LPSG

Coworker treating your partner to lunch

it's one thing to go to lunch together, it's another thing when the coworker is actually at times spending their own money on your partner. shows that he is clearly interested and i'm wondering if

is part of a discussion in the Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy forum that includes topics on Friends, family, co-workers, significant others....


Go Back   LPSG > Main > Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy

 
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 08-27-2012   #1 (permalink)
B_slimjimpencil is offline
Banned

Coworker treating your partner to lunch

it's one thing to go to lunch together, it's another thing when the coworker is actually at times spending their own money on your partner. shows that he is clearly interested and i'm wondering if she is 'leading him on' by allowing him to do so or worse interested in him too.
B_slimjimpencil is offline  
Old 08-27-2012   #2 (permalink)
Stephenmass is offline


Any male coworker that goes to lunch with a female coworker generally springs for the lunch. It might be nothing.

"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, martini in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO what a ride!"
Stephenmass is offline  
Old 08-27-2012   #3 (permalink)
MistahL is offline


Not necessarily,

"No matter how far a donkey travels, it'll always come back a jackass."

currently: Struggling to stay alive at Johns Hopkins University. I can't wait for spring break.

/insert witty statement here
MistahL is offline  
Old 08-27-2012   #4 (permalink)
Phil Ayesho is offline


Quote:
Originally Posted by Stephenmass View Post
Any male coworker that goes to lunch with a female coworker generally springs for the lunch. It might be nothing.
Nope. Not the case at all...

Any woman regularly going to lunch with a male co-worker and not intending to give the wrong idea makes a point of paying, either for her meal separately, or swapping the obligation of who pays the tab. He pays one time, she pays the next.

The only exception I can think of is when the guy is clearly several pay grades above you, in which case, his paying the tab may be a reflection of his higher income and might not be associated with his romantic interests.


But seriously... in this world, men paying the tab every time is an invocation of the man PROVIDING for a woman.
In social circumstance it is intended and taken as an indication of a man's willingness to devote his resources to her benefit, and as such, it is ALWAYS a form of sexual courtship, or, in the case of their being a boss, at the very least a form of paternalism. This is genetically programed; Even chimpanzee males bring food to females to win them over.

Women accepting a man's routinely paying for her meals, drinks, or anything else, are either signaling their interest, acquiescing to the position of economic and social subordinate, or merely taking advantage of some guy's interest they have no intention of reciprocating.


So, either he makes a lot more than her and she feels its fair.... in which case it may be nothing ( or maybe not- lots of Bosses end up married to or schtupping attractive subordinates )... or she's interested in an affair or trading up... in which case its not innocent... or she's just taking advantage of a guy... in which case there's no danger of an affair... but she's revealed as being selfishly manipulative.

That means that the likelihood of this reflecting well on Her is less than 33%

Last edited by Phil Ayesho; 08-27-2012 at 02:15 PM..
Phil Ayesho is offline  
Old 08-27-2012   #5 (permalink)
MickeyLee is offline


so. when my uber gay co-worker buys me a veg-gyro... he wants to do me?!?!

nevermind.... picking up his bubble tea makes us just friends

"Men are awesome", I say.
"NOT ALL MEN", the Mensí Rights Activists chimes in before freezing where he stands.

Iíve got him now, Iíve won.
MickeyLee is offline  
Old 08-27-2012   #6 (permalink)
NicholasSommerby is offline


Hmm, I don't really know how to read that to be honest. Is he spending money on her for more than just lunch, or are you just saying that him buying her lunch is a regular thing?

And really, I'm with Phil on this one. It's one thing if it's a one time thing. If he's constantly buying her lunch on more than one occasion, it does make me a little curious as to his intentions. While we've evolved in this day and age to where it's perfectly acceptable for both parties to their half of the bill, it's still pretty much seen as a romantic/interested gesture for one to pay the whole thing. And like I said, the fact that it possibly sounds like it could be a regular thing has me a bit curious about it.
NicholasSommerby is offline  
Old 08-27-2012   #7 (permalink)
Phil Ayesho is offline


PS- so OP, you are unclear... does this guy pay EVERY time? Or is your girl paying for him SOME of the time?

Or does he pay her tab sometime, and she pay for her own sometime, but not pay for his, ever? ( this might simply indicate that he may not be her boss... but they both know he earns more than she does)
Phil Ayesho is offline  
Old 08-27-2012   #8 (permalink)
Phil Ayesho is offline


If I invite someone out to lunch or dinner, I always pay the tab...
If they have any sense of social reciprocity, they will, in return, invite me out to lunch and they will pay the tab.

If they never reciprocate... then the likelihood of my inviting them out diminishes.

If I buy someone a sandwich cause their short of funds... they generally make it up to me later...


But when one person repeatedly pays for another, it creates a social inequity... an imbalance in obligation.
No matter how evolved we get, this is wired into how our brains generate morality.

That sense of social obligation has been used by men to pressure women into sex.
And as such, a boss frequently inviting out and paying for a subordinate's meals can tread very perilously near harassment.

How likely the subordinate is to see it as harassment has a lot to do with how welcoming they might be to any advance. Men seek financial success partly to be attractive to women... and it does work.

But people who want to see it all as innocent and not meaning anything are simply oblivious or fooling themselves.

Once or twice... its maybe just generosity.

Time after time after time? the sense of debt or obligation builds, either willingly, or resentfully.
Phil Ayesho is offline  
Old 08-27-2012   #9 (permalink)
MickeyLee is offline


picking up the tab in general.
if i ask some one to food me with, i pay.
when i ask some one out for food... i am after food and conversation. not access to genitalia.
if co-fooding is a regular thing, we trade off.
when i co-food with my bestie, we steal snacks
when i co-food with the boy, even if i ask, he pays.. because he's from Texas *his logic, not mine*
when my boss-figure co-foods he pays. as far as iknow... he's not after my happy meal.


dudes... for true.... buying me food is nice.
i am not a food pyramid ho'

"Men are awesome", I say.
"NOT ALL MEN", the Mensí Rights Activists chimes in before freezing where he stands.

Iíve got him now, Iíve won.
MickeyLee is offline  
Old 08-27-2012   #10 (permalink)
Phil Ayesho is offline


Quote:
Originally Posted by MickeyLee View Post
picking up the tab in general.
if i ask some one to food me with, i pay.
when i ask some one out for food... i am after food and conversation. not access to genitalia.
if co-fooding is a regular thing, we trade off.
when i co-food with my bestie, we steal snacks
when i co-food with the boy, even if i ask, he pays.. because he's from Texas *his logic, not mine*
when my boss-figure co-foods he pays. as far as iknow... he's not after my happy meal.


dudes... for true.... buying me food is nice.
i am not a food pyramid ho'

What you describe is exactly as I have outlined it.

The Boss issue is, however, complicated by orientation.

not being gay, I would be very unlikely to take my male boss' offer to pay as being any kind of play....
But if my Boss were a woman of likely age, the situation might feel and actually be different.

Women get pursued at work. 9 times out of 10 it takes the form of meals out.
Phil Ayesho is offline  
Old 08-27-2012   #11 (permalink)
MickeyLee is offline


yeah, but i left out the creepy bonobo pussy for monkey meat parallel.

"Men are awesome", I say.
"NOT ALL MEN", the Mensí Rights Activists chimes in before freezing where he stands.

Iíve got him now, Iíve won.
MickeyLee is offline  
Old 08-27-2012   #12 (permalink)
B_slimjimpencil is offline
Banned


Quote:
Originally Posted by Phil Ayesho View Post
PS- so OP, you are unclear... does this guy pay EVERY time? Or is your girl paying for him SOME of the time?

Or does he pay her tab sometime, and she pay for her own sometime, but not pay for his, ever? ( this might simply indicate that he may not be her boss... but they both know he earns more than she does)
she never pays but she just started there so he definitely makes a lot more


agree completely
v
v
v
Quote:
Originally Posted by NicholasSommerby View Post
Hmm, I don't really know how to read that to be honest. Is he spending money on her for more than just lunch, or are you just saying that him buying her lunch is a regular thing?

And really, I'm with Phil on this one. It's one thing if it's a one time thing. If he's constantly buying her lunch on more than one occasion, it does make me a little curious as to his intentions. While we've evolved in this day and age to where it's perfectly acceptable for both parties to their half of the bill, it's still pretty much seen as a romantic/interested gesture for one to pay the whole thing. And like I said, the fact that it possibly sounds like it could be a regular thing has me a bit curious about it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Phil Ayesho View Post
Nope. Not the case at all...

Any woman regularly going to lunch with a male co-worker and not intending to give the wrong idea makes a point of paying, either for her meal separately, or swapping the obligation of who pays the tab. He pays one time, she pays the next.

The only exception I can think of is when the guy is clearly several pay grades above you, in which case, his paying the tab may be a reflection of his higher income and might not be associated with his romantic interests.


But seriously... in this world, men paying the tab every time is an invocation of the man PROVIDING for a woman.
In social circumstance it is intended and taken as an indication of a man's willingness to devote his resources to her benefit, and as such, it is ALWAYS a form of sexual courtship, or, in the case of their being a boss, at the very least a form of paternalism. This is genetically programed; Even chimpanzee males bring food to females to win them over.

Women accepting a man's routinely paying for her meals, drinks, or anything else, are either signaling their interest, acquiescing to the position of economic and social subordinate, or merely taking advantage of some guy's interest they have no intention of reciprocating.


So, either he makes a lot more than her and she feels its fair.... in which case it may be nothing ( or maybe not- lots of Bosses end up married to or schtupping attractive subordinates )... or she's interested in an affair or trading up... in which case its not innocent... or she's just taking advantage of a guy... in which case there's no danger of an affair... but she's revealed as being selfishly manipulative.

That means that the likelihood of this reflecting well on Her is less than 33%
Quote:
Originally Posted by Phil Ayesho View Post
If I invite someone out to lunch or dinner, I always pay the tab...
If they have any sense of social reciprocity, they will, in return, invite me out to lunch and they will pay the tab.

If they never reciprocate... then the likelihood of my inviting them out diminishes.

If I buy someone a sandwich cause their short of funds... they generally make it up to me later...


But when one person repeatedly pays for another, it creates a social inequity... an imbalance in obligation.
No matter how evolved we get, this is wired into how our brains generate morality.

That sense of social obligation has been used by men to pressure women into sex.
And as such, a boss frequently inviting out and paying for a subordinate's meals can tread very perilously near harassment.

How likely the subordinate is to see it as harassment has a lot to do with how welcoming they might be to any advance. Men seek financial success partly to be attractive to women... and it does work.

But people who want to see it all as innocent and not meaning anything are simply oblivious or fooling themselves.

Once or twice... its maybe just generosity.


Time after time after time? the sense of debt or obligation builds, either willingly, or resentfully.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Phil Ayesho View Post
What you describe is exactly as I have outlined it.

The Boss issue is, however, complicated by orientation.

not being gay, I would be very unlikely to take my male boss' offer to pay as being any kind of play....
But if my Boss were a woman of likely age, the situation might feel and actually be different.

Women get pursued at work. 9 times out of 10 it takes the form of meals out.

i understand the fact that he makes more means he would pay but his intentions i feel still aren't pure. but you guys make good points and i never thought about the fact that he does make quite more
B_slimjimpencil is offline  
Old 08-27-2012   #13 (permalink)
billybones is offline


It sounds fishy to me.
billybones is offline  
Old 08-27-2012   #14 (permalink)
MickeyLee is offline


why are you worried about his intentions..


is something off between yaself and ya ladyfriend?

"Men are awesome", I say.
"NOT ALL MEN", the Mensí Rights Activists chimes in before freezing where he stands.

Iíve got him now, Iíve won.
MickeyLee is offline  
Old 08-27-2012   #15 (permalink)
Ssmith is offline


Clearly interested would be finding texts, phone calls from him, or his penis inside her lol.

I work where there are many times we all go out in little groups for lunch. I flip the bill when I suggest somewhere and they just don't remove their money in time. It's really that dumb. It means diddly shit to me to pay for my coworkers, who are mostly female. I know my wife doesn't mind since I've asked her. Now if I just took ONE out every day for lunch and paid for the bill EVERY time and ONLY with her...yeah that's fucked up.
Ssmith is offline  

Tags
coworker, lunch, partner, relationship, treating

Thread Tools



All times are GMT -4. The time now is 07:56 PM.

Latest Threads
6,000 Posts, Boiiiiiii
17 Minutes Ago by b.c.
Funny Video
39 Minutes Ago by Ohiogu
horny!
1 Hour Ago by cucumb

Latest Posts

Latest Blogs

On Cam Now
20yo_bigben, bigheadben, brownstick, Dazzer, dudsey, hard8on, MattReed, MisterSlave, mjavg, MrBigRig, nicesouthernpair

Please read the rules.

Online: 1935 | Chatting: 51

Sponsors

Copyright 1999-2013 LPSG