NSA, FWB and Relationship

Whats the difference between each? I have experienced what I thought was a friends with benefit situation. In the last couple of weeks have considered what the other party has thought as a no strings

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Old 10-12-2007   #1 (permalink)
Act2_Begins_Now is offline

NSA, FWB and Relationship

Whats the difference between each?

I have experienced what I thought was a friends with benefit situation. In the last couple of weeks have considered what the other party has thought as a no strings attached situation. But each of their presentation/ideas were polar opposite of the other's. Being married not once, but twice ... I guess it is safe to say that I have been in a relationship.

I have my own ideas, but wanna hear other ones first.

While it lasted, it was fun LPSG.
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Old 10-12-2007   #2 (permalink)
PerfectlySexy is offline

Well, I think the first thing to realize is that language is a terribly imprecise way of communicating. When it comes to terms that are relatively recent additions to a cultural lexicon this is especially evident. So don't be surprised to see people with wildly different ideas about what these terms "mean".

For me, a relationship describes any interaction between people. But that's obviously not how you see the term. Your term "relationship" I suspect is more similar to what I would call a "committed, likely monogamous (or stated monogamous), romantic, and sexual relationship." See how much more time it takes to be precise?

The difference, for me, between the NSA and FWB relationships is the notion of commitment (and note that I do not see that as synonymous with monogamous, or "loyal"). A FWB relationship does have a friendship, plus a romantic and/or sexual component. I believe that there is usually a commitment to continuing the relationship, ie, staying friends. An NSA relationship is more like people who meet and decide to have sex without any consideration for maintaining contact, sexual or otherwise. Of course, an NSA situation can be ongoing, but it still revolves around sex, not an interest or liking of another person. But to further confuse matters, either of these types of relationships can change into the other, or into another relationship form altogether. I think both types are often expected to by non-monogamous but not always, and that's an area where people, if they don't communicate, can arrive at some misunderstandings about the nature of the relationship.

I would also point out that relationships can be far more diverse than the categories that are commonly discussed and that leads to confusion because people seek a label to put on their experience. Many of my relationships have not fit either of those labels, and yours may not either. So, if the labels are causing misunderstandings between people perhaps discussing perceptions and expectations without the labels might be helpful.
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Old 10-12-2007   #3 (permalink)
Jovial is offline

I agree with PerfectlySexy.

I don't know how people can specifically look for a FWB. And once in a FWB situation for a while, I don't know how one person doesn't want to have more of a relationship and commitment.
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Old 10-13-2007   #4 (permalink)
Act2_Begins_Now is offline

Thank you for your detailed response, it is appreciated. Some background ...

Situation One
Wonderfully entincing man that I have had the pleasure to communicate via internet and a few phone conversation since the beginning of summer, perhaps even earlie. We are alarming similiar in wants and desires. I know him well, it feels like. We have contemplated meeting for carnal pleasures, but I know it would be more than that. How? Because our conversations are more than just that. He has captured or at the very least engaged my mind. If we met, it would be labeled as a NSA situation from each of us. I consider him a friend.

Situation Two
Off for work related conferences at a beautiful resort and was approached by a man. Attractive ... more so than not. Agreed to dinner and we had great conversation. He inquired about my wants in life and I shared with him what I was looking for and he was rather intrigued, enough so to say he wanted on the ride. At the end of the evening he wanted to get a room ... this with no physical interaction all night. When I told him thank you, but no thank you he was stunned. In his mind I was looking for nsa and he was more than willing to offer it. He wanted to know what the problem was because we clearly had an attraction to one another (I did?). I consider him a stranger.

Situation Three
A married man, a few conversations and a meeting. He wants all the passion in the world that only stolen moments can provide. He wants a mini travel companion to accompany him on business trips and pretend business trips. He wants more than a mistress (his words), he wants someone to 'help' when there is a need. Whether it be coming over to fix a leaky faucet or offer shoulder to lean on. He even imagined being a positive male role model for my daughter and went as far as suggesting that we would incorporate a movie night for the three of us.

What I am looking for is a combination of the above. Basically, I want the companionship of an outstanding male that keeps my interests with his intellect, accomplishments, character and passion. What I dont want is someone living with me or I with him. Is that NSA?

To me ...
One is FWB/NSA
Two is ... I have no idea
Three is a relationship, but only one that can result in heartache for all involved.

While it lasted, it was fun LPSG.

Last edited by Act2_Begins_Now; 10-13-2007 at 08:09 PM..
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Old 10-14-2007   #5 (permalink)
PerfectlySexy is offline

Well none of these relationships fits any of the labels because none of them have progressed to the point of romance as far as I can tell. Is that correct?

In the first situation, which sounds the more promising to me, if you met and had a romantic and sexual relationship then it would be a FWB benefits scenario. Now the sex may be NSA. You may have an arrangement to stop having sex at any time but continue the friendship. There may also be an agreement to not let the relationship turn into something committed. I think those sorts of discussions are common.

The 2nd situation sounds like someone that wanted NSA sex with you but that wasn't what you wanted. It seems clear that that's not what you want.

The 3rd situation sounds the sketchiest because of the marriage factor. Married men have a habit of being some of the most manipulative in dealing with their extra-marital relationships so I'd strongly advise caution unless he and his wife have an open relationship. But it sounds like you are aware of the consequences.

It sounds like you want a romantic and sexual relationship. No that's not going to be considered NSA. If you want companionship that implies "strings attached." You want someone you can spend time with regularly but not something that turns into a situation where you're living together. That sounds like an easy enough thing to tell people. You could always tell that to the guy in scenario 1 and see how he reacts to it. And/or you can pursue that relationship, enjoy the carnal pleasure and more, and seek the other traits you're looking for elsewhere.

In my opinion there's nothing wrong with spending time with different people to find out what it is you really want.
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Old 10-14-2007   #6 (permalink)
Jovial is offline

Act2, I get the sense that you are just not cut out for NSA sex, and probably not for FWB either. It sounds like you want more than that to have sex with someone.

Situation 2 sounds like he got the wrong signals and thought you wanted NSA sex.

Situation 3 sounds like he doesn't want too much commitment, and doesn't sound good to me, unless you are desperate to be with a man.

Situation 1 just sounds like the start of a regular relationship. At some point you have sex, and if it's good for both of you, then you continue developing it. If the sex is bad, you become or stay friends. Unless he says he is not looking for a relationship, then I don't think it is a FWB situation.
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Old 10-14-2007   #7 (permalink)
Act2_Begins_Now is offline

Very interesting that you both make the conclusion that NSA is not my desire. It would seem when I state "I dont want to live with you/you with me and I am definately not looking for a marriage proposal" most (dare I say all) men I encounter/date read that as NSA.

unless you are desperate to be with a man.
Selective, yes. Desperate, nope.

In my opinion there's nothing wrong with spending time with different people to find out what it is you really want.
Hmmm, I suppose that is what I am doing.

Sometimes it is difficult because all around you see these instaneous hook ups. Only with time do you see them wither away and/or hear about the settling that went on for the hook up. Thanks for the reminder, that shopping ... is a very good thing.

While it lasted, it was fun LPSG.
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fwb , nsa , relationship

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