Boyfriend Wants a Threesome

[DaMoose]

Good afternoon LPSG'ers,

I've run into a weird predictament with my relationship. I've been with my boyfriend for almost four years and he all of a sudden wants to have a threesome. I'm 23 years old and he's 24 years old, I'm the top he's the bottom.

I don't know why but it bugs me he brings it up four years later, that he'd be up for it and I don't know why. I think if it came up a few years ago Id be like HELL YEAH, but I don't know. I'm 5'11" with a medium amount of muscle mass and I have a good sized dick (eight inches long average thickness) but my boyfriend (who is the bottom) is 6'1" lean with an obnoxious cock (eight and half inches with ridiculous thickness) he's also much more financially stable than me now. And wherehes the defintion of a pretty boy, Im a little more rough looking with a shaved head.

I'm a normally very confident person but this boy has the power to make me feel inadequate. I get looks and interested people when we go out but he gets more than me no contest. Guys will buy him drinks all the time and its never bothered me. There is no question of infidelity ever occurring. He also initiated a talk about an open relationship bein a HUGE no no in his book. And the biggest thing is that a friend of his wanted to have a threesome with me back in college and he went so far to remove this guy from our lives.

I think what it boils down to is that he has calm down from the craziness we used to be and while he's done with college I am not. To rarely being in the mood for and then to bringing up a threesome just strikes me so odd.

Am I being stupid to feel like he's over me? We don't have as much sex now as we did when we were 20-22 where it was almost everyday and everywhere. I may be wrong but I feel like bringin in a third person is something you do when you've been with someone for ten+ years and your sex life is dying.

I'd love to hear what anyone has to say. I can't even believe its bothering me at all. I know the younger me always wanted this but never wanted to bring it up.

 

[helgaleena]

Threesome IS an open relationship, unless you are going to just hire somebody to be your 3rd so there's no question of emotional baggage. Your guy is doing an about face if he suddenly wants a threesome. You are going to have to have a VERY long discussion about what's going on with you two. It might be the tip of an iceberg.

 

[Countryguy63]

Not necessarily something that has to wait until so long. Just depends on the individuals.

You say you used to dream of something like this and would have jumped on the opportunity? What is the root of your concern now?

You're going to have to get down to the very heart of what's concerning you, and then talk to him about that.

Good Luck (and I would LOVE to be that 3rd :wink:, lol)

 

[soynahu]

The sex isn't something serious, have fun!

 

[billybones]

Am I being stupid to feel like he's over me?

No. I don't know either of you personally so I can't say with certainty. I do know from my relationship experience that his behavior seems to confirm your suspicions, as that is how I have behaved in the past when I no longer had interest in my relationship. My last relationship ended and I hadn't even realized I was behaving this way. When he ended it, I was kind of shocked. But once it was over and I looked back he was right, we would go weeks without having sex; I started flirting with other guys when he wasn't around; I became overly critical of the tiniest things; I rarely even engaged him in conversation. We sat across the room from one another and didn't even speak for hours some nights.

 

[rbkwp]

You're going to have to get down to the very heart of what's concerning you, and then talk to him about that.


Agree with CG Matey
Perhaps look on it as the start of a new phase in your relationship with him,not so much anything negative.
You guys are only young, and if you work out the intro of a 3some is worth the experience, then i reckon go for it
You will both soon know if your relationship is on the wane, after that, as long as your both honest with each other
Be careful of appearing too overly protective of him also i reckon, otherwise ha may well defy you and start 'playing up' anyway, 4 year relationship or not

Have a GOOD talk it out with him, me reckons.

 

[DaMoose]

See I can't even explain why it upsets me. I'll just have to have a real talk. It annoys me I care so much.

 

[DaMoose]

I appreciate the advice.

 

[D_Anne_T_Freeze]

See I can't even explain why it upsets me. I'll just have to have a real talk. It annoys me I care so much.

Because you love him. At least that's what it sounds like to me. And unfortunately sometimes that person doesn't feel the same way at that time. I do think you should talk to him about it because when you do, you'll find out what's going on, but you might not like it. Just be prepared for not hearing what you want to hear. But there's as much chance of him laying all your fears to rest and the two of you being blissfully happy! I think that either of those outcomes is preferable to not knowing and beating yourself up about the fact you care about him. Talk. Either way you'll be better for it. I have my fingers crossed for you. xx

 

[B_Nick8]

Because you love him. At least that's what it sounds like to me. And unfortunately sometimes that person doesn't feel the same way at that time. I do think you should talk to him about it because when you do, you'll find out what's going on, but you might not like it. Just be prepared for not hearing what you want to hear. But there's as much chance of him laying all your fears to rest and the two of you being blissfully happy! I think that either of those outcomes is preferable to not knowing and beating yourself up about the fact you care about him. Talk. Either way you'll be better for it. I have my fingers crossed for you. xx

This. Is very sweet.

 

[IntoxicatingToxin]

That's a tough situation to be in, but I agree with what most others have said. Talk with him about it, find out exactly what's changed in him that makes him want this suddenly. Find out if it's a particular person, or the experience, or maybe he's bummed about your sex life going downhill too and he's hoping to spice it up a bit. You won't know unless you ask. Be prepared to hear things you aren't comfortable hearing. Just be grateful that he spoke with you about it, sometimes people have desires like this and never make them vocal, and it tends to cause more damage down the road. Good luck.

 

[DaMoose]

Because you love him. At least that's what it sounds like to me. And unfortunately sometimes that person doesn't feel the same way at that time. I do think you should talk to him about it because when you do, you'll find out what's going on, but you might not like it. Just be prepared for not hearing what you want to hear. But there's as much chance of him laying all your fears to rest and the two of you being blissfully happy! I think that either of those outcomes is preferable to not knowing and beating yourself up about the fact you care about him. Talk. Either way you'll be better for it. I have my fingers crossed for you. xx

Perfect. I said eff it. Knowing either way is the best. He unraveled and told me how much he's changed himself to impress me and how in the process he's turned into a boring person It was actually a deep conversation and he was so freaked out when I didn't respond right away. He was upset when I didn't respond and thought he upset me. That with other things made go from the worried boyfriend to the happy "my boyfriend wants to have threesomes" boyfriend.

I was worried that he's been pushing me away But I was wrong. I was assuming the worst and pushing him away to avoid gettin hurt and this was the up of the ice berg. I genuinely believe this is just a new thing for us like RBk said, a new phase.

And billybones. I've treated exes horribly unknowingly too. Which is why I jumped to the worst conclusion in response to this.

 

[rbkwp]

Wow
So HAPPY for you both Matey, having resolved things up to this point
Long may it continue then,and if there is variation in the future, as you folk get older and mature a little more, you will likely get to understand more it is really 'all a part of life', that can usually be quite wonderful
Cheers to you both, and Thanks for the instant feedback
Some folk usually just disappear into oblivion ..

 

[Countryguy63]

Fantastic!!

Sometimes the thought of a direct discussion can be intimidating, but it's the best thing to clear up any misconceptions and false assumptions :smile:

Have fun and may your relationship grow even stronger!

 

[Guill]

Glad I read all the way to the bottom of the thread. SO glad things got worked out. Reaffirms its always better to talk to someone close than let things build up.

 

[D_Anne_T_Freeze]

Yay! xx

 

[DaMoose]

Just to reassure everything, we were intimate twice after our discussion. One of the times he actually initiated it after I wa already asleep. We talked about a lot more than the threesome topic and now it's like I have y boyfriend back that I met originally. Thanks for going me the balls to confront this and talk it out. sorry I sounded so whiney lol

 

[hung]

So update us all on the threesome when it happens. Looking forward to your report!!!!

 

[sexplease]

Talk with each other. Listen to each other. Continue being friends and do your best to enjoy time together. Perhaps it's with each other for a short while longer, perhaps it's to infinity.

 

[deleted3782]

I remember DaMoose! So nice to see you back!

I'm curious, was the interest in a threesome related to the roles that you guys play in terms of top and bottom, or was it just something that entered his mind as something to do that was new? I was never very open to threesomes myself back in my relationship days, but I was in a few and I tried to understand them in terms of changing roles our routine.

At any rate, so glad you guys are happy again. You are the scruffy one, and what a lucky boy he is to have you!