It takes an intense focus and consistent rhythm and pressure. Women also don't have the "point of inevitability" that men have when they get close to orgasm and they can stop stroking and continue onto an orgasm and ejaculation. Women can have their orgasm stop before or during a peak if distracted.
It's not just psychological. It's about pressure, rhythm and consistency. Hands get tired, mouths and hands get out of sync and mess up the build up to orgasm. This isnt rocket science.
I agree with you, it's as every bit physical as mental. 99% of the women I've been with, I made sure they came somehow, (ok when I was a teenager maybe it was 75% haha) but the women I have made to have orgasms during intercourse are few and far between, but it wasn't their fault.
If they did it was because somehow we matched up well (fit and angle wise) and they were able to cum in the short period I could keep the thrusting constant. I also made sure they were fully aroused and on that 'plateau' before I started fucking them, that helps a lot.
Though I can have sex and stay hard for over an hour, I can only last a minute or so, sometimes a lot less, of constant thrusting. I've learned over the years to control it, by slowing down, stopping momentarily or just breaking up the rhythm to keep me from cumming too soon, but that also breaks up the womans orgasm. So if I could have gone even 30-45 seconds longer without pausing I'd say I'd have doubled the number of women I've made cum during sex. It's a fine line between good sex and great sex I've learned
Like you described how your husband is, I'm not distraught if I didn't make the woman cum by fucking her, I just make sure she gets it somehow.
A good orgasm is a good orgasm but there are women who prefer a deep vaginal orgasm if they can get it. I obviously would do better with a girl who can cum in a shorter amount of time of fucking or I need to be with a girl who doesn't care where her orgasms come from. Matching up is important.
I think a lot of sexual complaints in a relationship is just from being sexually mismatched.
Overall I would have to say I have the opinion that it's more the man's responsibility to make a woman have an orgasm from fucking, not the other way around.
Like I said in an earlier post, I have seen girlfriends, who I never made cum, have one right in front of me from my friend (who is a good bit smaller) in only maybe a minute or two longer of fucking. I've also seen a few of them have multiple orgasms and he was only doing what I was doing but he kept it constant for ten or more minutes.
However a girl he had never made cum, i fucked her and made her have two back to back, not by thrusting but by just pressing her cervix with my head and my pelvic to her clit and grinding hard.
She was fully capable of having an orgasm from a cock but he'd never done it right, just like the girls I couldn't make cum, it wasn't their fault.
Now that being said, there are some women who could get a porno style fucking for hours and still never cum, they just don't have the physical sensation from it needed to go over the edge and that doesn't imply there is something wrong with them, just like there is nothing wrong with me having a hard time cumming from a blowjob but then can cum very quickly from being in a girl.
