Years ago, before the internet, I left for graduate school in San Francisco. There was a gay adult bookstore/video arcade near my apartment. I was attracted to guys but had never done anything, and I had been too afraid to even be seen going into such a place, even by total strangers. I went in late--just before closing. I was the only one there browsing the racks except for the clerk. I made my way toward the back, and I noticed the clerk was no where to be seen. As I looked over the racks, I noticed that the clerk was in the restroom with the door ajar, and he was beating off a big dick while glancing at me.
I was nervous as hell, but wanted a better look so I walked over slowly with a raging hard on in my levi's. While I watched he reached over and touched my crotch over my jeans, and I instantly blew a huge load into my pants. I had an incredible orgasm, but for some reason, I just turned tail and ran out of the store. Was only 21. Spent three years there and never had another gay encounter, but I guess I just couldn't come to grips that I was bi. Being gay then was no an option without being an outcast.
Up till then I had only beat off with buddies a few times with playboy magazines to get us going; although, on a camping trip, a buddy and I got a little drunk and we advanced from jacking together to beating each other off. I am low average and not very thick, but Howie had a dick that looked like a soda can--about five inches long hard, but so thick you could barely get your hand around. Wanted to suck it, but terrified to ask. Beating each other off then was one thing, but sucking dick in high school in those days would be intolerable if word got out. Suck one dick, and you would be known as a cocksucker forever.
Things are just a lot better for gays and bi's now