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Boyfriend Wants a Threesome

Good afternoon LPSG'ers, I've run into a weird predictament with my relationship. I've been with my boyfriend for almost four years and he all of a sudden wants to have a threesome. I'm 23 years

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Old 11-05-2012   #1 (permalink)
DaMoose is offline

Boyfriend Wants a Threesome

Good afternoon LPSG'ers,

I've run into a weird predictament with my relationship. I've been with my boyfriend for almost four years and he all of a sudden wants to have a threesome. I'm 23 years old and he's 24 years old, I'm the top he's the bottom.

I don't know why but it bugs me he brings it up four years later, that he'd be up for it and I don't know why. I think if it came up a few years ago Id be like HELL YEAH, but I don't know. I'm 5'11" with a medium amount of muscle mass and I have a good sized dick (eight inches long average thickness) but my boyfriend (who is the bottom) is 6'1" lean with an obnoxious cock (eight and half inches with ridiculous thickness) he's also much more financially stable than me now. And wherehes the defintion of a pretty boy, Im a little more rough looking with a shaved head.

I'm a normally very confident person but this boy has the power to make me feel inadequate. I get looks and interested people when we go out but he gets more than me no contest. Guys will buy him drinks all the time and its never bothered me. There is no question of infidelity ever occurring. He also initiated a talk about an open relationship bein a HUGE no no in his book. And the biggest thing is that a friend of his wanted to have a threesome with me back in college and he went so far to remove this guy from our lives.

I think what it boils down to is that he has calm down from the craziness we used to be and while he's done with college I am not. To rarely being in the mood for and then to bringing up a threesome just strikes me so odd.

Am I being stupid to feel like he's over me? We don't have as much sex now as we did when we were 20-22 where it was almost everyday and everywhere. I may be wrong but I feel like bringin in a third person is something you do when you've been with someone for ten+ years and your sex life is dying.

I'd love to hear what anyone has to say. I can't even believe its bothering me at all. I know the younger me always wanted this but never wanted to bring it up.

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Old 11-05-2012   #2 (permalink)
helgaleena is offline


Threesome IS an open relationship, unless you are going to just hire somebody to be your 3rd so there's no question of emotional baggage. Your guy is doing an about face if he suddenly wants a threesome. You are going to have to have a VERY long discussion about what's going on with you two. It might be the tip of an iceberg.

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Old 11-05-2012   #3 (permalink)
Countryguy63 is offline


Not necessarily something that has to wait until so long. Just depends on the individuals.

You say you used to dream of something like this and would have jumped on the opportunity? What is the root of your concern now?

You're going to have to get down to the very heart of what's concerning you, and then talk to him about that.

Good Luck (and I would LOVE to be that 3rd , lol)

Freud - to constrain sexual drives to socially accepted "norms" is something that we "learn."
Why is it so important to you whether someone calls themselves straight or not (unless they choose to berate gays)
I Love him 100%, and his 50% belongs to me
It takes more love to share my saddle than it does to share my bed
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Old 11-05-2012   #4 (permalink)
soynahu is offline


The sex isn't something serious, have fun!
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Old 11-05-2012   #5 (permalink)
billybones is offline


Quote:
Originally Posted by DaMoose View Post
Am I being stupid to feel like he's over me?
No. I don't know either of you personally so I can't say with certainty. I do know from my relationship experience that his behavior seems to confirm your suspicions, as that is how I have behaved in the past when I no longer had interest in my relationship. My last relationship ended and I hadn't even realized I was behaving this way. When he ended it, I was kind of shocked. But once it was over and I looked back he was right, we would go weeks without having sex; I started flirting with other guys when he wasn't around; I became overly critical of the tiniest things; I rarely even engaged him in conversation. We sat across the room from one another and didn't even speak for hours some nights.
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Old 11-05-2012   #6 (permalink)
rbkwp is offline


You're going to have to get down to the very heart of what's concerning you, and then talk to him about that.


Agree with CG Matey
Perhaps look on it as the start of a new phase in your relationship with him,not so much anything negative.
You guys are only young, and if you work out the intro of a 3some is worth the experience, then i reckon go for it
You will both soon know if your relationship is on the wane, after that, as long as your both honest with each other
Be careful of appearing too overly protective of him also i reckon, otherwise ha may well defy you and start 'playing up' anyway, 4 year relationship or not

Have a GOOD talk it out with him, me reckons.

Everybody, soon or late, sits down to a banquet of consequences.
Robert Louis Stevenson (1850-1894)

"ave atque vale"
(hail&farewell)
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Old 11-05-2012   #7 (permalink)
DaMoose is offline


See I can't even explain why it upsets me. I'll just have to have a real talk. It annoys me I care so much.

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Old 11-05-2012   #8 (permalink)
DaMoose is offline


I appreciate the advice.

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Old 11-05-2012   #9 (permalink)
D_Anne_T_Freeze is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DaMoose View Post
See I can't even explain why it upsets me. I'll just have to have a real talk. It annoys me I care so much.
Because you love him. At least that's what it sounds like to me. And unfortunately sometimes that person doesn't feel the same way at that time. I do think you should talk to him about it because when you do, you'll find out what's going on, but you might not like it. Just be prepared for not hearing what you want to hear. But there's as much chance of him laying all your fears to rest and the two of you being blissfully happy! I think that either of those outcomes is preferable to not knowing and beating yourself up about the fact you care about him. Talk. Either way you'll be better for it. I have my fingers crossed for you. xx
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Old 11-05-2012   #10 (permalink)
B_Nick8 is offline
Banned


Quote:
Originally Posted by lovingit View Post
Because you love him. At least that's what it sounds like to me. And unfortunately sometimes that person doesn't feel the same way at that time. I do think you should talk to him about it because when you do, you'll find out what's going on, but you might not like it. Just be prepared for not hearing what you want to hear. But there's as much chance of him laying all your fears to rest and the two of you being blissfully happy! I think that either of those outcomes is preferable to not knowing and beating yourself up about the fact you care about him. Talk. Either way you'll be better for it. I have my fingers crossed for you. xx

This. Is very sweet.

Instant gratification takes too long.

Please, don't send me a friendship request unless we genuinely have a relationship or you've at least discussed it with me first. I'd appreciate it. Muchly.
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Old 11-05-2012   #11 (permalink)
IntoxicatingToxin is offline


That's a tough situation to be in, but I agree with what most others have said. Talk with him about it, find out exactly what's changed in him that makes him want this suddenly. Find out if it's a particular person, or the experience, or maybe he's bummed about your sex life going downhill too and he's hoping to spice it up a bit. You won't know unless you ask. Be prepared to hear things you aren't comfortable hearing. Just be grateful that he spoke with you about it, sometimes people have desires like this and never make them vocal, and it tends to cause more damage down the road. Good luck.

What good fortune for those in power that people do not think. - Adolf Hitler

An insincere and evil friend is more to be feared than a wild beast; a wild beast may wound your body, but an evil friend will wound your mind. - Buddha

i thank You God for most this amazing
day:for the leaping greenly spirits of trees
and a blue true dream of sky; and for everything
which is natural which is infinite which is yes - e.e. cummings
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Old 11-05-2012   #12 (permalink)
DaMoose is offline


Quote:
Originally Posted by lovingit View Post
Because you love him. At least that's what it sounds like to me. And unfortunately sometimes that person doesn't feel the same way at that time. I do think you should talk to him about it because when you do, you'll find out what's going on, but you might not like it. Just be prepared for not hearing what you want to hear. But there's as much chance of him laying all your fears to rest and the two of you being blissfully happy! I think that either of those outcomes is preferable to not knowing and beating yourself up about the fact you care about him. Talk. Either way you'll be better for it. I have my fingers crossed for you. xx
Perfect. I said eff it. Knowing either way is the best. He unraveled and told me how much he's changed himself to impress me and how in the process he's turned into a boring person It was actually a deep conversation and he was so freaked out when I didn't respond right away. He was upset when I didn't respond and thought he upset me. That with other things made go from the worried boyfriend to the happy "my boyfriend wants to have threesomes" boyfriend.

I was worried that he's been pushing me away But I was wrong. I was assuming the worst and pushing him away to avoid gettin hurt and this was the up of the ice berg. I genuinely believe this is just a new thing for us like RBk said, a new phase.

And billybones. I've treated exes horribly unknowingly too. Which is why I jumped to the worst conclusion in response to this.

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Old 11-05-2012   #13 (permalink)
rbkwp is offline


Wow
So HAPPY for you both Matey, having resolved things up to this point
Long may it continue then,and if there is variation in the future, as you folk get older and mature a little more, you will likely get to understand more it is really 'all a part of life', that can usually be quite wonderful
Cheers to you both, and Thanks for the instant feedback
Some folk usually just disappear into oblivion ..

Everybody, soon or late, sits down to a banquet of consequences.
Robert Louis Stevenson (1850-1894)

"ave atque vale"
(hail&farewell)
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Old 11-05-2012   #14 (permalink)
Countryguy63 is offline


Fantastic!!

Sometimes the thought of a direct discussion can be intimidating, but it's the best thing to clear up any misconceptions and false assumptions

Have fun and may your relationship grow even stronger!

Freud - to constrain sexual drives to socially accepted "norms" is something that we "learn."
Why is it so important to you whether someone calls themselves straight or not (unless they choose to berate gays)
I Love him 100%, and his 50% belongs to me
It takes more love to share my saddle than it does to share my bed
Countryguy63 is offline  
Old 11-06-2012   #15 (permalink)
Guill is offline


Glad I read all the way to the bottom of the thread. SO glad things got worked out. Reaffirms its always better to talk to someone close than let things build up.
Guill is offline  

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