Hiring male escort for my wife?

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by INTP, Sep 20, 2010.

  1. INTP

    INTP New Member

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    1st post, hope you can bear with me, as this seems a good forum to ask this, given the number of sexually "well-travelled" people here.

    My wife seems happy with me, though I know I am too small for her (6.5" x 4.5") as she is tall, and has had our son. I dunno, perhaps it is "penis anxiety" or neuroses, but it's getting to the point of obsessing my every waking thought just how inadequate I must be since I am unable to REALLY fcuk her deeply, completely & totally, the way a man with a large penis could.

    I feel like I'm not even a real human, let alone a real man.

    Anyway, I bought a sextoy (bigger than me, of course) to incorporate into our lovelife for her pleasure. She was very shy at first, and said no, but once she tried it, she took quite a liking to it. Which validated my suspicions about her needs.

    I suggested that perhaps I'd even consider hiring a male escort with a huge one to "bang her brains out". She laughed nervously, and said she wouldn't want it, but I know that laugh, and it meant she liked the idea, and only said she'd reject it to spare my feelings. :frown1:

    But anyway, if I do this thing for her, will she be ruined for me forever afterward? As in, if she were to have sex with a man with a huge penis, would she be unable to ever enjoy sex with me again?

    It's self-destructive of me, and would probably destroy me to see her having deep, profound ecstasy inflicted on her in a way I can never do for her (as I am a male afterall, and it would probably fatally compromise my male self-esteem) but I feel like I'm denying her self-fulfilment and our marriage is a only as real as I can keep her sexually naive, and her needs suppressed, ie, not real at all.

    Perhaps my perceptions of what other men are packing are distorted by porn, and anecdote and hearsay, but it seems like men with huge, thick cocks are everywhere, even though statistics suggests they are quite uncommon or rare. Unless it's because men with large cocks are far more sexually active than small/average men, so the female perception of average is skewed to large as a result.
     
  2. t9

    t9
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    i'm there now under the cloud,
    Don't do it! It could ruin your marriage. BTW, I don't think your that small.
     
  3. SweetLovesVick

    SweetLovesVick New Member

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    Hi I saw "male escort" which I had never seen in the latest thread section so I had to read. Now that I have read your post as a female I have to reply:
    #1 You have an ABOVE AVERAGE length penis (who ever told you it was small has a mental problem) all your wifes women friends would high five her for your size.

    #2 Hiring a male escort could possibly ruin you good marriage. Not many women would enjoy the fact of a husband doing this and she might jump to thinking you might want the guy yourself. That's a whole lot of mess to bring into a marriage that is not broken.

    Just make sure that your wife always cums before you do and your marriage will be just fine. Once men stop giving oral after (the "I do" is said) or making sure she cums first then the sex just gets bad in marriage. And your marriage seems fine do not try fixing what is not broken!
     
    #3 SweetLovesVick, Sep 20, 2010
    Last edited: Sep 20, 2010
  4. mattsrod7

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    Feel like you're not even human? Seems like your the one with the insecurities and not her.
     
  5. Daddy Lucas

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    It looks like you are setting yourself up for heartbreak. Talk to someone about your insecurities. You are hung well. Lot's of guys would give there eye teeth for a 6.5"er. Good luck, my man
     
  6. INTP

    INTP New Member

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    Yes, of course. But how do I address it?
    I'm the sort of person that, if there is a problem, I like to "do" something about it. If there's a challenge, I'll accept it. I enjoy exerting my will upon life.
    But in this, it is like I am powerless. I cannot "do" anything, her needs, and my capacity to sate them, are completely physically beyond me, from what I understand of women's gigantic needs now.

    I gather I have a "pencil" dick, and yet women consistently report needing long cocks, with a girth substantially greater than my own, to feel "full" and sated on a deep level (8" x 6" or whatever) What can I do about it? Totally satisfying my woman is my goal & duty as a husband, and yet how can I do it? No matter how faithful, strong, caring, considerate or reliable I may be? Any man with a giant cock could rock her world and move her on a visceral level just by penetrating her with it.

    This feeling of powerlessness over the situation, over time, has fried my brain. I never used to worry about this stuff, mostly 'cause I think I was unaware. Now that I've read alot online, and read what it is women report they want, and what many men are apparently packing, I feel like I have just discovered I am disabled when I thought I was normal my whole life.

    She 'says" she cums regularly, and does thankfully seem able to cum vaginally quite easily, though she cannot stand be touched on the clitoris at ALL, EVER! She said it just feels wrong to her. Going down on her is "verboten". I can last a long time in bed, and can go again very quickly and easily outlast her. I dunno, perhaps I am a perfectionist, I need to know I can get to the inner "Lingerie" Mary, and am not just a sexual chore to dutiful "Housewife" Mary.

    Anyway, thanks for the replies, they are appreciated by this real life human in real life turmoil right now. I think perhaps seeing porn, and hearing the anecdotes of girls laughing about "pencil dicks" has perhaps fukt my mind.
     
  7. INTP

    INTP New Member

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    Just to add, I am faithful, I have never cheated on a girl, I work hard, my wife & son are in my thoughts all the time, I try to be a good man in everything I do, I am trustworthy & reliable, I have never backed away from a challenge, and do not think I fear anything, and yet, all of this seems to mean nothing if, by chance of the genetic lottery, you don't have a piece of flesh of adequate size and length hanging between your legs.

    Am I wrong? Am I completely jaded? Or is it true that penis size trumps everything else women sees in a man? I'd really like some female input here if you ladies reading this might oblige me. I mean, I couldn't care less if a woman had small breasts, or wasn't really pretty, as long as she was a genuine, normal girl. I have never even heard any of my friends criticize a women or discount her totally as a human being given some flaw or other, and yet it seems so common for women to just write a man off if he isn't endowed with a giant cock.

    I'm just ranting now I suppose, but I have to vent somewhere, otherwise I think I'd snap and kill myself or just walk out on my wife to leave her free to find a "real" man.
     
  8. erratic

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    Hey, welcome to the site!

    Your post is just jam-packed with fallacies and illogical thinking.
    How do you know you are "too small for her"? Did she tell you this explicitly? Did she say one day "Honey, your dick is too small for me"? Cause otherwise you're projecting your own insecurities on to her, which is fair to neither of you. Perhaps you should ask her and believe what she says instead of second-guessing your wife. Which you say you do. Take it from me, second-guessing what your partner says is very dangerous in what is supposed to be a trusting relationship.
    Next: 6.5 x 4.5 is not small. You're on the large side of average.
    Next: Just because your wife has given birth doesn't mean she can only get pleasure from some torpedo-sized dick.

    Your post is positively dripping with anxiety over your penis size. And, based on what you say (you have a completely normal dick and your wife has not told you it's too small) it sounds like it's all in your head.
    And what do you mean by "I am unable to REALLY fuck her deeply, completely, and totally"? You mean you can't hit the top of her uterus with your cock? This is a statement light on substance, but very telling - it just reinforces the impression that you have serious "penis anxiety".
    Don't forget that most vaginas are deeper than most men's dicks. For a reason. You're not supposed to be thundering through the birth canal.

    This makes me question whether you're here for some small penis humiliation. There's a tonne of those guys on this site. But I'm giving you the benefit of the doubt.

    I don't understand the logic here. Your wife likes a sextoy and therefore your penis is inadequate. I don't get that. Even more: Your wife likes a sex toy and therefore your penis is inadequate and therefore you have to hire her a big penis or else she will never be satisfied. That makes no sense to me, dude.
    Why don't you talk to her about how you feel? She loves you, right? She's your wife, dude. Talk to her. Believe her. She loves you.
    Right now she's probably walking on eggshells whenever you bring up dicks because she can tell you're super insecure about your own. Have an honest conversation with your wife, man. If you can't do it with her, then with whom? She's your wife.

    I would laugh nervously, too. She's probably worried about your "penis anxiety" and had no idea how to respond.
    Also, if your wife said "no", do her the courtesy of believing her. You're ignoring what she explicitly told you and going on your own, biased interpretation of her awkward body language. Perhaps it was not awkward because you have a shrimp dick and she wants to have some random prostitute "bang her brains out", but it was awkward because her husband suggested that idea.
    You're putting your own interpretation on her body language, ignoring other possible (in fact, much more likely, if you ask me) interpretations, and ignoring what she told you. This kind of thought process is not helping you.

    This also sounds like stuff the small-penis humiliation guys say.
    Plenty of women go in to LTRs and marriages with men whose penises are not as big as one or more previous partner's dicks. They don't seem to mind.

    "Inflicted on her"? Poor choice of words, dude :s And yeah, this sounds like small-penis humiliation stuff.

    ditto.

    What needs?
    You have not identified a single need that your wife has actually told you about.
    You are talking about you here, not your wife.

    Yes, your perceptions are hugely distorted.

    So you're saying you think all women want humongous dicks because of porn? Cause, you know, most women don't give a shit and don't consume porn at nearly the rate men do. Sure, they're not keen on one-inchers, but yours is totally, completely normal. In fact, it's above the for-real average, and for-real sized dicks are the ones most women and men encounter every day.

    Listen, dude, you've got some stuff going on in your head. Either you're in to small-dick humiliation (which is totally cool - whatever gets you off, dude) and you need to level with your wife about it so you guys can work out how to make both of you happy with your sex life, or you've got some totally skewed ideas about what your dick is like and what your wife is looking for and you need to level with your wife about it so you guys can work out how to make both of you happy with your sex life.

    Either way, you need to level with your wife about it so you guys can work out how to make both of you happy with your sex life. Sure, maybe I'm off base; you know your wife and life better than I do. But from what you've written it sounds pretty clear-cut to me.

    Good luck, man. If it is a self esteem thing I wish you all the best. Self image issues can be really self-destructive. Remember, though, your wife is supposed to be your #1 ally. Let her do that; give her that chance and do your best to believe what she tells you.
     
    #8 erratic, Sep 20, 2010
    Last edited: Sep 20, 2010
  9. petite

    petite New Member

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    From everything you've said, it sounds like your wife enjoys sex with you. She's the only one who can tell you if she enjoys sex with you. All women like different things, and we all like different kinds of penises. Asking strangers if your wife enjoys sex with you won't tell you anything.

    It sounds like YOU are the one with the penis size obsession. If you bought her a dildo and encouraged her to use it, how do you know whether or not she's not trying to please you by using it? How was she supposed to know that it was a test and that you "wanted" her to dislike it?

    I think that you may enjoy cuckolding and you're looking for excuses for why your wife needs it.

    No one on a forum can possibly know if your wife is pleased by you in bed. Only your wife can answer that question, and if you don't believe her and it bothers you this much, then you need to see a therapist or a relationship counselor or a sex therapist about this issue.
     
    #9 petite, Sep 20, 2010
    Last edited: Sep 20, 2010
  10. B_subgirrl

    B_subgirrl New Member

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    Sorry to sound harsh, but why do men keep coming out with this shit? Where do you get these ideas from?
     
  11. Kotchanski

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    So your solution, not so sound heartless, to your own mental problems (and that's exactly what this is) is to hire someone so that you can validate all your issues, push yourself over the edge into a jibbering wreck that no one wants to be seen with?

    Good idea!

    She's your wife, she's with you, she's not cheating, you bought the damn toy, you're the one pushing this issue...

    So what's the real deal here?

    Are you looking to confirm your issues to feed your own depression?
    Are you looking to confirm them so you can blame her for your state of mind?
    Are you yet another SPH nut who can't hide his true intentions?

    No matter what your reasons are, it seems pretty clear from what you've said that your on a path of self-destruction and seem hell bent on dragging your wife down with you.
     
  12. AlteredEgo

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    INTP should go BY HIMSELFto a therapist. These are his problems, and he's probably projecting tons of imaginary shit onto his poor wife.
     
  13. INTP

    INTP New Member

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    Thank you for the replies, perhaps I need to hear some harsh criticism. I don't know what you all mean by "small penis pay out person" or whatever, for the majority of my life I never even thought about any of this stuff, and just lived life. It's not like I am going out of my way to feel this way, I'm trying to NOT feel this way.

    From women, and what women say they want, and from women laughing about men with "pencil dicks", Cosmopolitan Magazine surveys, etc, and probably from seeing porn, and from every 2nd man online seeming to be sporting a baseball bat.

    Thank you for your long reply Erratic, and others, I appreciate it, and I will take your comments & criticisms onboard, and will digest what you say. I am not a gay man, so haven't seen alot of other men's cocks too (other than what you see in porn) which also makes it harder for me to have a realistic appreciation for what is normal/average.

    I thought this would be a good forum to ask this stuff, as the people here have seen it all, large & small, and know what is, and is not.

    Don't get pissed off at me, or exasperated, I am just a real person, whose mind is unable to think rationally about what is "adequate" and women's needs are at the moment, and I really don't like feeling this way, having this gnawing doubt that I can't meet her needs, and that sex for her is but a matrimonial chore, but thank you for hearing me out.

    I'll look into a sexual therapy, as embarrassing as it will probably prove to be. I just want to be all the man my woman ever needs, as I think she is sublime.
     
    #13 INTP, Sep 20, 2010
    Last edited: Sep 20, 2010
  14. eurotop40

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    While reading these contributions I had mixed feelings. On one hand I found the whole ideas amusing and erotic, on the other hand I could not believe it.
    I think there are a lot of misconceptions and lies about penis size just due to the fact that those who counsel people have had limited experience in the past (probably being straight and non promiscuous). My impression is though that there are A LOT of large penises around. However, I guess that - and here I agree with the "specialists" - it is not so much the size that counts but the way you use it.
     
  15. luka82

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    No, mate! Dick size is a men`s OPSESSION!
    Women are NOT guilty for your own complexes.....
     
    #15 luka82, Sep 20, 2010
    Last edited: Sep 20, 2010
  16. vlls

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    another cuckold in the making...

    fabulous
     
  17. Pitbull

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    Part of the exasperation is because there have been a couple of threads lately where a few people have come across as devastated because of the size of their penis. They refuse to believe anything anyone says.

    From what I can gather, you are hopefully not a lost cause. You realize you are being irrational and you "don't like feeling this way". A recognition that you have identified your feelings as a problem. Great! Because it is your feelings and not your penis. And yes you are being irrational but most men have been where you are. And in today's world with good reason.
    As you point out we look at our penis, and look at the one in the porno.
    Ours look smaller. We imagine every other man has a monster in his pants.
    If there were so many men with large penises, why is it always the same guys in the big dick porn? Less than a dozen. Ponder that one for a bit.

    If you were only in contact with people who played center in the NBA you would feel quite short.

    I have sent you a lengthy PM.
    Please read it.
    Thanks

    Pitbull :smile:
     
  18. JaimeB

    JaimeB Member

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    where this shit ends up: your bull orders your wife to have you castrated and you get to watch him and his buddies fuck her after you lose your nuts... that's one standard fantasy. does that really sound so hot to you?

    I wd drop this before you go too far down the path, bro
     
  19. B_subgirrl

    B_subgirrl New Member

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    INTP, I've re-ordered some parts of your posts to make it easier to answer. I apologise if you think this changes the meaning of your posts.

    Apologies for jumping on you in your first post. We get way too many posts on this site with men saying what you have here, so my frustration is not just with you - it's with all the men who come out with this rubbish. There should be a sticky answering this question.



    Most women don't want a baseball bat. If that's all they wanted, they could buy a big toy and be satisfied. Most women have sex with a person not a cock. And that's just during sex. In relationships this applies a thousand fold. Even for those of us who like big cocks, the importance of size comes WAY down the list.

    Even if you look at size preferences and sexual pleasure alone, without including all the other reasons a woman has sex with a certain person, size isn't that important. The physical side of sex is about so much more than the size of someone's cock. It's about how special the guy makes you feel, it's about whether he can do oral well (for those women who like it), it's about whether he fingers you well, it's about whether he's got the same kinks as you, it's about whether he goes fast or slow at the right times, it's about whether he likes the same positions as you, it's about whether he gets off from the cock sucking that you love (for those women who like to do that). Are you starting to get the idea? Cock size is a terribly small consideration in the whole scheme of things. And even if you presented a woman with a cock that was exactly her 'ideal' size, a size she had always said she wanted, if all it did was pound in and out, it would be useless. A good cock, and the person it is attached to, does so much more than that.


    Good on you for being open to this idea.


    I don't know how many times I've had to say this before so you obviously aren't the only one who thinks it, but

    VAGINA SIZE HAS NO CORRELATION WITH HEIGHT OR WEIGHT!!!!!!!

    Just because your wife is tall, it doesn't mean she has a big cunt!

    And giving birth does not always affect vaginas as much as men think it does. If she feels she her vagina has been negatively affected by giving birth, doing kegels can help.


    This doesn't validate anything. Most girls with a largish toy collection will have both larger and smaller toys in their collection, and will use both (although they will tend to find a favourite, it won't always be the biggest toy).


    To me, this post and your others scream that you are not listening to what your wife wants at all. She hasn't told you you are too small for her, right? And she hasn't told you she wants you to find some big dick to fuck her, right? In fact . . .


    So why aren't you listening to what your wife and her body are telling you? Why do you think you know what she wants better than she does? To me it shows a massive lack of respect for your wife that you are thinking this way.
     
  20. basincreek

    basincreek New Member

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    As someone who's actually been told to take a hike by a size queen I'm not sure I can relate to this. Your wife has not said you are small. No one seems to have said you are small. She is "getting off" during sex so seriously where is the problem?

    I hate to say it but is this part of some plan to push her away so you can pursue someone else?