfette View Post
but...sometimes people take risks because they want to get caught. a twisted way of coming clean.
Yes, that is true. Especially the twisted part. And she could have still lied about the 5 years. But 5 years to get caught? That takes planning.

OK, now I'm surprised!
Whats with this place?

Dolfette says I am not a "Leg-Humper" (Yipee!)
but she also thinks I'm a twat!


Somehow, this place is less bright without the color RED.
Wish-4-8 is offline  
Old 11-02-2009   #32 (permalink)
voidout is offline


Quote:
Originally Posted by dolfette View Post
don't listen to us.
don't stay or go just because people say you should or can't forgive.
you know her and, know when things are working and you know when things aren't.
some people can fix it. some can't. there's no universal solution.
do what feels right for you.
exactly.
voidout is offline  
Old 11-02-2009   #33 (permalink)
allmale is offline


Shurik, I'm sorry this has happened to you and your marriage. I had two questions that came to mind when I read your post. First, who else did she screw in the town you live in? Second, who else did your "friend" screw, how many others?
It's very difficult to ever get over something like this, I don't think one really does to be perfectly honest. But, you can repair the relationship, if you want to, enough to where the marriage can at least sustain (esp. if kids are involved).
My advice is don't do a "revenge" fuck. Don't lower yourself to base standards. You are better than that. I learned the hard way that two wrongs don't make a right, if fact it just makes things worse.....a lot worse....I think to the point that it could completely break up a relationship. This was a lesson I learned the hard way, like I did with "open" realtionships then having to go the Dr. to get an STD cleared up.
I'd advise marriage couseling for now AFTER you've had some time to think and get back in touch with your own and your spouses feelings.
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Old 11-02-2009   #34 (permalink)
SR_Les Intercourse is offline
Banned


nope
SR_Les Intercourse is offline  
Old 11-02-2009   #35 (permalink)
cbrmale is offline


Quote:
Originally Posted by Wish-4-8 View Post
Just think about this.
The only reason she fess up was because she got caught in the act, red handed. It seems that she could have lived her whole life without you ever knowing and be OK with that. No guilt, no concious about the vows you exchanged. Its not like she was confessing to you about it in hopes to change.

To her, its almost an inconvinience that she got caught. It makes the cheating a little trickier.

Yeah, she loves you. Except for the part that she has to give up a bit of herself for her husband she chose to marry, you know, for better or for WORSE.

If you are OK with that, then more power to you. Forgive her and see what other surprises she has in store for you. (can you say paternity tests)
I did this with another woman over a fair period of time and the sex we shared, and eventually the love I felt for that woman, had no adverse impact on my marriage at all. My wife guessed something was happening with someone, so when I decided to improve my home sex life from rather average to something better, she went along with it quite willingly. Since then, my married sex has been fantastic.

I truly doubt that unless one has been in this situation, one can understand how it isn't quite so simple. Yes you can have sex with someone else, and it doesn't affect any other relationships in your life. Yes you can even fall in love with someone else, and still not affect anything. Yes, your married sex can often become better, because it feels like a tension is being released. It feels like you are releasing a deeply-seated desire to have sex with another person, and then you become grounded for quite some time.
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Old 11-02-2009   #36 (permalink)
MercyfulFate is offline


My girlfriend cheated on me and I cheated on her in revenge. It still sucks to think about, but we love each other enough that we got past it.

If your pride won't allow you to move past it, then it might never get fixed. However if your love transcends that, you have a shot. Seems "duh" I know, but what the heck.
MercyfulFate is offline  
Old 11-03-2009   #37 (permalink)
Wish-4-8 is offline


Quote:
Originally Posted by cbrmale View Post
I did this with another woman over a fair period of time and the sex we shared, and eventually the love I felt for that woman, had no adverse impact on my marriage at all. My wife guessed something was happening with someone, so when I decided to improve my home sex life from rather average to something better, she went along with it quite willingly. Since then, my married sex has been fantastic.

I truly doubt that unless one has been in this situation, one can understand how it isn't quite so simple. Yes you can have sex with someone else, and it doesn't affect any other relationships in your life. Yes you can even fall in love with someone else, and still not affect anything. Yes, your married sex can often become better, because it feels like a tension is being released. It feels like you are releasing a deeply-seated desire to have sex with another person, and then you become grounded for quite some time.
Like I said, if everyone is OK with it, then more power to them.

OK, now I'm surprised!
Whats with this place?

Dolfette says I am not a "Leg-Humper" (Yipee!)
but she also thinks I'm a twat!


Somehow, this place is less bright without the color RED.
Wish-4-8 is offline  
Old 11-03-2009   #38 (permalink)
Not_Punny is offline


Maybe you dig the humiliation??

(Doesn't mean that's ALL you dig sexually, but maybe there's something to consider here. Some people really get off on this.)

I'm into wood... can you catch my drift?
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Old 11-03-2009   #39 (permalink)
voidout is offline


Quote:
Originally Posted by Not_Punny View Post
Maybe you dig the humiliation??

(Doesn't mean that's ALL you dig sexually, but maybe there's something to consider here. Some people really get off on this.)
good point to consider.
voidout is offline  
Old 11-03-2009   #40 (permalink)
siempie is offline


Let me first state that I love my girlfriend very much.

I myself am having enough trouble accepting the fact my girlfriend had partners before me. I have crazy images in my head all the time.

If this would happen to me it would be completely impossible for me to ever have an emotional connection ever again with her. I would fall out of love.

I don't see this as something that could be fixxed, neither would fucking some other woman get me my feelings for her back.

She broke the bond of trust and me as a very jealous guy could never look at her without seeing her getting fucked by this other guy. It would kill me.

I would get pissed and have a big ol fight and leave her ass.

It's your decision and if you still have feelings you should consider staying if you think you can rekindle the flame. If you are like me, don't stay for the good times you had. Think about yourself. But only if you are sure you can't forgive her.

If you have kids and decide to stay for that reason, you earn a freaking medal in my book.

Good luck
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Old 11-03-2009   #41 (permalink)
voidout is offline


Quote:
Originally Posted by siempie View Post
If you have kids and decide to stay for that reason, you earn a freaking medal in my book.
No one deserves a medal for that. Staying together when there's nothing between you both, and showing such a cold form of "love" to your child is worse than getting a divorce.
voidout is offline  
Old 11-04-2009   #42 (permalink)
sexplease is offline


love, sex and friendship don't need rules. We're the human ANIMAL first. anything after that is either self-imposed or imposed by society (culture and civilization) and often chokes and destroys the spontaneous beauty we are capable of freely sharing and living up to.
make you own rules, but beware - you'll be a slave to them.

I lost my virginity, but I still have the box it came in.
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Old 11-04-2009   #43 (permalink)
chevychas is offline


shes been fuck the guy for five years?so you dont know anything!she is a fucking liar,divorse her!why you wanna be with some one is not honest to you?im sorry for you,but she is going to screw with other guys!
chevychas is offline  
Old 11-04-2009   #44 (permalink)
Incocknito is offline


I see one of your vows was:

"To have an affair with behind your back for at least five years and fuck around behind your back."

Modern marriages are fascinating

Not that I personally put any stock in the institution of marriage myself but obviously you do which is why you got married.

It's obviously up to you but for me personally, any woman who can keep an affair secret for five years is a schemin' bitch ass hussy. And my baby's mama ain't gonna be no schemin' bitch ass hussy.

-
Incocknito is offline  
Old 11-05-2009   #45 (permalink)
D_Ivana Dickenside is offline
Banned


if you believe her and you want to forgive her, that's your choice. however, think about how she--and your so-called "friend" you were staying with--deceived you all these years, and ask yourself if it's something you can live with for the rest of your life. the sex may be great... but does sex honestly mean more to you than being able to trust your wife?
D_Ivana Dickenside is offline  

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