Just friends when there is a strong attraction?

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by L_Lynn, Oct 7, 2009.

  1. L_Lynn

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    Do you think it is possible to become "just a friend" to someone you have an intense, mutual attraction to, but with whom you cannot pursue an intimate relationship with due to other factors? (ie. he's a priest, she's your best friend's girl, it's your boss, one of you is not available, etc.)

    And by "intense, mutual attraction," I mean someone you genuinely like as a person AND you know you would have crazy good sex with.

    Has anyone be in a situation like this before? How did it turn out?
     
  2. LowRida

    LowRida New Member

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    I was married once before my current marraige and a coworker of mine I had a "mutual attraction" with and we WERE just friends, really good friends but my ex wife became very jealous and her boyfriend was jealous too. So, looking back on it I would say it IS possible but the perceptions of others might not see it as "just friends" and could strain your current relationship or theirs or whatever the case is.
     
  3. L_Lynn

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    LowRida, did you have to be cautious with this co-worker, avoiding situations where you might be alone together, avoiding flirtations? Are you still friends?
     
  4. Contour

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    I would like to say this could work, and it may work for some.

    I have been in this situation and It started out alright but the sexual tension got way too intense and I just found myself unable to think of much else than wanting to fuck their brains out!

    Theoretically it could work, but I struggle to think of a situation where it would.
     
  5. Wish-4-8

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    No. And it is dangerous too. All you need is a moment of vuneralbility and a bit of alcohol to cross the line. That is like an alcoholic having his AA meetings or anything meeting at a bar, with free drinks!

    Temptation is not the sin, the action is. But you are only human. So why risk it?
     
  6. B_Hung Jon

    B_Hung Jon New Member

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    I think it could be possible perhaps in another place or time but given the society we live in and people's traditional attitudes, I don't think it would work now. People need to be extremely mature to be able to deal with the jealousy and fear of such an arrangement. Also people tend to get emotionally involved if there's such a strong connection between them, so that also seems like it would end up intimate automatically. Good luck.
     
  7. korinaus

    korinaus New Member

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    I know someone who would probably think I am just her nice male-friend. She is a married lady. 'Unfortunately' for me, she is really attractive to me that I want to sex with her every night if she was not married. But, at the same time, I respect her and don't want to lose her. I think my desire of not losing her is stronger than my sexual desire for her. So, I have managed to be happy with our platonic relationship and hopefully into the future. When I meet her, I try my best to transform my sexual energy into other forms like making her laugh as possible as I can or satisfying her intellectual curiosity. I know it sounds pathetic or even creepy. But I was being honest..
     
  8. Cant_Stop

    Cant_Stop New Member

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    I think it can work until both people know that they both would love to fuck. Then it is alllll over.
     
  9. Lionsden49

    Lionsden49 Member

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    I thought I was much too old for this type of thing. I never thought I would experience these types of feelings again. I try to tell myself it is a lose/lose situation, distance myself from the individual, but I am sure I come off just acting weird. I have even considered confessing my feelings for this person, but then I would lose them forever. I'll let you know how this progresses one way or the other. I don't mean to sound "sappy", but it's too bad we have no control over our feelings. All of a sudden, it's just there.
     
  10. B_thickjohnny

    B_thickjohnny New Member

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    I had one of these attractions to a co-worker who I thought was straight. He had a great package and maybe he noticed me looking from time to time.

    Anyway, after I left the company we went on a weekend road trip to a concert in another town. After the concert and some heavy drinking we headed to the hotel room we shared. He undressed to his boxers and went to take a shower. He called me from the shower asking for the soap (he claimed he forgot it on the sink). I walked in to see him semi hard and hung like a fucking mule.

    He came out and jumped into bed while I took my shower. I got into bed in my boxers thinking he would be the same and quickly realized he was naked. I slipped out of my boxers and turned to sleep (with a now raging hardon).

    The next thing I know is he's spooning me and rubbing my ass. I roll over and we start kissing and he asks me to fuck him - which I do. He complains that it hurts (and by the way, is never completely hard but really LARGE) and we stop. He lays on his back and tells me he's never done this blah, blah, blah and apologizes. I say it's ok then he proceeds to start sucking my cock and gets on top of me with his cock in my face. I'm sucking him, licking his ass and we both cum. He washes off and again tells me he really prefers woman.

    So now, we see each other regularly because of business but nothing more has happened. I'm really wondering how to approach him again - I mean about getting naked! Any suggestions?
     
  11. L_Lynn

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    As long as your heart is still beating, you are not too old for this type of thing.
     
  12. indystudboy

    indystudboy New Member

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    Ok, my two cents. I rarely post anything on here but this one tugged at my heart strings.
    I met this amazing man on July 4th at a mutual friends BBQ. He's from Georgia. I live in NYC. We only spoke a few times, but I knew I was attracted to him.
    He is straight from what I gathered. Mid-August he pops up on Facebook and we start chatting. Within 5 minutes we each seem to have shared a life story about something huge. We joked about how we seem to have a "bromance" because I'm openly gay and he just needs an ear.
    It was nice to have a straight guy friend to just talk with...
    Then the texting starts. And we're texting each other upwards 30x a day for a solid 2 months...I push the gay thing. He always recoils back but in a non-judgmental way.

    I guess I was just trying to see how far I could push it, knowing that he is straight, but I queer can dream, right?!

    Anywho, long story short. He surprises me at my work (Visiting in NYC) at 3:30am near closing time! He is just there, shitfaced and needs a place to crash as I've offered in the past. So we get breakfast and I am like a school girl. All giddy that he is here, but as we get ready for bed I can tell he is hiding something. He tells me a few things that I promised not to share with anyone. Deep stuff. Stuff that get's my hopes up shall we say. And he didn't even go into detail...
    then he passes out on my couch and gone the next morning.

    That was over a month ago. The texts are coming less and less and I feel like our friendship is fading. Also I sent him an email saying that I've developed feelings for him. He said he would address when he has time, but know that I'm getting my hopes up and expecting something I may or may not want to hear.

    Honestly, I would love to just be friends. but I can't help the way I feel for him...UGH. I've said what I felt and now I'm sitting around waiting. I want to delete his number but then I know I'd still be thinking about him.....advice?

    I'd rather just be his friend, but I don't think it will ever be what it was. Whether because he shared his past discretions or because I shared my feelings...HELP!!!
     
  13. sab84

    sab84 Member

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    I was attracted to a friend of mine... after a year.. it just vanished.. I think I was lucky that it was just infatuation and nobody knew. Now we are thickest friends. But on the receiving end, one of my close friend in senior year disclosed to me that she's in love with me. I tried to handle the situation saying that I was interested in someone else and she is a close friend and how I don't want to jeopardize our friendship. I kept things normal between us. Unfortunately she was either a bitch or deeply hurt (and then turned to bitch).... a month or two later she started.. well... bitching about me to our common friends.... told them that I was an inconsiderate, flirtatious guy, who used her and god knows what all. In the end she costed me a friendship with another dear friend of mine...

    So my advice, if you can hide your emotions, keep up pretending... yes it's possible.... the upside.. either you might get used to it (meet someone else or totally forget or if it was just hormones speaking) or he/she makes a move(exceptions include married, friend's bf/gf or illegal or unethical)....
    downside.. one day you will realize you are lying to yourself and to him/her.. become miserable and then end relationship (in good or bad terms).. In the end you have to weigh your relationship with them... as to what or how much trouble they are worth of.
     
  14. sab84

    sab84 Member

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    I was attracted to a friend of mine... after a year.. it just vanished.. I think I was lucky that it was just infatuation and nobody knew. Now we are thickest friends. But on the receiving end, one of my close friend in senior year disclosed to me that she's in love with me. I tried to handle the situation saying that I was interested in someone else and she is a close friend and how I don't want to jeopardize our friendship. I kept things normal between us. Unfortunately she was either a bitch or deeply hurt (and then turned to bitch).... a month or two later she started.. well... bitching about me to our common friends.... told them that I was an inconsiderate, flirtatious guy, who used her and god knows what all. In the end she costed me a friendship with another dear friend of mine...

    So my advice, if you can hide your emotions, keep up pretending... yes it's possible.... the upside.. either you might get used to it (meet someone else or totally forget or if it was just hormones speaking) or he/she makes a move(exceptions include married, friend's bf/gf or illegal or unethical)....
    downside.. one day you will realize you are lying to yourself and to him/her.. become miserable and then end relationship (in good or bad terms).. In the end you have to weigh your relationship with them... as to what or how much trouble they are worth of.
     
  15. L_Lynn

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    Overall it seems that if the attraction is undisclosed, there is a better shot of maintaining or beginning the friendship. Once the attraction is disclosed, it's darn near impossible. Either you follow the natural path of that attraction or you walk away. Additionally, if it is a MUTUAL attraction (both people feel the same way) that cannot be consummated, then you are pretty much screwed. You have only the slim chance that over time the attraction will dissipate or the situation will change.

    Does that about sum it up? *sigh*
     
  16. B_Nick4444

    B_Nick4444 New Member

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    yes

    I had a strong emotional/sexual attraction to all my straight buds, before I learned they were straight

    it (maintaining the friendship) involves sublimating, or redirecting your feelings to the non-sexual level
     
  17. L_Lynn

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    Well that is hopeful, Nick! :)

    Wondering tho', if one of them wanted you, and you knew it, would the sublimating and redirecting still work?
     
  18. D_Peter Stubigg

    D_Peter Stubigg Account Disabled

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    I think so. I do my best work when I'm with women that I find smoking hot. It's probably because I want to impress them, or perhaps it's because I pay more attention to them, whereas less attractive women and, well, men, get tuned out more.
     
  19. korinaus

    korinaus New Member

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    When I am with a girl who is attractive to me, I also tend to work real hard to please or satisfy her at the moment. It doesn't need to be 'traditional' sexual way I think. If I make her smile, make her pleasantly surprised, or make her focus on something I introduce to her, I feel satisfaction kind of similar from sex, if not more :)

    It is a bit interesting because, when I felt much less attractive than now, I used to distance myself from attractive girls or pretend that I was not interested.

    Well, anyway, there are certainly some girls out there who make a guy want to be a better man.
     
    #19 korinaus, Oct 11, 2009
    Last edited: Oct 11, 2009
  20. wolf1bear2

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    attraction, is substance, desire is ultimate, married, straight gay, someone out there grabs us, and it won't let go. Age, youth, musular, fat, thin, blonde, brunette, we all desire, hope, someone 20 years ago and a a face, body you were attracted to 2 minutes ago. The only thing, is two consenting adults, but we hope, don't we. Believe me, people want brains, and satisfaction, they can commute with people, and maybe a connection can be made. Be happy all, choose wisely, Wolfbear2