can't cum while receiving head

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BIGBOYDAVE: I agree its not the coming thats most important its the pleasure in giving and reciving .
If someone is constantly asking for me to cum when they are giving me head The chances are they never will get it as it becomes like a demand in my mind and although I can stiill maintain an erection The pleasure goes away.
It then in my mind feels like ITS just one way and I prefer mutual enjoyment even if I am only on the reciving end of a bj.
As a working escort this has been a problem I tell clients if they persist in begging for a load they will never get it.
 
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dairyman71: I went for years without being able to get off when blown. I have always loved a good BJ but had a hang-up about them being "dirty" if I came. Even with this hang-up I told myself that I would probably marry the first one who could get me to blow. Years later I met a woman that quite literally blew my socks off (another story) and I have been in heaven since. Now that the story is over, let me get to the point. I found that there is two things that get me off quicker than anything else. One: Don't beat off for a couple of days if you know you are going to get some. The tension that builds up tends to get you off sooner( not mention the explosive results). Two: RELAX!!!! Don't focus on the fact that you cannot cum, but on the enjoyment that the other is giving you. It is similar to those that experience psychological impotence. It becomes a vicious circle that perpetuates itself over and over again. Just my two scents.
 
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joeice345: I struggle, but here are a few of my thoughts:

1. LUBE, LUBE, LUBE
2. Get your favorite porn to help out.
3. For me it makes a BIG difference when I feel like she's enjoying it
4. have her use her hands
5. Help her out with your hands when necessary. Help her learn how you like it. Teach her.
 

benderten2001

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[quote author=joeice345 link=board=health;num=1037570629;start=30#42 date=02/17/03 at 12:48:03]

"... here are a few of my thoughts:

 For me it makes a BIG difference when I feel like
she's enjoying it

 have her use her hands

 Help her out with your hands when necessary.  Help
her learn how you like it.  Teach her."

[/quote]


These points sound so simple but I deem them excellent. We guys take so much for granted.
We know what we like and "what it takes".

Many women I suppose need suggestions and guidance.

This could be another thread I suppose, but--

I've often thought it would be interesting (maybe amusing?) to hear from some of the women as to how they felt when handling a penis for themselves the first time? Are they scared of hurting us when they touch it? Do they think it's fragile or it will break? Exactly what went through their minds at the time?

Truly some women (new to fellatio) can seem pretty intimidated or fearful they will do something wrong.

Any of our women members care to respond?
 
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Jimbo: To those who can't come while receiving head:

When you come during intercourse and especially during masturbation, you are essentially in control. You use the right combinations of thrusting speed, tactile stimulation (and pressure) that you have learned will eventually cause the sexual tension to build to the point of orgasm.

Hopefully during intercouse you also do what your partner enjoys so that the experience results in mutual satifisfaction via their orgasm as well. If your partner has not explicty told you what to do, you use the feeback you get (the moans, facial expression, breathing rate, etc) to let you know when you are "in the zone" for them to have an orgasm. Once again this is a "learned" experience.

When you are getting head, your role is much more passive (most women/parnters don't take to having their head held in a firm grip and being forceably face-fucked simulating vaginal intercouse). As a result, the combination of sensations that will result in you coming have to be be "learned" by the mouth and/or hands of your partner.

Some partners based on experience or instinct just seem to "know" what to do, others really have to learn. This in not a sign of "inadequacy", just inexperience. However, even if they were successul at giving head to others, your "script" might be different enough so that they dont get you off. Not everyone is the same, just like no two guys masturbate in exactly the same way even though the "moves" may look similar.

Therefore, communication is essential. You MUST let your partner know via your words and reactions when something feels especially good. Too many guys just "kick back" and expect their partner to figure it out. When they can't, not only do you get frustrated but THEY DO TOO and this just leads to more failure. If you can't seem to get the point across verbally or via your reactions while they are doing it, show them by mastubating to orgasm while they watch. Your partner will see where your "hot spots" are and this can be quite a turn on for both. (This also works for guys who want to give their partners mind blowing oral sex as well!)

Also keep in mind that some people just DO NOT like to give BJ's and do it out of accomodation for their partner. Enthusiam by the giver definitely heightens the sensations for the one getting blown. So ASK! You may be able to still teach them to "get you off" eventually but for me, knowing that my partner does NOT like to do it, really does not satisfy me since I feel that there should be some mutual enjoyment. If they say they really are not into blowjobs, then you have to make a decision if this is something that is really that important in your relationship.
 
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willem73: I think a guy's inability to come via fellatio can just as easily be physiological as psychological. I've never come via a blowjob. I just need a vigorous "thrusting" feeling in order to get off and that's only accomplished via masturbation or actual intercourse. Just the way I am.
 

txquis

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I can always cum this way.

But i've known lots who can't....didn't know
it was so common, actually.
 
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DoubleDigitDick: I have rarely come during blowjobs. When receiving head from women, I have heard complaints about me being too thick. Current partner says she can only fellate me for so long before her jaw gets fatigued. So, I get 10 minutes of cocksucking before we switch to intercourse - which works just fine for both of us. ;) But, she likes swallowing, so we sometimes switch back to fellatio just before I come.
 
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H8Monga: I haven't read every post here but I see a lot of "I can'ts" here and maybe that is one drawback to being hung. Not everyone is gifted enough to take all of what some of you claim you have. However, the average guy probably has the edge here....
 

Pecker

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[quote author=H8Monga link=board=health;num=1037570629;start=45#48 date=03/22/03 at 21:33:01]I haven't read every post here but I see a lot of "I can'ts" here and maybe that is one drawback to being hung.[/quote]

Well, thankfully, there are a lot more 'cans' than there are 'cant's'.

;)

Pecker
 
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Late_Bloomer: I don't know... my girlfriend gives an incredible blowjob, but I haven't come off it yet. Maybe because I last for too long, though.
 
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DoubleDigitDick: I once had two women sucking me off. They took turns, switching back forth every couple of minutes, and did not get sore jaws. They did not suck me off until completion 'cuz one of them decided she wanted me between her legs instead.

Has anybody been sucked off by two or more partners? And did you come from sucking alone?
 
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meathose10: Yep! I've had two women nurse on me at the same time. I love it when they "offer" it to each other. One girl holds my ready to burst fuckpole up to the other one's lips....I cum , alright. But then oral sex always pulls a load out of me
 
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getnbiggr: I'm like a lot of the guys here and find it really difficult to cum just from getting head. But I'd like to applaud Jim's post from a while ago emphasizing COMMUNICATION during sex. Cause that can really make the difference.

I'm uncut and always jack off dry, without any lube. I just wrap my hand around tight and slide the skin up and down my dick and get off on the sensation of the slide... Feels great.

But most guys who give me a BJ tend to be much more delicate with my dick than I am, and so while it feels nice, I don't get the pressure I need on the glans and shaft to really make me cum.

But, surprise surprise, if I say "Hey, could you bear down a little harder?" and then guy actually tightens his lips or brings his teeth gently into play (not scraping, but using them well), it gets a WHOLE LOT better. And I've been able to cum more often and more satisfactorily that way...

Of course, some guys have also been able to make me cum their own way -- and a finger up the ass certainly helps there! But don't be afraid to tell your partner what makes you feel good. If you don't tell him/her, how can s/he know?

-- J.
 
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I have very rarely been able to come by way of a BJ
that basically comes from th efact very few women have actually been to get the entire head in their mouths...

the few that did it was great
but everyone tries which is always fun
but a sore jaw end up the usual way.

but then there are better thing to do :)

and yes i have had 2 girls on it at a time , several times,

I have even had 3 on it twice that i remember

all good :)
 
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miniver_cheevy: dudes!

in middle age (currently 44) i have gotten a lot better at having orgasms while receiving oral sex, so know that there is hope. the difficulties that you guys describe really ring true to my own experience through my 20's and 30's, so i thought some of my experience could perhaps help.

(even given that i am a 100% gay guy here)

1) asshole play and prostrate stimulation would be the number one trick, if you can get your girl friend or boyfriend into that. dudes, a guy's butthole is really sweet -- there's nothing gross about it.

prostrate stimulation really will help produce a lot of precum flow (which really are mini-orgasms after all), as well as, ultimately, the major cum release that is what most men understand as their "orgasm."

2) deep throating is an amazying experience, if you can get him/her to do that too. practicing and getting "developped" for it is definitely a part of it -- for example you get her/him to practice on a (new/clean/sterilized) dildo that is smaller than your dick and then work up. believe it or not, it is kind of sexy to masturbate or whatever while sucking on a dildo, or cucumber of whatever. it's fun to watch your partner take it too.

truly, your partner's throat will "learn" to be able to take your big dick with practice. (just like rectums and vaginas "learn" to take size.")

anyway, i know that a lot of this advice won't apply to a lot of the truly endowed guys on our board -- but i'm sure that there are larger partners out there with "generously endowed mouths" if you like "large sized" people and if you really wanna get a deepthroat job.

of course that's why guys are so good at giving blowjobs, because our mouths and throats are usually so much bigger than girls, right?

3) be very conscious of her/his throat and his or her comfort level. part of the trick to deep throating is learning to breathe on the "out take," i.e., as the penis is on the out thrust -- and you have to breathe through your nose. you CANNOT deepthroat when your sinuses are stuffed up, so don't try, or don't have your girlfriend/boyfriend try, is what i mean.

4) indeed, try not to come for 2, 3 or 4 days before you know you are going to "get some," that is if you do truly want to experience an orgasm while enjoying oral sex.

5) "face fucking" sounds kind of extreme but you don't need to just sit there idly by -- get some hip thrusting motion into it, it really helps. you have to learn to coordinate this with your partner's movements, it's kind of like choreography -- and as you know, your best partners are the ones that interact with you like magic in bed.

they'll be willing to learn, as you're willing to teach and vice versa (regarding their interest in you pleasuring them in different ways).

6) also try different positions, i.e., her lying on her back with you "on top" or vice versa, or side to side "spoon fashion," or standing up with her laying out on the bed or something. using mirrors and visuals too like porn will work. also, incense and aroma therapy work well, as well as soft lighting and mood music of course. petchule oil and lavendar oil are both very romantic scents. put a few drops on a low wattage light bulb and the girls will be having you cream before you get your jeans off!

7) for me i am more into a true 69 in terms of enjoying oral sex. i would like to at least suck toes or some other body part(s) while i'm getting serviced by my partner. for me, "doing while getting done" helps me control where my orgasm is at, and let's me edge for hours or more -- or let loose and let her blow if i wanna.

edging. that would be a good discussion point. i think a lot of us older guys could teach a lot of you younger guys about edging (though i'm sure some of you younger guys would have pointers for us too come to think of it.) anybody wanna start a thread on edging?

8) it'll fit in better when it's half or semi-hard -- you don't want to get a full blown erection inside of his/her mouth, because that could be too much gagging for her. and make it uncomfortable and impossible for her. or leave a bad memory.

this sounds kind of hard doesn't it? after 4-5 days not coming, not to get a complete raging hard-on, while getting a deepthroat job by the woman you love -- anyway, dudes, you're the masters -- you gotta become a master at sex, every aspect of it. i swear you can control it if you really wanna, and you really love her.

anyway, my two farthings worth.

p.s. also, i know this all perhaps makes me sound like a total slut, like i've had million boyfriends or something, which i haven't, just a few very faithful and sexy partners throughout my life -- though i admit for some reason i went really crazy promiscuity-wise from 30-35. promiscuity is cool, but it's not right for a lot of people, so i want to make sure that i don't seem like i'm recommending that -- i'm recommending finding/keeping a lovely, loving faithful partner who will bring you a lot of pleasure both in and out of bed!

i admire/respect/like you dudes to much to steer you wrong, eh?
 
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hung: While it does not happen every time we go 69 style sex I can assure you that if I engage in extensive foreplay and work with my fingers and/or tongue that I can explode with an intense orgasm.

It does take some foreplay and preparation. I like to place several fingers into the virgina and tease before I place my body over my partner and start licking and sucking. The action does get intense and usually results in my shooting a real load.

Patience and Practice and you will enjoy head even more.
 
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jerryg: I have the same "issue" I guess.
I dont cum when a girl's blowing me. But maybe this is because its just foreplay and we're just getting started. When I'm inside her I can cum whenever i want.
 

Zot57

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[quote author=ChgoBigDikLuvr link=board=health;num=1037570629;start=36#36 date=01/08/03 at 22:03:45]As a gay man who loves to perform oral sex on well-endowed men for extended, marathon suck sessions, I encourage the man I'm sucking to just kick back, relax, and enjoy the pleasure instead of trying to cum. I reassure him that the means (the cocksucking) is as, if not more, pleasurable than the end (the orgasm). This often takes the pressure off of him to try to ejaculate, and the orgasm comes much more spontaneously. If only more guys would appreciate the process, and not just the outcome.[/quote]

Well, you've pretty much described one of my most recent
encounters. I met a guy online who said he just wanted to suck on a big one for a long time, and didn't mind that I had never cum that way. He was very skilled and did pretty much everthing for about an hour and a half before we both started
getting tired.

And yes, I certainly did aprecialte the process and I would
have liked to have been able to cum for him but I just can't
do it. :(

-- Erik