How to deal with being a 31-year-old male virgin

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by bguy, Apr 7, 2008.

  1. bguy

    bguy Member

    Joined:
    Mar 12, 2008
    Messages:
    255
    Likes Received:
    0
    I'm sure no one here has any experience with this, but I don't really know where to turn and I could use some advice from people who know about sex and large penises (this is the place for that, right?)

    I only dated one girl for about four years and saved my virginity for marriage. But after we got married she never had intercourse with me. I tried to be respectful of her feelings and didn't want to pressure her. She always told me she'd never been happier and I was the best thing to ever happen to her, so I didn't want to ruin things by being pushy or demanding.

    After 7+ years, she cheated on me with her coworker (no intercourse with him either) and she walked out of the marriage when I discovered the infidelity. She could never really give me a single, straight answer why she wouldn't have intercourse, but one of the many reasons she gave me was that I was too big (which I didn't even really realize, due to my naivete).

    Now I'm a 31-year-old virgin and afraid no woman will ever want me. Because it seems like women want someone confident and experienced, which I'm never going to be until I get some experience. Kind of like how when you're looking for a job, they all want you to have work history; but you can't get work history until you find a job. And I don't think there's internships for having sex.

    I need all the advice I can get, because I don't want to be the 40-year-old virgin!
     
  2. D_Ivana Dickenside

    D_Ivana Dickenside New Member

    Joined:
    Dec 19, 2007
    Messages:
    4,864
    Likes Received:
    0
    come to LA and i'll lay you!
     
  3. HazelGod

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Dec 11, 2006
    Messages:
    7,529
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    The Other Side of the Pillow
    Sounds like someone needs a trip to the Bunny Ranch.

    Bon voyage, mon ami.
     
  4. B_Halliefreak

    B_Halliefreak New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 11, 2008
    Messages:
    71
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Bay Area, California
    AWWW! I'm so sorry to hear that! I'm a virgin too...lol.
     
  5. bguy

    bguy Member

    Joined:
    Mar 12, 2008
    Messages:
    255
    Likes Received:
    0
    stacy, you're the smartest, sweetest, coolest person on this site! If you gave me the opportunity to even just give you a footrub I'd drive down to LA tonight! :smile:
     
  6. D_Ivana Dickenside

    D_Ivana Dickenside New Member

    Joined:
    Dec 19, 2007
    Messages:
    4,864
    Likes Received:
    0
    awww you're so nice! :hug:

    i feel so bad that your ex-wife never wanted to have sex with you. why did she marry you in the first place then? ugh, i just don't get women who pull shit like that. obviously she couldn't appreciate you as a whole, and you don't deserve to be treated like that. you deserve someone better who'll appreciate you in all aspects (and who'll also give you all the sex you want :tongue:).
     
  7. mrniceguyinfl

    mrniceguyinfl New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 16, 2008
    Messages:
    47
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male

    You really dont have time to waste..... you are 31 years old and have not had sex..... be more agressive or let loose, relax go to a library, bar any public place even a supermarket you can find yourself a nice woman. stop have and issue about being unexperienced woman will sense that if your nervous. let your guard down... relax take it easy....before you go on a date rent some porn video masterbate so u wont be finish in 2 seconds or before you take off your underwear (ex. american pie movie) and learn about foreplay before you penetrate. touching a woman is always key before penetration. lightly message her back with tender kisses to her neck. nibble on her ear.... massage her ass, lightly kiss her stomach legs and suck on her toes... that will make her go crazy... before you ever touch her coochie... you must pay alot of attention to all of her body. then leave her ass and coochie for last.... buy the time you insert you cock in that coochie she will give you the strongest orgaism ever. (just becareful she might wanna marry u, DONT....)
    anyway good luck.:biggrin1:
     
  8. B_Demention

    B_Demention New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 8, 2008
    Messages:
    589
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Massachusetts
    You strike me as a well-spoken, sensitive guy, and I think that's a big part of your problem, sadly. You're obviously a really pleasant dude and I do empathize with you, but I think you'd gain a lot from the ''oh well, her loss" attitude to some degree. Start thinking of your own needs and wants and pursue them. Consider what you really need in life right now and up your standards to match it. I'm not just talking about finding someone who'll have sex with you, but someone who scratches your itch in precisely the ways you like. But above all, get out there and have some fun. There will be people who appreciate you in many different ways, but keep things understated until you know them a little better. Act like what you've got between your legs is a blessing, not a curse, and develop an overall attitude to go with it. Best of luck to you.
     
  9. bguy

    bguy Member

    Joined:
    Mar 12, 2008
    Messages:
    255
    Likes Received:
    0
    I think she was just a very selfish person. Even though we never had intercourse, I was very happy to give her other means of sexual pleasure (big fan of oral). Kinda assumed there might be some reciprocity some day, but nope. I guess we all know what happens when we assume...

    I agree wholeheartedly! I know I'm not a rich super-hunk, but I'm a kindhearted, caring and patient (obviously!) guy and I figure some women out there must want that. Just wish I could figure out where they're hiding.
     
  10. bguy

    bguy Member

    Joined:
    Mar 12, 2008
    Messages:
    255
    Likes Received:
    0
    Thanks for that advice. I think it'll be easier for me to not be nervous if I know that's ultimately better for the both of us.

    That I'm actually quite comfortable with, as that's what I'm most familiar with. Plenty of experience there (although would love more).
     
  11. bguy

    bguy Member

    Joined:
    Mar 12, 2008
    Messages:
    255
    Likes Received:
    0
    I think you're right that it's about the overall attitude. I have definitely reached the point of 'oh well, her loss' towards my ex-wife, which was a big step for me. So now that I know what that feels like I can start growing it a bit. Thanks for the encouragement.
     
  12. vince

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    May 13, 2007
    Messages:
    14,342
    Likes Received:
    41
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Asia
    If all else fails, I agree. Perhaps you should just pay for some sex, pop your cherry and get it over with. Once you realize that you too can fuck and that you're not ''too big'', you'll gain some confidence. Not the ideal solution, I know, but time's a wasting man.

    btw- you didn't mention your dimensions.
     
  13. vince

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    May 13, 2007
    Messages:
    14,342
    Likes Received:
    41
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Asia
    Just wondering... In a case like this could the partner who withheld sex be sued for breech of faith? Is there such a thing?
     
  14. bguy

    bguy Member

    Joined:
    Mar 12, 2008
    Messages:
    255
    Likes Received:
    0
    8.5 x 6, curved, cut
     
  15. vince

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    May 13, 2007
    Messages:
    14,342
    Likes Received:
    41
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Asia
    Then she was bullshitting you.
     
  16. dolfette

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Nov 13, 2006
    Messages:
    11,911
    Likes Received:
    1
    chill.

    that's my advice.

    usually i'm brutally honest on this ste but there's nothing to be brutal about here.

    what matters more?
    popping your cherry?
    or losing your virginity to a woman you really care for?

    if it's the first then just go for it.
    start hitting on women.

    if it's the second?
    stop thinking about yourself as a virgin and start thinking of yourself as a man, a potential lover, a human being.
    start meeting women and dating...no need to pre-warn them on your first date.
    just get to know them and explain when the issue arises.
    no woman worth knowing will think less of you.
    most women would feel flattered that you want them to be the one.
     
  17. bguy

    bguy Member

    Joined:
    Mar 12, 2008
    Messages:
    255
    Likes Received:
    0
    Thanks for the different perspective. Yes, I'd ideally like to find a really special woman that would be understanding and feel flattered. But I'd hate to lose someone special that would find it unattractive when it came up. Frankly, I don't get the impression that "most women" would feel flattered. I mean, how would you feel if you were dating a 31-year-old divorced guy and once things started to get to a sexual point, he told you he's a virgin? Would you really feel flattered, or would you be thinking 'What's wrong with this guy?'
     
  18. dolfette

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Nov 13, 2006
    Messages:
    11,911
    Likes Received:
    1
    if he told me that his wife had some kind of sexual issue and the marriage was never consumated?
    i'd think he must be very kind to have let the situation continue.
    i'd think he must be incredibly faithful to have never strayed in all those years.
    i'd think that in a world full of liars, users, players and arseholes this guy is really rather special.


    or you could choose not to tell them at all. if you've read up & watched lovers guide then i doubt she'd notice.
    some of the best sex i ever had was with a virgin.
     
  19. bguy

    bguy Member

    Joined:
    Mar 12, 2008
    Messages:
    255
    Likes Received:
    0
    Wow, thank you for that perspective. There really are different ways of looking at things. I feel a lot better about myself. My mind knew those things were true, but my emotions were getting the best of me.
     
  20. Lng_1

    Verified Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 3, 2008
    Messages:
    312
    Likes Received:
    0
    Might I suggest a word of caution... "DON'T MARRY THE FIRST PERSON WHO LAYS YOU."

    Make sure you know the person and are not just "grateful" or "aroused" by the idea that she took your virginity. In fact, there are many women who would think it an honor to take a guy's virginity, especially at age 31. Good luck.