Honesty conondrum.

Hey, I was hoping you guys could help me with a problem, or at least let me vent.

I've been seeing a guy (we're a gay couple) for about 9 months now and things seemed to be going quite well. About a month ago, I got this anonymous e-mail on a public account of mine saying that he was fooling around with someone else, and gave me the other guy's name and number. This happened to happen while I was with the b/f for the weekend, so I proceed to call this other guy and ask if he knows anything, as well as ask my b/f. The story I get from both of them was identical, and that they'd known each other a while back and were trying to rekindle their friendship, as well as the other guy being in a long-term commitment with someone else.

This much seems fine, but here comes the sketchiness: while I'm asking the b/f about this, he hurriedly deletes all of his text messages from other guy's number (a behavior very unlike him), and I'm blunt to him that it made it look sketchy. I maybe shouldn't have done the next part, but while he was in the shower the next morning, I checked his texts from the night and there are messages from the other guy talking about how he thought I was making the whole thing up as a cover because I'd just seen b/f's texts a few weeks earlier. Okay, that's a big red flag. Morally gray thing I maybe shouldn't have done #2: because his messages were so recently deleted, I was able to restore a lot of them and there were some between the two talking about "massaging big muscles" and lots of flirting, though no proof of actually meeting/doing anything. There was also a plot to lie to the other guy's b/f about how they met to make it seem less sketchy. I wasn't able to see a time stamp on them or anything (because I forgot to look), but apparently they're relatively recent.

So, in short...I know I'm being lied to, but I don't really know the extent and I'm having a hard time with it.

Get down, Sparky.

Photos (5)

I am an open minded person, but I don't tolerate people who lie to me very well. Honesty is always the best policy whether it hurts or not!!! "I WANT THE TRUTH" I wish you luck.

I think it's time to move on.

"Hold up BITCH, you don't know me. If I thought they they were hot I would have admitted to it, but I did not say it. So further more you reaching at straws, and I am telling you to back the fuck off. I admitted how I feel about your species, so why not go for the gambit."<------I couldn't stop laughing at this post!

Time to be single again. It's already established that they're both lying. Even if they weren't, the fact that you not only checked his phone but restored recently deleted texts demonstrates a complete lack of trust on your part. Why stay with someone you don't trust? And I have to agree with the "other" guy; this anonymous email sounds a little fishy. But that's irrelevant.

I'll agree, it's a weird situation. There's some background to it, and I think I know who sent it, but it'd take a while to get into here...in short, it's a mutual friend who has been married to this girl for a few years and slept with a guy on the side who didn't know that we knew both of them.

I think you're right...I don't trust him. Regardless of it being justified or not, there is definitely a lack of trust on my part.

Get down, Sparky.

Photos (20)

I'd say it's time for some honesty.
It could just be some harmless flirting, but it could also lead to other harmful activity, so best you ask him wtf is going on and whether you should rather "pack your bags".
Do bear in mind though that the mind is a complex thing, and you hounding him over nothing, could lead his mind to create and want something...

I am the gatekeeper to my own destiny and I will have my glory day in the hot sun.

The difference between ignorance and apathy? I don't know, and I couldn't care less.

Get your mind out of the gutter - it's blocking my view.

im the king of things not looking good and not really looking or sounding like what it looks or sounds like. but to me this sounds a little sketchy. there IS possibilty that its nothing. but its likely there is something goin on. i saw talk to man a littl more. voice your concern and ask for the truth. good luck

he is cheating, trust your intuition and the texts. then dump him, there's many gays in the village.

p.s you don't want to get an sti from a cheating partner, don't put your health at risk.

“There is no such thing as a homosexual or a heterosexual person. There are only homo -- or heterosexual acts. Most people are a mixture of impulses if not practices.” Gore Vidal

This is not a good place to be so early in a relationship.

DTMFA.

P.S. You may have entered a moral grey zone snooping on his cell phone, but he's plotting to lie to his big-muscle-massaging buddy's significant other. That's not even in the grey zone any more. It sounds like his sketchiness is pulling you out of the clear and into the grey. Unless you feel like living there for a while, DTMFA.

Honesty and trust are essential in a loving relationship, if they are absent as it seems, It's probably wise to part company.

Photos (3)

Don't throw a 9 month relationship to the garbage because of something like that, sometimes people need to flirt, maybe that's all, just so they feel more alive, sexier, to feel good, obviously you should be enough for him to be happy and you have to believe that, you can't diminish your worth to be with someone but to be all high and mighty and forget that people make mistakes and lie about them is also kinda stupid.

I think you shouldn't make assumptions, unless it is easier than actually talking to the guy, maybe there's nothing there and by becoming obssesed with it, you may drive him away, don't let something like this become an issue bigger than it is, but don't let yourself be lied too either, that can be the case, just be wise about it, and don't forget about your boyfriend's feelings.