My brother is trying to set me up...again

I guess you could say my brother has been really accepting of my sexuality, as well as his girlfriend. She tends to have more gay friends than straight, but this is becoming a bit of a problem for me. The first guy they introduced me to, they swore up and down I would be interested in him. He was funny, laid back, and really cool. He ended up being a self-loathing asshole, who spent most of his time bitching about life and his childhood. At first, I felt bad for the guy and that "night and shinning armor" part of me wanted to come to the rescue. After being with somebody with Borderline Personality Disorder for years, I quickly opened my eyes and realized...this isn't going to work. There is no way I can be in another relationship where I'm the only providing the emotional support, as well as being with somebody who's never happy, no matter how hard you try to make them happy.

She works with another guy who happens to be gay and moved in with my brother and his girlfriend recently. Of course, again, they want me to meet him and he's well...cute, funny, laid back and cool. Again? Judging by the first guy they introduced me to, I'm thinking I'm not going to be a fan of this one neither. Well, he came over to my parents (where I currently live after my relationship ended) while I was at the college, and he had a chance to talk with my mom. I guess he at one point was doing hard drugs and his life hasn't been exactly...all that great. But, you know what, my life wasn't always great neither, and people manage to pull themselves up by their boot straps and turn their life around, I just haven't figured out if that's the case with this guy yet, seeing as I haven't met him yet. I've been putting it off I guess you could say.

It leaves me to question, what the hell does my brother and his girlfriend think of me? I'm going to college full-time, I'm educated, work hard, and well, I'm truly looking for a decent relationship, so I don't understand why they're introducing me to these guys who are not a match for me. Do they think that less of me, or are they just trying to get me laid? Haha.

I'm sorry if I come off as a snob or an asshole in this post, that's not me. I don't think I'm perfect and I'm not one of those guys who's looking for perfection. I'm just looking for something that can work. I normally don't care about ones past if their present and future look great, but based off of the first guy they introduced me to, it would have been a horrible relationship. Should I tell them to stop trying to hook me up, or am I truly just being an asshole here?

Tell them to stop. Trying to set you up with their 'friends' puts pressure on you to date less-than-ideal guys in order to be polite. You could probably do without the hassle of being given damaged individuals to sort out.

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Can I marry you?

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I agree with Zyz, tell them to stop. It is one thing to be at a party where there is a large gathering of people and you happen to meet but one on one is crazy. Sure your family members are merely trying to help but since they have no real idea of your likes/dislikes, interests etc, they are wasting your time and the person they are trying to introduce. Tell them politely to stop - love/attraction is always in the eye of the beholder.

Should I tell them to stop trying to hook me up, or am I truly just being an asshole here?


Yep'
to the first one
tell em .. to knock it on the head, your not a 16yo kid, and sounds like you will be more than capable of finding your own partner, thank you very much ha

and NO your not being an A'hole, perhaps a sensible one, once you tell em to Quit.
(dont forget to throw in, 'because i am Gay, does not make me inferior nor incapable'..haha after you have thanked em, for trying?)

Everybody, soon or late, sits down to a banquet of consequences.
Robert Louis Stevenson (1850-1894)

"ave atque vale"
(hail&farewell)

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Seems to me you have your head screwed on pretty straight. Don't think you need to follow anyones advice cept your own.

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You are definitely not coming off as an asshole or a snob. There is nothing wrong with wanting an emotionally healthy mate. Trying to fix broken people is more than most can handle. I know. I've tried. Failed miserably.

I would be honest with your brother and tell him, "Hey? I appreciate your efforts but after the last guy, I think it's important that I seek out my own love interests. Please don't set me up anymore". Be firm about it and (hopefully) he will respect your wishes.

..:::cleverly disguised as a responsible adult:::..

Thanks for the replies, guys. You're right, I do need to speak with my brother and his girlfriend about this. I just didn't want to offend them or their friends. It's hard to tell them, "Hey, the people you're setting me up with, your good friends, are too much for me!" I wouldn't mind if they told me everything about them (good and bad), and gave me the option to agree to meet with them. Which by the way, it's always awkward being set up and tossed into a situation where you both know you may like each other, but it's awkward when you don't...

P.S. My brothers birthday is tomorrow, and I'm pretty sure I'll be meeting the guy tomorrow during my brothers birthday.

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I don't think that you are being a snob at all. I also have this issue with family members trying to set me up (as well as friends). I'm sure they don't think little of you, they just don't know any better. My friend's mom tries to hook him up and she is under the assumption that all gays belong to like a club or something because she assumes that he is supposed to know these guys some how. They also could be trying to get you laid. You shouldn't feel obligated to placate anyone if you feel that it's a bad idea. You are entitled to be happy, don't' let anyone tell you otherwise.

XXY male just puttin around

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This may also be a case of "Well, Leopold is gay... and you're gay... so you two should meet and I bet you'll hit it off!" A lot of people seem to assume that if two people have being gay in common, that is enough to build a friendship or date.

I'm always open to receiving friendly hellos from anybody, but know that I try to limit my friends list to people I'm in regular contact with.

I agree with Buzzrider. I also think they are trying to express to you how cool they are with you being gay. It's a well-intended gesture, but they do not appear to be thinking beyond that.

Also, in what insane asylum does this grilfriend work that her co-workers have such problems? I don't mean to be judgmental, but a perennially unhappy person and one who shares personal information so indiscriminately seem to be bad choices.

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You, see, it's true....straight people have no taste.