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Women and Fellatio

Posted 07-20-2012 at 09:13 PM by Tuka
Updated 07-20-2012 at 09:22 PM by Tuka

I saw a thread the other day entitled, "Do Women Really Enjoy Sucking Cock?", and as I thought about my own experiences and feelings, I realized my answer would be better posted as a blog entry than as a forum post. So, here goes...

Unfortunately, based on my experience, most women really are absolutely clueless when it comes to sucking cock. Not all women, but most. We are socialized to believe that if we're giving a guy head, he'll love anything we have to offer. Most women are more open to giving blow jobs early in a relationship (while they're still trying to impress the man), but as time goes on and they grow more secure in the relationship, they'll dwindle to giving head only on special occasions such as the guy's birthday...if they even do it then.

I believe it's incredibly unfortunate that so many women simply don't know what a powerful aphrodisiac fellatio can be for both partners. In fact, they will persist to their dying days in believing if they take their lover's cock in their mouths at all, they're doing the man a huge favour, and he'd better appreciate it.

I know some women who have even been told by their male lovers that there is no such thing as a bad blow job.

If you don't know this already: there is definitely such a thing as a bad blow job. Men who say there isn't are either very inexperienced, or they're lying. End of story.

And if the extent of your "blowjob" skills is essentially giving him a hand job while sucking on the head of his penis, then you need to face facts, sweetie -- you are giving bad blow jobs.

Having said all this, I must admit that despite my sluttiness, for years I, too, was affected by cultural attitudes about sucking cock! And I really believe that the attitudes limiting women in this area are more cultural than religious, therefore they affect women across the board -- if you were raised in modern Western Culture in the 20th century, and you're a woman, you were probably conditioned to believe there is something wrong with you if you actually like giving oral sex and get pleasure out of it for your own sake, and not just from giving pleasure to the man.

I don't remember where or when I first heard that it's okay not to like the way a man's penis looks, that penises are actually quite ugly, and that women really aren't supposed to like them, but I know I got those messages repeatedly, both overtly and covertly. It goes without saying, then, that if women aren't supposed to like the way penises look, they definitely shouldn't want to put them in their mouths. (Ewwww - gross!!!)

So, until about six years ago, I was under the spell of the pervasive and tragic urban myth of female revulsion to male genitalia. And although I enjoyed most sex acts, I really didn't enjoy giving head. I was one of those women who did it as a favour to her husband and on special occasions. I also believed I was quite good at it, in the way many women believe they are. I was not motivated to improve my technique, either, as my ex-husband (apparently influenced by the same cultural views as I) felt very lucky to get oral sex at all, and was not about to look a gift horse in the mouth, so to speak.

Intriguingly, however, even though I didn't like giving head in real life, ever since I first began to have sexual fantasies, sucking cock was a major component. I would say up to 40% of my fantasies involved forced fellatio. I have climaxed countless times with visions of oral rape dancing in my head. Granted, I'm a submissive, so I would guess that amount of cocksucking fantasy (and the conditions involved) probably isn't the norm for most women. But what I realize now is that one of the reasons the fantasies held such a charge for me was that I really do love sucking cock, and I want to suck cock, but I thought I wasn't supposed to. So, in my fantasies, being forced to do it enabled me to do what I really wanted to do anyway, which was worship cocks with wild abandon.

The fact is, I'm a complete cock slut. I simply will never get enough cock. I'm addicted to the feel, taste, look, smell, and everything else about them.

Only after I started reading women's erotica did I realize I was not alone in being a woman and loving cock. This gave me the freedom I needed to let my inner desires out, get down on my knees and knock myself out giving my husband the best blow job I possibly could. And once I admitted I loved it, I got a lot better at it, very quickly.

One of the things I have learned (mostly from reading online forum posts) is that gay men have completely different expectations than most straight men when it comes to the quality of oral sex they are receiving. Many men would probably view most women's efforts as laughable. Here is a quote from a gay man on the subject:

"Guys that are into sucking can not only take a 10" dick all the way down their throat, but they can hold it there and swallow, contracting their throat muscles along the entire shaft of the dick."

If you are reading this and have never heard of anything like it, I assure you it is true. You can pick your jaw up off the floor and realize that either you have been giving less-than-superior oral sex, or youíve been on the receiving end of it.

Granted, not every woman is blessed (or cursed?) enough to have a lover with a 10Ē dick. And there are sometimes anatomical limitations, such as the size of the womanís larynx and/or the thickness or curvature of the manís cock. But I was able to overcome the limitations imposed by my ex-husbandís curve, and later the limitations imposed by my current husband's size, and I believe the majority of women could deep throat most cocks, if they were motivated enough.

Iíll also add that since becoming more involved in the BDSM lifestyle, Iíve come to realize that on average, submissive women are more skilled at giving head than vanilla (non-submissive) women, and that most experienced heterosexual male Dominants expect high quality blow jobs from their subs. So, in this way, the BDSM community is a bit different from the population at large.

Iíll write another post sometime about deep throat technique, but here I will say that the first few times I successfully DTíd my Master, he was so overwhelmed with sensation that he didnít know what the swallowing (contraction of throat muscles) was. When I told him, he was shocked and amazed, but thereafter could identify the sensation easily.

He says itís like being inside a vagina (my lips and tongue working near his base) but in addition, it feels like thereís a fist inside of that vagina that squeezes his head and upper shaft repeatedly.

And Iím sorry, but no pussy does that...not quite. No matter how skilled a woman becomes at controlling her PC muscles, they can't produce a sensation that mimics having one's cock literally swallowed.

Another thing I've learned is that a women (or a man), should never, ever grow too "cocky" about their fellatio skills. This is because every man is a little bit different, and sometimes even when you think you know a man well, there is something you could be doing better, if only you were willing to pay attention.

After I got really good at sucking my ex's cock, I thought I knew everything. Then I watched, really watched one time as he got himself off...and realized I had a few things yet to learn. I learned them, and then I thought I knew everything.

Later, after my divorce, I went down on my current husband for the first time, and it was as if I knew nothing at all. Granted, his substantial girth was a new challenge it took some time to get the hang of, but that first time, event though I was keeping my teeth off him and stimulating him as well as I could (I hadn't learned how to swallow his cock yet), I could tell I was giving him pleasure, but I could sense that I wasn't quite "on" in terms of what he wanted. He soon said, "Let me show you how I like my cock handled..."

So. Watching him will tell you a lot about how he likes it the best...and what made one guy really go over the edge may not do anything for the next guy.

A picture is worth a thousand words.

So, what I will say to men is: don't settle. And if for some reason you have to settle, at least don't encourage mediocrity! You can be truthful and say "that felt really good", but don't lie and say "you're really good at that" if she isn't! And use diplomacy. Saying "I would love to feel your tongue fluttering along my shaft while you suck me", and then moaning in appreciation when she does it, will increase your pleasure and improve her skills, while avoiding any mention of lack of skill on her part.

In addition, whatever you do, don't spout bullshit about there being no such thing as a bad blowjob. Any time you say that to a woman, you are giving her zero motivation to improve her skills, which is not good for her, or for you.

To women, I will say this: it is not only okay, it is great to enjoy a man's penis -- the taste, touch, scent, and everything else about it. It is not only okay, but it is great if you want to put it in your mouth! Go ahead! Enjoy yourself. Give yourself permission to be wildly slutty. After all, what do you have to lose? Do you really think that if you give your man a better blowjob than you've ever given him before, he won't respect you in the morning?

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  1. Old Comment
    Tuka's Avatar
    You make excellent points, blazblue. I think that the desire to suck cock is, ultimately, more important than skill. I do disagree partially with your "handjob while sucking on the head" statement. I can get a good 5" of just about any man's cock in my mouth, and work at least that amount of it, because I've overcome the first gag reflex and can take it just to the point of where I would have to swallow. So even if I couldn't swallow you, I could stimulate the top 5" of your cock (much more than just the head) with my mouth, then use my hand to stimulate the other 4" of you. Where do women like me live? Everywhere! You just have to find one near you, or figure out how to bring forth the inner cock slut in the woman you already have.

    Very insightful comments, FLAG -- I couldn't have said it better myself.

    And dick, I hope you get what you need.
    Posted 07-21-2012 at 10:12 AM by Tuka Tuka is offline

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