I need advice about my fuck buddy agreement

[dolfette]

Roomette,,

I'm a bit confused..Do you really want help, or just ranting?

i suspect that the desired for advice was to play tit for tat games of sexual denial.

 

[EboniGoddess]

i've had some lovely fuck buddies!
men i felt i could trust and rely on. he hung out as mates and scratched each other's itches.
mutual trust and respect are vital if you want things to run smoothly.

I agree 110%. :yup:

You've had issues with this man/child before if I'm not mistaken. He needs to go, like yesterday. You do not need his trifling ass in your life.

Roomette,,

I'm a bit confused..Do you really want help, or just ranting?

You are allowing yourself to be treated this way. It wasn't and isn't a one time thing. If that's ok with you, then far be it for us to tell you how you should feel.

However, if you are asking if this is acceptable to most people, you are getting your answer loud and clear. NO There are many people out there that are able to be a FB and a friend, or at least treat someone with respect at the same time.

Before asking us to be honest with you, you need to be honest with us, and youself.

Girl, I feel the need to add my comments.

I was there once myself. I was in my 20's & met a girl who I became friends with. We hung out, went to parties together & all, but were nt totally hooked on each other. There was an underlying lust we both knew was there, but didn't act on it until onw night when we had both been drinking & the situation was just right. We had sex & at the time we both thought it was incredible.

We began to have sex frequently. She would come to my house & we would fuck each other's brains out, but after a few months, I started to become disrespectful to her. I guess it was because we were not really connected at the heart & mind enough to be having sex that often. Now don;t get me wrong, I can enjoy sex very much with nearly any good looking woman, but it is a physical thing, and it does not mean I am able to enjoy spending too much time with that person.

If you want a fuck buddy, my suggestion is you get a half dozen and end the exclusive thing with the current guy. Tell him he is just not that special, and you have your life. Tell him you want two or three guys at once & when you've got another guy with you, invite him over if you want, or whatever. The thing is the two of you are simply not emotionally connected in a way that supports as frequent of sex as you are having, and he is still very immature.

Get some new cock, and drop him, or at least decrease the frequency you get together with him. Find new friends. If he comes crawling back to you, make it clear he WILL be good to you, or he is gone...

If you don't want the confrontation, hen just find a few new fuck buddies & drift away...

For damn sure, what you've got going on is NOT good for you at all & the moew you put up with it the more it will fuck you up in the head.

Well, it seems all of you feel the exact same way. I should let him go. But then i'll be forced to only rely on my vibrator (which I suspect is on its way out). I need to let him go but.......(don't get mad)......I don't know how to tell him. Often times guys are very good talkers. I've had guys who I was steaming mad at and when I confront them my whole rehearsed speech goes out the door and in fact by the end of the conversation i'm apoligizing to him.
Country guy yes I do want genuine advice from everyone. Its so easy for all of you to say "drop him" or "let him go" but its much harder for me to be able to do it in real life

He knows I like sex so he knows how to get what he wants from me. I wanna end it by explaining myself in a way that I leave no other alternatives or a loophole for us to continue to have sex. This shouldn't be this hard. I'm an optimistic so I always hope that he will change

 

[dolfette]

no, actually you don't need to explain and you don't need him to understand.

you need just these few words.
''this isn't working for me anymore, so i'm calling it a day. see you around.''
he's not your boyfriend, he's not nice to you, you owe him nothing.
if your will power is that weak then do it by text!

 

[invisibleman]

Ok.....so I have a fuck buddy. The rule was that whoever wants sex gets it.:wink: That was until this week. Since I seemed to have wanted sex more than he thought he limited to strictly 3 times a week. That's killing me. have to pick 3 out of 7 days to have sex. The sex is great and I love sucking his dick. (That just started recently :069: )He fucks the shit out of me just how I like it. Here's where I get fustrated. The other 90% of the time we hang out he treats me like shit and it makes me feel bad. :asshole: He's cool and all but at times he's just a straight out ass to me. I don't like it at all. I'm a woman and and I deserve to be treated as such. Then I started thinking that maybe its my fault because I fuck him alot. We've never had a break from this fuck buddy agreement over the past year besides the few times he's "found god" but that didn't last long. When this agreement first started I was welcome over his room anytime. I'd just show up. Then he told me to start letting him know before I come over. I got suspicious so I wanted to fuck him more. I figure that he wouldn't be fucking somebody else if I was fucking him all the time. We both have mutual friends and they don't know about our fuckbuddy agreement and he treats me like shit in front of them. Its like he's a totally different person when we're together and about to have sex. He asks me which way I want to have sex and what I think but in front of our friends he's very rude. Its embarrasing to be treated this way. I feel like he treats me like i'm just pussy to fuck and i'm much more than that. I've made compromises with him. It took him 8 months of persuasion to get me to give him oral sex. We're having unprotected sex most of the time. (He says it feels better without).We've tried anal sex a time or two. I don't like being on top but i've given it a try every blue moon. I keep wondering what more does he want from me? I've given my all and i dont know what to do. As an example today I went over to his room unanounced (which he wasn't too pleased about) and asked him could I play on xbox live. My xbox live subscription recently expired and i wanna buy the 13 month subscription for 41 bucks on amazon rather than to pay 20 dollars for 3 months. With that said it'll probably be another 2 weeks before I buy it. Every once in a while I get that itch to play so I was hoping he wasn't playing when I arrived and he wasn't. He was playing his nintendo D.S. and his t.v. was on mute. I asked him would I play and he said no. I asked him why not (since he wasn't playing on xbox live or using the t.v. I figured he might say he had somewhere to go which is understandable). Nope, he didn't want me to play because I had my own xbox. I had asked to play XBOX LIVE and clearly said so. He knows I don't have xbox live. He then said go ask a friend of his who I shall name James. James is ALWAYS on my fuck buddy's side. I told him that its his xbox and his xbox live subscription so it doesn't matter what James thinks. He instant messages James and James says that he shouldn't let me play because I might give his xbox the RED RING OF DEATH. WTF!!!!! Anybody who has an xbox knows that pressing the buttons on the controller isn't gonna give you the red rings of death. Often times people get it from being on the xbox for several hours at a time and the xbox overheats. He then decides he's going down to James room where I can confront James. He knows James has something against me and that I'm not allowed in his room. When we get there James opens he door and my fuck buddy walks in and i'm left in the hall alone forced to talk to my fuck buddy and James through the door. All the guys in the dorm are looking at me like i'm crazy. I can't make out what they are saying but I hear then laughing at me and at that moment I wanted to almost break down and cry. I went back to my room furious. I'm tired of him treating me like shit. He's nice, kind and polite when he wants to fuck but mean to me at other times. I really don't know what to do. All this emotional abuse is taking its toll on me. Often times I'm so mad i hit him on his arm or something and then he says "what did you do that for?" Why the fuck do you think I did that? Once I didn't speak to him for a week when he hurt my feelings. During the summer when we were fucking he was much different....but still not polite. We never argued or were mean to each other. It was that he just wasn't polite. I would drive 45 minutes to his house and let him fuck me. Sometimes afterward he would go get something to drink. He'd come back with a class full of juice and when I'd ask for some juice he'd say no. He said that after my first visit I was no longer a guest. WTF!!! If I don't live there then i'm a guest. He fucked me so hard my period came on and I'm not worthy of a glass of juice? I want to continue having sex with him but I want him to treat me better when we're not fucking. My question here is what should I do? Do I end the fuck buddy agreement? Hold out till he treats me better? Get mean and nasty with him? It gets to a point when I feel like enough is enough. Well, I know i've written alot but there's so much more that you don't even know. Tell me what you think.

Sounds like you REALLY overstayed and more than fulfilled the fuckbuddy agreement. It is understandable now why you have some misandry towards men.

Romm--annul that fuck buddy agreement with him. Find another man that will fuck you with condoms...and treat you better than the way you are getting treated now. That guy is treating you like that because you allow it. And he will continue on mistreating you. He probably tapes you fucking him and plays the tapes for his friends. Telling them how interactive your seX-Box is and what kind of games you got. He is getting away with murder because he can fuck you well.

 

[nicenycdick]

I think what's happening here is this: this guy used to like you or at least treat you well as a friend. Then, he started to fuck you. Now, you've hinted that "he found God" at some points and stopped having sex. Clearly, he has a conflict between his religious beliefs and his penis. So, after having sex, his guilt (or confusion or whatever) overwhelms him and it interferes with his ability to treat you well. In other words, he takes out his guilt and regret for his sexual needs upon you, his fuck buddy. It is possible a discussion with him on this level may soften his post-coital reaction...but it may be too deep-seated to be easily resolved.

In the end, you should NEVER have to stay in any kind of relationship in which you are not treated with respect. It doesn't matter if it is between you and your doctor, you and a teacher, you and the grocery clerk...or you and your fuck buddy. No orgasm is worth that kind of treatment. If you can't resolve it, find another (or more than one!) fuck buddy. For women (and especially one who looks like you), it should be no problem satisfying that particular itch.

 

[EboniGoddess]

I think what's happening here is this: this guy used to like you or at least treat you well as a friend. Then, he started to fuck you. Now, you've hinted that "he found God" at some points and stopped having sex. Clearly, he has a conflict between his religious beliefs and his penis. So, after having sex, his guilt (or confusion or whatever) overwhelms him and it interferes with his ability to treat you well. In other words, he takes out his guilt and regret for his sexual needs upon you, his fuck buddy. It is possible a discussion with him on this level may soften his post-coital reaction...but it may be too deep-seated to be easily resolved.

In the end, you should NEVER have to stay in any kind of relationship in which you are not treated with respect. It doesn't matter if it is between you and your doctor, you and a teacher, you and the grocery clerk...or you and your fuck buddy. No orgasm is worth that kind of treatment. If you can't resolve it, find another (or more than one!) fuck buddy. For women (and especially one who looks like you), it should be no problem satisfying that particular itch.

This is exactly what happened. He never treated me like this until we started fucking. I never felt disrespected until we started having sex

 

[MarkLondon]

Oh Rommette, he may be a regular fuck, but he's not your buddy anymore. And that's not good for you.

Like it or not, sex, especially satisfactory sex, releases oxytocin and other neuro-transmitters in the brain which make you want to bond with the person who's providing it. Most people resolve this by being "in love" and some are capable of using it to maintain a friendship as you have tried to. But it's not working out and causing you distress.

The real danger is that as you are young and still establishing neural pathways and developing patterns of behaviour, you are setting yourself up for a lifetime of unsatisfactory and abusive relationships.

Your fuck-buddy agreement has failed. You must recognise that and look for an alternative, which means leaving his ass (that's how I voted). Even if that alternative is no nookie for a while. You can't carry on fucking him until something else better comes along, because you won't be motivated to look for it or recognise it when it presents itself. And you can't change his behaviour, because that's not how buddies work.

I wish you well,
Mark

 

[bigtonyvegas]

HI..

I had a fuck buddy agreement for quite awhile and well..it works great as long as you keep to the details. I also agreed to be monogamous with one another and we could call each other anytime 24/7 no questions asked. I think where you're getting into trouble is this limitation of 3x week - sort of is the anti-fuckbuddy relationship.

I think you should each satisfy each other whenever the other needs it, regardless of how many times it might take. If you're horny, and he's not.. he should still give it up and vice versa - give and take. not every couple ( fuckbuddy or not ) is horny and in sync every time ..but that doesn't mean youcan't make each other happy all the time.

As for the respect issue - that would be a deal breaker for me - even if my cock was surging rock hard and she was the best sex of my life. You have to treat each other right -- otehrwise, when you're done cumming and he walks away and that great orgasm feeling subsides, you're going to be bummed out quicker and quicker. NObody wants a great fuck that turns out to be a dick an hour later - no matter how great his magic stick is..lol or vice versa .

My agreement lasted 2 years or so and was to end the moment either one of us either wanted to have sex with somebody else or got a b/f or g/f - same as you. It was great while it lasted - but has to be give and take - and the limit of 3x.... shouldn't be a limit - the limit should be your own desires.

antonio.

 

[w2m4m]

I agree with Skyray. This guy does not like you, love you or even think twice about you. In fact the reason he probably treats you this way is because of some deep seated problem in his mind and it makes him look more like a man ( or what hes been taught a man is ) in front of his friends. i bet if you look at his home life his dad probably doesn't treat his mom all that great either. You seem like a nice woman, a nice person. You deserve better. You can find a FB anywhere. He obviously has some big issues to deal with and I'd get out of Dodge before the gunfight starts. In a nutshell ( this guy should'nt be having sex, he can't handle it. He's not mature enough emotionally ). Take care friend.

 

[w2m4m]

Mark London said it better than I did!... Listen to him, that was perfect advice !!
Thanks Mark

 

[D_Barnemommy Crackspackle]

Rommette,

For you to pluck up courage to even post this question is a great step forward!

YOU know what you gotta do

Best of luck sweet

X

 

[Florida Boy]

Ok.....so I have a fuck buddy. The rule was that whoever wants sex gets it.:wink: That was until this week. Since I seemed to have wanted sex more than he thought he limited to strictly 3 times a week. That's killing me. have to pick 3 out of 7 days to have sex. The sex is great and I love sucking his dick. (That just started recently :069: )He fucks the shit out of me just how I like it. Here's where I get fustrated. The other 90% of the time we hang out he treats me like shit and it makes me feel bad. :asshole: He's cool and all but at times he's just a straight out ass to me. I don't like it at all. I'm a woman and and I deserve to be treated as such. Then I started thinking that maybe its my fault because I fuck him alot. We've never had a break from this fuck buddy agreement over the past year besides the few times he's "found god" but that didn't last long. When this agreement first started I was welcome over his room anytime. I'd just show up. Then he told me to start letting him know before I come over. I got suspicious so I wanted to fuck him more. I figure that he wouldn't be fucking somebody else if I was fucking him all the time. We both have mutual friends and they don't know about our fuckbuddy agreement and he treats me like shit in front of them. Its like he's a totally different person when we're together and about to have sex. He asks me which way I want to have sex and what I think but in front of our friends he's very rude. Its embarrasing to be treated this way. I feel like he treats me like i'm just pussy to fuck and i'm much more than that. I've made compromises with him. It took him 8 months of persuasion to get me to give him oral sex. We're having unprotected sex most of the time. (He says it feels better without).We've tried anal sex a time or two. I don't like being on top but i've given it a try every blue moon. I keep wondering what more does he want from me? I've given my all and i dont know what to do. As an example today I went over to his room unanounced (which he wasn't too pleased about) and asked him could I play on xbox live. My xbox live subscription recently expired and i wanna buy the 13 month subscription for 41 bucks on amazon rather than to pay 20 dollars for 3 months. With that said it'll probably be another 2 weeks before I buy it. Every once in a while I get that itch to play so I was hoping he wasn't playing when I arrived and he wasn't. He was playing his nintendo D.S. and his t.v. was on mute. I asked him would I play and he said no. I asked him why not (since he wasn't playing on xbox live or using the t.v. I figured he might say he had somewhere to go which is understandable). Nope, he didn't want me to play because I had my own xbox. I had asked to play XBOX LIVE and clearly said so. He knows I don't have xbox live. He then said go ask a friend of his who I shall name James. James is ALWAYS on my fuck buddy's side. I told him that its his xbox and his xbox live subscription so it doesn't matter what James thinks. He instant messages James and James says that he shouldn't let me play because I might give his xbox the RED RING OF DEATH. WTF!!!!! Anybody who has an xbox knows that pressing the buttons on the controller isn't gonna give you the red rings of death. Often times people get it from being on the xbox for several hours at a time and the xbox overheats. He then decides he's going down to James room where I can confront James. He knows James has something against me and that I'm not allowed in his room. When we get there James opens he door and my fuck buddy walks in and i'm left in the hall alone forced to talk to my fuck buddy and James through the door. All the guys in the dorm are looking at me like i'm crazy. I can't make out what they are saying but I hear then laughing at me and at that moment I wanted to almost break down and cry. I went back to my room furious. I'm tired of him treating me like shit. He's nice, kind and polite when he wants to fuck but mean to me at other times. I really don't know what to do. All this emotional abuse is taking its toll on me. Often times I'm so mad i hit him on his arm or something and then he says "what did you do that for?" Why the fuck do you think I did that? Once I didn't speak to him for a week when he hurt my feelings. During the summer when we were fucking he was much different....but still not polite. We never argued or were mean to each other. It was that he just wasn't polite. I would drive 45 minutes to his house and let him fuck me. Sometimes afterward he would go get something to drink. He'd come back with a class full of juice and when I'd ask for some juice he'd say no. He said that after my first visit I was no longer a guest. WTF!!! If I don't live there then i'm a guest. He fucked me so hard my period came on and I'm not worthy of a glass of juice? I want to continue having sex with him but I want him to treat me better when we're not fucking. My question here is what should I do? Do I end the fuck buddy agreement? Hold out till he treats me better? Get mean and nasty with him? It gets to a point when I feel like enough is enough. Well, I know i've written alot but there's so much more that you don't even know. Tell me what you think.

That is one long paragraph.

 

[EboniGoddess]

Oh Rommette, he may be a regular fuck, but he's not your buddy anymore. And that's not good for you.

Like it or not, sex, especially satisfactory sex, releases oxytocin and other neuro-transmitters in the brain which make you want to bond with the person who's providing it. Most people resolve this by being "in love" and some are capable of using it to maintain a friendship as you have tried to. But it's not working out and causing you distress.

The real danger is that as you are young and still establishing neural pathways and developing patterns of behaviour, you are setting yourself up for a lifetime of unsatisfactory and abusive relationships.

Your fuck-buddy agreement has failed. You must recognise that and look for an alternative, which means leaving his ass (that's how I voted). Even if that alternative is no nookie for a while. You can't carry on fucking him until something else better comes along, because you won't be motivated to look for it or recognise it when it presents itself. And you can't change his behaviour, because that's not how buddies work.

I wish you well,
Mark

I just looked up Oxytocin and here what it says:

• Increasing trust and reducing fear. In a risky investment game, experimental subjects given nasally administered oxytocin displayed "the highest level of trust" twice as often as the control group. Subjects who were told that they were interacting with a computer showed no such reaction, leading to the conclusion that oxytocin was not merely affecting risk-aversion. Nasally administered oxytocin has also been reported to reduce fear, possibly by inhibiting the amygdala (which is thought to be responsible for fear responses). There is no conclusive evidence for access of oxytocin to the brain through intranasal administration, however.

• Affecting generosity by increasing empathy during perspective taking. In a neuroeconomics experiment, intranasal oxytocin increased generosity in the Ultimatum Game by 80% but has no effect in the Dictator Game that measures altruism. Perspective-taking is not required in the Dictator Game, but the researchers in this experiment explicitly induced perspective-taking in the Ultimatum Game by not identifying to participants which role they would be in.

Perhaps that explains why i'm so risky with the unprotected sex.

It also said:

• Sexual arousal. Oxytocin injected into the cerebrospinal fluid causes spontaneous erections in rats, reflecting actions in the hypothalamus and spinal cord.

• Bonding. In the Prairie Vole, oxytocin released into the brain of the female during sexual activity is important for forming a monogamous pair bond with her sexual partner. Vasopressin appears to have a similar effect in males. Oxytocin has a role in social behaviors in many species, and so it seems likely that it has similar roles in humans.

HI..

I had a fuck buddy agreement for quite awhile and well..it works great as long as you keep to the details. I also agreed to be monogamous with one another and we could call each other anytime 24/7 no questions asked. I think where you're getting into trouble is this limitation of 3x week - sort of is the anti-fuckbuddy relationship.

I think you should each satisfy each other whenever the other needs it, regardless of how many times it might take. If you're horny, and he's not.. he should still give it up and vice versa - give and take. not every couple ( fuckbuddy or not ) is horny and in sync every time ..but that doesn't mean youcan't make each other happy all the time.

As for the respect issue - that would be a deal breaker for me - even if my cock was surging rock hard and she was the best sex of my life. You have to treat each other right -- otehrwise, when you're done cumming and he walks away and that great orgasm feeling subsides, you're going to be bummed out quicker and quicker. NObody wants a great fuck that turns out to be a dick an hour later - no matter how great his magic stick is..lol or vice versa .

My agreement lasted 2 years or so and was to end the moment either one of us either wanted to have sex with somebody else or got a b/f or g/f - same as you. It was great while it lasted - but has to be give and take - and the limit of 3x.... shouldn't be a limit - the limit should be your own desires.

antonio.

That's exactly how it was at first. Whenever one of us wanted to have sex we had sex but it got to the point where I was requesting it more than he was horny and then he started limiting me. He says making it 3 days a week makes him less obligated or something

 

[Symphonic]

Ok.....so I have a fuck buddy.

+

The other 90% of the time we hang out he treats me like shit and it makes me feel bad.

=

You are a fucking idiot.

 

[EboniGoddess]

im not an idiot...just an optimistic

 

[D_Drew Peacock]

MarkLondon said it better than I could have. This is a dangerous game for your heart sweetie and you deserve better. Tell him how you are feeling and that you can't go on this way. He either straigthens out the thing, or he is dust in your rear view mirror admiring your ass as it vanishes.

 

[arkfarmbear]

Damn!
I wish I had known what Mark London points out a few decades back!
I ddidn't read all the other posts but my own history bears out his advice.

 

[EboniGoddess]

ok, should I wait a couple of days and then tell him why I haven't requested sex from him or should I just approach him whenever I see him and tell him things need to change and I need more respect if he wants this agreement to continue? I know I should end it but now i'd rather have that be a last option...as in I tell him how I feel and he's still an ass

 

[Symphonic]

im not an idiot...just an optimistic

You definitely don't know the difference.

 

[invisibleman]

ok, should I wait a couple of days and then tell him why I haven't requested sex from him or should I just approach him whenever I see him and tell him things need to change and I need more respect if he wants this agreement to continue? I know I should end it but now i'd rather have that be a last option...as in I tell him how I feel and he's still an ass.

It doesn't really matter then. Don't end it. Do what you will. He is a keeper.