Lesbian encounter

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by D_John Uppipe, Nov 7, 2010.

  1. D_John Uppipe

    D_John Uppipe Account Disabled

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    A few days ago,my girlfriend of 3 months told me that about 10 years ago,she had a one month lesbian relationship.

    I was shocked and didn't know what to say.She tells me it was just an experimental thing and that she is 100% straight.

    Our relationship is going very well both emotionally and physically.

    For some reason,I can't seem to get past this and it has been bothering me for days.She said she regrets telling me as I have suddenly become more distant and aloof.

    I don't know what it is, but is really affecting me in a negative way.We have talked about our past "straight relationships, but this was a bit of a shock.
     
  2. zaragoza

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    Why has it affected you so much,since you are 50% gay yourself,have you told her about all your past ''gay relationships''?
     
  3. D_John Uppipe

    D_John Uppipe Account Disabled

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    Lol...actually,that was a typo.I have since changed the data.I am 100% straight for sure.

    It's not as if I am homophobic or anything as I have gay and lesbian friends and relatives, but this news hit me very hard.
     
  4. Hoss

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    She had a 1 month relationship with 1 woman, she's been with you 3x as long. The time in her lesbian experimenting was 10 yrs. back and apparently that was the only time. The past is the past, leave it there and be glad that she felt safe and comfortable enough to tell you, she's letting you become part of her life which says she sees a future with you.

    Many people experiment, especially when young (you haven't said the age she was then).
     
  5. zaragoza

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    Ok,so you are 100% straight,and you are not homophobic... i still don't understand your reaction,especially since you've only been together for three months.

    Would you be happier right now,if she hadn't told you?

    You need to let it go,especially since this relationship is brand new,you don't want to let your discomfort about something that happened so long ago,ruin what you have with her today.
     
    #5 zaragoza, Nov 7, 2010
    Last edited: Nov 7, 2010
  6. D_Rosalind Mussell

    D_Rosalind Mussell New Member

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    I guess the real question here is WHY did it hit you so hard. Does it shatter this image you have of her? She's human, we all experiment. She shared some very intimate information with you and I bet she's feeling rejected right about now. This inability to get over this inconsequential slice of her sexual history could ruin what you have. I know it's going to sound harsh, but if you can't get over it just move on so she can find someone else that won't care if she spent a month of her life in a lesbian relationship.
     
  7. B_RedDude

    B_RedDude New Member

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    It sounds like you're experiencing some homophobia that you didn't know you had (I think this term gets thrown around a bit much, but am using it for lack of a better alternative). Nothing to be ashamed of. It can be a sociocultural thing. You may think of yourself as not homophobic, but you have now been confronted with non-heterosexual sex in a very up close and personal way. And it's different than having a gay cousin, or even a gay bud.

    The thing is, if you're interested in keeping and further developing this relationship, you might see a therapist for a few sessions to explore why it bothers you so much and if you can get past it. This may sound very much like a "Dear Abby" response, but in this case I think it could really be helpful. The thing is to find a therapist that you feel very comfortable with, male or female.
     
    #7 B_RedDude, Nov 7, 2010
    Last edited: Nov 7, 2010
  8. D_John Uppipe

    D_John Uppipe Account Disabled

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    Good points Mr.Hoss.

    She was 23 at the time by the way.I guess she told me for a reason.

    Apparently, the other lady involved was a 100% card carrying lesbian and was the one who made the first moves.

    There was apparently some alcohol involved in the initial stages and it kind of went from there and evolved into a 1 month fling.

    There are probably some self-esteem issues involved on my part.

    I really care about her and need to work through this.
     
  9. petite

    petite New Member

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    Are you afraid that she's really a lesbian?

    Or does it change the image that you had of her, makes you feel like she's not the "kind" of woman that you want to be with?

    What precisely is bothering you about it?
     
  10. zaragoza

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    ''100% card carrying lesbian'' that sounds homophobic to me.And you seem to be implying that it only took place because she was intoxicated.
     
  11. dongalong

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    Man, many guys would love a girlfriend open minded enough to try that out. Obviously it wasn't the kind of lifestyle she preferred so I suggest you try to "step back" in your mind and analyse the big picture:
    Her experience doesn't have a negative impact on your life apart from inside your mind. In reality everything in your relationship is fine. Accept that and enjoy the fact that she is ready to experiment - you are a lucky guy!
     
  12. D_John Uppipe

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    Well Ms.Petite,I guess I kind of feel that those "tendencies" could resurface in the future.She has lots of female friends and they are all pretty close and touchy feeling especially while partying/drinking. Maybe it's just paranoia on my part but I feel something's changed now and not for the better.
     
  13. D_John Uppipe

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    Maybe not the right choice of words.......I meant she was completely lesbian.
     
  14. petite

    petite New Member

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    So you are concerned that she's really a lesbian and you are also afraid that she cannot be trusted not to cheat on you because she was in a lesbian relationship.

    After all, her previous relationships with men don't have you worried that she'll get drunk and sleep with a man, right? Even though she's slept with a lot more men? And some of those encounters were probably aided by alcohol, given most people's dating history... So, I'd say that your problem is that you're homophobic, because your reasoning makes no sense.
     
  15. D_John Uppipe

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    Maybe there are homophobic tendencies but I don't see them clearly.

    She told me this news at IHOP over breakfast and I was famished but after hearing it,I didn't even eat one morcel and she felt guilty.

    Well I'm off to see her in a few mins so hopefully everything'll be ok.
     
  16. petite

    petite New Member

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    Well, think about what I said about why you aren't paranoid that she'll get drunk and sleep with a man, will you? Why does sleeping with one woman make her untrustworthy in your eyes?
     
  17. dissolver

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    does she know you frequent a site that encourages looking at penises?

    Given that you haven't posted any pics of yourself, we can only assume you're here to look - not show off.
     
  18. D_Cock_Hudson

    D_Cock_Hudson New Member

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    Your gf is not alone- there are I think far more women who have experimented with someone of the same sex than men. A friend of mine is married to a woman who had a lesbian relationship about ten years before they met- he's OK with it and they have been married for over fifteen years now.
     
  19. helgaleena

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    It's jealousy and insecurity. Perhaps the OP thinks he can out-male any other man she's had before, but against a woman he's got no superiority.

    Jealousy and insecurity are hard to master. But in a thread here some time past, I learned the importance of counting one's blessings. If she is truly the one for you, she won't go away no matter what. Otherwise, you both will need to seek further for the stable mating.
     
  20. bigbull29

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    Many men just hide their experimentation and live in the closet. Women are just not clearly as homophobic as men. That said, women are still very homophobic when it comes to dating a man who admits to same-sex attraction.