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My girlfriend is scared to have her first orgasm.

She is 25. I have explained to her lots of times what is happening what will happen the feelings she will experience, if she feels like she needs to pee it isnt pee (as long

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Old 12-21-2010   #1 (permalink)
Lilt is offline

My girlfriend is scared to have her first orgasm.

She is 25. I have explained to her lots of times what is happening what will happen the feelings she will experience, if she feels like she needs to pee it isnt pee (as long as shes peed before hand) etc but when she is getting close when I go down on her she pushes me away or moves away or traps my head between her knees whatever to make the feeling stop. She says she can't help it and suggested I tie her up to stop her moving. Is this really the best way to get past it? Is it normal? Is it really that hard for herself to cope with mind over matter to go 'over the top' ? If I tie her up and go down on her how do I know I need to keep going if she tells me to stop but its just caused by nerves? She says when she rubs her clit alot she chaffs and has to stop which makes the feeling go away. I asked her why doesn't she just use lube or rub it in a different way or place but she just ignored me. She confuses me, is she embarrased or simply not know what to do or genuinely scared?
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Old 12-22-2010   #2 (permalink)
Drifterwood is offline


She suggested that you tie her up?

Higgedy diggedy.

"We used to think that you could spend your way out of a recession and increase employment by cutting taxes and boosting government spending. I tell you in all candour that that option no longer exists, and in so far as it ever did exist, it only worked on each occasion since the war by injecting a bigger dose of inflation into the economy, followed by a higher level of unemployment as the next step." Jim Callaghan, British Left Wing Prime Minister 1976
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Old 12-22-2010   #3 (permalink)
Saaga is offline


Maybe she has already orgasmed in the past, but it was painful or otherwise unpleasurable and doesn't want to go through it again...
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Old 12-22-2010   #4 (permalink)
Fleur is offline


Sounds to me like she's shy and uneasy about letting go in front of you. I know it took me 6 months with my first boyfriend to have an orgasm and I'd never had one before. My guess is she's just shy. Just be patient with her and dominate her a little because it seems like that's what she wants from what she's told you.

Always stop if she says no, obviously.
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Old 12-22-2010   #5 (permalink)
B_prettyswinggirl is offline
Banned


Try the tying up if she wants you to, but have a safe word other than stop or no. Something you and she will remember but wouldn't come up in normal sexual conversation.

Keeping things extremely lighthearted may help also. 1 in 3 women have been sexually abused in one way or the other by the time they are 18. She may have something in her past that she's feeling ashamed of and letting loose makes her feel not only vulnerable but dirty also. Many women are not going to share with their lovers what may have happened to them until they fully trust them. If you love her and cherish her, and she seems to enjoy sex in every other way, I wouldn't push the orgasm issue to hard. If she does have some past issues to work out, it may take her seeing a therapist for her to bring some locked up feelings out.
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Old 12-22-2010   #6 (permalink)
Lilt is offline


She is very open sexually to everything else which confuses me why she has trouble with this. For some reason she likes to look at porn videos everyday on the internet. I wonder if she could be embarrased to orgasm infront of me because if she wasn't having them why would she look at these videos so much? Thank you for all your replys
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Old 12-22-2010   #7 (permalink)
B_prettyswinggirl is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lilt View Post
She is very open sexually to everything else which confuses me why she has trouble with this. For some reason she likes to look at porn videos everyday on the internet. I wonder if she could be embarrased to orgasm infront of me because if she wasn't having them why would she look at these videos so much? Thank you for all your replys
Being over sexualized and not being able to orgasm can be one of the warning signs of past abuse. Just saying, take this a little seriously and have a very careful heart to heart with her and be gentle about it!
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Old 12-22-2010   #8 (permalink)
Pierced1953 is offline


When getting into bondage a safe word must be used. It is also a relationship that trust and loyality needs to be established first. When the safe word is used, means right now. I think she needs to get over her shyness with you first. Even if she does pee,this would let her go. Talk and get a better idea of why she would ask for the ropes. Does seem like she's a bit submissive. Many are concerned of mess during sex.

Usually the messier the better the sex. Towels,showers and clean sheets.
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Old 12-25-2010   #9 (permalink)
Lilt is offline


I'm pretty scared if it was past abuse, I would have no idea how to get her to go to a councellor I don't think she would want to. And I think it would take a long time to help her. She is sometimes a bit shy but she definitely doesn't seem to have trouble letting go. She was peeing on the toilet when we were in the bathroom the other day and started taking a dump and wasn't bothered I was there!

I'm puzzled
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Old 12-25-2010   #10 (permalink)
D_Kay_Sarah_Sarah is offline
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I can empathize with her because i was nervous when i had my first. Its just the fact of letting yourself go and not knowing what will happen. And watching porn and the way the women there exaggerate it probably isn't helping her nerves either.

All i can suggest is going down on her inst the way best way to give her her first orgasm, because with her being nervous/self conscious having your face that close to see, smell and taste everything wont help her relax.

Try either toys or normal sex, nothing weird or freaky.


Also personally i cant orgasm unless i have something inside of me that i can tighten and clench as i cum. So that might be something to think about with her??
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Old 12-25-2010   #11 (permalink)
B_Fatcock_Dickslap is offline
Banned


Dick slap her. She won't be able to hold back her orgasm.
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Old 12-28-2010   #12 (permalink)
B_subgirrl is offline
Banned


Quote:
Originally Posted by Lilt View Post
She is 25. I have explained to her lots of times what is happening what will happen the feelings she will experience, if she feels like she needs to pee it isnt pee (as long as shes peed before hand) etc
That 'need to pee' feeling is not necessary for an orgasm. That feeling is associated with 'squirting' or female ejaculation, and does not accompany all orgasms for all women.

Different women orgasm in different ways, and orgasm is accompanied by different feelings in different women. For instance, some women find that they need to relax their vaginal muscles when they're getting close to orgasm, whilst others need to push themselves over the edge physically as well as mentally (RawDog or SG83 might remember the thread we discussed this in. I can't remember which it was).

If your girlfriend knows what way works for her when she's alone, it will make it easier for her to orgasm when you are together. Does she even orgasm when she's alone? She may never have had an orgasm before at all and could be too shy to tell you.


Quote:
She says she can't help it and suggested I tie her up to stop her moving. Is this really the best way to get past it?
It might just work. And maybe she has a strong sub streak and doesn't feel right orgasming unless you 'make' her. If you both feel comfortable doing this, there's no reason you shouldn't do it. Just make sure you have a safeword.


Quote:
Is it normal? Is it really that hard for herself to cope with mind over matter to go 'over the top' ?
Not being able to orgasm at all is quite normal, let alone doing so with another or during penetration. In fact there are some women who prefer NOT to orgasm during sex.


Quote:
If I tie her up and go down on her how do I know I need to keep going if she tells me to stop but its just caused by nerves?
Use a safeword that can't be used 'accidentally'. If she asks you to stop using that safeword, she really means it and you should stop.


Quote:
She says when she rubs her clit alot she chaffs and has to stop which makes the feeling go away. I asked her why doesn't she just use lube or rub it in a different way or place but she just ignored me.
I've rubbed my clit so hard that it hurt and I had to stop. I've also rubbed it so hard that it hurt, but I didn't give a fuck because it felt so good and I've kept going anyway. Lube would be a bad thing for me because I really need the friction for it to feel good. This may, or may not, be the case with your girlfriend.

She may have ignored you when you asked about it because she's embarrassed to discuss something so personal with you, or she may not even know the answer herself.


Quote:
She confuses me, is she embarrased or simply not know what to do or genuinely scared?
No idea. You need to ask her that. It would probably help a lot if you stopped putting so much pressure on her to orgasm. Some women just don't orgasm easily. If she is one of these then the pressure you are putting on her will be making her feel bad. Just relax and let it happen when (and if) it happens.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Lilt View Post
I'm pretty scared if it was past abuse, I would have no idea how to get her to go to a councellor I don't think she would want to. And I think it would take a long time to help her. She is sometimes a bit shy but she definitely doesn't seem to have trouble letting go. She was peeing on the toilet when we were in the bathroom the other day and started taking a dump and wasn't bothered I was there!

I'm puzzled
It could be to do with past abuse, but that's not necessarily the case.
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Old 12-28-2010   #13 (permalink)
RawDog is offline


I agree with all the great advice (except the dick slap one... glad he was banned).

I just wanted to stress, more than anything, not to put too much significance on her having an orgasm. If it's what *she* wants, sure, make a project out of it with flowcharts and 8x10 glossies with circles and arrows.

If you go overboard, and she cares about you, she will start faking it. It sounds kind of harsh, but some women have this notion that it's better to fake it and make you feel better than to lose you out of frustration.

Now, having said what I said, let me take an even weirder turn here and give you one really counterintuitive advice:

Tell her to fake it.

As others have already pointed out, she may feel intimidated about her own reactions and not sure where they're bound to take her if she truely lets go. If she sets the stage herself and controls the uncontrollable, she may feel safer about letting go down the road. Fake it 'til you make it.

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Old 12-28-2010   #14 (permalink)
sophomore19 is offline


you should probably suggest she try making herself orgasm on her own first, without you around, then maybe graduate to her making herself cum with you laying next to her, maybe sucking on her tits or jerking yourself off. then just go from there.
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Old 12-29-2010   #15 (permalink)
B_subgirrl is offline
Banned


Quote:
Originally Posted by RawDog View Post
I agree with all the great advice (except the dick slap one... glad he was banned).

I just wanted to stress, more than anything, not to put too much significance on her having an orgasm. If it's what *she* wants, sure, make a project out of it with flowcharts and 8x10 glossies with circles and arrows.

If you go overboard, and she cares about you, she will start faking it. It sounds kind of harsh, but some women have this notion that it's better to fake it and make you feel better than to lose you out of frustration.
This is so, so true! DO NOT PRESSURE HER!

(RawDog, I could just envision you making flowcharts ).


Quote:
Now, having said what I said, let me take an even weirder turn here and give you one really counterintuitive advice:

Tell her to fake it.

As others have already pointed out, she may feel intimidated about her own reactions and not sure where they're bound to take her if she truely lets go. If she sets the stage herself and controls the uncontrollable, she may feel safer about letting go down the road. Fake it 'til you make it.
This is actually brilliant advice and not something I'd thought of. If she 'fakes' orgasmic contractions, they could actually help to trigger a real orgasm.
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