Sexual attraction after or before love?

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by lopo2000, Apr 30, 2010.

  1. lopo2000

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jul 9, 2007
    Messages:
    1,553
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Malaysia
    I have one question for those who used to/have been/will be in a relationship. Do you guys fall in love with a person first then you feel sexually attracted to him/her? or are you sexually attracted to the person first then you fall in love (granted if it's destined for you to be in love)?

    Because for me personally, usually when I am sexually attracted to someone, I have to fall for him first. But sometimes, I do feel sexually attracted to someone and no love afterwards.

    What do you guys think?
     
  2. treetruck

    treetruck New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 11, 2010
    Messages:
    135
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    hawaii
    My first boy friend lasted one year and I was totally attracted to him sexually but no love. I meet my second and current man in 1984 and also was sexually attracted to him and we where so in love, still are but no sex any more. go figure
     
  3. chesz001

    chesz001 New Member

    Joined:
    Nov 26, 2006
    Messages:
    249
    Albums:
    2
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Manila
    well on my case,i fell inlove with her first and when we were going steady and live in my apartment well i became more sexually attracted to her..well,i think when you fall in love its a combination of love and sex because if you are sexually attracted first i think you might call it lust..am i right?
     
  4. lopo2000

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jul 9, 2007
    Messages:
    1,553
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Malaysia
    I guess you're right. It is just, perhaps it can go both ways...
     
  5. B_thickjohnny

    B_thickjohnny New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 2, 2007
    Messages:
    2,875
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Atlanta GA
    My BF (the one I recently broke up with) was a bit different. I was attracted to him but not so much in love. He made me fall in love though - through his words and actions and just the way he was - and man I fell hook, line and sinker. In 4 years however he changed dramatically. We met when he was 20 and I was 50. Four years is a lot for someone in that age range. He decided to go out exploring the other side of the mountain - behind my back. He went from nice small-town guy to big city slut, it seems.
     
  6. the_reverend

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Oct 23, 2006
    Messages:
    2,254
    Likes Received:
    3
    Gender:
    Male
    personally, for me, the attraction/chemistry is there first. i fall in love with them as a whole, body, mind and soul...but my initial access point is the visual and outward personality, which is entirely about attraction.
     
  7. gretchenweiner

    gretchenweiner New Member

    Joined:
    May 27, 2009
    Messages:
    208
    Albums:
    2
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    south dakota, it's pretty lame
    Guys I've immediately had that "i would like to dirty, dirty things with him" sexual attraction have never lasted long. It's like a flash fire burns hot and quickly dies out.
     
  8. D_Kay_Sarah_Sarah

    D_Kay_Sarah_Sarah Account Disabled

    Joined:
    Apr 5, 2006
    Messages:
    5,459
    Likes Received:
    1
    Depends on the situation.

    If its a friendship becoming a relationship then their will be love before sex, but if its a new person there obviously needs to be some kind of sexual attraction to spark your initial interest.
     
  9. B_Jules7

    B_Jules7 New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 20, 2009
    Messages:
    399
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    London
    for me it's usually sexual attraction before love. But, I have been friends and then developed a sexual attraction.
     
  10. StraightDave

    StraightDave New Member

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2009
    Messages:
    94
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Alabama
    Physical attraction ALWAYS comes first. A possible exception could be if you meet someone online and see no pictures of them until after you've already spent considerable time talking to them. You could develop a liking for a person that way, but it'd be nothing more then a, "this person is cool to talk to, I wonder what they look like, I'd need to know that to know if I'd be interested in them outside of a mere friend" type of deal.

    I don't see how you can fall for someone you have no desire to fuck.
     
  11. gretchenweiner

    gretchenweiner New Member

    Joined:
    May 27, 2009
    Messages:
    208
    Albums:
    2
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    south dakota, it's pretty lame
    fucking and attraction are two different things
    people fuck people they don't like or have attraction to all the time, they just like a warm hole
     
  12. StraightDave

    StraightDave New Member

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2009
    Messages:
    94
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Alabama
    Topic creator said SEXUAL attraction though. To me, sexual attraction equals desiring to fuck someone because you find them attractive.
     
  13. luka82

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Nov 1, 2007
    Messages:
    5,186
    Likes Received:
    2
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    somewhere
    I fall in love first.
    but I usually fuck with guys i don`t love!
    That`s why i don`t fuck much:(
     
  14. the_reverend

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Oct 23, 2006
    Messages:
    2,254
    Likes Received:
    3
    Gender:
    Male
    but as you say, those people just want the hole...they don't want to fuck the person, per se.
     
  15. lopo2000

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jul 9, 2007
    Messages:
    1,553
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Malaysia
    Actually I have fallen in love with people I have no desire to fuck in the first place at all. But then, after falling for them, I suddenly find them very attractive and fuckable. This happened twice.

    And that's the reason why I have never fucked or been fucked at all...
     
  16. AlteredEgo

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 12, 2006
    Messages:
    11,072
    Albums:
    3
    Likes Received:
    268
    Location:
    East Coast
    I have been sexually attracted to most of the men I dated (including my husband) before falling in love, and for the most part, I never fell in love with them. In one instance, I fell in love first, and sexual attraction came later.
     
  17. metas

    metas New Member

    Joined:
    Dec 11, 2009
    Messages:
    239
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    heaven
    Love your question!

    Certainly after LOVE for me. LOVE always leads a great sex.

    Thank you for asking.
     
  18. dirrtyminded

    dirrtyminded New Member

    Joined:
    Apr 23, 2009
    Messages:
    186
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Toronto
    I can be sexually attracted to someone and still not have an ounce of love in my heart for them, so for me actually falling for the person comes first. When I fall for someone I will find things about them that even they themselves have never considered sexy to be irresistibly sexy.

    On the flip-side of what I just said, my best friend is now totally out of love with her husband (married 7 months ago). She just told me that she loved him because he was kind, supportive and other stuff, she knew she could find hotter guys. Anyway she told me that they haven't had sex in a month because she didn't feel attracted to him and he wasn't turning her on (even though she wanted to get laid).

    So I guess having a sexual attraction to your partner before love/marriage can help.
    *Scratches head* It's odd that she told me that considering that I was going to respond to this post before having any sort of real life input from her.
     
  19. earllogjam

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Aug 15, 2006
    Messages:
    5,027
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    5
    Sexual attraction before love for me. Love is very rare and takes time to blossom. You can fuck millions of guys and not be in love with even one of them, however.
     
  20. B_BraxtonHartnabrig

    B_BraxtonHartnabrig New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 16, 2010
    Messages:
    137
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Kings Tower, PA
    sexual attraction first...I really can not see loving somebody for who they are, when you do not know them well from the jump

    I am always sexually attracted to a woman before I love her, and the only way I can love her is to trust her

    Love is a strange thing because no one can really describe the feeling into one main description.

    in the nutshell sex before love