This is a long story, so bear with me, but here goes...
I have a fantasy of watching my girlfriend fuck another man, but I just feel like a freak... am I weird?
I think the motivation comes from many different places, starting with the fact that I grew up fairly unattractive and couldn't get any female attention. I thinned out and suppose I'm decent looking now, but still always see myself as the fat kid I used to be. Because of this I see a lot of guys as more attractive than me. Also, the lack of attention (and therefore sexual attention) makes me feel inadequate sexually even though I've had 2 of my 6 girls tell me I've been the best sex they've ever had (I'm roughly 8x6.75). Seeing giant dicks in porn and on this site doesn't help either! haha! I've just never had the opportunity for lots of sex and it makes me feel undesired and therefore makes me feel small. Three of these girls told me I'm big (including my current gf), but just my downward attitude of myself makes me believe that they're just being nice to me.
I like thinking of my girlfriend fucking other guys because, #1 she is VERY attractive and I love watching her body and seeing her pleased. #2 It's almost a form of fantasy to see her with a chiseled, VERY hung guy, because I can kind of pretend it's me. I can escape my views of myself and imagine that I'm the guy fucking her with all the physical qualities I know girls love. #3 I feel undeserving of such an attractive girl (because of my self image) and I almost worship/adore the kind of man I wish I was. #4 I've never had any agressive women and the thought of her wanting sex so much that she'd fuck another guy even though we're dating is so hott. Cheating is a really taboo stimulation for me. The idea of sexual desire being SO great that it supercedes even a relationship is just amazing.
I don't think any of it's gay, because the thought of touching another man just makes my stomach turn. It's more of an adoration of a beautiful body and penis, and a desire to be like that myself.
I've discussed all this with her and she says she understands. She says she has no real desire to be with anyone else besides me, but she gets where I'm coming from. So after some discussion, I suggested to her that she go try out a friend of hers (a couple years younger than me) that we both knew to be hung. I told her that I'd rather her try it out now than always wonder about it later. So one night she met him and followed him back to his place. They had sex for about 3 hours and I got him to tell me all the details later. She claims that she could barely notice any difference between him and I, and also says that she'd rather be with me. Even after all this, I can't shake that feeling of inadequacy.
I think about the story of them fucking and it always turns me on instantly. I requested that when they fucked, that she let him do so unprotected because she likes it better that way, and also I love natural sex. It's so exciting to think of the risk of pregnancy and her potential desire to want his perfect genes in her baby. She complied and when he offered a condom, she told him definitely not. I also love thinking about him cumming in her. It's so sexy because it's just the heighest height of the whole act... and also when it's a big cock that's squirting all that cum, it's like the ultimate symbol of manhood. He did cum in her (which she also likes internal ejaculation), and he still fucked her in another 2 positions afterward! Lucked out, no baby... but I still fantasize about him being her stud playtoy. We use it during sex and dirty talk, but she says she only does it because I like to hear it. She said it was good with him, but she doesn't really care that it even happened or not.
I wish I had gotten to see her, or wish they'd made a video or something, but since they didn't, I just cant seem to shake this desire. It remains unfulfilled.
I know I've got some issues, but does all this make me a bad person?
and here are some pics of the guy she got to fuck...
I have a fantasy of watching my girlfriend fuck another man, but I just feel like a freak... am I weird?
I think the motivation comes from many different places, starting with the fact that I grew up fairly unattractive and couldn't get any female attention. I thinned out and suppose I'm decent looking now, but still always see myself as the fat kid I used to be. Because of this I see a lot of guys as more attractive than me. Also, the lack of attention (and therefore sexual attention) makes me feel inadequate sexually even though I've had 2 of my 6 girls tell me I've been the best sex they've ever had (I'm roughly 8x6.75). Seeing giant dicks in porn and on this site doesn't help either! haha! I've just never had the opportunity for lots of sex and it makes me feel undesired and therefore makes me feel small. Three of these girls told me I'm big (including my current gf), but just my downward attitude of myself makes me believe that they're just being nice to me.
I like thinking of my girlfriend fucking other guys because, #1 she is VERY attractive and I love watching her body and seeing her pleased. #2 It's almost a form of fantasy to see her with a chiseled, VERY hung guy, because I can kind of pretend it's me. I can escape my views of myself and imagine that I'm the guy fucking her with all the physical qualities I know girls love. #3 I feel undeserving of such an attractive girl (because of my self image) and I almost worship/adore the kind of man I wish I was. #4 I've never had any agressive women and the thought of her wanting sex so much that she'd fuck another guy even though we're dating is so hott. Cheating is a really taboo stimulation for me. The idea of sexual desire being SO great that it supercedes even a relationship is just amazing.
I don't think any of it's gay, because the thought of touching another man just makes my stomach turn. It's more of an adoration of a beautiful body and penis, and a desire to be like that myself.
I've discussed all this with her and she says she understands. She says she has no real desire to be with anyone else besides me, but she gets where I'm coming from. So after some discussion, I suggested to her that she go try out a friend of hers (a couple years younger than me) that we both knew to be hung. I told her that I'd rather her try it out now than always wonder about it later. So one night she met him and followed him back to his place. They had sex for about 3 hours and I got him to tell me all the details later. She claims that she could barely notice any difference between him and I, and also says that she'd rather be with me. Even after all this, I can't shake that feeling of inadequacy.
I think about the story of them fucking and it always turns me on instantly. I requested that when they fucked, that she let him do so unprotected because she likes it better that way, and also I love natural sex. It's so exciting to think of the risk of pregnancy and her potential desire to want his perfect genes in her baby. She complied and when he offered a condom, she told him definitely not. I also love thinking about him cumming in her. It's so sexy because it's just the heighest height of the whole act... and also when it's a big cock that's squirting all that cum, it's like the ultimate symbol of manhood. He did cum in her (which she also likes internal ejaculation), and he still fucked her in another 2 positions afterward! Lucked out, no baby... but I still fantasize about him being her stud playtoy. We use it during sex and dirty talk, but she says she only does it because I like to hear it. She said it was good with him, but she doesn't really care that it even happened or not.
I wish I had gotten to see her, or wish they'd made a video or something, but since they didn't, I just cant seem to shake this desire. It remains unfulfilled.
I know I've got some issues, but does all this make me a bad person?
and here are some pics of the guy she got to fuck...