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Lesbian encounter

A few days ago,my girlfriend of 3 months told me that about 10 years ago,she had a one month lesbian relationship. I was shocked and didn't know what to say.She tells me it was just

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Old 11-07-2010   #1 (permalink)
D_John Uppipe is offline
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Lesbian encounter

A few days ago,my girlfriend of 3 months told me that about 10 years ago,she had a one month lesbian relationship.

I was shocked and didn't know what to say.She tells me it was just an experimental thing and that she is 100% straight.

Our relationship is going very well both emotionally and physically.

For some reason,I can't seem to get past this and it has been bothering me for days.She said she regrets telling me as I have suddenly become more distant and aloof.

I don't know what it is, but is really affecting me in a negative way.We have talked about our past "straight relationships, but this was a bit of a shock.
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Old 11-07-2010   #2 (permalink)
zaragoza is offline


Why has it affected you so much,since you are 50% gay yourself,have you told her about all your past ''gay relationships''?

Get with the program,don't send me a friendship request just for the sake of it.If i've never heard from you before at least say hello first, and don't ask me for my msn,yahoo,etc,etc...

And no i don't cam and i have no pics here because i don't want to,but i'll send them to whoever i feel like.THAT CLEAR ENOUGH FOR YOU?
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Old 11-07-2010   #3 (permalink)
D_John Uppipe is offline
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Lol...actually,that was a typo.I have since changed the data.I am 100% straight for sure.

It's not as if I am homophobic or anything as I have gay and lesbian friends and relatives, but this news hit me very hard.
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Old 11-07-2010   #4 (permalink)
Hoss is offline


Quote:
Originally Posted by Jackford View Post
A few days ago,my girlfriend of 3 months told me that about 10 years ago,she had a one month lesbian relationship.

I was shocked and didn't know what to say.She tells me it was just an experimental thing and that she is 100% straight.

Our relationship is going very well both emotionally and physically.

For some reason,I can't seem to get past this and it has been bothering me for days.She said she regrets telling me as I have suddenly become more distant and aloof.

I don't know what it is, but is really affecting me in a negative way.We have talked about our past "straight relationships, but this was a bit of a shock.
She had a 1 month relationship with 1 woman, she's been with you 3x as long. The time in her lesbian experimenting was 10 yrs. back and apparently that was the only time. The past is the past, leave it there and be glad that she felt safe and comfortable enough to tell you, she's letting you become part of her life which says she sees a future with you.

Many people experiment, especially when young (you haven't said the age she was then).
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Old 11-07-2010   #5 (permalink)
zaragoza is offline


Ok,so you are 100% straight,and you are not homophobic... i still don't understand your reaction,especially since you've only been together for three months.

Would you be happier right now,if she hadn't told you?

You need to let it go,especially since this relationship is brand new,you don't want to let your discomfort about something that happened so long ago,ruin what you have with her today.

Get with the program,don't send me a friendship request just for the sake of it.If i've never heard from you before at least say hello first, and don't ask me for my msn,yahoo,etc,etc...

And no i don't cam and i have no pics here because i don't want to,but i'll send them to whoever i feel like.THAT CLEAR ENOUGH FOR YOU?

Last edited by zaragoza; 11-07-2010 at 12:30 PM..
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Old 11-07-2010   #6 (permalink)
D_Rosalind Mussell is offline
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I guess the real question here is WHY did it hit you so hard. Does it shatter this image you have of her? She's human, we all experiment. She shared some very intimate information with you and I bet she's feeling rejected right about now. This inability to get over this inconsequential slice of her sexual history could ruin what you have. I know it's going to sound harsh, but if you can't get over it just move on so she can find someone else that won't care if she spent a month of her life in a lesbian relationship.
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Old 11-07-2010   #7 (permalink)
B_RedDude is offline
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It sounds like you're experiencing some homophobia that you didn't know you had (I think this term gets thrown around a bit much, but am using it for lack of a better alternative). Nothing to be ashamed of. It can be a sociocultural thing. You may think of yourself as not homophobic, but you have now been confronted with non-heterosexual sex in a very up close and personal way. And it's different than having a gay cousin, or even a gay bud.

The thing is, if you're interested in keeping and further developing this relationship, you might see a therapist for a few sessions to explore why it bothers you so much and if you can get past it. This may sound very much like a "Dear Abby" response, but in this case I think it could really be helpful. The thing is to find a therapist that you feel very comfortable with, male or female.

Last edited by B_RedDude; 11-07-2010 at 12:35 PM..
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Old 11-07-2010   #8 (permalink)
D_John Uppipe is offline
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Good points Mr.Hoss.

She was 23 at the time by the way.I guess she told me for a reason.

Apparently, the other lady involved was a 100% card carrying lesbian and was the one who made the first moves.

There was apparently some alcohol involved in the initial stages and it kind of went from there and evolved into a 1 month fling.

There are probably some self-esteem issues involved on my part.

I really care about her and need to work through this.
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Old 11-07-2010   #9 (permalink)
petite is offline


Are you afraid that she's really a lesbian?

Or does it change the image that you had of her, makes you feel like she's not the "kind" of woman that you want to be with?

What precisely is bothering you about it?

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Old 11-07-2010   #10 (permalink)
zaragoza is offline


''100% card carrying lesbian'' that sounds homophobic to me.And you seem to be implying that it only took place because she was intoxicated.

Get with the program,don't send me a friendship request just for the sake of it.If i've never heard from you before at least say hello first, and don't ask me for my msn,yahoo,etc,etc...

And no i don't cam and i have no pics here because i don't want to,but i'll send them to whoever i feel like.THAT CLEAR ENOUGH FOR YOU?
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Old 11-07-2010   #11 (permalink)
dongalong is offline


Quote:
Originally Posted by Jackford View Post
Lol...actually,that was a typo.I have since changed the data.I am 100% straight for sure.

It's not as if I am homophobic or anything as I have gay and lesbian friends and relatives, but this news hit me very hard.
Man, many guys would love a girlfriend open minded enough to try that out. Obviously it wasn't the kind of lifestyle she preferred so I suggest you try to "step back" in your mind and analyse the big picture:
Her experience doesn't have a negative impact on your life apart from inside your mind. In reality everything in your relationship is fine. Accept that and enjoy the fact that she is ready to experiment - you are a lucky guy!
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Old 11-07-2010   #12 (permalink)
D_John Uppipe is offline
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Well Ms.Petite,I guess I kind of feel that those "tendencies" could resurface in the future.She has lots of female friends and they are all pretty close and touchy feeling especially while partying/drinking. Maybe it's just paranoia on my part but I feel something's changed now and not for the better.
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Old 11-07-2010   #13 (permalink)
D_John Uppipe is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by zaragoza View Post
''100% card carrying lesbian'' that sounds homophobic to me.And you seem to be implying that it only took place because she was intoxicated.


Maybe not the right choice of words.......I meant she was completely lesbian.
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Old 11-07-2010   #14 (permalink)
petite is offline


Quote:
Originally Posted by Jackford View Post
Well Ms.Petite,I guess I kind of feel that those "tendencies" could resurface in the future.She has lots of female friends and they are all pretty close and touchy feeling especially while partying/drinking. Maybe it's just paranoia on my part but I feel something's changed now and not for the better.
So you are concerned that she's really a lesbian and you are also afraid that she cannot be trusted not to cheat on you because she was in a lesbian relationship.

After all, her previous relationships with men don't have you worried that she'll get drunk and sleep with a man, right? Even though she's slept with a lot more men? And some of those encounters were probably aided by alcohol, given most people's dating history... So, I'd say that your problem is that you're homophobic, because your reasoning makes no sense.

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Old 11-07-2010   #15 (permalink)
D_John Uppipe is offline
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Maybe there are homophobic tendencies but I don't see them clearly.

She told me this news at IHOP over breakfast and I was famished but after hearing it,I didn't even eat one morcel and she felt guilty.

Well I'm off to see her in a few mins so hopefully everything'll be ok.
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