Since we last met
Posted 06-24-2012 at 01:32 AM by luvinlife83
Quite a bit has happened since I last posted in March. First, I came out to two people, my 15 year old niece, and one of my best friends who happens to be gay. I just had to tell someone and I figured it should be the two people who I knew would be okay with it. I am working my way up to tell other friends and family but for right now, that's enough.
Now for the hardest part. On May 6th, my father lost his epic battle with pancreatic cancer. My mom, sister and I were by his bedside at home. It is so hard to watch someone you love die. That was something I wouldn't wish for my worst enemy. This may sound weird but his death was bitter-sweet. Bitter for the obvious reasons, I lost my father. He was a close to a perfect father as a person could have. He was the model husband, father, brother, son, and friend. Sweet because he is no longer suffering. His pain has ended. He no longer has to worry about his cancers coming back or arthritis. He can now experience complete bliss with his mother, father, brother-in-law, father-in-law, mother-in-law and a number of family member and friends.
For a long time I felt like the worlds worst son because I prayed regularly for God to take his pain and end his suffering, but I realized that was me being human. When our pets are suffering we can have them put down and end their pain, we can't do that with humans. The want for our suffering family members to continue to live is our own selfishness to keep them here close to us. The wanting for their suffering to stop does not make us a horrible person, it makes us humane.
Needless to say the last 6-7 weeks have been a bitch, but when ever I get down, and feel like I am about to cry, I remember those good memories and the fact that I did not lose my father on May 6th, instead I gained a guardian angel. For the first few days I cried often because I felt that the one person who always had my back was gone, now I realize he has my back on a larger scale. He is closer to Gods ear and I know with him up there, all of us will be okay. R.I.P Pops, I love you and Miss u.
Now for the hardest part. On May 6th, my father lost his epic battle with pancreatic cancer. My mom, sister and I were by his bedside at home. It is so hard to watch someone you love die. That was something I wouldn't wish for my worst enemy. This may sound weird but his death was bitter-sweet. Bitter for the obvious reasons, I lost my father. He was a close to a perfect father as a person could have. He was the model husband, father, brother, son, and friend. Sweet because he is no longer suffering. His pain has ended. He no longer has to worry about his cancers coming back or arthritis. He can now experience complete bliss with his mother, father, brother-in-law, father-in-law, mother-in-law and a number of family member and friends.
For a long time I felt like the worlds worst son because I prayed regularly for God to take his pain and end his suffering, but I realized that was me being human. When our pets are suffering we can have them put down and end their pain, we can't do that with humans. The want for our suffering family members to continue to live is our own selfishness to keep them here close to us. The wanting for their suffering to stop does not make us a horrible person, it makes us humane.
Needless to say the last 6-7 weeks have been a bitch, but when ever I get down, and feel like I am about to cry, I remember those good memories and the fact that I did not lose my father on May 6th, instead I gained a guardian angel. For the first few days I cried often because I felt that the one person who always had my back was gone, now I realize he has my back on a larger scale. He is closer to Gods ear and I know with him up there, all of us will be okay. R.I.P Pops, I love you and Miss u.
Total Comments 2
Comments
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Very touching.
There are many times where I can't stand my father, but I would never be able to bear something like this. You're a very strong person, and you're right: He has your back now more than ever.
Hope things will begin looking up for you!Posted 06-24-2012 at 03:35 PM by Jersian
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I'm not good with words, so I'll just send plenty of *hugs*.Posted 07-01-2012 at 11:19 AM by willow78
