Over my past, ready for the future
Posted 11-11-2011 at 05:00 PM by Princecharm
This is kind of a follow up to my last blog.
My mom abused me and my siblings through our childhoods, when she wasnt to busy with her multiple boyfriends to care about us. She has used me my whole life. I had to take care of myself, my 2 sisters , and my little brother, because she didnt care about us. We went withought food, and my grandmother had to put clothes on us because she would rather blow all of her money on her boyfriends and cigerettes. My mother hit us, and cussed us out, and my father would yell at my sister and I (his kids) and say that we were usless and no good, and mistakes (and retarded, shithead, mother fuckers, ect) I have tried to forgive them for never being parents to me or my siblings many time, and I dont think I can ever fully forgive them. They have screwed with my life and my brother and sisters lives for far to long. My mother doesnt like my brother in law because she thinks he's a demon (honest to gods truth), My brother (15 years old) came out to me and told me he was gay and I was happy for him, and when he told my mom she told him "Well you better get your ass up to the altar on sunday and pray THAT goes away." My youngest sister (16 years old) was raped 7 years ago by my ex-stepgrandfather. They were set to go to court, and he bribed her with money to call everything off. She took the money and ran. My mother is an abuser, a hypocrite, and a bigot(and she thinks she is the model christian, which I think is a little funny) She has called me the following: Fag, basterd, son of a bitch(which I thought was spot on), demon, witch, freak, asshole, liar, thief, and many, many more. She hit is a lot, and I just came to expect that pain from anything I love. My dad is an abuser as well but he never hit us, he yelled 80% of the time. He would call my sister Lauren and I some of the above names, and put us down any chance he got. I was planning on killing myself a few years ago and my friend(now girlfriend) saved me, and we have been dating since. I told her everything about my parents and I dont think she ever really thought it was true untill she witnessed what my parents were like herself. She cant understand how someone could be so cruel.
My parents sucked the life out of all of us, and they are very good actors. Anyone that seen our family from the outside would think we were good to each other, but it was a living hell for my siblings and I. My grandmother was more of a mother to me than my own mother ever was, and she saved me.
Im done with my parents and when I get money saved up im moving out of my grandmothers house, and getting an apartment with my girlfriend, and living my happily ever after. I plan on marring her, having kids with her, and having the family that I always wanted. When I have kids, I plan on showing them more love than I was ever shown, being the type of parent that I should of had, and loving with all of my heart. Im going to make a promise to myself and my girlfriend that Im never going to turn into my parents, Im never going to lay a hand in anger on her or our future kids, and that Im going to show my family that I, like the pheonix, can rise from the ashes of my childhood and become something much more beautiful and loving.
My mom abused me and my siblings through our childhoods, when she wasnt to busy with her multiple boyfriends to care about us. She has used me my whole life. I had to take care of myself, my 2 sisters , and my little brother, because she didnt care about us. We went withought food, and my grandmother had to put clothes on us because she would rather blow all of her money on her boyfriends and cigerettes. My mother hit us, and cussed us out, and my father would yell at my sister and I (his kids) and say that we were usless and no good, and mistakes (and retarded, shithead, mother fuckers, ect) I have tried to forgive them for never being parents to me or my siblings many time, and I dont think I can ever fully forgive them. They have screwed with my life and my brother and sisters lives for far to long. My mother doesnt like my brother in law because she thinks he's a demon (honest to gods truth), My brother (15 years old) came out to me and told me he was gay and I was happy for him, and when he told my mom she told him "Well you better get your ass up to the altar on sunday and pray THAT goes away." My youngest sister (16 years old) was raped 7 years ago by my ex-stepgrandfather. They were set to go to court, and he bribed her with money to call everything off. She took the money and ran. My mother is an abuser, a hypocrite, and a bigot(and she thinks she is the model christian, which I think is a little funny) She has called me the following: Fag, basterd, son of a bitch(which I thought was spot on), demon, witch, freak, asshole, liar, thief, and many, many more. She hit is a lot, and I just came to expect that pain from anything I love. My dad is an abuser as well but he never hit us, he yelled 80% of the time. He would call my sister Lauren and I some of the above names, and put us down any chance he got. I was planning on killing myself a few years ago and my friend(now girlfriend) saved me, and we have been dating since. I told her everything about my parents and I dont think she ever really thought it was true untill she witnessed what my parents were like herself. She cant understand how someone could be so cruel.
My parents sucked the life out of all of us, and they are very good actors. Anyone that seen our family from the outside would think we were good to each other, but it was a living hell for my siblings and I. My grandmother was more of a mother to me than my own mother ever was, and she saved me.
Im done with my parents and when I get money saved up im moving out of my grandmothers house, and getting an apartment with my girlfriend, and living my happily ever after. I plan on marring her, having kids with her, and having the family that I always wanted. When I have kids, I plan on showing them more love than I was ever shown, being the type of parent that I should of had, and loving with all of my heart. Im going to make a promise to myself and my girlfriend that Im never going to turn into my parents, Im never going to lay a hand in anger on her or our future kids, and that Im going to show my family that I, like the pheonix, can rise from the ashes of my childhood and become something much more beautiful and loving.
Total Comments 8
Comments
-
:'( Wow, I never thought anyone could be that cruel either. I wish you the best of luck with what you plan on doing. You must be very strong spirited, i would have killed myself had I been you. Your mindset for the future is awesome especially after all you've been through. One question though - what will become of your siblings? Anyway, I can only hope that I am not falling for a joke, heheheheh. I don't come here often and I'm forgetful, so i may not return here. I'll pray for you though :)Posted 11-11-2011 at 05:51 PM by dtzg
- They say what doesn't kill us makes us stronger.
Also our parents teach us things always... You are always learning from them... They have taught you the wrong way to raise a family.
By withholding love.... you now crave it and will love deeply.
By using physical abuse.... you will now discipline your children in a loving way
By using verbal abuse... you will now shower your children and wife with praise.
By using emotional abuse.... you will try to be eager to be sympathetic and at the same time you will guard your own emotions. You will understand the ups and downs of a life and know that you are stronger because you have fought to be everything your parents are NOT.
I wish you will in life. You seem to have a good head on your shoulders. You got a bad lot with parents, but sadly...Parenting doesn't come with a Manual, nor does is there a money-back guarantee...
Surround yourself with strong friends... and a strong mate who can help you avoid the same mistakes your parents made. ((Huggs))Posted 11-11-2011 at 06:01 PM by D_Kitten_Kaboodle -
I was once told remember those things that was done to you that was wrong so that you never do it to someone else. And, like wise to those things that was done to you that you like so as to repeat it.
You are what you are because of your past. You have been forged well, as the pain and suffering you have endured has caused you great strength. I praise you for that.
Please realize that you can control what you feel, think, do, and say. The choices others make can only determine how you act not react. You cannot control "them" only you. But your influence have a great impact on other peoples lives, stay positive in spite of the situation. You seem like a bright young man who can now move forward.Posted 11-11-2011 at 06:27 PM by Frnkd213 - I'm glad you shared your story. Knowing that you were able to tell us and get it out is so very cathartic for you! I was a lucky one in that I had a wonderful mom who off set the military father who thought we were his soldiers and treated us as such. I did learn to not only love my kids deeply, but let them know everyday I words as well as actions.
The only thing I would suggest to help any is look back on your journal
entries and blogs occasionally once you have kids. Because we tend to learn by what we grew up with you're going to have to be extra viligant that on the bad days (and there will be) you don't accidently slip into the roles your parents once played in your life.
I make it a point to hug, kiss and say I love you to my kids at least twice a day! Over the phone when my ex has them! Makes them feel great and sooo definitely me too! The mom in me wishes I could take the hurt and pain away from you and your siblings. Hugs to all of you!Posted 11-11-2011 at 10:21 PM by B_prettyswinggirl -
Thankyou for sharing your story. I really appreciate your message and commitment to living and being a better parent when the time comes. The cycle of violence and missery has to be stopped with YOU - be strong, and true to yourself....Kia Kaha....Cheers.Posted 11-12-2011 at 12:01 PM by parchissi -
I'm sorry you had to endure all the physical and emotional pain living with your parents. Your childhood should have been filled with pleasant memories. It seems as your parents were the parents from hell. I hope you will raise your children in a good church, they will need that. I hope all your dreams for the future come through for you and your wife.
Take care,
nicecircjobPosted 11-12-2011 at 01:38 PM by nicecircjob -
My younger brother and sister live with thier father and stepmom, and my sister Lauren lives with her fiance and his parents. Thank you for your prayersQuote:Originally Posted by dtzg
:'( Wow, I never thought anyone could be that cruel either. I wish you the best of luck with what you plan on doing. You must be very strong spirited, i would have killed myself had I been you. Your mindset for the future is awesome especially after all you've been through. One question though - what will become of your siblings? Anyway, I can only hope that I am not falling for a joke, heheheheh. I don't come here often and I'm forgetful, so i may not return here. I'll pray for you though :)Posted 11-13-2011 at 11:09 AM by Princecharm - Thank you Fancy :) I hate what my parents did to me and my siblings, but like you said I did learn 1 thing from them. How not to be a parent. I have a lot of friends who love me now, and an amazing girlfriend that I want to spend my life withQuote:Originally Posted by FancyPants They say what doesn't kill us makes us stronger.
Also our parents teach us things always... You are always learning from them... They have taught you the wrong way to raise a family.
By withholding love.... you now crave it and will love deeply.
By using physical abuse.... you will now discipline your children in a loving way
By using verbal abuse... you will now shower your children and wife with praise.
By using emotional abuse.... you will try to be eager to be sympathetic and at the same time you will guard your own emotions. You will understand the ups and downs of a life and know that you are stronger because you have fought to be everything your parents are NOT.
I wish you will in life. You seem to have a good head on your shoulders. You got a bad lot with parents, but sadly...Parenting doesn't come with a Manual, nor does is there a money-back guarantee...
Surround yourself with strong friends... and a strong mate who can help you avoid the same mistakes your parents made. ((Huggs))Posted 11-13-2011 at 11:15 AM by Princecharm
