Effeminate gay men

[BIGdkluver]

What is your opinion of very effeminate gay men?

I was in a restaurant one day, and two very effeminate "nelly" young men were shown to a table near mine. They were openly displaying all the usual stereotypical traits like limp wristing, high-pitched talking, and even "snapping" in the air.

One of the waiters nearby began snickering at them behind their backs.
I must admit that I was somewhat embarrassed myself at their antics.

I realize that there are different types of gay men and that everyone has a right to be "himself," but I thought these two young men were pushing the envelope a little too far.

I assure you that this post is not meant to start a flood of anti-effeminate gay bashing. I'm just curious as to what other people have to say about the subject. Thanks.

 

[willow78]

I don't really relate well to the 'femmies' because I'm not very 'femmy' myself but that doesn't necessarily mean I don't like them. If they are friendly and have a nice personality I get along with them fine. The ones that really piss me off are the bitchy queens who are nasty and rude to people about their clothes or their hair or their decor. I have no time for people like that.

 

[penandpencil]

Agree.

 

[Gonzo3]

What is your opinion of very effeminate gay men?

I was in a restaurant one day, and two very effeminate "nelly" young men were shown to a table near mine. They were openly displaying all the usual stereotypical traits like limp wristing, high-pitched talking, and even "snapping" in the air.

One of the waiters nearby began snickering at them behind their backs.
I must admit that I was somewhat embarrassed myself at their antics.

I realize that there are different types of gay men and that everyone has a right to be "himself," but I thought these two young men were pushing the envelope a little too far.

I assure you that this post is not meant to start a flood of anti-effeminate gay bashing. I'm just curious as to what other people have to say about the subject. Thanks.

.............I personaly do not like effeminate men.

 

[crescendo69]

They could be a light friend, but I doubt I could be attracted to one.

 

[D_Dick_Dock_Doe]

I don't think it really matters. I believe what is more important is to ask ourselves why we find it so "offensive" for a man to be "swishy" or "effeminate." I think a lot of gay men find it difficult to deal with effeminate gay guys because they think that str8 people think that ALL gay men are effeminate and therefore "not manly." What is really unfortunate about this way of thinking is it gives credence to the archaic notion that gender is biological. Gender and gender expression are not based in biology.

What do I mean by all this? The fact that you had issues with these supposed "effeminate" men in the restaurant "openly" acting flamboyantly says more about your insecurities about how people perceive you as a gay man. I don't mean to say this to you in a mean-spirited way, and I hope you do not take it as such. There are always going to be ignorant assholes who believe that all groups are one way or another; there's nothing you can do to stop that except to be yourself and prove them wrong.

As for the effeminate gay dudes, consider our world that much richer for having people in it who defy definition, labels, and boxes. Next time, send them a martini and tell them to keep the flame burning bright!

Cheers!

 

[invisibleman]

I don't have anything against the effeminate guys--gay, straight, or bisexual.

 

[NEWREBA]

i think that some gay guys enjoy having campy fun. it demolishes the whole macho stereotype & it's liberating for them too.

 

[ThickPup]

Effeminate men never bothered me.
However, LOUD effeminate men who
have the need for attention and makes
a scene - now that's annoying.

Having said that, I find straight men who
have to be LOUD in a croud and make a scene,etc
- that's just as annoying.

I think it's all about how you present yourself
in your surroundings. You make a scene just to stand out,
you're going to get snickers and eye rolls.

 

[Alex Chambers]

Sigh. It takes all kinds of people to fill up a world. Even if I don't like a person's beliefs or mannerisms, I will still try to be civil to that person--I think we owe one another at least that much. You may not be able to be the best friend to every person on earth, but you can still be a decent human being and show everyone a minimum level of respect and courtesy. I try to live by that.

 

[ThickPup]

Alex, I do agree with you. I myself, don't react negatively towards others.
I don't care for certain behaviors, however I won't take that out on the individuals themselves.

My point is, if you're going to make a scene, don't be surprised when you get a reaction.

It's like someone who dyes their hair purple, come on, people are going to stare.

 

[willow78]

They could be a light friend, but I doubt I could be attracted to one.

I feel very much the same way. I've always been attracted to masculine type men - not necessarily macho he-men - just not the 'queeny' type. I have 'femmy' male friends but I've never been sexually attracted to them.

 

[Buckstar]

I like all types. The older I get the more I think it hot to have some effeminate guy naked, totally turned on to me, ready to serve. That's my fantasy anyway. Think its sweet. On the other hand I like masculine men just as much and everything inbetween.

 

[kalipygian]

I would have a bit more respect for people who are incapable of not being out, than those who are proud of being able to pass for straight.

The dizziest are often also the bravest.

 

[crescendo69]

You are probably correct, kalipygian. I have spent much of my life in fear of being too out, and it still affects my perceptions of others.

 

[Rugbypup]

Hmmm, they arnt my thing either to tell the truth. They seem to have much in common with attention starved teenage girls and as such leave no real common ground between themselves and me.

I cant stand the pink loud fluffy disco bunny shit, it makes everyong think if your gay you have to watch sex in the city, listen to Cher and Gloria Gaynor and by law must bitch about everyone you know once a day in some poncy coffee shop.

I guess each the their own, straight men do some annoying shit too.

 

[Industrialsize]

Gay men run the gamut from the extremely effeminate to the hyper butch.....I love them all.......btw there are effeminate straight men as well....

 

[stetree]

I have had one or two effeminate friends who were like it all the time and that doesnt really bother me, what annoys me is when you get someone who is perfectly "normal" most of the time then as soon as they get on the gay scene turn into screaming queens. Guys like that really make me want to shake them and tell them to just act like themselves

 

[Primal_Savage]

Hmmm, they arnt my thing either to tell the truth. They seem to have much in common with attention starved teenage girls and as such leave no real common ground between themselves and me.

I cant stand the pink loud fluffy disco bunny shit, it makes everyong think if your gay you have to watch sex in the city, listen to Cher and Gloria Gaynor and by law must bitch about everyone you know once a day in some poncy coffee shop.

I guess each the their own, straight men do some annoying shit too.

Guess my opinions are much like yours. Basically I'd just as soon prefer not to be in the same room with them.

 

[erratic]

giozam couldn't be more right.

Us "straight-acting" queer guys can be as proud and as smug as we want about not being femmy, but let's not forget who it is who's out there confronting the brunt of homophobia. It's easy for guys who can pass as straight to just keep their mouths shut when someone says or does something grotesquely homophobic, but the fact is it's the flaming queens who have to deal with it and deal with it regularly. I won't blame them for snapping their fingers and having sharp tongues, especially when the queers who pretend to be stronger and more masculine are often just as, if not more homophobic than a lot of straight people.