I REFUSED sex with my wife last night..

[emperor]

Seduce her all over again...get her all worked up and reminded of what it was like before the kid was in the picture. If she doesnt respond to your advances, you should start looking for some side pussy.

 

[eric19831]

its passive aggressive behaviour. but i can't say i wouldn't do the same thing. like most things in life, sex is a two way street. she can't just have it when she wants it and not think about you.

 

[puls4r]

No. Show her what it feels like. get a fleshlight & use it in front of her

 

[bigbucky]

forget the sex organs, you guys better learn to use your mouths first.

 

[mydeepsix]

It's kind of funny how much baggage people bring to these discussions. If you read the original post, it's an all-too familiar situation. I don't think it's the sex itself, but what it means to the relationship. My (all too typical) story:

Wife get's a flat tire, calls me at work. I drive an hour to get her, spend 30 mins in the freezing winter removing her tire (she hit a curb, tore up the sidewall) Drive her home, drive the tire to a shop and get the rim fixed and a new tire $$$. Go pick her up, put the tire on her car, let her drive my warm car home while I drive the cold car. 3:00pm to 6:00pm, I'm frozen, hungry and have bloody knuckles from the effort.

What happens next? A hug? A little snuggle? No. She's on facebook until 11:00pm and then "too tired" for intimacy. 5 months now.

This is not about sex. It's about selfishness, ego, laziness, a sense of entitlement, and completely taking your effort for granted.

We've been to counseling, I've initiated several sessions. I've learned, she lies during the session, then goes back to bad behavior afterwards.

A woman who willfully, and unreasonably denies you intimacy for months at a time, has either physical or emotional issues that require professional help. Refusing to seek that help is the same as locking you into a chastity collar and laughing.

Divorce? I'm looking into it. This is not the woman I married, not the situation I signed up for 20 years ago. I know a divorce is going to be ugly, expensive, personal and she will try to publicly hurt me (with family and friends) as viciously as possible. I've been the sole breadwinner for the last decade, but I know this will cost me half or more of everything I've built..And put my family through hell. It's hard to pull that trigger. I feel like I've lost my best friend.

In some ways, I suspect I'm being played. Shen I've brought up my feelings in the recent past, she's the one who brought up divorce. Let's face it guys, Divorce is a lucrative play for the women in today's society.

I want to grow old with someone who loves me, hold hands and walk on the beach, allow myself to trust someone again. At this point, I don't know how to get there from here.

 

[mydeepsix]

Ok so now from another view point...

"I think I may have posted this on here before, but for those who are not familiar, my partner and I cannot have sex. Period. End of story, The-End. Why? Medical reasons on his part. There was a surgery, they severed his penile nerve. Second. They severed another gonad nerve. Period. No drive. No physical reaction at all. Period."

This is not the same, you are describing a mutual, loving relationship. The original post was describing a problem dealing with selfish manipulation and denial of physical love.

 

[dad4you]

It's kind of funny how much baggage people bring to these discussions. If you read the original post, it's an all-too familiar situation. I don't think it's the sex itself, but what it means to the relationship. My (all too typical) story:

Wife get's a flat tire, calls me at work. I drive an hour to get her, spend 30 mins in the freezing winter removing her tire (she hit a curb, tore up the sidewall) Drive her home, drive the tire to a shop and get the rim fixed and a new tire $$$. Go pick her up, put the tire on her car, let her drive my warm car home while I drive the cold car. 3:00pm to 6:00pm, I'm frozen, hungry and have bloody knuckles from the effort.

(more of the story .....)

I want to grow old with someone who loves me, hold hands and walk on the beach, allow myself to trust someone again. At this point, I don't know how to get there from here.

I am sorry you are going through this. Some people can just be the most despicable beasts. Good luck in your life and I hope you CAN find someone who will treasure you again. Once the divorce is over with, cut your losses and move on and maybe even move far away to start over.

 

[malakos]

Perhaps she is lacking empathy. But I think it is clear that you are. You two need to sit down with each other and have a chat. You need to explain to her why having sex at a certain frequency is important to you, and she needs to explain why she's not up for having sex that frequently. It doesn't sound like either of you are aware of what the other is going through sexually.

 

[geek0]

Would it be feasible to make time for a date night once a week? reconnect with each other, get a sitter, remember what it feels like not to have everything revolve around being a parent etc? Ban daily routine conversations while you are there, explore new things together, make plans for something you can look forward too. It may help you see each other as the people you were before all of this and lead to a healthier sex life. Being pressured is the worst thing as a woman ( that much I know) but if you can find that spark, away from it all it might just lead to good things.

 

[flynn]

This is not a new story. My friends and I have had conversations about this in the past. Whenever kids come along, the husband seems to take a back seat or ends up in the trunk. My wife and I shared the responsibilities of raising the kids, doing the housework, etc. We both had full time jobs. The only thing we didn't share was sex. She had a dozen reasons why she was too tired for it. We went from 4 times a week before kids to 4 times in four months after having kids. Finally I confronted her and asked why the change in our sex habits. She said that we have a child now and we can't be screwing everywhere and any time. I told her that if she didn't change her attitude the marriage would be over. We had arguments over this for a couple of years. Finally the marriage ended. I swear that some women fuck to get a man and then fuck to get a kid. Once they have achieved those two goals they shut you off. It reminds me of the female spider that kills the male after getting her pregnant or however they reproduce. I don't know what you can do if she isn't willing to compromise.

 

[viccougar]

So---: "in like flyn" is not necessarily a good thing?

 

[mydeepsix]

Would it be feasible to make time for a date night once a week? reconnect with each other, get a sitter, remember what it feels like not to have everything revolve around being a parent etc? .

Thanks for the feels, but in my situation the kids are grown and gone. If it were "Sitcom" easy, I would have fixed it. I've set up counseling sessions, done 100% of the house work for weeks,(years now) and most recently arranged and paid for a romantic week at the beach.

Do you know what's fun? Being the only single man at a couples beach resort. Where's my wife? Back at the room, chatting with her old high school buds on facebook.

Thanks for letting me vent; when you lose your best friend of 20+ years...well, I've never felt so isolated before.

I've read a lot recently about guys *and women* who divorced. Who've had enough, and moved on. But, for me, it was never an option I considered before. It's scary, and I'm looking down the barrel of a years-long, bankrupting and humiliating process..not to mention that I'm afraid of what this will mean to my kids (still single).

Want to hear something stupid? (Sorry If I'm hijacking this thread....)
When her change of attitude first hit me, I was convinced she was having an affair...she cut me off from physical intimacy, and spent huge amounts of time on-line, getting angry at me if I tried to look over her shoulder.

I went through the classic stages of grief, when at last I came to the conclusion that I was not giving her the fulfillment she craved or needed. And, if she needed outside stimulation to keep our marriage together, then I'd learn to deal with it. (I told you it was stupid). Although...if I'd ever caught them, or found overt signs of real infidelity, I would certainly react in a more traditional way, jail time be damned.

But, I've come to learn that (what I suspect) is that she's sexually dead inside. Zero desire. A woman and wife in form only, and, she's **comfortable with this situation**, and does not see it as something to fix. Oblivious or uncaring if it forces me into unwanted celibacy and isolation. At least if she were cheating, there would be some hope: For reconciliation, or an open marriage, or some other way forward.

Yikes.

 

[mydeepsix]

Sexless Marriage in America Keeps Rising, New Study Reveals - Breitbart

It's not just me.

 

[malakos]

You're being quite pessimistic. To what extent have you actually tried talking through this problem with her? At that through mediation?

 

[omgurbig]

Man up and stop playing games. For god sake lay your cards out on the table or get used to seeing your son every second weekend and paying lots of child support.

 

[mydeepsix]

Man up and stop playing games. For god sake lay your cards out on the table or get used to seeing your son every second weekend and paying lots of child support.

Thanks for the sentiment. If you read back further, you will find there are no minor children involved, that I (we) have been to counselling already.

I've been reading a blog /r/deadbedroom, and of course this issue is not unique to me...but no one seems to have a solution when one partner refuses to admit there is a problem.

Like I said, in today's world I can live with isolation and depression, Divorce, or cheat. No easy answers.

 

[185248]

3 photos of your cock head n your profile. Yup. Verified.


*i

 

[familyman44]

as a man married for 26 years you need to be open and honest with your wife tell her how you feel .what you did wont work at all good communication is what works best .

 

[Astro]

Why do you think discussion will sort out a sexual anorexic, someone who feels zero desire, probably regards sex as a necessary evil to be got through for procreation purposes only?

The only discussion is to sit down and ask yourself are you banging your head against a brick wall? Is the cost of a divorce worth more to you than the chance to find someone you'll love and gave an active sex life with for your remaining life. Don't leave it and just get by and reach an age where you bitterly rue your missed years bring with an utterly self obsessed sexually frigid bore.

I think often simple communication will result in you getting blown off, nothing more.

 

[rustyboar]

I don't underst all of wnomen don't want to have sex but get upset when the man goes and fucks someone else if you noting giving us action sooner or later we going find action I don't like giving my wife messages so I pay for her to go to the spa if she don't like having sex you should get to have sex with someone that's just how I think about it