I punched a stranger in the face

jaap_stam

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it happened this past Friday. I was walking down the street and saw a man cat-calling a smartly dressed (business fashionable, no cleavage or excessive skin) young woman in heels. Something along the lines of "What I wouldn't do for a friend like you" and he just kept going. I had had just a terrible day, a meeting with an abusive and shit client. Something about the situation triggered a violent reaction in me, and I walked up to him and just hit him as hard as I could in the chin and knocked him down and quickly walked away. I don't know what happened after that, as I did not look back and he did not follow me.

It made me sad to see that girl like that - she was just trying to ignore him but he kept following her. I think I am especially sensitive because my younger sister was sexually assaulted about a year ago. I just wanted to share, anonymously
 
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jaap_stam

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I also wanted to say, @jaap_stam , I'm sorry you had such a rough day at work.

I don't normally go around hitting people - I'm bigger than 99% of people I encounter (6 and a half feet, over 100kg), so no one messes with me really. I honestly don't know why I snapped at that particular situation. Maybe it was the look on the girls face, a mix of helplessness and resignation. Maybe it was the fact that it was a scene I've seen many times in my life, but had never before said anything. I really don't know why.
 

AlteredEgo

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I don't normally go around hitting people - I'm bigger than 99% of people I encounter (6 and a half feet, over 100kg), so no one messes with me really. I honestly don't know why I snapped at that particular situation. Maybe it was the look on the girls face, a mix of helplessness and resignation. Maybe it was the fact that it was a scene I've seen many times in my life, but had never before said anything. I really don't know why.
I'm sure she appreciated it. Intimidation is its own form of violence, and I have certainly been willing to perpetrate some violence against men who have followed me after I asked them not to. If you're feeling guilty, don't. If you see a situation where violence is going to be the only way, so be it, and don't be afraid to act. But when you can see an alternative, I hope you'll take it. Peace to you and yours.
 

hzs3fg

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Well, for one thing, these days anyone you cross paths with is likely as not to be carrying a loaded weapon and in most states he would be within his rights to put several bullets through your chest after such an unprovoked attack.

Secondly, the proper response to the situation you described is to berate the guy verbally, especially knowing that he was unlikely to retaliate with physical force due to your size.

Thirdly, you're an ass with apparent anger control issues. You had better look into that before you get yourself into real trouble. Normal people do not do what you claim to have done, bad day at the office or not.
 
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AlteredEgo

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Well, for one thing, these days anyone you cross paths with is likely as not to be carrying a loaded weapon and in most states he would be within his rights to put several bullets through your chest after such an unprovoked attack.

Secondly, the proper response to the situation you described is to berate the guy verbally, especially knowing that he was unlikely to retaliate with physical force due to your size.

Thirdly, you're an ass with apparent anger control issues. You had better look into that before you get yourself into real trouble. Normal people do not do what you claim to have done, bad day at the office or not.
You do realize not everyone lives in the US? Do you know anything about the problems with street harassment in Jakarta? I agree that it is possible he should have verbally challenged that dude, but it is frightening as woman to have a strange man following you, and when men do these intimidating and inapropriate things to women, they should be fully prepared for something crazy to happen, as should anyone doing something crazy.
 

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My Mum always taught us that the first one to touch loses, meaning that if my sister and I were arguing and it elevated to being physical that whoever slapped the other was automatically punished.

I do understand emotions getting the better of you, and there have been so many times I wanted to punch idiots like that. I've shoved men in bars who get too close, but that's as close to being physical as anything.

I do not know my reaction to someone who punches another out on my behalf, especially if no physical threat was made. But like you said, you had a bad day that culminated in that. Not the best outcome, and I'm sorry for your mood.

I'd prefer a less physical stern warning.
 

jaap_stam

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Well, for one thing, these days anyone you cross paths with is likely as not to be carrying a loaded weapon and in most states he would be within his rights to put several bullets through your chest after such an unprovoked attack.

Secondly, the proper response to the situation you described is to berate the guy verbally, especially knowing that he was unlikely to retaliate with physical force due to your size.

Thirdly, you're an ass with apparent anger control issues. You had better look into that before you get yourself into real trouble. Normal people do not do what you claim to have done, bad day at the office or not.

People don't really carry guns in the Netherlands. As for unprovoked...if I were the woman being sexually harrassed on the street who did the punching instead of a bystander fed up with living in a culture that accepts half of its members being treated like that, would you be on your moral high horse still?
 
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breeze

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People don't really carry guns in the Netherlands. As for unprovoked...if I were the woman being sexually harrassed on the street who did the punching instead of a bystander fed up with living in a culture that accepts half of its members being treated like that, would you be on your moral high horse still?

What happens if you run into him again ? Does he know what you look like ? What are the chances?
Is he or the police looking for you ?

When i was in school i ran across a classmate in the dining area. His head was shaved.
He told me he went into a 7-11 and 2 or 3 men { i don't remember what he said exactly }
came in armed with guns and a bat. The manager locked the doors and he got hit with
the bat and required brain surgery at least 2 times. The manager was shot in both arms
and legs.

He sued 7-11 and it turns out one of the men had gone into the 7-11 to buy beer and looked
underage or something and got into an arguement with the manager. The manager cut him.
He came back with his brother and i think a friend. If you take it far enough some people will try
to get even.
 

hzs3fg

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People don't really carry guns in the Netherlands. As for unprovoked...if I were the woman being sexually harrassed on the street who did the punching instead of a bystander fed up with living in a culture that accepts half of its members being treated like that, would you be on your moral high horse still?

Yes, I would.

I advise you to read EllieP's post just above yours to see what a rational woman thinks of your actions.

You didn't do anyone any favors and, as pointed out by breeze, you have put yourself at risk of retaliation which may come at any time, in any place.
 

hzs3fg

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You do realize not everyone lives in the US? Do you know anything about the problems with street harassment in Jakarta?

Except it turns out that the incident actually took place in The Netherlands - presumably a somewhat more civilized location.
 
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223790

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I've walked away from plenty of mouthy rude guys even though I know I could have dropped them in less than a minute. I'm a black belt in Taekwondo, so I know what kind of damage I can do even though the other guy would be completely unaware of what I'm capable of. If I hit someone and the police were called, I know the first thing the cop would say to me is that being a black belt, I should have known better to walk away. If I faced a civil suit, I could lose everything that my wife and I have worked so hard to build for the last 19 years. If I faced criminal assault charges and was convicted, my career (which I make an extremely good living at) would be over in a flash.

As others have pointed out, there could be retaliation in the future, or the guy might be carrying a weapon. For me it would be a lose lose situation. Either I would end up getting hurt, or the other guy would get hurt and I could end up facing a lawsuit, criminal charges and even jail time. I think it is always best to walk away. If someone came at me, and threw the first punch, then that's a different story and it's go time.
 

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People don't really carry guns in the Netherlands. As for unprovoked...if I were the woman being sexually harrassed on the street who did the punching instead of a bystander fed up with living in a culture that accepts half of its members being treated like that, would you be on your moral high horse still?

So there is a general consensus that other tactics should have been tried before throwing a punch. But you knew that already.

I applaud that you came to that woman's assistance and ended her harassment. Many wouldn't and would rationalize their apathy or fear as wisdom such as you have read above. It's the nature of humans that when already seriously angry about something else, one is not apt to think clearly and may just go the way you did. You're only human but so was the a-hole you punched. On the upside, I am fairly certain he will think twice before harassing another woman since he's just paid an excessive price for this last time unless he's a complete fool.
 
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One other thing I meant to mention to my post (#15) is that there is also a guilt factor of hurting someone. When I was a university student about 20 years ago, my friend and I were walking home one night when 2 other much larger guys attempted to assault us. One of the guys was accusing us of all kinds of crazy shit even though we had never seen them before. I tried to diffuse the situation by talking our way out of it, but this one guy just wouldn't stop. He grabbed my friend (who couldn't fight worth a shit). I told him to leave my friend alone, which he did, so he could turn his rage on me. He grabbed me, and I tried once again to tell him I didn't want to fight, but he wouldn't stop, so I dropped him with a bare knuckle punch to his eye followed by a foot sweep to knock him to the ground, and then put a choke hold on his throat to keep him pinned until he calmed down (remember that this guy was much bigger than me, so I wasn't going to give up my advantage over him until I was sure the fight was over). He tried reaching up to pull on my hair. The more he pulled on my hair, the more I pressed down on his larynx, and threw all of my weight and strength onto his throat. Those pain blocking mental exercises in Taekwondo really paid off that night because he literally had a fistful of my hair in his hand. He started to gurgle because he couldn't breathe properly because of the pressure I was putting on his throat, but he still kept pulling on my hair. When he finally agreed to stop fighting and released my hair, I let him up and blood was literally pouring down his face from his eye where I had punched him. He then started on the "You're dead!" bullshit. Luckily his friend (who was also huge) was more reasonably minded and told his buddy to shut up because it was a fair fight and that he had lost fair and square, and that if he didn't stop he would have to fight him in addition to fighting me! Even though any reasonably minded person would say that this guy had it coming, I still felt bad later on for it. BTW, I was only an orange belt back then. I can't even begin to imagine how much damage I could do today if that were to happen again. I truly hope it never does, and that I can always walk away.
 
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deleted858776

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My Mum always taught us that the first one to touch loses, meaning that if my sister and I were arguing and it elevated to being physical that whoever slapped the other was automatically punished.

I do understand emotions getting the better of you, and there have been so many times I wanted to punch idiots like that. I've shoved men in bars who get too close, but that's as close to being physical as anything.

I do not know my reaction to someone who punches another out on my behalf, especially if no physical threat was made. But like you said, you had a bad day that culminated in that. Not the best outcome, and I'm sorry for your mood.

I'd prefer a less physical stern warning.

Your Mum was right - She is a wise women. But your Dad would have told your brother to hit the fucker that harasses your sister. I think men should defend women, when they need it Where I am from (Deep South), any smart ass who is harassing a woman should expect to have his ass kicked. I am by no means a fighter, but I don't let lame fucks harass women.
 
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I had had just a terrible day, a meeting with an abusive and shit client. Something about the situation triggered a violent reaction in me, and I walked up to him and just hit him as hard as I could in the chin and knocked him down and quickly walked away. I don't know what happened after that, as I did not look back and he did not follow me.

Considering there are cameras everywhere these days odds are you've been captured at some point on film walking away from the scene.

You really have to think before you hit someone "as hard as I could", you could have killed him. You do realize there are thousands of people in prison for manslaughter who foolishly acted out just like you only the person they hit died?

Then you would not only have a "shitty day" but a shitty life ... along with some extremely violent men who'll be looking to hit you as hard as they can.

P.S. If you sucker punched him you're not a hero just a coward.
 
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