For Bisexual Guys ONLY

[B_henry miller]

Just kidding. Anyone can respond. But this IS a question directed toward bisexual guys. This thread is sort of a follow-up to this thread: http://www.lpsg.org/256280-do-most-bisexuals-choose-sides.html

I just have the following question for other bisexual guys: Are you ever confused by your attraction to women? How do you handle these attractions? Do you ever worry what the women/girl would think if she found out you were bisexual?

To answer the above question, I myself seem to indeed be choosing a side, or, seem to be allow society to choose the side for me. As a male with same-sex attractions, larger society wants to put me in the category of "gay." And now, thanks to the fact that society is becoming a little more tolerant, being "gay" means you are no longer entirely marginalized. But being bisexual still means entirely marginalized.

As I progress, I find myself wanting to "just be gay." But then I find myself flirting with women, being caught off guard by being very attracted to women, even fantasizing about sex with women -- and it freaks me about, because I'm trying "to just be gay." (I was at a gay club last night dancing with a guy, really enjoying it, and suddenly I got whiplash when I saw a woman in a revealing dress; and THEN I found myself really turned on by seeing two lesbians dancing together.) Can other bisexual guys relate to this?

One last question. If you are a bisexual man, are you effeminate or masculine? Are bisexual men often more masculine or are they feminine? There's a stereotype that gay men are effeminate. Is there a stereotype about bisexual men?

Related topics:

Bisexuality in the Arab world - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Bisexuality - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

 

[trkr4ckskr]

Every person on earth is an INDIVIDUAL. There is no quintessential "bisexual". These artificial labels do nothing to further the quality of anyone's life. The so-called "gay" movement is a socio-political movement which has been successful in the overturning of antiquated "sodomy" laws which were seldom enforced anyway. But they are promoting a lot of falsehoods about human sexuality in trying to force everyone to wear a "gay" or "straight" label. Now some of them are allowing some people to wear a "bisexual" label, but most of them insist that if a man has ever had any sexual contact with another male, then he is "gay" and that his marriage or any other heterosexual relations are just a cover-up or fraud in order to cover up his "gayness". They think that they are bound in duty to "out" any male who has ever had any sexual contact with another man, and to destroy any other aspect of his life, such as marriage, family, church, employment, to force him to become a full-time, out&proud, "gay man".
YOUR sexuality is the right sexuality for YOU. MY sexuality is the right sexuality for ME. The "gays" and the "straights" can just attend to their own business.

To answer your question, there are three major aspects to my own personal sexuality--masturbation when I am alone, eating pussy and intercourse with my wife, sex play with other men mostly consisting of being sucked off. I develop crushes on other women, but I keep that under control and do not cheat on my wife. I am not capable of a love affair with other men, it is fun and games, my wife hates to give head and told me to get that elsewhere, and it is no threat to my marriage. This is my own personal sexuality, and every person is an INDIVIDUAL. The 50/50 label to the right is just because "when in Rome do as the Romans". I don't use either of those labels unless I am quoting others. I use the terms "homosexual", "heterosexual", and "bisexual" in reference to sexual activities, not as labels on people. People are humans, period.

 

[B_henry miller]

Now some of them are allowing some people to wear a "bisexual" label, but most of them insist that if a man has ever had any sexual contact with another male, then he is "gay" and that his marriage or any other heterosexual relations are just a cover-up or fraud in order to cover up his "gayness". They think that they are bound in duty to "out" any male who has ever had any sexual contact with another man, and to destroy any other aspect of his life, such as marriage, family, church, employment, to force him to become a full-time, out&proud, "gay man".

Exactly how I feel. Thank you. People seem to believe that any same-sex attraction automatically invalidates opposite-sex attractions. Women are allowed fluidity of their sexuality. Male sexuality seems much more severe, dogmatic, and rigid. Can we really blame straight guys for being uneasy about admitting to having thought other males are good looking or even having fleeting attractions to men? I don't blame straight men one bit.

 

[mandoman]

My sexual preferences are exactly as fluid as you describe, Henry.
I can be with my wife, and see a fine man's ass, and go off in a daydream.
I blame no one. We are all so conditioned. It has only been about 140 years that the concept of straight and homosexual have had any acceptance. Before that, men pretty much did what they wanted, and didn't think about it a whole lot, because that's what men had always been doing. It was when psychologists felt the need to put us in boxes, and declare homosexual behavior deviant, that the male right to take a female or a male took a back seat to social conditioning.
It's taking a lot to undo that damage.
Bisexuals will be free, when you find the bromance section in the book store.
When he can lie in bed, and kiss the woman of his dreams, and the man of his dreams good night.

 

[B_henry miller]

Bisexuals will be free, when you find the bromance section in the book store.

That whole "bromance" category always seemed to me to be a more polite way to say "bicurious" or even "bisexual." Pretty funny.

 

[B_Hung Jon]

I feel that I keep repeating myself when it comes to my own experience of being bisexual. I don't feel that I'm attracted to many women and men because I don't find that the attraction will also be mutual. I think it's possible to hook up with both genders all the time if that's a person's impulse, but I find it more satisfying to be in a mutual relationship where both my partner and I want to explore our connections with each other. I don't have an issue with being attracted to a woman because it's just my nature. In actuality it's a little more complicated when I'm attracted to a guy who may not realize why he is interested in me. I think there are a lot of closeted bisexual men running around who haven't explored that part of themselves and get confused when they have a same sex interest. I have noticed that it's changing in some places here in the USA. I've gone to clubs in Los Angeles that are open to everyone and I notice a lot more guys there will dance with other guys without worrying about the straight/gay label.

 

[B_henry miller]

I think there are a lot of closeted bisexual men running around who haven't explored that part of themselves and get confused when they have a same sex interest. I have noticed that it's changing in some places here in the USA. I've gone to clubs in Los Angeles that are open to everyone and I notice a lot more guys there will dance with other guys without worrying about the straight/gay label.

Thanks for the response.

It's almost as if these guys you mention are coming at it from a different perspective from what I am coming from. They are "rooted" in heterosexuality and "exploring" homosexuality. I'm more rooted in my homosexuality at the moment and exploring my heterosexuality. lol :biggrin1:

And I've noticed what you write above. I see guys who are straight dancing together now and then. Sexuality is interesting these days.

 

[badger2395]

I feel that I keep repeating myself when it comes to my own experience of being bisexual. I don't feel that I'm attracted to many women and men because I don't find that the attraction will also be mutual. I think it's possible to hook up with both genders all the time if that's a person's impulse, but I find it more satisfying to be in a mutual relationship where both my partner and I want to explore our connections with each other. I don't have an issue with being attracted to a woman because it's just my nature. In actuality it's a little more complicated when I'm attracted to a guy who may not realize why he is interested in me. I think there are a lot of closeted bisexual men running around who haven't explored that part of themselves and get confused when they have a same sex interest. I have noticed that it's changing in some places here in the USA. I've gone to clubs in Los Angeles that are open to everyone and I notice a lot more guys there will dance with other guys without worrying about the straight/gay label.

I pretty much agree with Hung Jon; I'm bisexual, I'm out, and it's not a big deal. I used to think that I was attracted to men and to women; I now think that I'm attracted to people, and gender isn't that much of a determining factor. That isn't to say I'm attracted to androgynous people - masculinity and femininity are both attractive - as well as everything in-between. It really depends on the person.

 

[TomCat84]

But they are promoting a lot of falsehoods about human sexuality in trying to force everyone to wear a "gay" or "straight" label.

Do you have any evidence of this wild assertion?

 

[yoursgetsmine]

I guess I'm like Jesus....."I love em' all"

 

[bimetaldude]

I am sort of unhappy being Bi. Having my first Bi relationship within the last year.

I came out about 2 months ago, and my friends and family were really cool with it. I just think that being Bi you are bound to be let down or get hurt somehow. I wont date another closeted Bi dude again though. Especially one that does not open up and tell me what they want. I also wont date one that does not return oral favors. Or make sure that I get off. Rather selfish to just enjoy a bj and zip up and that is that.

I am masculine and prefer masculine guys. I like guys to look like guys and girls to look like girls

Also i told my last gf that I was Bi and she broke up with me and told me that I was sick.

 

[oralslut464]

I am bisexual. I love to fuck pussy, eat pussy, get blow jobs from women and I also LOVE to suck cock, balls and eat ass, get fucked up the ass, do groups men, women or mixed groups as well. I ijust like anything sexual. I am a sexual being and enjoy it ALL!!!!!! I am masculine too!!!

 

[WhiteFan]

I suppose everyone is unique in their own ways, but my own personal experience would have to lean towards male companions.

I have been bi since about the age of 14 and its 5 years later now and still going strong. A lot of times I find my self focusing more one one gender if I find someone from that gender interesting and the opposite gender just fades into the background.

I often have sex dreams about men and women and it dose not really confuse me, I just go with the flow and enjoy the time.

To answer your last question, I would say that everyone has qualities in them that represents a feminine and masculine side. I did sports throughout high school, enjoy cars, the out doors, shopping, talking about my feelings, and sharing intimate moments. But if your asking if I talk with a limp hand or pump iron in the gym 24/7, you could say that I am neither or both.

 

[B_henry miller]

A lot of times I find my self focusing more one one gender if I find someone from that gender interesting and the opposite gender just fades into the background.

This is exactly how it is for me. Sometimes, I find myself attracted to a girl and flirting with a girl, and I suddenly forget that I am bisexual. For that moment, while talking to the girl, I feel "100% Straight" -- and then I think to myself that maybe my "gay side" is just confusion that I'll get over.

To answer your last question, I would say that everyone has qualities in them that represents a feminine and masculine side. I did sports throughout high school, enjoy cars, the out doors, shopping, talking about my feelings, and sharing intimate moments. But if your asking if I talk with a limp hand or pump iron in the gym 24/7, you could say that I am neither or both.

Thanks for answering the question. I guess I'm a combination as well. I have my feminine aspects, but I do spend a lot of time "pumping iron" in the gym as well. I think that on the surface I appear to be straight, though. It often surprises people when they find out I'm bisexual, because I think people think that all gay/bi guys are effeminate and are like women -- or even want to BE women.

 

[pornographicpoet]

I'm bisexual, with a preference for women. I'm open about it with the women I date, most of them are bisexual, too...and not one gave a shit. I guess it's common in the counterculture. I wouldn't say I'm effeminate, but I'm far from butch. I'm definitely cisgendered, but I'm not the world's most masculine guy.

 

[aqua-illusion]

I have a huge crush on one of my former female co-workers, she has no clue...although our relationship is quite flirty, we'll pretend and flirt with each other but it never goes beyond that *sad face*...I'm not her type, physically, so I am (for now) content with being friends.
I have a crush on the guy at work with the tight pants, I'll flirt with him a little bit, and he actually will flirt back which is kind of odd because he says he likes girls but comes off as more "Feminine" than I am.

I am more girly, but I can play masculine as well...well maybe a girly masculine? lol. I'm not rough and tough and like lots of sports or race cars or anything like that...I do like cars though, and I do like sports, just not to the extent of "masculine" traited-people.

 

[latinluva]

Are you ever confused by your attraction to women?
I use to be when I was younger, but have learned that I find both extremely sexy. I get excited about both sexes.

How do you handle these attractions?
Honesty is the best policy, there are alot of women out there who are turned on by bisexuality, in men and women. Just find the right gal or guy.

Do you ever worry what the women/girl would think if she found out you were bisexual?
No, never....deal with it or go away.

 

[remiel]

I pretty much agree with Hung Jon; I'm bisexual, I'm out, and it's not a big deal. I used to think that I was attracted to men and to women; I now think that I'm attracted to people, and gender isn't that much of a determining factor. That isn't to say I'm attracted to androgynous people - masculinity and femininity are both attractive - as well as everything in-between. It really depends on the person.

I agree with this, as I feel that I am the same. I can think anyone is good looking, but I only really become attracted to someone if I like who they are, and if there's a connection. In that way, I like people based on who they are, and gender doesn't really affect that.

 

[deleted3782]

I used to date women, but when I did I had a hard time connecting to them mentally. I would constantly say the wrong thing (or not say the right thing), or worse I would hurt them by not being romantic, not sharing their interests, or not appreciating the things they did for me (like bake me a cake). In the end, I saw them getting frustrated with me at best, or hurt by me at worst. So I quit.

 

[B_Hung Jon]

This is exactly how it is for me. Sometimes, I find myself attracted to a girl and flirting with a girl, and I suddenly forget that I am bisexual. For that moment, while talking to the girl, I feel "100% Straight" -- and then I think to myself that maybe my "gay side" is just confusion that I'll get over.



Thanks for answering the question. I guess I'm a combination as well. I have my feminine aspects, but I do spend a lot of time "pumping iron" in the gym as well. I think that on the surface I appear to be straight, though. It often surprises people when they find out I'm bisexual, because I think people think that all gay/bi guys are effeminate and are like women -- or even want to BE women.

HenryMiller, I think this depends on where you hang out or with what people. In your profile it says you're from Big Sur so I'm thinking you're not far from Monterey and Carmel. Maybe there are more suburban folks there than in Los Angeles or San Francisco...or even Santa Cruz. For instance I don't know too many people who think that bi guys are effeminate or want to be women. We're guys who love both genders. Just saying.