miniver_cheevy: dudes!
in middle age (currently 44) i have gotten a lot better at having orgasms while receiving oral sex, so know that there is hope. the difficulties that you guys describe really ring true to my own experience through my 20's and 30's, so i thought some of my experience could perhaps help.
(even given that i am a 100% gay guy here)
1) asshole play and prostrate stimulation would be the number one trick, if you can get your girl friend or boyfriend into that. dudes, a guy's butthole is really sweet -- there's nothing gross about it.
prostrate stimulation really will help produce a lot of precum flow (which really are mini-orgasms after all), as well as, ultimately, the major cum release that is what most men understand as their "orgasm."
2) deep throating is an amazying experience, if you can get him/her to do that too. practicing and getting "developped" for it is definitely a part of it -- for example you get her/him to practice on a (new/clean/sterilized) dildo that is smaller than your dick and then work up. believe it or not, it is kind of sexy to masturbate or whatever while sucking on a dildo, or cucumber of whatever. it's fun to watch your partner take it too.
truly, your partner's throat will "learn" to be able to take your big dick with practice. (just like rectums and vaginas "learn" to take size.")
anyway, i know that a lot of this advice won't apply to a lot of the truly endowed guys on our board -- but i'm sure that there are larger partners out there with "generously endowed mouths" if you like "large sized" people and if you really wanna get a deepthroat job.
of course that's why guys are so good at giving blowjobs, because our mouths and throats are usually so much bigger than girls, right?
3) be very conscious of her/his throat and his or her comfort level. part of the trick to deep throating is learning to breathe on the "out take," i.e., as the penis is on the out thrust -- and you have to breathe through your nose. you CANNOT deepthroat when your sinuses are stuffed up, so don't try, or don't have your girlfriend/boyfriend try, is what i mean.
4) indeed, try not to come for 2, 3 or 4 days before you know you are going to "get some," that is if you do truly want to experience an orgasm while enjoying oral sex.
5) "face fucking" sounds kind of extreme but you don't need to just sit there idly by -- get some hip thrusting motion into it, it really helps. you have to learn to coordinate this with your partner's movements, it's kind of like choreography -- and as you know, your best partners are the ones that interact with you like magic in bed.
they'll be willing to learn, as you're willing to teach and vice versa (regarding their interest in you pleasuring them in different ways).
6) also try different positions, i.e., her lying on her back with you "on top" or vice versa, or side to side "spoon fashion," or standing up with her laying out on the bed or something. using mirrors and visuals too like porn will work. also, incense and aroma therapy work well, as well as soft lighting and mood music of course. petchule oil and lavendar oil are both very romantic scents. put a few drops on a low wattage light bulb and the girls will be having you cream before you get your jeans off!
7) for me i am more into a true 69 in terms of enjoying oral sex. i would like to at least suck toes or some other body part(s) while i'm getting serviced by my partner. for me, "doing while getting done" helps me control where my orgasm is at, and let's me edge for hours or more -- or let loose and let her blow if i wanna.
edging. that would be a good discussion point. i think a lot of us older guys could teach a lot of you younger guys about edging (though i'm sure some of you younger guys would have pointers for us too come to think of it.) anybody wanna start a thread on edging?
8) it'll fit in better when it's half or semi-hard -- you don't want to get a full blown erection inside of his/her mouth, because that could be too much gagging for her. and make it uncomfortable and impossible for her. or leave a bad memory.
this sounds kind of hard doesn't it? after 4-5 days not coming, not to get a complete raging hard-on, while getting a deepthroat job by the woman you love -- anyway, dudes, you're the masters -- you gotta become a master at sex, every aspect of it. i swear you can control it if you really wanna, and you really love her.
anyway, my two farthings worth.
p.s. also, i know this all perhaps makes me sound like a total slut, like i've had million boyfriends or something, which i haven't, just a few very faithful and sexy partners throughout my life -- though i admit for some reason i went really crazy promiscuity-wise from 30-35. promiscuity is cool, but it's not right for a lot of people, so i want to make sure that i don't seem like i'm recommending that -- i'm recommending finding/keeping a lovely, loving faithful partner who will bring you a lot of pleasure both in and out of bed!
i admire/respect/like you dudes to much to steer you wrong, eh?