Crush venting
Posted 1 Day Ago at 04:10 AM by jockjoe
So I've had a steadily growing crush on a straight guy at work for the past 2 years and it has intensified in say, the last 8 months. On top of the orientation block, I'm also engaged which makes my feelings confusing.
On the one hand, I'm happy, very happy, with where my life is at. I've got my dream job, I've got a great guy and I live comfortably - modestly, but comfortably - in a pretty nice city.
On the other hand, hanging out with my crush, who has become a great friend, has a nostalgia-like effect. I find myself enjoying things I haven't done since moving out to the coast, a move which also meant moving in with my current fiancé. That nostalgia is no doubt part of the attraction. He's younger than I am by 3 years and is still something of a college-boy. He's got a free spirit, he's genuinely nice and quick witted - all qualities which I deeply admire in an individual.
My fiancé is, well, a bit more like me I suppose. He's quieter, and a bit withdrawn, but he opens up around people he knows. He's focused and motivated and dedicated to me in a way that makes me feel like I'm coming up short on my end of the relationship.
I also can't imagine a day going by without my fiancé in my life, and that only adds to the confusion because I find myself being ever more drawn towards the idea of moving out and being single again. I've never needed to question if it was possible to love more than one person with equal intensity; I've always thought it possible. But now I'm starting to wonder if I was wrong, if maybe it's only possible to love one person and that having feelings for someone else starts to draw off your feelings for the first person.
I'm not sure I'm looking for advice, I don't think I need it, but I did need to say something, somewhere, to someone. There's times when I get home from working a shift with my crush and I get in to find my fiancé waiting that I feel just a little bit sad that it's him waiting for me, that there's anyone else but my crush there. It's strange, but I almost feel as though I'd be happier alone than with either of them, especially because the crush will never work out.
On the one hand, I'm happy, very happy, with where my life is at. I've got my dream job, I've got a great guy and I live comfortably - modestly, but comfortably - in a pretty nice city.
On the other hand, hanging out with my crush, who has become a great friend, has a nostalgia-like effect. I find myself enjoying things I haven't done since moving out to the coast, a move which also meant moving in with my current fiancé. That nostalgia is no doubt part of the attraction. He's younger than I am by 3 years and is still something of a college-boy. He's got a free spirit, he's genuinely nice and quick witted - all qualities which I deeply admire in an individual.
My fiancé is, well, a bit more like me I suppose. He's quieter, and a bit withdrawn, but he opens up around people he knows. He's focused and motivated and dedicated to me in a way that makes me feel like I'm coming up short on my end of the relationship.
I also can't imagine a day going by without my fiancé in my life, and that only adds to the confusion because I find myself being ever more drawn towards the idea of moving out and being single again. I've never needed to question if it was possible to love more than one person with equal intensity; I've always thought it possible. But now I'm starting to wonder if I was wrong, if maybe it's only possible to love one person and that having feelings for someone else starts to draw off your feelings for the first person.
I'm not sure I'm looking for advice, I don't think I need it, but I did need to say something, somewhere, to someone. There's times when I get home from working a shift with my crush and I get in to find my fiancé waiting that I feel just a little bit sad that it's him waiting for me, that there's anyone else but my crush there. It's strange, but I almost feel as though I'd be happier alone than with either of them, especially because the crush will never work out.
Total Comments 0
