How to get wife to loosen up?

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by marshall84, Nov 12, 2011.

  1. marshall84

    marshall84 Member

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    I've been married for about 8 months. My wife is very "lady" like and doesn't get into sexual things very much. We have sex but she has a problem talking dirty, etc. Does anyone have any experience making a good girl a little more sexual or naughty?
     
  2. monel

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    Yes. I do have some experience with this which leads me to believe the situation will unlikely change very much.
     
  3. petite

    petite New Member

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    Was she naughtier in bed before you got married?
     
  4. ManlyBanisters

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    Married 8 months, ok - together how long? Has it always been this way? What ages are you? Has she had other partners before you? If yes how many? When you say 'talking dirty, etc.' what do you mean by 'etc.', anal? bondage? oral? different positions? toys? something else?

    Without knowing those answers I can only answer very generally. It is hard to 'get' someone to change. Really all you can do is give her the space to change.

    On an aside, and specifically about talking dirty, I think of my self as sexual open and willing to try new things and I have a bit of a problem with talking dirty. I'm just not much of a talker during sex. It puts me off - it's not that I feel silly or naughty or 'unladylike' - it's just not a me kind of a thing. Maybe your wife is the same. Or are you talking about general sex talk, whether in the bedroom or not? I love talking about sex with Hick, telling him what I want him to do, telling him what I want to do - just not during sex.
     
  5. dolfette

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    you don't get her to.
    you put the idea out there and let her decide for herself.
     
  6. petite

    petite New Member

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    I am pretty darn pervy and sometimes I'm not into talking during sex either, other than things like, "faster" and "oh god" and "there" and "more" and "don't stop" and other one word commands/requests/directions/praises. Other times I talk a lot, but it's not a regular thing, only when I'm really inspired. It happens more often when I've had some wine.

    dolfette is correct, you can try to persuade her, but you can't make her do anything. Now, how to persuade her depends on the questions ManlyBanisters asked. Here's a few more that can help us answer the question: How not naughty is she? Would she view a porno with you? Would she read an erotic story? Would she pen an erotic story featuring the two of you? How comfortable is she having sex in non-missionary positions? Are we talking about a woman who is too shy to give a blowjob and who blushes if you mention having sex with the lights on? Give us some indication of degree.
     
  7. Unnamed

    Unnamed New Member

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    do you want us to give you full blown stories to jack-off too mr. 8 poster?
     
    #7 Unnamed, Nov 12, 2011
    Last edited: Nov 12, 2011
  8. Dicklicker1

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    You got a true lady and don't spoil her in making her talk nasty.
    If you want a round the way girl, give her crack then your life will be fulfilled and turned upside down!
    Otherwise enjoy the Gem you have and love her do death!
     
  9. ManlyBanisters

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    ^^ WTF is THAT?!?! ^^^

    :no:
     
  10. helgaleena

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    You had better love her as she is. If her ladylike ways do not seem attractive to you, you married a preconceived idea of a woman and not the actual woman. Well, she is as she is. Your wife. As long as you both are obtaining pleasure from your relations, there does not have to be a problem. You make it a problem when you expect her to do something that is not her nature.

    The thing to do is not to demand from her activities which do not come naturally, but to encourage her to express her love for you in spontaneous ways-- Perhaps she would like to tell you afterward what she enjoyed most about your love making.Perhaps she would write a poem or song for you. Perhaps she would like to plan what you do with you beforehand. Perhaps she'd like to give you a massage, or breakfast in bed, or a lovely bath. Perhaps she'd like you to dress her in a certain outfit and then have her remove it, or have you remove it. There are simply so many ways for you both to express yourselves, using explicit descriptive words need not be a part of it at all if that is what she has trouble with.

    Addendum. If she is NOT enjoying your relations, only putting up with them, this needs to change, and for that she must discover what actually pleases her. Hopefully she is not so inhibited that she thinks sexual pleasure is a sin, or other such crazy making. Together or separately, that question needs straightforward solutions.
     
    #10 helgaleena, Nov 12, 2011
    Last edited: Nov 12, 2011
  11. marshall84

    marshall84 Member

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    We have been together for 3 years. We are both in our mid twenties. She has had three other boyfriends before me. When I say talk dirty etc. I mean talking dirty in bed and out of bed. Also, teasing, foreplay, talking about sex, positions, things you like, body parts, and anything else related to sex. We are not interested in any hardcore stuff mentioned above (anal, bondage, etc.) I would just like if she was more open and comfortable with it all. We love each other a ton and love being with each other, this is just an area that my previous girlfriend's really shined in and I loved it. It is hard for me to get used to even though its been three years.
     
  12. dolfette

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    maybe this is her being loose.
    some people just aren't that sexual.
    you married her knowing she fucks this way.

    my only advice is to never make her feel pressured.
    her desire for exploration, if she has one, will wilt if you press.
     
  13. dongalong

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    Dolfette's advice works, give her total freedom, tell her you are willing to try anything she wants. Once she decides to test the waters, make sure that you show appreciation by giving her the most pleasure possible. If she feels in control, it will give her confidence to go further and wilder. I like to see women shock themselves by how naughty they have become.
     
  14. ta4me

    ta4me New Member

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    Maybe she's a sub. Try holding her hands down while banging the crap out of her, calling her a slut, and smacking her butt.

    Caution, if she's not a sub, you'll never get laid again.
     
  15. D_Bob_Crotchitch

    D_Bob_Crotchitch New Member

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    A couple of double martinis might help. The only thing is that when she starts spewing, it might be things you don't want to hear.
    You sorry son of a bitch. You couldn't turn a vibrator on. Your idea of intercourse is 3 minutes of jack rabbit banging, and it's over. I'm like damn! I should have stayed single!
     
  16. helgaleena

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    Oh poor hootie! The truth is not always comfortable. Hope you at least got a cuddle in.
     
  17. D_Bob_Crotchitch

    D_Bob_Crotchitch New Member

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    I read that on the mens room wall. It said don't call helgaleena. She'll say what she feels.
     
  18. telex815

    telex815 New Member

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    There's some good advice here and some so-so.

    Essentially, she is as she is. Your job is to discover if she's repressed or not.

    A frank discussion is, as always, in order.

    I do extremely out of bounds things for most people, but that's the way my finacee and I operate. We are more of a 'safe word', boundary pushing couple.

    You have to decide if she fulfills you as is. It seems not. As I said. A frank discussion to suss out how she REALLY feels, or will admit she feels, is in order.

    Take her word for it. When you put the relationship on the line, and she says "This is the real me," then you have to decide if that works for you. If not, you're probably better off going back and talking about backing out.

    I have found that sometimes, the other half is withholding because she thinks you "want" her a certain way.

    My best advice is DON'T LET HER BE SOMETHING FOR YOU. She needs to be honest and understand if it doesn't work. You both do. If one of you is acting like you enjoy things that you really don't, it will eventually poison the relationship.

    Take it from someone who was married almost two decades and walked away.
     
  19. sexplease

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    rent Quills and read to her some Marquis de Sade
     
  20. D_Jacqueline_Boozann

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    You married her, stay with her: it's cheaper to keep her. Didn't you know these sexual quirks before you married her? Communication, my friends, is the key. Please do not assume anything in a relationship.