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Women who are un-affectionate/emotionally detached

I'm trying to understand un-affectionate/emotionally detached/'unemotional' women (generally). not here to start any gender bias/sexist issues because clearly both sexes can be emotionally detached etc. but based on social expectations, women are EXPECTED to be

is part of a discussion in the Women's Issues forum that includes topics on A special place for women (men are welcome to participate too).


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Old 03-18-2012   #1 (permalink)
B_akila is offline
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Women who are un-affectionate/emotionally detached

I'm trying to understand un-affectionate/emotionally detached/'unemotional' women (generally). not here to start any gender bias/sexist issues because clearly both sexes can be emotionally detached etc. but based on social expectations, women are EXPECTED to be more affectionate, loving, nurturing etc.

now to my issue:
and i put 'unemotional' in quotations as this woman in question shows emotions in other areas/aspects of her life (like getting excited about a new opportunity, clothes etc. and she does want love/marriage/babies etc.) and there isn't anything wrong with her relating more with facts and logic rather than with emotions of the heart/wearing emotions on her sleeve (and nothing wrong if vice versa as well) BUT where I have the big issue is when she is:

* unable to emotionally respond and validate the my feelings (i will be affectionate at times, she almost never)
* rarely initiates physical signs of tenderness (hugs or kisses)
* has a deep-rooted fear of losing human connections and afraid to put too much faith in me and friends (so always doubting my legitimate intentions or that i'll stick around as a friend or otherwise)
* has so much pride and afraid to seem in ANYWAY vulnerable so gets agitated easily if i even hint at her caring etc about something involving us or past relationships (eg. claims that she wasn't all that into her ex, who we both knew, and that they drifted but i have always had the feeling that he probably started to lose interest and she just tells ppl that it was mutual because when they were still together she seemed fairly into him and even now i get jealous about their interactions)
* always speaks with sarcasm so as to not show any true feelings
and WORST of them all
* has difficulty with conversations that include feelings about herself or others

I have invested a year into this relationship and i just feel like i am the only one giving and that she doesn't feel the same way i feel about her. BUT is it that she really isn't that into me OR is it because she is so emotionally detached from serious stuff like relationships that she is hiding her true feelings? i really want to understand the psyche behind the lack of reciprocation
what should a guy do if dealt with someone of this nature? bolt or stick around (i know it depends on the girl and situation but just want your opinions). is it really wise to invest when life is so short? will they ever care back or at least show it?

NB: she has always been this way, even before she ended her relationship with her ex so i am fairly certain it had nothing to do with him and i suspect it is why he may have lost interest (though him getting with someone else right after it ended probably doesn't help her detached state.)
B_akila is offline  
Old 03-18-2012   #2 (permalink)
WhiteHeat is offline


Dump her, she's not worth it and she'll never change.
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Old 03-18-2012   #3 (permalink)
dolfette is offline


deja vu

love is a lie
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Old 03-18-2012   #4 (permalink)
The Dragon is offline
Banned


Quote:
Originally Posted by dolfette View Post
deja vu
My thoughts exactly, Dolf.

As soon as I started reading it I thought "I've heard this music before".

Damned near word for word.

Double Tap.
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Old 03-18-2012   #5 (permalink)
B_akila is offline
Banned


i was mistakenly identified as spam (likely because i had a link in my post and had just joined so no pics etc.) it took me a while to remember the important points i had touched on and to recreate an account and post this question again, plus some developments have happened between us since so i had to make the post more relevant to our current situation. usually i would have just not bothered to sign back up but this situation is eating me apart, just eating at me constantly day and night. sorry for the repeat but no-one had answered the first post before i was (mistakenly) deleted so i assumed no harm no foul.

welcoming any advice please, i really want to understand the psyche behind it. should i just leave for good.
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Old 03-18-2012   #6 (permalink)
B_akila is offline
Banned


Quote:
Originally Posted by WhiteHeat View Post
Dump her, she's not worth it and she'll never change.
i don't know why i fell so hard for her to begin with. should have known better
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Old 03-18-2012   #7 (permalink)
dolfette is offline


Quote:
Originally Posted by akila View Post
i was mistakenly identified as spam (likely because i had a link in my post and had just joined so no pics etc.) it took me a while to remember the important points i had touched on and to recreate an account and post this question again, plus some developments have happened between us since so i had to make the post more relevant to our current situation. usually i would have just not bothered to sign back up but this situation is eating me apart, just eating at me constantly day and night. sorry for the repeat but no-one had answered the first post before i was (mistakenly) deleted so i assumed no harm no foul.

welcoming any advice please, i really want to understand the psyche behind it. should i just leave for good.
if you were banned then you should have contacted the team and explained and asked for your account back.

IF you have just made a new account to escape a ban then you'll be perma-banned.

seems to me you just want to hear people slagging this girl off anyway. not a women's issue.

love is a lie
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Old 03-18-2012   #8 (permalink)
B_akila is offline
Banned


Quote:
Originally Posted by dolfette View Post
if you were banned then you should have contacted the team and explained and asked for your account back.

IF you have just made a new account to escape a ban then you'll be perma-banned.

seems to me you just want to hear people slagging this girl off anyway. not a women's issue.
i did contact the team. the very day i was banned in fact so that makes it about two weeks ago. never heard back. in the rules they say you are allowed to remake an account just not with the email address you used at first.

plus why on earth would they "perma-ban" me . as i said they identified me as spam because of my link. it's quite clear that i am not spam.

maybe you didn't read my post properly ... where does it indicate that i want people to "slag" on her. you forget that i am still with her so why would i want people to be talking shit about her on purpose. i want to understand her PSYCHE .... if she is just not into me or she isn't willing to be open with me just yet. goodness if you have nothing to contribute to the post then fine but stop with your accusatory comments.

and if i''m not mistaken aren't there threads titled "Women who get off inflicting pain on a man during sex" and "Women and rim jobs" etc. certainly these posts and many others in this forum aren't necessarily "issues" but ask for womens' opinions. no different here

Last edited by B_akila; 03-19-2012 at 12:10 AM.. Reason: Women and rim jobs
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Old 03-19-2012   #9 (permalink)
IntoxicatingToxin is offline


It could be one of a couple things. Either she isn't into you, or she's had some traumatic events happen in her past that she doesn't want repeated so she puts up the proper defenses to keep it from happening.

What good fortune for those in power that people do not think. - Adolf Hitler

An insincere and evil friend is more to be feared than a wild beast; a wild beast may wound your body, but an evil friend will wound your mind. - Buddha

i thank You God for most this amazing
day:for the leaping greenly spirits of trees
and a blue true dream of sky; and for everything
which is natural which is infinite which is yes - e.e. cummings
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Old 03-19-2012   #10 (permalink)
Fade is offline


Quote:
Originally Posted by TattooedMamaMeg View Post
It could be one of a couple things. Either she isn't into you, or she's had some traumatic events happen in her past that she doesn't want repeated so she puts up the proper defenses to keep it from happening.
This. Also there are some psychological conditions that can contribute at least somewhat to the behavior describing. Borderline Personality Disorder being one of them. It can interfere a lot with an individual's emotional connections/interactions with others


"When you scream, it sounds like a lullaby"
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Old 03-19-2012   #11 (permalink)
D_Bubba_Butter is offline
Account Disabled


Quote:
Originally Posted by akila View Post
i was mistakenly identified as spam (likely because i had a link in my post and had just joined so no pics etc.)

Was this it... Mark?

http://nononprofitspam.files.wordpre...markasspam.jpg



.

.
D_Bubba_Butter is offline  
Old 03-19-2012   #12 (permalink)
vince is offline


Thread has been reported. Thank you.

"It's cunnilingus and psychiatry that's led to this" - Tony Soprano
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Old 03-19-2012   #13 (permalink)
OlderGuy is offline


Quote:
Originally Posted by TattooedMamaMeg View Post
It could be one of a couple things. Either she isn't into you, or she's had some traumatic events happen in her past that she doesn't want repeated so she puts up the proper defenses to keep it from happening.
Agreed. Barring any psychological issues, she may have been abused as a young girl or had some other trauma.

Only you can decide if her good points outweigh these issues that obviously bother you a lot. I'd say your posts make it clear that you don't. Don't settle.

Sex is sexy without the why.
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Old 03-19-2012   #14 (permalink)
Shastgreen is offline


This describes my ex to a T. She's that way with everyone. Even platonic affection to friends is beyond her. It's due to things she witnessed with her mom and dad. But at this point she is well aware of the why, and the what, and the fact that it damages her relationships regardless of the reason. She refuses to work on her issues. So be it.
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Old 04-01-2012   #15 (permalink)
D_yhnu8mi7g is offline
Banned


There's a big difference between making love and having sex... As a woman I suppose it all depends on how you feel at that moment or how many drinks you've had!
D_yhnu8mi7g is offline  

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