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What my wife asked her gynecologist.

At the age of 58, after 31 years of marriage and nearly 32 years of living together, my wife finally got up the nerve to talk to her gynecologist about "our" problem, my 6.25" girth.

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Old 06-03-2006   #1 (permalink)
Love-it is offline

What my wife asked her gynecologist.

At the age of 58, after 31 years of marriage and nearly 32 years of living together, my wife finally got up the nerve to talk to her gynecologist about "our" problem, my 6.25" girth. She said that she was very emotional about the talk and the years of trying to deal with "her" problem, in all that time she had never told any doctor or gynecologist (male and female) that intercourse was painful for her and she has seen many doctors and gynecologists.

The girth issue is something we finally realized last fall was probably her source of pain during intercourse. After trying intercourse one more time, she had said, with tears, "Maybe you are just too big for me!" So I measured and looked my size up on the web and well, here we are. Sex was always painful for her and consequently we only tried intercourse once or twice a year. Early in our courtship and marriage we had what I thought was successful intercourse but she told me later that she just endured the pain, then for many years we tried to find out what was wrong with her.

She feels better now that her gynecologist assured her that she is "normal" and that I am the one who is abnormal, or "big".

Then she asked her gynecologist if surgery was available to reduce my girth! Luckily her male gynecologist told her that wasn't a very good option.

He encouraged her to continue with the dilation stretches, that I have mentioned in other threads, she had stopped for various reasons and for various lengths of time because of minor surgery and vaginal infections.

He did tell her that she may not be able to reach her goal of acommodating me and that we may need to learn to live with that, of course that is what we have been doing for over 30 years already. But she has started her dilation program again and her goal is to be able take me comfortably.
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Old 06-03-2006   #2 (permalink)
warmhorizon is offline


I understand that this is no-ones fault, but it seems a little selfish of you to pretty much MAKE your wife dilate to accomodate you. Don't forget, marriage is about compromise for both of you.
Plus unless your fingers are 6.25" around and your tongue is a worrying medical miracle don't forget that you can pleasure her in many other ways. Then she might get so excited that she'll actively loosen up and allow entry, or you can ask her to give you oral sex. That way everybody wins!

Join me again next week on this episode of "Let's make no fucking sense" when I will be waxing an owl.
GREEN WING
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Old 06-03-2006   #3 (permalink)
D_Kay_Sarah_Sarah is offline
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Love-it i actually feel really bad for you and your wife. 30 years of an unhappy sex life must be aweful.

The fact that she asked the gyno means that she wants to be able to have cofortable and painfree sex with you and its good that she did finally ask about it, anyway i hope you are supportive of her and helping her through her exerciese and even help her with them (if its possible).

In the meantime id suggest sticking to oral and maybe using sex toys in the way of dildos and vibrators.

I hope the 2 of you can work out this problem and she can for once enjoy sex
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Old 06-03-2006   #4 (permalink)
Captain Elephant is offline


My first wife and I attempted intercourse while we were dating, but it proved difficult since she was indeed an ultra-virgin. Mine was the first penis she had ever seen much less handled, so she had nothing to compare my size to except she knew I was large. During her pre-wedding visit to the gynecologist he assured her that it was natural to be concerned but not to be afraid. She would grow to accommodate me, he told her.

Lots of patience and lube was a winning combination.

About six months after our wedding she returned to the doctor for a check-up. The doctor made some type of comment that she wasn't joking about my size. I don't know if she was just joking with me or that a doctor could tell that she had been "stretched." Can GYNs really determine that?
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Old 06-03-2006   #5 (permalink)
BobLeeSwagger is offline


She's been having pain during intercourse for 30 years??
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Old 06-03-2006   #6 (permalink)
Lordpendragon is offline


Love-it, you are an amazing guy and no doubt your wife appreciates your love for her. With all due respect warmhorizon, these guys have been committed to each other for ten years longer than you have been on the planet.

I truly hope that you both find fulfillment.
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Old 06-03-2006   #7 (permalink)
mdc
mdc is offline


6.25" girth is certainly much bigger than average, but not so huge that pain free sex should still be possible.

She should be doing Kegel exercises since a stronger vagina would be much less likely to be injured (just like with childbirth).

I suspect that having sex so infrequently only exacerbates the problem. Try having sex several times per week even if it's only a few seconds at first.
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Old 06-03-2006   #8 (permalink)
Fredneck1951 is offline


Love-it, I certainly feel for your plight!

After 31 years being together and 27 years of marriage, my wife has encountered mental and physical problems that have pretty much made sex impossible for us, too.

I hope that your wife is otherwise healthy and if it's taken a long time to address the issue, maybe now is the time. I will leave the recommendations up to others.
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Old 06-04-2006   #9 (permalink)
wrench is offline


Love-it, im the same circumference, and we have the same trouble. we went to a famous sex therapist (was on oprah many times) she said there wasnt much we could do, we just dont fit together. when giving birth to out fist child, the OB said she'd never be able to deliver vaginally, she was just too small. different positions, pillows under her butt, getting rid of a waterbed have helped some, but after 25 years, our sex life is non-existant. i have no problem with not having intercourse, but she says she doent feel like a woman without it. i got her a glass dildo that tapered from small to close to my size, thinking it would help her gradually stretch, she wouldnt use it..."too kinky". also, shes somewhat prudish and wont let me perform oral on her, so of course blowjobs are out of the question. its now been 5 years with no sex, im used to it.
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Old 06-04-2006   #10 (permalink)
Love-it is offline


As I read your posts to my thread, I am warmed by your thoughts, concerns and good wishes. Thank you. I would like to respond to some of your questions and concerns; in order:

warmhorizon: ...it seems a little selfish of you to pretty much MAKE your wife dilate to accomodate you. Don't forget, marriage is about compromise for both of you. No one can force her to do anything she doesn't want to do. How do you think we have made our relationship last 31 years?
It was her and our concern and desire to find a remedy for our problem that, once we identified a probabale cause she was willing to try dilating. We talked about what might work for dilating and I found glass dildo's of various diameters on the internet, she hates computers so I did the search. She was shy about using the dildo's at first but when they arrived she started using them once a day. At first she could only get the 1" diameter dildo in and it took about six weeks for her to get used to the 1 5/8" diameter dildo. She has not gotten beyond this size and with a few setbacks due to minor surgery and vaginal infections she has to work back up to this size. She has not had any luck inserting the next larger diameter dildo.
...don't forget that you can pleasure her in many other ways. Then she might get so excited that she'll actively loosen up and allow entry, or you can ask her to give you oral sex. We have tried it all, time after infrequent time. We thought that it was possibly psychological trauma, i.e. child abuse both physical and mental and there may be elements of that. But how do you know if there are underlying causes?


Lee M: Love-it i actually feel really bad for you and your wife. 30 years of an unhappy sex life must be aweful. I always said that if it weren't for oral sex, there wouldn't have been any sex at all for most of those 31 years. It wasn't all bad but our sex life was certainly not totally satisfactory for either one of us.
The fact that she asked the gyno means that she wants to be able to have comfortable and painfree sex with you and its good that she did finally ask about it, anyway i hope you are supportive of her and helping her through her exerciese and even help her with them (if its possible). I applaud her for her bravery and guts to talk to her gyno. I am as supportive as she will let me be, I guess I can seem too eager to be involved, but damn, how can I not be interested. For her it takes a lot of concentration, trying to relax and do her routine, for now she is using two of her double ended glass dildo's; a and b: 1"a, 1 1/4"b, 1 1/2"a, 1 5/8"b. 1 3/4"c is next, if she can just relax or stretch, just a little bit more. I hope the 2 of you can work out this problem and she can for once enjoy sex. Thank you. We have hopes that she can work her way up to where sex will be comfortable. I think that her gyno telling her she is "normal" has helped her attitude a lot and in some strange way his telling her that she may not ever be able to accommodate me was somehow reassuring, like it's not her fault.



Captain Elephant: During her pre-wedding visit to the gynecologist he assured her that it was natural to be concerned but not to be afraid. She would grow to accommodate me, he told her. Wouldn't it be great if all gyno's were so supportive.
Lots of patience and lube was a winning combination. Good information for everyone.
I don't know if she was just joking with me or that a doctor could tell that she had been "stretched." Can GYNs really determine that? I have noticed that my wifes vaginal opening appears to be more open, even before dilating than it used to be, when I am about to give her oral.



aloofman: She's been having pain during intercourse for 30 years?? 31+ years actually, but the number of times that we actually had intercourse was not that high. There were many times that we stopped and just proceeded to oral or stopped altogether. I didn't want to hurt her and she isn't into pain. We just assumed that she had some kind of medical problem and/or vaginitis.She does not have a low threshold for pain.

Lordpendragon: Love-it, you are an amazing guy and no doubt your wife appreciates your love for her. With all due respect warmhorizon, these guys have been committed to each other for ten years longer than you have been on the planet. Thank you.
I truly hope that you both find fulfillment. And thank you again.


mdc: 6.25" girth is certainly much bigger than average (If I was 8" in girth it would have been more obvious.), but not so huge that pain free sex should still be possible. We are hoping that this will be the case. I just assumed that my penis was average, information was not readily available for many years and I never went around comparing cocks. My wife has been with only 6 guys and I have only been with one girl once, before we married, and no comment was made by her as to my size and my wife had never mentioned my size as a possible problem before last fall.
She should be doing Kegel exercises since a stronger vagina would be much less likely to be injured (just like with childbirth). This may be a valid point? Do any of the women here concur?
I suspect that having sex so infrequently only exacerbates the problem. Absolutely and now that we recognize the problem we will try to be more diligent in our efforts. Try having sex several times per week even if it's only a few seconds at first. There have been a few times, when she had been dilating diligently for a month or more, that she would let me get a bit more than the head of my penis inside her vagina for a number of strokes.



Fredneck1951: Love-it, I certainly feel for your plight! After 31 years being together and 27 years of marriage, my wife has encountered mental and physical problems that have pretty much made sex impossible for us, too. I know that it is not a lot of comfort to know that someone else has had similar problems, but it helps to know that others have been there and have learned how to deal with it, and maintain their relationship. I may understand your situation better than some and I extend heartfelt compassion to both you and your wife. I hope that your wife is otherwise healthy and if it's taken a long time to address the issue, maybe now is the time. Other than having had a hysterectomy for pre-cancerous cells, she is pretty healthy. She was mentally abused in those subtle ways that some parents have of undermining their children's capabilities. She does seem to be more relaxed since her talk with her gyno.


wrench: Love-it, i'm the same circumference, and we have the same trouble. we went to a famous sex therapist (was on oprah many times) she said there wasnt much we could do, we just dont fit together. when giving birth to our first child, the OB said she'd never be able to deliver vaginally, she was just too small. different positions, pillows under her butt, getting rid of a waterbed have helped some, but after 25 years, our sex life is non-existant. i have no problem with not having intercourse, but she says she doesn't feel like a woman without it. i got her a glass dildo that tapered from small to close to my size, thinking it would help her gradually stretch, she wouldn't use it..."too kinky". also, she's somewhat prudish and won't let me perform oral on her, so of course blowjobs are out of the question. its now been 5 years with no sex, i'm used to it. Wow! Congratulations on holding it together all those years. I wish you all the best and hope that you will experience a reawakening of your sex life at some point. Five years without sex may not be a record but it's longer than most would endure.
There were times I thought I would die of cum poisoning when we didn't have any kind of sex for months, I think the longest we went without any sexual contact was 6 months.
After my wife had her hysterectomy we started having more oral sex and then we had this epiphany about girth.
I am a bit hesitant to suggest that your wife may have psychological issues because it is such a broad brush to paint with, but her being prudish and thinking that intercourse is the only legitimate form of sexual expression may be an indication that problems exist. I know that with my wife if I even brought up the possibility she would alternately be incensed, curious or dismissive, but over our years together she has done a lot of soul searching with positive results. The one thing that I have learned is that no matter what I think, or how I feel, there is no way that I could get her to change, she had to want to change, or learn or grow or whatever term works for her.

Last edited by Love-it; 06-04-2006 at 06:45 AM..
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