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What can a gay young man do?

Originally Posted by Catharsis I want to get myself out there and explore my sexuality, but... I feel like my opportunities are restricted. I'm looking at nightlife, particularly aimed at the gay population. The closest

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Old 05-20-2012   #31 (permalink)
B_Bjen2848 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Catharsis View Post
I want to get myself out there and explore my sexuality, but... I feel like my opportunities are restricted.

I'm looking at nightlife, particularly aimed at the gay population. The closest (gay) bar or club is at least 20 miles away from me. I mean, I can travel, but it's just not convenient for me... Aside from the distance, the main problem for me is my age. I wouldn't be allowed in (most) bars, and my alternative is to go to an 18+ club. I want to go somewhere with a more chill atmosphere where I can sit and chat with someone, not dance. I'm sure I can still do that in a club, but I don't know... What do guys usually do at clubs?

I should probably add in that I just want to intimately hang out with other gay guys without a need for it to go beyond that... Basically, I'm not really looking for a hookup (not that I'd deny it if an offer came from a guy who appears to be decent). But I still want to be intimate. Does that make sense? Or am I just weird?
you could always start a club, you'll be a CEO of a company in a market that is not getting needs fulfilled

so you could have a chill spot to party and make BANK at the same time, sounds like a win win
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Old 05-20-2012   #32 (permalink)
pwrdick is offline


Hey Catharsis - can you sing? If so, investigate the CT Gay Men's Chorus (Hartford). Nice alternative to bar scene, meet weekly. Great place to have fun, meet a lot of great guys, investigate friendships and gain a ton of support. Contact them and see if they need a volunteer for their Pride concert (too late to join this season but sure they'd love help).
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Old 05-21-2012   #33 (permalink)
MattBoyMA is offline


I'm sure it's tough as an under-21er to meet other gay guys for non-sexual reasons. The types of establishments that are usually geared specifically toward gays are bars and dance clubs. You can't get into a bar being under 21, and a dance club is loud (and often pretty sexualized,) so not a place you can just flirt and meet and chat.

Obviously, yeah, getting involved in school groups in the fall is a good idea. (Honestly, even if the groups are geared toward helping people come out or cope, there are probably plenty of guys there who would enjoy hearing your experiences and relating to them.) And, of course, there's always the internet - even the seediest of sites still have guys looking for something other than sex. (I met my ex - who's still my best friend - on Manhunt, of all places, while I was looking for the same thing, guys to meet and flirt and hang out with.)

Maybe try and see if there's a local-ish PFLAG group you can get involved with? You could either go and join a group or volunteer to help. I don't know if being 20 miles away from Hartford means you're closer to another city or if you're 20 miles out into the middle of nowhere, but lots of metropolitan areas - and even smaller populations - have health care centers that cater to the GLBT population. You could volunteer at a place like that, if there's one nearby.

And, yeah, take a Saturday now and again, come up to Boston, spend the day in the South End wandering through the parks and shops and galleries and coffee shops. Or head down to NYC and do the same in Chelsea. I'm sure Hartford has a neighborhood like that, too.

Good luck, and have fun.
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Old 05-21-2012   #34 (permalink)
ruggerkit28 is offline


Here in the UK there are a number of gay sports and social clubs.

Football (the Stonewall FC does rather well in a London amateur league) but also in other towns. Gay Outdoor Club organises walks, social meets. For the younger crowd, OutdoorLads does hill walking, mountain climbing, camping weekends. There is gay sailing club (there is branch in New York) does not only sailing, but motor boating, yacht charters, even cruises.

The gay sailing club and the football club are even affiliated to their national organisations.

So, lots of opportunities out the gay bar/club scene.
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Old 05-21-2012   #35 (permalink)
erratic is offline


Quote:
Originally Posted by Bjen2848 View Post
you could always start a club, you'll be a CEO of a company in a market that is not getting needs fulfilled

so you could have a chill spot to party and make BANK at the same time, sounds like a win win
You know, it's not a bad idea.

You don't have to actually physically establish a business, but if you were to start advertising for a local LGBTQ meet-and-greet, you might be surprised at the response.

After all, if you're frustrated at the lack of one, that means there's a demand for it.
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Old 05-21-2012   #36 (permalink)
nudeyorker is offline


You have been given some excellent advice, the only thing I can suggest is looking into the social or non-hook up venues near you.
Connecticut Gay and Lesbian Guide - CT Gay Bars, Nightclubs, Organizations and Businesses Maybe you should think about an organization or cause that inspires you and do some volunteer work one or two days a week. When I moved back to Hawaii I joined a couple of groups and met some wonderful people who I hope to develop friendships to last a lifetime.

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Old 05-22-2012   #37 (permalink)
Catharsis is offline


I think the business/meet-and-greet thing is actually a pretty cool idea, but unfortunately there is just no way I could afford to organize such an event (I'm sure I would have to call for reservations to host it in a public area/room/building).

Quote:
Originally Posted by MattBoyMA View Post
I'm sure it's tough as an under-21er to meet other gay guys for non-sexual reasons. The types of establishments that are usually geared specifically toward gays are bars and dance clubs. You can't get into a bar being under 21, and a dance club is loud (and often pretty sexualized,) so not a place you can just flirt and meet and chat.

Obviously, yeah, getting involved in school groups in the fall is a good idea. (Honestly, even if the groups are geared toward helping people come out or cope, there are probably plenty of guys there who would enjoy hearing your experiences and relating to them.) And, of course, there's always the internet - even the seediest of sites still have guys looking for something other than sex. (I met my ex - who's still my best friend - on Manhunt, of all places, while I was looking for the same thing, guys to meet and flirt and hang out with.)

Maybe try and see if there's a local-ish PFLAG group you can get involved with? You could either go and join a group or volunteer to help. I don't know if being 20 miles away from Hartford means you're closer to another city or if you're 20 miles out into the middle of nowhere, but lots of metropolitan areas - and even smaller populations - have health care centers that cater to the GLBT population. You could volunteer at a place like that, if there's one nearby.

And, yeah, take a Saturday now and again, come up to Boston, spend the day in the South End wandering through the parks and shops and galleries and coffee shops. Or head down to NYC and do the same in Chelsea. I'm sure Hartford has a neighborhood like that, too.

Good luck, and have fun.
I mean, I'm completely open to having a sexually charged conversation with other gay guys! My original intention was actually to do something like this, without necessarily hooking up. I wouldn't mind flirting with some like-minded guys all night, and get some experience in socializing and making conversation in person. And, presumably, I wouldn't have to limit myself to just one guy at a time (unless I meet someone really interesting... and this is where I could see myself possibly taking our "relationship" beyond the club).

The only problem is that a club is not within a convenient distance from me. I live about 20 miles east of Hartford so, along with the rest of Eastern CT, I'm essentially in the middle of nowhere. One other thing about clubs: I don't really know what guys do there. Dancing and drinking, obviously - but what about lounging and chatting? And, well, flirting?

As for PFLAG - I've looked into it and there's a chapter about 15 miles away from me. Not so close but really not too far away from me. I would honestly like to come up to Boston and/or NYC, but what exactly would I gain from walking through these neighborhoods? I don't mean to sound skeptical because it does sound fun - but I don't really know if it's worth the expense and time to travel such a distance (and back) for one day.

Quote:
Originally Posted by ruggerkit28 View Post
Here in the UK there are a number of gay sports and social clubs.

Football (the Stonewall FC does rather well in a London amateur league) but also in other towns. Gay Outdoor Club organises walks, social meets. For the younger crowd, OutdoorLads does hill walking, mountain climbing, camping weekends. There is gay sailing club (there is branch in New York) does not only sailing, but motor boating, yacht charters, even cruises.

The gay sailing club and the football club are even affiliated to their national organisations.

So, lots of opportunities out the gay bar/club scene.
It sounds great and all - but I'm in Connecticut, and even though it's one of the first and few states to allow gay marriage, there is not much else here to cater to the gay population. The only thing CT is really known for is being localized between Boston and New York, and hell, even Providence. The state of CT itself does not offer too much locally, from what I can gather. Of course, I would love to be told something much different.

Quote:
Originally Posted by nudeyorker View Post
You have been given some excellent advice, the only thing I can suggest is looking into the social or non-hook up venues near you.
Connecticut Gay and Lesbian Guide - CT Gay Bars, Nightclubs, Organizations and Businesses Maybe you should think about an organization or cause that inspires you and do some volunteer work one or two days a week. When I moved back to Hawaii I joined a couple of groups and met some wonderful people who I hope to develop friendships to last a lifetime.
I've actually used that same page to decide to which clubs I should go for an evening. The ones in Hartford are closest to me (~20 miles away), with the ones in New London being the next closest (~30 miles away). They really don't seem so far away but, to me, it just seems so much worse when I have to consider that I still have to travel back. The statewide services are located in the same cities, approximately.

The main problem seems to be proximity, for me. I guess, at this point, I don't really have much of a choice other than to explore on the internet... And to see what events my school's LGBT center will offer for the next semester.
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Old 05-23-2012   #38 (permalink)
MattBoyMA is offline


Quote:
Originally Posted by Catharsis View Post
I mean, I'm completely open to having a sexually charged conversation with other gay guys! My original intention was actually to do something like this, without necessarily hooking up. I wouldn't mind flirting with some like-minded guys all night, and get some experience in socializing and making conversation in person. And, presumably, I wouldn't have to limit myself to just one guy at a time (unless I meet someone really interesting... and this is where I could see myself possibly taking our "relationship" beyond the club).

The only problem is that a club is not within a convenient distance from me. I live about 20 miles east of Hartford so, along with the rest of Eastern CT, I'm essentially in the middle of nowhere. One other thing about clubs: I don't really know what guys do there. Dancing and drinking, obviously - but what about lounging and chatting? And, well, flirting?

As for PFLAG - I've looked into it and there's a chapter about 15 miles away from me. Not so close but really not too far away from me. I would honestly like to come up to Boston and/or NYC, but what exactly would I gain from walking through these neighborhoods? I don't mean to sound skeptical because it does sound fun - but I don't really know if it's worth the expense and time to travel such a distance (and back) for one day.
Well, reading the first part, I think I understand a little better what you're looking for. It's not a very exciting answer, but, really, your best start probably is to check out all the different websites. There are lots of places on the internet where guys chat and flirt or whatever, and that's a good introduction to someone before meeting up and hanging out, even if it's only one-on-one. Not to pimp Manhunt again, but, as one example, they have all kinds of chatrooms with webcams where guys hang out and chat and flirt and whatnot. I've met guys on there myself who I consider friends, and certain rooms have groups of guys who met there and now hang out together all the time.

As for taking a day trip to Boston or NYC, well, why not? A 2-hour or so drive in and back, even if you don't meet anyone, at least you get a nice day in a different place. I can't speak for NYC, since I'm only down there a few times a year, but in Boston, you might be surprised. There are so many little boutique shops and small coffee shops and parks, and people can be friendlier than you'd think. (Seriously, in Boston's South End, every homo has a dog, so it couldn't be easier to go stroll around a park and pick a cute guy and start playing with his dog. Instant ice-breaker.) Any of the shop owners are happy to chat with customers, and in the South End, most of them are gay. There are even a couple of sex shops you could wander into, which could lead to fun conversation. Ultimately, I guess that really doesn't lead to too much, since anyone you possibly meet there, you're 100+ miles away from. But, eh, maybe it could help as flirting practice....

Oh, and keep in mind, too - 15 or 20 miles to a club or a group or whatever, that's really probably only 1/2 hour drive. That's not too bad. (Although you're right - the club scene can be tricky for flirting and chatting, depending on the club.)
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Old 05-23-2012   #39 (permalink)
B_Bjen2848 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by erratic View Post
You know, it's not a bad idea.

You don't have to actually physically establish a business, but if you were to start advertising for a local LGBTQ meet-and-greet, you might be surprised at the response.

After all, if you're frustrated at the lack of one, that means there's a demand for it.
exactly, it probably wouldn't be too hard to organize with the use of facebook, twitter, and other social media (even lpsg)

hire a DJ, a party promoter get a spot to have it and people who will go and BOOM you gotta massive party on your hands lol

if i were the one doing it, i'd make it like an annual thing... who knows, in a couple years it could be "the" big gay party to go to that everyone looks forward to... all big events started our fairly small

business major FTW
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Old 05-23-2012   #40 (permalink)
Dave NoCal is offline


It seems to me that maybe one of your better bets would be to take a proactive role in your campus LGBT center. My guess is that they would be glad for you to organize activities that are to your liking. There are a lot of colleges in the region, maybe the various colleges' LGBT groups could do some shared activities.
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Old 05-23-2012   #41 (permalink)
Catharsis is offline


Quote:
Originally Posted by MattBoyMA View Post
Well, reading the first part, I think I understand a little better what you're looking for. It's not a very exciting answer, but, really, your best start probably is to check out all the different websites. There are lots of places on the internet where guys chat and flirt or whatever, and that's a good introduction to someone before meeting up and hanging out, even if it's only one-on-one. Not to pimp Manhunt again, but, as one example, they have all kinds of chatrooms with webcams where guys hang out and chat and flirt and whatnot. I've met guys on there myself who I consider friends, and certain rooms have groups of guys who met there and now hang out together all the time.

As for taking a day trip to Boston or NYC, well, why not? A 2-hour or so drive in and back, even if you don't meet anyone, at least you get a nice day in a different place. I can't speak for NYC, since I'm only down there a few times a year, but in Boston, you might be surprised. There are so many little boutique shops and small coffee shops and parks, and people can be friendlier than you'd think. (Seriously, in Boston's South End, every homo has a dog, so it couldn't be easier to go stroll around a park and pick a cute guy and start playing with his dog. Instant ice-breaker.) Any of the shop owners are happy to chat with customers, and in the South End, most of them are gay. There are even a couple of sex shops you could wander into, which could lead to fun conversation. Ultimately, I guess that really doesn't lead to too much, since anyone you possibly meet there, you're 100+ miles away from. But, eh, maybe it could help as flirting practice....

Oh, and keep in mind, too - 15 or 20 miles to a club or a group or whatever, that's really probably only 1/2 hour drive. That's not too bad. (Although you're right - the club scene can be tricky for flirting and chatting, depending on the club.)
It does sound fun. I wouldn't be able to take any leisure drives to New York, but I should be able to manage it with Boston. I'm not sure if I'm better off driving there, or taking a bus. I'll have to think about it. Driving there gives me the chance to decide whether or not at the last minute I actually want to spend the day up in Boston (with regards to weather and such, I mean I wouldn't want to be stuck going there if it's going to rain) - but it won't be as convenient as taking a bus there because I wouldn't have to worry about parking or anything like that.

I don't know, it's something for me to think about. Breaking the ice by playing with a cute guy's dog really got me interested. I'm such a sucker, lol.

Oh, and yes I am about 30 minutes or so away from Hartford, but my issue isn't the amount of time that it takes me to get there - it's the distance and the amount of gas I'll be using, lol. I guess I'm cheap, but there's really nothing cheap about a car that uses premium gas and still manages a mileage at ~20 mpg. It also used up literally all of my savings about two months ago when the alternator needed to be replaced, so you can imagine how I'm trying to stretch the dollar as much as I can - and how unwilling I am to spend a nickle on just about anything... At least until my paychecks from work start adding up (and it has, but not enough for me!) It sucks being a broke college student, but that's life!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Bjen2848 View Post
exactly, it probably wouldn't be too hard to organize with the use of facebook, twitter, and other social media (even lpsg)

hire a DJ, a party promoter get a spot to have it and people who will go and BOOM you gotta massive party on your hands lol

if i were the one doing it, i'd make it like an annual thing... who knows, in a couple years it could be "the" big gay party to go to that everyone looks forward to... all big events started our fairly small

business major FTW
lol, well it really does sound like a very neat idea - but I just don't think I would be able to do one any time soon (refer to my part about being a "broke college student" above ^^). Well... By the time I should be able to do it, I plan on being away from here and hopefully out of CT as a whole.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dave NoCal View Post
It seems to me that maybe one of your better bets would be to take a proactive role in your campus LGBT center. My guess is that they would be glad for you to organize activities that are to your liking. There are a lot of colleges in the region, maybe the various colleges' LGBT groups could do some shared activities.
I have actually visited the center today to talk to a faculty member in the office and he told me about a bunch of things that are available to me during the normal academic year. They have weekly meetings for young gay men who may have some personal struggles, whatever it may be - whether it's related to relationships or families or coming out. There are also a few other groups that appealed to me, some of which are not strictly limited to the LGBTQ community - there are some that attract a wide variety of members in and out of there. And, what's best for me, is that they have weekly coffee shops, which the faculty member is a great way to socialize and meet with people.

And there's always an option of just hanging out in the office and maybe running into someone who is also hanging out there. He said that it can get quite busy and noisy and he's known some people who became friends that way.

So, I'm glad I went in and it'll definitely be my "hang out spot" of choice for the next semester. :-)

Oh, and they're also participating in a pride march in NYC on June 24: Gay Pride Events | NYC Pride | Heritage of Pride

He said they're looking for a couple more volunteers and I happen to plan on being around there on that same weekend, so I'll have to see what I can do about that!
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Old 05-23-2012   #42 (permalink)
Catharsis is offline


And, thank you to everyone (so far and possibly more to come) who has helped me out and given me such great advice in this thread - I'm taking it all in stride!
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Old 05-30-2012   #43 (permalink)
NYBTM99 is offline


One other option is to try to find the bar near you where the gay and lesbian people congregate. There is always a straight bar that is bent (artists, gays and lesbians, relaxed, laid back people). The clientele likely would range in age, but you can get to know like minded people near you and they can give you tips on where a young gay man should go in the area. In most places there is a local underground.
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Old 05-31-2012   #44 (permalink)
travis7 is offline


Facebook group, Grinder, adam4adam, mister,
A lot of guys meet n Phx , on tues at a rest.. Just to chat n stuff. Another group go local guys south of Houston meet at a rest just to hang out n chat, plan games, trips etc,,
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Old 05-31-2012   #45 (permalink)
Blackle is offline


Peep... If you live that far away from the closest gay bar there have to be others or people you can meet to go hang out with at home(providing a place for you to crash when you get to fucked up) or invite over for what have you. Just make friends and it'll be fine.
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