Lesbian encounter

petite · 11-07-2010

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jackford

Maybe there are homophobic tendencies but I don't see them clearly.

She told me this news at IHOP over breakfast and I was famished but after hearing it,I didn't even eat one morcel and she felt guilty.

Well I'm off to see her in a few mins so hopefully everything'll be ok.

Well, think about what I said about why you aren't paranoid that she'll get drunk and sleep with a man, will you? Why does sleeping with one woman make her untrustworthy in your eyes?

dissolver · 11-07-2010

does she know you frequent a site that encourages looking at penises?

Given that you haven't posted any pics of yourself, we can only assume you're here to look - not show off.

D_Cock_Hudson · 11-07-2010

Your gf is not alone- there are I think far more women who have experimented with someone of the same sex than men. A friend of mine is married to a woman who had a lesbian relationship about ten years before they met- he's OK with it and they have been married for over fifteen years now.

helgaleena · 11-07-2010

It's jealousy and insecurity. Perhaps the OP thinks he can out-male any other man she's had before, but against a woman he's got no superiority.

Jealousy and insecurity are hard to master. But in a thread here some time past, I learned the importance of counting one's blessings. If she is truly the one for you, she won't go away no matter what. Otherwise, you both will need to seek further for the stable mating.

bigbull29 · 11-07-2010

Quote:

Originally Posted by nldn

Your gf is not alone- there are I think far more women who have experimented with someone of the same sex than men. A friend of mine is married to a woman who had a lesbian relationship about ten years before they met- he's OK with it and they have been married for over fifteen years now.

Many men just hide their experimentation and live in the closet. Women are just not clearly as homophobic as men. That said, women are still very homophobic when it comes to dating a man who admits to same-sex attraction.

big_tits4big_dicks · 11-07-2010

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jackford

Maybe there are homophobic tendencies but I don't see them clearly.

She told me this news at IHOP over breakfast and I was famished but after hearing it,I didn't even eat one morcel and she felt guilty.

Well I'm off to see her in a few mins so hopefully everything'll be ok.

She is not going to share anything else with you, you shut her up. Being 3 moths in, if I were in her shoes, I would break it off. We are not that far in, and if that shocked you I would be terrified of what else would disgust you to the point of loosing your appetite.

dkong8x625 · 11-07-2010

funny how people differ, I would find this as an extreme turn on.

petite · 11-07-2010

Quote:

Originally Posted by helgaleena

It's jealousy and insecurity. Perhaps the OP thinks he can out-male any other man she's had before, but against a woman he's got no superiority.

I would have thought this if he said that he's afraid that she'll break up with him because she really wants to be with a woman, but he made it clear that learning that she has had a lesbian relationship in the past now makes him believe that she'll cheat on him, if she happens to get drunk. Essentially, he isn't so much worried that he can't compete with a woman, he's worried that having had a lesbian relationship in the past means that she's a person of such bad character that if she gets drunk around a lesbian she can't be trusted to keep her pants on. That's homophobic.

D_Chaumbrelayne_Copprehead · 11-07-2010

Hey, Jackford, you've gotten a lot of opinions so far, and here comes another one.

I don't know why you feel the way you do ... jealousy? homophobia? who knows? I don't walk in your shoes so I can't say.

What you feel or think doesn't matter as much as what you do. If you want to keep this relationship going, I'd advise you to be honest and open with her about your thoughts and feelings ... and tell her something like, "I don't know why, but learning you'd been with another woman hit me harder than I thought it would. I'm trying to figure out why, and I don't want this to interfere with our relationship, 'cause we got something good going here."

That is, if you want this relationship to continue ... what do you think, are you up for it?

helgaleena · 11-08-2010

Quote:

Originally Posted by petite

I would have thought this if he said that he's afraid that she'll break up with him because she really wants to be with a woman, but he made it clear that learning that she has had a lesbian relationship in the past now makes him believe that she'll cheat on him, if she happens to get drunk. Essentially, he isn't so much worried that he can't compete with a woman, he's worried that having had a lesbian relationship in the past means that she's a person of such bad character that if she gets drunk around a lesbian she can't be trusted to keep her pants on. That's homophobic.

It is. But if it had been a man he might have had the same reaction, or not. OP must explain it better, to us and also to himself.

Phobia is definitely an insecurity, so I am agreeing with you.

AlteredEgo · 11-08-2010

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jackford

Well Ms.Petite,I guess I kind of feel that those "tendencies" could resurface in the future.She has lots of female friends and they are all pretty close and touchy feeling especially while partying/drinking. Maybe it's just paranoia on my part but I feel something's changed now and not for the better.

She fucked dudes before too, and none of them were you. Maybe those tendencies will resurface. She meets men who aren't you every day, sometimes she shakes their hands or hugs them. Get out while you can.

You have a lot of work to do. Once you get to the root of your discomfort, you will need to find a way to earn back your girl's trust. Right now, you probably couldn't pay her to be vulnerable with you again. That's a lot of damage to fix.

petite · 11-08-2010

Quote:

Originally Posted by helgaleena

It is. But if it had been a man he might have had the same reaction, or not. OP must explain it better, to us and also to himself.

Phobia is definitely an insecurity, so I am agreeing with you.

If he comes back and says that she has been totally celibate for the previous 10 years since that lesbian relationship and that she's never gotten drunk and slept with a man before, then I'd accept that he's not being homophobic. Not that he's justified in believing that it's unacceptable to get drunk and sleep with a lesbian, but at least he wouldn't be applying a nonsensical double standard.

But his description made it sound like he's not only concerned about her "tendencies" towards lesbianism but that he no longer believes she has a good character any more, since he worries she'll be having hot lesbian sex the first time she gets drunk. When his beliefs about her essential character have been affected by learning that she slept with a woman a decade ago, that reeks of some pretty powerful homophobia to me.

D_Edwin Eatser · 11-09-2010

My wife has had lesbian experiences for years, an has a couple of long-term girlfriends, from long before we met; she goes for weekends, or away on holiday, with one or the other occasionally. I've no problem with this and know them socially, although not more intimately. It's just sex and friendship, so why worry if your girl likes this fun?

helgaleena · 11-09-2010

The OP seems to have fallen silent.

Lesbian encounter

Originally Posted by Jackford Maybe there are homophobic tendencies but I don't see them clearly. She told me this news at IHOP over breakfast and I was famished but after hearing it,I didn't even eat