Promiscuous Sex

Discussion in 'Women's Issues' started by D_Ezdras Dingledonger, Sep 7, 2010.

  1. D_Ezdras Dingledonger

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    I was talking to my sister the other day and we had an interesting chat regarding promiscuity. I was lamenting the fact that it's still taboo for women to enjoy their sex lives. It seems to me that the only way a woman can have lots of acceptable sex is for her to be in a long-term, monogamous relationship. That sort of social pressure would stifle me immensely - not to mention that it hurts my own chances to meet someone when I go out on the town.

    In any case, she mentioned that she had gone through a phase of carefree sex in the past but that at the time, she wasn't too concerned with the hedonistic/animalistic part of it. Instead, she did it to find a man who meant something to her - the notion of kissing many frogs before you find your prince, I suppose.

    So my question is, are you currently in a phase of having promiscuous sex? If not, did you have such a phase in the past? Is/was it for sexual gratification, was it to find Mr. Right, or was there another reason?

    Lastly, I would like to know whether it affected your self-esteem in any way; did you feel empowered and confident, or did it make you feel worse about yourself?
     
  2. redbear52

    redbear52 New Member

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    I am not a woman, but I have been intimate with at least two (one of whom is my wife) who had been pretty promiscuous before I met them, with whom I have discussed this topic.

    I should mention that things were a bit different when I was attending college in the early 1970s. The "sexual revolution" was in full swing, and one of the ways in which defiant kids rejected and pissed off their parents was to screw a lot. Also, oral contraceptives and IUDs were widely available, and widely utilized by a large percentage of women. Although herpes and gonorrhea were around, AIDS was unknown in the US and the HIV had not been identified.

    Both women had come from quite religious families. My wife had been raised as a Catholic, and my other lover had come from a fundamentalist Protestant background. My wife admits to having had about 25 lovers or so before me, but I strongly suspect it was more like 50+. The other woman, who was a nurse, admitted to around 100 partners. Both women were rather shy and reserved in personality, at least at first glance, not brazen hussies at all.

    The one who was a nurse described it as "having sex for sex's sake". She had a lot of casual encounters for pure physical pleasure, often with medical students who were rotating on her unit in a teaching hospital, and with a few staff physicians. She finally stopped. I don't think it was because she felt disgusted with herself so much as she just got tired of it, and I think she was looking for a deeper relationship with a man and realized that she wouldn't have that if she continued screwing every guy in sight.

    My wife said she had sex with a lot of guys she really wasn't much attracted to because she perceived this to be the accepted female behavior at the time. She did not want to be perceived as a "prude" or a lesbian. She felt that it was just expected that if you hooked up with a guy at a party or a bar, you went to bed with him. She also did some experimentation with drugs, which was also common at the time, of course. She did in fact become rather disgusted with herself after a couple of wild years and became quite depressed as a result.
     
  3. D_Edwin Eatser

    D_Edwin Eatser New Member

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    Not a woman either but also started sex during the 'sexual revolution'. Had a quite a few gfs at uni, including one who was extremely promiscuous and was on a sex-party circuit. She said she really enjoyed orgying - I was inexperienced enough to be a bit shocked, and inexperienced enough to rely on her taking the pill for contraception. She gave me gonorrhea!

    I'm now married to a woman who has always had a very high sex-drive and had several affairs and one-night-stands, including lesbian ones, during her last marriage rather guiltily, because as slant says, society expects female sexuality to be suppressed. I was in a similar situation with affairs, a mistress and casual sex during my last marriage. We found a happy solution to our high sex drives by taking up swinging soon after we got together - neither of us are cut out to be faithful in the traditional sense, and we live a pretty promiscuous life. We prefer to swing together but if one of us is away on business and has a chance to have sex with someone who appeals, we have no problems with that as long as we let the other know, and always use condoms. It's just sex after all, one of life's great pleasures, so why not enjoy as much as you can while you are able to do so?

    Interestingly we've lots of friends who were just like us, and took up swinging relatively late in life. We don't broadcast the fact but are old enough not to care if people do find out, like my wife's sons.
     
    #3 D_Edwin Eatser, Sep 7, 2010
    Last edited: Sep 7, 2010
  4. HiddenLacey

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    I have never had such a phase. I was raised believing it was wrong and I think more than anything I was always afraid of a condom breaking and getting pregnant and disappointing my Dad. Now that I'm a older I feel differently. IMO everyone should explore sex and their sexuality however they choose and be comfortable with it.
     
  5. Bbucko

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    Language is freighted with meanings and connotations; "promiscuous" is a word I no longer use to describe sexual activity and haven't since I was in my late teens because it's entirely subjective. Personally I prefer "hedonist" (which has a catchy ring to it) and really like the term "sportfucking" for casual sexual encounters.

    Aside from "hedonist", there are no female equivalents to "stud" or even "player", only pejoratives. I don't see women embracing or taking back "slut" the way LGBTs have "queer" :wink:
     
  6. IntoxicatingToxin

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    I don't see anything wrong with women being promiscuous as long as they're in the proper mental/emotional state while doing it. I'm not a promiscuous person, but I used to be. Between the ages of 16 and 20, I'd slept with about 25 guys. My reasoning behind it, however, wasn't based in a healthy emotional state. It was from extreme insecurity and doing anything possible to get attention from a man so I felt like I had some worth. I don't regret my past. If anything, I appreciate every experience I've had, no matter how negative it may have been. Having said that, I'm not proud of that part of my life. I don't brag about it. I hate answering the question of how many sex partners of I've had because I know it makes me sound slutty. But, it's my history. I own it.
     
  7. Scarlet

    Scarlet New Member

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    God, this is a great topic. I don't even know where to begin. From an early age, I've always been hyper-sexual. I remember being very young and watching scrambled porn and softcore Showtime flicks, and finding Daddy's porno mags. I was always very curious about sex, and I think this early desensitization made me the sexual woman I am today. But in our society, that has it's downfalls. Especially here in the bible belt.

    There's very little I haven't seen, and very little I haven't done or wouldn't do. I believe that I deserve sexual gratification and freedom of sexual expression just as much as any man. There are many who logically agree with this, but then do not hesitate to call a sexually liberated woman a "slut" in the next breath. I don't mind being called a slut, it's just a word, (actually the times I've heard it I was just chillin with male friends and hadn't done ANYTHING) but the damage a stained reputation can bring about is devastating. No one wants to date or eventually marry the "slut". In a small town, this is especially true. The frustrating part is that a man with the same sexual appetite and number of partners is considered "the man" and is even more desirable because of his experience. Rumors work for a dude, and ruin a chick. Yup, that's totally fair.

    I probably would be the Madame of a fucking harem of men AND women if the fear of persecution wasn't so prevalent in my mind.

    I grew up with a wonderful family that's raised me to accept my body and sexuality. They were always open and willing to answer any question I had. I was never ashamed to come to them for guidance. Due to that, I've always taken good care of myself. I choose partners that I keep, either as fuck buddies or partners, with the exception of the three one night stands I've had in my life. I've been sexually active for 10 years, had 25 sex partners (male and female), and I've never contracted a STD or had a pregnancy scare. That more than a lot of folks can say, male or female, but if the extent of my sexual appetite and fetishes were broadcast on the local news I'd probably be burned at the stake of being so damn dirty.

    SIGH.
     
  8. Bbucko

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    See, this is what I mean by "subjective": I probably hit 25 guys within six months of being sexually active, and I never once felt a pang of regret about any of it. By my standards, that's actually rather chaste, or at the very least highly typical. But I understand that gay men and straight women have very different notions (and societal conditioning/sanctioning) regarding sexual activity.
     
  9. badgirl22

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    After being in a basically sexless marriage for 13 years I left him with and decided I just wanted to go out and get laid. I wasn't looking for a relationship, in fact, I didn't want one. I had no issues what so ever with my self esteem. In fact, the fact that so many men wanted me, of all ages, and most gorgeous, made me feel like I wasn't so worthless and unsexy. It did a lot for my self esteem. As a woman in her mid 40s I was astonished at how easy it was to attract attention especially since my husband hadn't wanted to touch me. I felt empowered - truly. I was the one who got to make the choice to have sex or not and I liked it.

    I had no emotional attachment to the men I slept with but there had to be some sort of a connection. Two years later most still call and those I didn't sleep with still want to. I made some good friends (both the ones I did sleep with as well as those I did not).

    But, then, I unexpectedly met a man and fell for him instantly. That changed my attitude towards the casual encounters and he was all I wanted. Unfortunately, he dumped me because of some of the stuff I wrote on here....but that's another story.

    Since then I've slowed down and am in a relationship but I have zero regrets about what I did. Was a wonderful experience and I'd do it again.
     
  10. Penis Aficionado

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    Scarlet: For what it's worth, I want to "date or eventually marry the 'slut.'" Just because women like you who own and enjoy your sexuality bring so much energy and beauty into the wrold.

    Badgirl22: I just looked at the pictures of your body. Of course gorgeous men of all ages wanted you. You're a hottie! I can't believe this astonished you! I wish I had been around to tell you this during your unsatisfying marriage.
     
  11. goodwood

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    while this is a post on women's issues and the idea is that women respond - and i am not a woman, the responses of women that have responded are excellent. i wish more women would share their thoughts on this matter.
    since women are not terribly forthcoming on this issue, it seems to re-enforce the idea that men are able to freely enjoy sex in or out of a relationship and that women are not.
    i know this to not be the case. i have had plenty of sex with women that simply wanted to enjoy the physical pleasure of man. no strings attached. i was friends with many of them and remained friends with many of them.
    its wonderful when women are able to enjoy some great sex and not be hung up on the emotional state of a relationship, although in my experience this is rare.
     
  12. D_Fiona_Farvel

    D_Fiona_Farvel Account Disabled

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    Definitely have had my free love moments.

    What drove them? Gratification - absolutely and by whatever means I could dream up. Additionally, natural inhibition, combined with a desire to remain single, influenced by the end of major relationships, but still wanting to satisfy my really high sex drive... in a nutshell. :wink:

    Plus, I was traveling a lot, meeting people with whom I had instant connections and acted on it - no games, no bullshit.

    I didn't feel any different about myself, but I did gain a different perspective on men and their curiosities (which are strangely common) and insecurities. Which kind of ties in to why these periods ended--I like a challenge and to be surprised, and they weren't doing it. Every guy likes to think he's the player's player and I have quite a bit of game, so can read that shit from a mile away. Actually, I ended up with a guy who has no game and a "mediocre penis" :)wink:), but dammit he holds my attention like a mofo. :heart:


    Unfortunately. But, hey, I'm from da Bay, and grew up next door to a polyamorous, nudist MMF couple. My standards are off the chart. :biggrin1:
     
    #12 D_Fiona_Farvel, Sep 8, 2010
    Last edited: Sep 8, 2010
  13. denton85

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    i've known a few girls that were very "care free" they were part of our group of friends, and we didn't judge or care. we thought it was cool that they were basically going out like the guys trying to get laid every night. As far as i'm concerned there is no more double standard anymore. However that might be from the New York aspect of things. And from being from a bar town with a college a town over.
     
  14. B_subgirrl

    B_subgirrl New Member

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    Nope, although I would like to be. Seriously. I don't see my FBs frequently enough for my liking. I need to pick up another one or two.


    Yep. Between the ages of 18 and 21 I fucked like a rabbit. It was fantastic.


    Sexual gratification. I just loved sex. I loved the way it may me feel (physically and otherwise) and I loved pleasing others.


    Empowered and confident. That whole period was a feel-good time for me.


    Edited to add that my friend during this time had sex with almost as many people as I did. however her motivations were a little different. She was always looking for Mr Right. I sometimes wonder if she feels any regret about it, or if she is as comfortable with her past as I am.
     
    #14 B_subgirrl, Sep 8, 2010
    Last edited: Sep 8, 2010
  15. Bbucko

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    Is it any wonder why I find you so completely irresistible?
     
  16. adventureluvr

    adventureluvr New Member

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    I have been working with my girlfriend/lover on this. As a catholic filipina she was very concerned about being a "slut". i told her however it wasn't a bout being a slut but about being a "sexually confident woman". She bit and soon I had her having sex with BBC. She was already a bit of size queen having been fisted by her GF and herself. She went crazy and was soon fucking a mega cock 10" every week. Her husband (not me) was oblivious but did notice that she was hotter than normal and wanted to fuck again after coming home. Then later when she went home to manila she was fucking another guy bareback! She is hot and loves that she is a sexual explorer.

    If she divorces her husband I would be happy to marry this slut!
     
  17. lpsgnoob

    lpsgnoob Member

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    Hope you not talking about Redcell, coz you I read before in your posts how happy you were about being with him.:frown1:
     
  18. Drifterwood

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    IME, a lot of social "respectability" is a veneer.
     
  19. Scarlet

    Scarlet New Member

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    First of all, let me say that I fucking love you already because there was not a word in your post that I didn't relate with. My relationship with my live-in boyfriend ended in early 2008 and most of my sex partners were AFTER our relationship completely ended. I was in a 6-year sexless relationship. We had very little sexual chemistry. I've also had a lot of friends with benefits and have sustained some close friendships, even without the physical contact. I wasn't immune to the chemical pull of one man and I'm still trying to get over that, but I'm good. Pheromones were crazy though!

    You are a beautiful woman with a great body and a great mind. You deserve the best! *drag queen snaps* You betta work! (Pst, wish I had your ass!)

    Thank you! Was speaking from a small town mentality mainly though.

    I totally agree. She's beautiful and deserves to feel so.

    I need to chill with you guys.
     
  20. D_Ezdras Dingledonger

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    It's nice that there are so many guilt-free women on here. What I think is interesting is that for some, having many sexual partners in a short time period is indicative of a rough patch in their lives, and for others, it's all part of the natural cycle of life. I guess I forgot to leave out the option of whether you've always been highly sexually active - an eternal 'sportfucker' as Bbucko so wonderfully put it (am totally stealing that word for future use). :biggrin1:

    I guess I was interested in this topic too because I read an article the other week about why women have sex, and it gave about a hundred different reasons, none of which had to do with love or attraction. It all seems so much more complex than the way we men view sex.
     
    #20 D_Ezdras Dingledonger, Sep 9, 2010
    Last edited: Sep 9, 2010