Warning: this one might get long, clichéed and disorganised.

I think I'm pretty much gay. I would technically call myself bisexual but functionally I'm gay. I do not publicise this fact or act in a way to imply it: you would say I'm in the closet.
I'm a nice guy. I'm not trying to sound up myself, but it's what I've been told (usually by women). I also find it easier to be friends and to make friends with women than with men. As a result, on several occasions in the past, women...

When I was young, I didn't know a thing about this "type" business. I knew I liked men, but my taste ran more to loose guidelines than anything specific. Clean-cut was one criteria, although the right bad boy got me hot. Tall, average or short were fine. Athletic or normal body. Shy or outgoing. You get the idea. I was young and my hormones were raging. Nerds, surfers and jocks...front of the line. But like I said, I didn't really have a type. Even an aggie (pickup truck, Wranglers)...

So.... I'm officially SINGLE again ;)
As of last Sunday night.... so a little over a week ago....

I just got sick of it. I thought to myself "Do I like him.... or the idea of him?" Obviously you know the answer to that.

I haven't heard from him since Sunday evening. and the endings of our conversation went like this:

Him: "I'm sorry"
Me: "Don't be... it doesn't matter..."
Him: "It matters to me"...

Everywhere I go, I know that I can find someone to call mine.
Every time they say my name, I say “baby” and maybe it’s time that I reserved a spot for that special name.
I’ve got nothing to lose but my loneliness.
But in the back of my mind I can feel a faint painful sensation that I don’t deserve.
And then it hits me as I see you looking my way.
You act as if nothing’s changed even though you’ve got something else going on in the background.

What are you...

[FONT="Palatino Linotype"][SIZE="3"][COLOR="Navy"][SIZE="4"]I'm angry at me for not heeding the warning signs.
I'm angry at you for lying.
I'm angry at God for sending you into my life,
and I'm angry at myself for believing that I deserved to love again.

I'm just too old for this crap.
Relationships are really not worth the effort I always put into them.
I am locking my heart up again, this time for good....