I hate myself for being gay.

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Don't hate yourself man. You're a beautiful person, and that's what counts. There are lots of reasons the people we care about find fault with us. Orientation is just one. Don't let it ruin how you feel about yourself. Sounds like you believe in God, so know that He loves you regardless of whatever does or doesn't make you imperfect. We're all imperfect in various ways, so relax. Be good to yourself. Don't worry.

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I can relate. I was shocked as I entered the work force that I boned up for older manly guys. As a Cradle Catholic I tried to turn that shit right off but my body and to some extent my mind resisted valiantly. It took me years to "come to terms with it" but I wouldn't say I was too stressed over it. After I figured out that I was still attracted to women I could begin thinking rationally about it.

I think personally I have issues with regard to nudity and masculinity. My mind typically intertwines deep personal respect (which I have for some manly men) with intense sexual arousal. Also, I love watching a hot chick strut. I don't think I would ever engage in sex with another man, but I certainly watch and become aroused.

I have since given up my faith for other unrelated philosophical reasons, but let me just say that nearly all Christian faiths preach that simply experiencing the things you feel or WANTING the sex you want, with whom you want, is ALL ACCEPTABLE BEHAVIOR.

Having sexual relations with another man is where they draw the line. Hating yourself for being attracted to older men is pointless. He made you the way you are, yes or yes? God is either okay with it or he is testing your restraint and self-control. Please keep this in mind when you are stressed and entering the hate spiral. God and your church see you being tempted and would only feel bad that the devil is so focused on you. You are to be supported.

And in your new calm state, think long and hard about who you want to be regardless of your orientation. I would guess that sex would be intensely unpleasant for you until you firmly decide what you want. I hope you find the courage to be fully yourself, whether the real you is straight, gay, or bisexual.

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Hi mymilkshakez...

This why I think that "labels" are so stupid...but, we have to live with them and the people
who use them for the time being. Just be patient and know that things will get better. It
already is....

You say that none of your friends and family are Gay? Well, let me tell you. You would
probably be very surprised to learn that there are probably a few of your friends and family
who are "hiding" in the closet just like you are, afraid to let it be known. They act normal
and repeat the same stupid stuff just so they will not be "discovered." I know...I did it too.
And, I am ashamed to say it! But, they, and we, know inside it is not true. We are just
born one way or another, like some have blue eyes and others have brown. This problem
with the LBGT thing is the same with all ethnic groups, so being an Asian is no exception.

You are still young (but already a man)...but you and still not sure of your orientation. It
seems to me like you believe that you might be BI...time will tell. It is not a bad thing to
be BI...for I am a BI. Sometimes we feel more attracted to one or the other sexes...so
what?

When I was your age, it was unthinkable that there would ever be a time when "gay" was
even talked about in public (or polite society), much less "accepted" by the majority of
people, as it seems to be the case today, It is a lifestyle that is more acceptable today,
especially by the younger generation.

Today we have LBGT parades down our main streets, LBGT Centers, LBGT Support Groups
in schools (even high schools), "Out" Gay police and public officials (WOW! who would have
ever guessed that?), gay friendly ads in magazines and newspapers, Gay tv channels with
normal programing and movies, "rainbow" stickers (announcing they are "Gay Friendly") on
entrance doors of restaurants, shops, etc.....and even marriage is being made legal today
bewteen same sex couples in many US States and Countries around the world. The new
acceptance is even being felt in many main-line religions (can you believe it?).

The future will be much brighter for all of us...so do not give up.

EL 6" x EG 5.5".....CUT

CONGRATULATIONS to PRESIDENT OBAMA upon his RE-ELECTION
NOW..Let's ALL (DEMS, REPS, INDS) forget our differences and WORK TOGETHER FOR FOR A BETTER USA and for WORLD PEACE in 2013...

"There is hardly anyone whose sexual life, if it were broadcast, would not fill the world at large with surprise and horror"..W. Somerset Maugham
"Anything you're good at contributes to happiness"..Bertrand Russell

#1
Some days I just pray for hours and think about my life if I wasn't gay. I hate myself right now. I really do.


are we there yet?
been 6 months or so, sure hope all is fine and well there matey.
Read your post # 78
Thanks

Everybody, soon or late, sits down to a banquet of consequences.
Robert Louis Stevenson (1850-1894)

"ave atque vale"
(hail&farewell)

Well when the pope comes out against condoms in africa which could prevent aids. When I read stories about the church hiding priests who molested children. When I find out from a friend about the priest in my local church who said from the pulpit, possibly violating laws, that people should go out and vote against the same sex marriage law. When a friend of mine asks to be married in the church where he went until he moved away, and where his mother still goes every day, but he is told no because he is not an active member, even though he was baptized there. That gives me more than enough reason.

1. hang in there. if you are asian, be prepared to lose your family ties or have a very long break before they start talking to you again.
2. you are only 19 work out, push ups, bicep curls, cause when you hit 21 and make your grand entrance to the bars, you got to be onstage and make a good impression.
3. read up on all things gay and fine in life, wine, travel, paris, gay movies, and the movies gays like, dont avoid the classics, cause some tired old queen will buy you drinks and dinners if you can make conversation. look ahead to where you want to live and work. sounds like you are in a piss ass small town. learn to dance in front of your own mirror.
work out more and keep that great body in shape. be ready for your 21st b/day
4. prepare yourself without pushing to try and find a good mate when you are between 24-27 years old. dont be afraid to love and get heartbroken. it will build your character.
travel on the cheap, not just in the usa but get out of the country!

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This seems to be a good argument for whether or not being gay is a choice. Would anyone choose to have that kind of internal conflict and self loathing? Would anyone choose to be treated like shit and be abandoned by loved ones? I think not.

I hope you hang in there and know that someday it will get better.

Disclaimer Clause:
Basically, I'm full of shit. As if I know anything about anything. ~ DQ

Lighten up! It's just a pornographic website for Pete's sake.

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I just saw this and was shocked. There is no need to hate yourself. To quote the biggest queen there is (literately), RuPaul: "If you can't love yourself, how the hell are you gonna love someone else? Can I get an amen?"

Its hard to understand who you are when there is so much social pressure to be who you are expected to. This over-concern with "being straight" or "being gay" is the result of just over hype. There's actually a great book you should look at called Straight: the Surprisingly Short History of Heterosexuality. It's fairly cheap and Amazon will ship it to you.

Even as a straight man, fairly self-assured, sometimes it helps to get some comfort in other people's struggles and successes. There are plenty of gay people in the world (~10-12% of any given population). There's also no need to label yourself as gay. Don't worry about the labels, just live and love who makes you happy. When you get a little down, check out It Gets Better Project | Give hope to LGBT youth which is full of all the videos from the "It Gets Better" project. They are pretty moving, regardless.

You're on a good site to get a good group of open minded (or mostly open minded) guys. It's probably my favorite aspect of this site--the labels get toned down and the frank conversation gets turned up. Just hang in there, do what feels right, and you'll be ok.

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Get the hell away from small-minded folk like rednecks and most religious folk. Get around other gay men/establishments. Go to a big gay city or something, if you can, even if it is just to visit. Don't let your sexuality ruin your life - it's just sexual attraction- nothing more. Be mindful (see below). And you owe no explanation to anyone. This may mean ditching a lot of "toxic" people to the wayside (sorry, but you have to enjoy life, too!). Family is hard, too, if you love them, that is. They will deal with it in time. Don't worry about them in the meantime ....worry about your own life and happiness.

Meditation taught me one thing about homosexuality: sexual attraction is just sexual attraction; and it just leads to sex that happens usually between two consenting adults. That's all.

Please get out of those small towns/cities (although there may be a few decent people in them, most folks are toxic; no, not all rednecks are religious folks are horrible, but most are).

I give you all my sympathy.

And you thought you had a big johnson!

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A serious mistake I made when my parents disowned me after I was outed to them was trying to heal the relationship. That simply gave them more opportunities to attack; the attacks hurt badly and made it more difficult for me to straighten out my own life. If I had it to do over again, I would have completely severed the relationship until after I succeeded in getting my own life in order.

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There are so many better reasons to hate oneself than being gay.

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And what is so sad is that so many gay men flocked to the big gay communties in SF, NYC, Montreal, etc., because of societal rejection. This is partially to blame for the highly promiscuous sex and drug activities that shattered the lives of many gay men (reality escapism).

Middle America has made incredible strides with the better treatment of gays with hate laws, etc., particularly due to the fresh, progressive attitudes of the young generation (35 and under ). There is still discrimination from this age group, but compared to previous generations, it is inspiring. That said, there is still much, much progress to be made: homosexuality is still horribly frowned upon by a good 50% of the population, and that is a sad fact. The day that I see two male lovers holding hands in little towns across most of America is the day I can say with assurance that we've come light years. Until then, brace yourselves -- it is still really tough out there for gay men.

And you thought you had a big johnson!

Just be yourself. Don't need to care about other's opinion. follow your heart and stay happy.

Small town Benton Illinois. It was common to see two guys or gals holding hands going around the square.

I suppose my concern is less with the thought of being uncomfortable with being gay, and more concerned for the self lothing aspect. You can dislike being gay, and you can even dislike that you are gay, but HATING yourself for being gay is not healthy at all. I think you might need to spend some time reflecting on WHY you don't like yourself as a gay man and deal with the self-loathing issues first. Sexual orientation is something that members of the LGBTIQA community deal with for most of their lives. There is no answer or amount of comfort anyone can extend to you to help you be comfortable being gay. That is all up to you.

Maybe not exactly what you want to hear but I'll say it anyway because sometimes bluntness is the best way to state something.

I think there's a deeper issue than just with your sexuality and you might need to explore that issue before you try tackling your sexual comfort. If you don't you could end up hurting both yourself and others.

P.S. You may also explore the idea of being bisexual as you said that some days your are attracted to women as well as men. But don't be so eager to label yourself. Labels are for clothes. Not people.