My parents lied to me for years
I was talking to my mom the other day about something I cant even remeber, and I was looking through some old pictures of me from when I was a baby. I found one of me holding this huge trophy (I was about four in the pic) She said that told me that when I was younger I competed in male beauty pagents (cutie pagents as I call them). I thought she was joking at first but she wasn't. I asked her more about it and she said I did really well (I started when I was 2 and stopped doing it when I was 5 and I had no memory of it), and that I had won a lot trophies and prize money. It turns out my parents (who got divorced right before I stopped) Spent all of my prize money on pretty much everything but me and they didnt keep the trophies. I had to have one well over 5000 dollars and none of it went to me. I dont remeber this at all but it kind of pisses me off that
1.) They never botherd to tell me. (or my grandparents)
and 2.) They didnt use the money for my schooling, or anything else I needed.
My parents suck and I have known this for a while but I dont know how to feel about them anymore. What would any of you do? Any comments would help
P.S.-"My mom abused me and my siblings through our childhoods, when she wasnt to busy with her multiple boyfriends to care about us. She has used me my whole life and this was just icing on the cake. I had to take care of myself, my 2 sisters , and my little brother, because she didnt care about us. We went withought food, and my grandmother had to put clothes on us because she would rather blow all of her money on her boyfriends and cigerettes. My mother hit us, and cussed us out, and my father My sister and I (his kids) that we were usless and no good, and mistakes (and retarded, shithead, mother fuckers, ect) I have tried to forgive them for never being parents to me or my siblings many times, so excuse me if this pissed me off. Im struggling to pay for school now, and I cant afford gas for my car or anything else I need. They have screwed with my life and my brother and sisters life, and I thought that at least I had a normal infancy but I was even used me then. Im not vain, and I never will be. "
1.) They never botherd to tell me. (or my grandparents)
and 2.) They didnt use the money for my schooling, or anything else I needed.
My parents suck and I have known this for a while but I dont know how to feel about them anymore. What would any of you do? Any comments would help
P.S.-"My mom abused me and my siblings through our childhoods, when she wasnt to busy with her multiple boyfriends to care about us. She has used me my whole life and this was just icing on the cake. I had to take care of myself, my 2 sisters , and my little brother, because she didnt care about us. We went withought food, and my grandmother had to put clothes on us because she would rather blow all of her money on her boyfriends and cigerettes. My mother hit us, and cussed us out, and my father My sister and I (his kids) that we were usless and no good, and mistakes (and retarded, shithead, mother fuckers, ect) I have tried to forgive them for never being parents to me or my siblings many times, so excuse me if this pissed me off. Im struggling to pay for school now, and I cant afford gas for my car or anything else I need. They have screwed with my life and my brother and sisters life, and I thought that at least I had a normal infancy but I was even used me then. Im not vain, and I never will be. "
Total Comments 17
Comments
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Hmmmm....I thought you were going to say your adopted and just now found out. But since it's about Beauty Pageants and how you didn't get 5k towards your schooling. I gotta say....grow up Prince Charming. There are people dealing with terminal issues here on LPSG and this is something you choose to be bothered by?
If your parents suck for some other reasons that weren't mentioned above, base your decision on how to proceed with your relationship on that. But I really wouldn't get too riled up about this. It seems a little vain.Posted 11-09-2011 at 04:46 PM by B_Mademoiselle Rouge
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I would appreciate those things I can remember as good. And those that seem traumatic or trivial now as character building experiences, you survived and is a better person for it.
You can find all kinds of reasons for being angry, annoyed, or frustrated in life with those that have done you wrong( a judgement word). Sometimes digging into the past for answers only lead to more questions or as I like to put it validation on our perception of ourselves or those around us. However, my view is I can find out about things in my families past or my own past that I may like or not. But I choose to move on or be stuck. I remember being distraught and in denial finding out that my mother was a divorcee, and that's why I had half sisters and brothers.
In your situation what can you do? I'm sure there maybe more skeletons in the closet. Just got to accept it as it may get worst. One I might suggest that u look out for is what are your expectations for your life, relationships, community, etc. is it so rigid that any gust of wind will make you snap? I look at myself as bamboo- tall and fast growing but bend with the wind, the strongest gust never make it snap, it just keeps on growing and spreading.Posted 11-09-2011 at 04:58 PM by Frnkd213 
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My mom abused me and my siblings through our childhoods, when she wasnt to busy with her multiple boyfriends to care about us. She has used me my whole life and this was just icing on the cake. I had to take care of myself, my 2 sisters , and my little brother, because she didnt care about us. We went withought food, and my grandmother had to put clothes on us because she would rather blow all of her money on her boyfriends and cigerettes. My mother hit us, and cussed us out, and my father My sister and I (his kids) that we were usless and no good, and mistakes (and retarded, shithead, mother fuckers, ect) I have tried to forgive them for never being parents to me or my siblings many times, so excuse me if this pissed me off. Im struggling to pay for school now, and I cant afford gas for my car or anything else I need. They have screwed with my life and my brother and sisters life, and I thought that at least I had a normal infancy but I was even used me then. Im not vain, and I never will be.Quote:Originally Posted by Mademoiselle Rouge
Hmmmm....I thought you were going to say your adopted and just now found out. But since it's about Beauty Pageants and how you didn't get 5k towards your schooling. I gotta say....grow up Prince Charming. There are people dealing with terminal issues here on LPSG and this is something you choose to be bothered by?
If your parents suck for some other reasons that weren't mentioned above, base your decision on how to proceed with your relationship on that. But I really wouldn't get too riled up about this. It seems a little vain.Posted 11-09-2011 at 05:14 PM by Princecharm - i would be bitter too, but it doesn't do any good dwelling on the past. easier said than done i know because i wasn't affected by it.Posted 11-09-2011 at 05:15 PM by D_Hairy Truman
- This entry sounded very vain. I stand by what I said about if there are other reasons beyond the pageantry to not want to talk to your Mom/Parents, that those are the ones to focus on. As this does not stand alone or even change the other stuff that could make one not want to have a relationship with them prior to you finding this out.
When I saw the blog entry "My Parents Lied to Me For Years" I seriously was expecting you to have a genetic mutation that they didn't make you aware of or never told you were adopted until now. So you can see why one could be a little thrown aback by your blog posting when they read what it's truly about.
Maybe changing the Blog Title to something a little less "It's the end of the world!!!!!!" sounding would be a good idea if you are looking for support. As the title gives one a sense of extreme urgency to look only to find out it's something entirely different than what was imagined. It's all relative to the title.
Had it been "What would you think?" or "Missed out on college money damnit" or "Male Beauty Pageants I never Knew I was In" I probably would have never came over here and commented on it.
Coming from an abusive household myself, I can say that my heart breaks for you and any other person who had to endure it. But I think you should have cut of ties a long time ago with a family that had treated you so poorly and none of this would have been made privy to you today.
Struggling with your finances now (like many of us are) is not worth rehashing some of these emotions about your Mom's abuse combined with money. It's really not good to be focusing on. But then again, I haven't gone through your blogs to get a gist of whether or not you just feed off of this sort of thing or LPSG might be your only place to vent about them. Either way, I'm just giving you some advice to avoid negative responses from anyone else.
Not to make lightly of your situation but it's all relative to the rest of us and what we've been through and/or going through.Posted 11-09-2011 at 05:22 PM by B_Mademoiselle Rouge
Updated 11-09-2011 at 05:30 PM by B_Mademoiselle Rouge -
There ain't a damn thing you can do about it now. Forgive them and get on with the rest of your life.Posted 11-09-2011 at 05:23 PM by RedScrotum - I can see how it sounded vain, but I didnt plan on typing it. I used the title because its true. I rarely talk to my parentsQuote:Originally Posted by Mademoiselle Rouge This entry sounded very vain. I stand by what I said about if there are other reasons beyond the pageantry to not want to talk to your Mom/Parents, that those are the ones to focus on. As this does not stand alone or even change the other stuff that could make one not want to have a relationship with them prior to you finding this out.Posted 11-09-2011 at 06:14 PM by Princecharm
- Sorry to hear about the problems, but we as a gay couple got our adopted one under similar circumstances. He was a lost teen and he was pushed by his family to the point of a mental breakdown. There are numerous scars from this time and the parents just don't see what they don't want to see.
In a manner of speaking you are lucky. Many in your situation are sexually abused and abused in many other ways.
There is a point where a confrontation with all of the above parties will become a part of your healing. After that you forgive and move on and move more importantly away from them.
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Talking about lies? My other half's parents as born agains screamed morality to him to the point of deafness. However based on the date he was conceived they were definitely not married at the time he made his appearance.
They in fact have zero room to talk! To this day they run to the "Preacher" for everything. I can imagine that the "Preacher" is a preachin away about the sins of their gay son trying to poison them against him. (It's genetic in the Baptist Species to talk against everybody when your own closet is not clean. . .)
You had some hard times because you had the bad luck to be conceived by idiots more concerned about themselves than about their kid. That is where it begins and ends. Sadly this story is wayyyyyyy to common.
Move on my friend and just remember to never do to others what was done to you. You have first hand experience with the hurt it causes!Posted 11-09-2011 at 08:43 PM by FuzzyKen -
sounds like finding out that your parents took the one boost you had, something that could have gone to make your current situation better, was the last smack across the face.
fucking insult to injury
is hard when parents fail you. not only do you suffer from the initial neglect, you grow up feeling rejected.. because they didn't care enough about you to check their shit.
nothing really to say... at least nothing that's gonna make ya feel better
but..i guess draw strength from your upbringing. you know who you don't wanna be, keep fighting for the who you want to be.
yeah... people are always dealing with problems, big or small, some life altering.. some life ending.. but all else going on doesn't negate the pain/anger/frustration you're feeling.
best thing is to be there for the folks you can be there for. and take a hand-up, hug where ya can find em.
ml
*who has a dark secret pageant past... flashback of taffeta is a go*Posted 11-09-2011 at 08:58 PM by MickeyLee -
Emotions come out when they come out, sometimes unexpectedly when typing something out.
Now that you have that information it's a good time to hit them up for money, afterall it was money you won etc. Might want to research some to see if there were any laws at the time or prize regulations, like the money had to go to a trust.
I really must say though even if you communicate with your mother rarely, why is it even that frequently? Abusive people are best left alone is my opinion.
If someone did those experiences to you and you weren't genetically related to them would you have a relationship with them at all?
And just because you forgive someone doesn't mean you have to maintain any sort of relationship with them. You forgive for YOURSELF not for anyone else.Posted 11-09-2011 at 11:34 PM by TurkeyWithaSunburn - What you parents did was horrible. They exploited you for their own personal gain. I am sorry you had to experience that, and I would feel the same way. As the old adage goes, we can't choose our parents.
By the way, you are justified in feeling whatever you feel. You are a person who is in touch with your feelings, which is great. The only person who would criticize you for your feelings is a person who is unfortunately detached from his or her own feelings.
Feel your pain and grow from it.Posted 11-10-2011 at 12:39 AM by Zayne -
I have a friend that is adopted and his parents do everything for him. He is about to drink himself to death. I can't help him at all. I guess those abandonment issues are going to drive him to the grave. Get counseling, or some other type of therapy. Life is what you make it. I know that sounds clique. But yesterday is gone forever, and tomorrow never comes. I once heard that I have to accept myself for who I am today and that when tomorrow comes I will be reborn and then I will be who I am. Thats all about self-acceptance. Good luck to you. I too had a lot of pain growing up. The abuse I suffered was psychological, mental, emotional, and physical. I simply refuse to let a 7 yr period in my life dictate who I am today. I struggled with many issues. I went through a period of destructive drinking twice. But I wanted to get better and live in my own skin. I sought out everything I could to help myself. Yes, I went to AA, Al anon, Adult Children of Alcoholics. The ACOA is what really opened my eyes and when I could understand and had a list of the very behaviors that I suffered from, I had something to work on to make myself better. I had no self-esteem, I was emasculated, I was useless and worthless. I knew that I was one of God's creatures and that I wasn't intended to be defective or meant to believe what others wanted me to believe that I was or wasn't. A huge eye opener was when I realized that a parent can be jealous of their child. My father is gone now. My mother is still living and she really don't know what me and my other siblings went through at the hands of my Vietnam Vet, PTSD, hard drinking father. He is gone now and he always wanted things his way. I dealt with that in the later yrs by limiting contact with him. I did get to see him a couple of times before he left this world. At his funeral, it was weird. When I looked at him for the last time, it was like nothing said, nothing unsaid, nothing done, nothing left undone. It was just over. I didn't feel any way in particular. I was at peace. That personal peace is something that I wanted and strived to get. I know that had he truly knew what I had struggled for, he would have sought to deny me that. That is the way he was. Thanks for your post. It probably helped me more than you being able to share.Posted 11-10-2011 at 01:04 AM by 1Cody - Cody, thank you for that. I enjoyed that, man.Posted 11-10-2011 at 03:04 AM by Zayne
- Im sorry you had to go through all that, but im glad you came out of everything a hell of a lot betterQuote:Originally Posted by 1Cody I have a friend that is adopted and his parents do everything for him. He is about to drink himself to death. I can't help him at all. I guess those abandonment issues are going to drive him to the grave. Get counseling, or some other type of therapy. Life is what you make it. I know that sounds clique. But yesterday is gone forever, and tomorrow never comes. I once heard that I have to accept myself for who I am today and that when tomorrow comes I will be reborn and then I will be who I am. Thats all about self-acceptance. Good luck to you. I too had a lot of pain growing up. The abuse I suffered was psychological, mental, emotional, and physical. I simply refuse to let a 7 yr period in my life dictate who I am today. I struggled with many issues. I went through a period of destructive drinking twice. But I wanted to get better and live in my own skin. I sought out everything I could to help myself. Yes, I went to AA, Al anon, Adult Children of Alcoholics. The ACOA is what really opened my eyes and when I could understand and had a list of the very behaviors that I suffered from, I had something to work on to make myself better. I had no self-esteem, I was emasculated, I was useless and worthless. I knew that I was one of God's creatures and that I wasn't intended to be defective or meant to believe what others wanted me to believe that I was or wasn't. A huge eye opener was when I realized that a parent can be jealous of their child. My father is gone now. My mother is still living and she really don't know what me and my other siblings went through at the hands of my Vietnam Vet, PTSD, hard drinking father. He is gone now and he always wanted things his way. I dealt with that in the later yrs by limiting contact with him. I did get to see him a couple of times before he left this world. At his funeral, it was weird. When I looked at him for the last time, it was like nothing said, nothing unsaid, nothing done, nothing left undone. It was just over. I didn't feel any way in particular. I was at peace. That personal peace is something that I wanted and strived to get. I know that had he truly knew what I had struggled for, he would have sought to deny me that. That is the way he was. Thanks for your post. It probably helped me more than you being able to share.Posted 11-11-2011 at 04:15 PM by Princecharm
- Thank you Zayne, and Im over my parents, I have been trying to forgive them for a lot of things but I dont think im ever going to be really forgive them. I want to get on with my life,and live happy for the rest of my life with my girlfriend. I know my life is never going to be perfect, but im going to do everything within my power to make my girl, and my future kids happy.Quote:Originally Posted by Zayne What you parents did was horrible. They exploited you for their own personal gain. I am sorry you had to experience that, and I would feel the same way. As the old adage goes, we can't choose our parents.
By the way, you are justified in feeling whatever you feel. You are a person who is in touch with your feelings, which is great. The only person who would criticize you for your feelings is a person who is unfortunately detached from his or her own feelings.
Feel your pain and grow from it.Posted 11-11-2011 at 04:21 PM by Princecharm - I really must say though even if you communicate with your mother rarely, why is it even that frequently?
My mom is a horrible person, and as much as i hate what shes done to my brother and sisters and me, but shes still my mom and im 21and I dont want to be like her and burn all of my bridges [as much as I would love to] Im going to act like the adult where she never hasPosted 11-14-2011 at 09:14 PM by Princecharm -
I guess they never bought your clothes, food, school supplies, paid for you going to the show....Posted 11-26-2011 at 07:49 PM by poppinfresh
