How should I handle this possible sexual tension between me and my boss?

[Zai94]

I’ve been working at this place for 2 years with the same boss and I’ve always found him attractive. But never saw anything happening between us so I never tried to make it happen mostly because he’s straight or so I thought. I’ve started to think he’s a closeted bisexual. He’s told me that I’m handsome before and that I smell “yummy”. But none of that stuff really meant as much as the stuff recently that’s been happening. He suddenly started making a lot more physical contact with me. He started giving me hugs a lot more often. And the hugs aren’t just like a simple hug. He like rubs my shoulders and the most recent hug he gave me he even held my face.

He knows that I think he’s handsome and I complimented his biceps one time and now he keeps wearing these tight short sleeved shirts to show them off and is always flexing when I’m near him haha. I try to keep it at the level it’s been at because it’s safe. But the crush I have on him is just getting bigger and bigger. I don’t think I’ll make the first move just because I don’t wanna ruin my job. But I’m just wondering if there are ways I could hopefully get him to make the first move.

I know some people are gonna say you shouldn’t mix business with pleasure but I don’t plan on being there that much longer anyway. And I’m sure we all know as gay men how hard it can be sometimes to just organically come across someone like this.

 

[LPSG Simon]

I normally say dont shit where you eat, but if you've got an exit plan in play already, I say go for it. Just make sure you've got another job and the references have already been sent first. Do it in your notice period after you've resigned.

Just remember, he might only be toying with you to stroke his own ego. Plenty of people in power positions do this shit, and once the line is crossed and the fantasy stops being a fantasy for him, he can make things complicated for you indeed.

 

[chrisrobin]

I’ve been working at this place for 2 years with the same boss and I’ve always found him attractive. But never saw anything happening between us so I never tried to make it happen mostly because he’s straight or so I thought. I’ve started to think he’s a closeted bisexual. He’s told me that I’m handsome before and that I smell “yummy”. But none of that stuff really meant as much as the stuff recently that’s been happening. He suddenly started making a lot more physical contact with me. He started giving me hugs a lot more often. And the hugs aren’t just like a simple hug. He like rubs my shoulders and the most recent hug he gave me he even held my face.

He knows that I think he’s handsome and I complimented his biceps one time and now he keeps wearing these tight short sleeved shirts to show them off and is always flexing when I’m near him haha. I try to keep it at the level it’s been at because it’s safe. But the crush I have on him is just getting bigger and bigger. I don’t think I’ll make the first move just because I don’t wanna ruin my job. But I’m just wondering if there are ways I could hopefully get him to make the first move.

I know some people are gonna say you shouldn’t mix business with pleasure but I don’t plan on being there that much longer anyway. And I’m sure we all know as gay men how hard it can be sometimes to just organically come across someone like this.

Thats right, never mix business with pleasure even if you are thinking that he's a good prospect and are considering leaving. He's the boss, and if the whole thing fails remember as your last boss he has to give you a reference. My last boss tried it on with me but I refused - all my promotions got stopped and I was given the crappiest jobs and when I complained to HR they said rubbish "he's a married man".

 

[Zai94]

Thats right, never mix business with pleasure even if you are thinking that he's a good prospect and are considering leaving. He's the boss, and if the whole thing fails remember as your last boss he has to give you a reference. My last boss tried it on with me but I refused - all my promotions got stopped and I was given the crappiest jobs and when I complained to HR they said rubbish "he's a married man".

Well that sucks. I guess I’ll just have to yearn for him haha

 

[Zai94]

I normally say dont shit where you eat, but if you've got an exit plan in play already, I say go for it. Just make sure you've got another job and the references have already been sent first. Do it in your notice period after you've resigned.

Just remember, he might only be toying with you to stroke his own ego. Plenty of people in power positions do this shit, and once the line is crossed and the fantasy stops being a fantasy for him, he can make things complicated for you indeed.

I agree it could just be to boost his ego. Thats why I’ve been so hesitant to show him my cards too much. But I just watch the way he interacts with a lot of the other people there and he does a lot to me that he wouldn’t do to others. There’s just too many signs that he has repressed gay feelings lol.

 

[chrisrobin]

Well that sucks. I guess I’ll just have to yearn for him haha

Your choice, your life

 

[HungBtmVegas]

As someone whose had a fling with one boss and a full blown secret relationship with a another, I'd say be VERY sure this is something you both are emotionally mature enough to handle if you move forward. In my case, the fling ended up being a non-issue and I eventually left that job as naturally as I would've had nothing happened, but the relationship situation got ugly on his part to the point where he paid me to quit because of his own guilt and insecurities.

 

[mmmniple]

It is a complex situation.
Probably the best is try it once you are working on other place.

 

[Zai94]

As someone whose had a fling with one boss and a full blown secret relationship with a another, I'd say be VERY sure this is something you both are emotionally mature enough to handle if you move forward. In my case, the fling ended up being a non-issue and I eventually left that job as naturally as I would've had nothing happened, but the relationship situation got ugly on his part to the point where he paid me to quit because of his own guilt and insecurities.

I’ve never done anything like this before. I have never even hooked up with a coworker before so especially not a manager. Thats why I think I’m so unsure on how to go about this

 

[Zai94]

It is a complex situation.
Probably the best is try it once you are working on other place.

I’m not too eager to try while I’m still there. But do you have any tips on how I can’t let him know that I am interested if these are moves he’s trying to make on me? I don’t want him to think I’m not interested because I totally am haha

 

[HungBtmVegas]

I’ve never done anything like this before. I have never even hooked up with a coworker before so especially not a manager. Thats why I think I’m so unsure on how to go about this

Do you KNOW he's attracted to you too or is he just receptive to your micro-flirtations? If anything is to happen between you two, let HIM make the first move. That would be an indication that he's aware of the risks of hooking up with someone under him and he's accepting it.

 

[mmmniple]

I’m not too eager to try while I’m still there. But do you have any tips on how I can’t let him know that I am interested if these are moves he’s trying to make on me? I don’t want him to think I’m not interested because I totally am haha

The best : talk him directly.
Maybe you can tell him to take some drinks one day and tell him there.

Simply tell him you need to talk but he must promise you nothing is going to change.

Tell about his behavior which is making you crazy : don't make him feel trapped, tell him maybe he is no conscious but you are human and he is so hot. Whatever be his answer tell him it is ok and you only want to know if it was your imagination but he must no feel bad nor stop: both are adults and it is ok, you simply wanted to know.

The most probably is he feels uncomfortable and lie you telling he did unconsciously and without looking for anything.

You must make feel him confortable (if he had 0 experience with guys he will be scared and worried about toon of things), than it is ok.

And make some compliments about him, using humor and jokes, as how hot he is, it is a shame it was your imagination..

The most important is he feels confortable, no fears..


After that it can happen two things :
1)he beging to avoid you as he feels uncomfortable as he has been caught. Don't worry : he will back once he gains confidence again
2)he tells you than you are right and he loves teasing you.

When that happens play your cards: tease him but without going too far.
Although it can be hard for you, it is the best.
His desires will grow more and more. Tell him how much you desire him but you don't want to mix job and pleasure.
This can be an awesome reason to tell him about you need to change the job and this way you can have something.

Remember : the more you tease, the hornier he will be.
You can talk dirty, touch his cock but no make him cum : this will make him desires you more and more.
Use the time you are working there to make him become crazy.
Once you left both could have what you had desired

 

[ItalTony9]

I normally say dont shit where you eat, but if you've got an exit plan in play already, I say go for it. Just make sure you've got another job and the references have already been sent first. Do it in your notice period after you've resigned.

Just remember, he might only be toying with you to stroke his own ego. Plenty of people in power positions do this shit, and once the line is crossed and the fantasy stops being a fantasy for him, he can make things complicated for you indeed.

A hard dick is often NOT this rational nor as forward thinking as LPSG Simon. Good advise...

 

[oliverKj]

I think just giving back the same energy he gives you is the best way to see how far is gonna go.
If he hugs u and touches ur shoulders, hug him back, touch his shoulders, if he flirts, flirt back, just make sure u don’t look too thirsty, don’t do too much, I think u r right for not making the first move, let him do so.
He won’t be mad for getting back what he is giving you, cause in this case it’s nothing harmful, actually the opposite; he feels comfortable enough to touch you and play around at work. Eventually u will know if anything will happen, Any updates btw?

 

[Zai94]

Do you KNOW he's attracted to you too or is he just receptive to your micro-flirtations? If anything is to happen between you two, let HIM make the first move. That would be an indication that he's aware of the risks of hooking up with someone under him and he's accepting it.

I feel like he is attracted to me. He has told me I’m handsome and that I look good many times and gives me lots of compliments. But that could just be him being a comfortable straight man that doesn’t care about expressing things like that. Thats why I’m on the fence about it tbh

 

[Zai94]

I think just giving back the same energy he gives you is the best way to see how far is gonna go.
If he hugs u and touches ur shoulders, hug him back, touch his shoulders, if he flirts, flirt back, just make sure u don’t look too thirsty, don’t do too much, I think u r right for not making the first move, let him do so.
He won’t be mad for getting back what he is giving you, cause in this case it’s nothing harmful, actually the opposite; he feels comfortable enough to touch you and play around at work. Eventually u will know if anything will happen, Any updates btw?

Yes so much has happened since I posted this haha. I found out he is divorcing his wife and now it makes sense why he’s been being so bold all of a sudden.

We’ve had some moments lately that made me feel like he was shamelessly hitting on me. Like he was telling me something new he wanted to try at the job and then looked at me and said “because I’m feeling like experimenting”. And then that same day I told him something that he did looks good and he responded “YOU loook good”.

The other thing that happened was he was telling me “if there’s anything you need just ask me. Dont be scared of me baby” and he was smirking when he said it.

I just don’t know how to respond to it. I usually just giggle but I want to reciprocate it and I’m just not sure how to because I’m not used to being actively chased in a normal day to day situation

 

[oliverKj]

Yes so much has happened since I posted this haha. I found out he is divorcing his wife and now it makes sense why he’s been being so bold all of a sudden.

We’ve had some moments lately that made me feel like he was shamelessly hitting on me. Like he was telling me something new he wanted to try at the job and then looked at me and said “because I’m feeling like experimenting”. And then that same day I told him something that he did looks good and he responded “YOU loook good”.

The other thing that happened was he was telling me “if there’s anything you need just ask me. Dont be scared of me baby” and he was smirking when he said it.

I just don’t know how to respond to it. I usually just giggle but I want to reciprocate it and I’m just not sure how to because I’m not used to being actively chased in a normal day to day situation

Hahaha Damn sounds like the ball is on ur court bro, he’s clearly into u so whenever he asks u a question just challenge him, put him on the spot, like if he says: I feel like experimenting” just say : what are you thinking? What r u curious about?
Just see what he says haha

 

[Zai94]

Hahaha Damn sounds like the ball is on ur court bro, he’s clearly into u so whenever he asks u a question just challenge him, put him on the spot, like if he says: I feel like experimenting” just say : what are you thinking? What r u curious about?
Just see what he says haha

I will try that. I just get a little flustered when it happens haha. Like if you saw him you would never guess this was going on. Like he’s tall, in nice shape for his age, facial hair, He’s like the stereotypical definition of a man haha. So I do get a little intimidated because as a gay man those were the type of guys you would usually think aren’t into that unless they disclose it haha.

 

[oliverKj]

I will try that. I just get a little flustered when it happens haha. Like if you saw him you would never guess this was going on. Like he’s tall, in nice shape for his age, facial hair, He’s like the stereotypical definition of a man haha. So I do get a little intimidated because as a gay man those were the type of guys you would usually think aren’t into that unless they disclose it haha.

Hahah gotcha bro, hope the intimidation fades and u r able to say something to check the waters haha keep us upadated