- Joined
- Aug 31, 2020
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- Location
- New Jersey, United States of America
- Sexuality
- 69% Gay, 31% Straight
- Gender
- Male
To start, I'd been friends with SQ for 3 months before our affair began. We were both dating other people (SQ dated a woman; they broke up and he moved to South Florida, and I dated Ex #1; Ex #1 also moved back to his hometown in South Florida) when we met in January 2016. By July 2016, we (SQ and myself) were already involved.
Our affair only started after SQ was in Florida.
For context, me, SQ and Ex #1 (and SQ's ex-girlfriend from 2016) are all from Central New Jersey.
In July 2016, I was in an abusive relationship with Ex #1 for three months at that time; SQ ended up telling me not to talk to my ex at that time (which I thought was him looking out for my best interests; but I got a rude awakening about that, years later).
I later found out this was so SQ could seduce my ex through Instagram DMs (which my ex admitted years later - he said SQ is not his type, that I'm his type - but my ex cheated on me constantly and laughed when I told him I loved him; I'm just glad to be away from the abuse of Ex #1, since this story isn't about him - he proposed to me; I said yes, and then the ex went on a date with another man 12 hours later.
But this story is about Size Queen, who's Ex #2, not the cheating of Ex #1).
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I once had an affair with a DL guy (Ex #2 from before) from July 2016 to June 2019. I'm referring to him as Size Queen. He was 13-14 inches. He dumped me after 3 years because he got engaged to his girlfriend in 2019 (To this day, she doesn't know my ex cheated on her with a man - me). He's married with a daughter now. We were genuinely in love with each other, but the world thinks he's straight. By the way - the second reason he dumped me (and I'm embarrassed to say this) is because he thought I was too small to be a dom or a top in bed. Literally because I'm uncut & 4 inches soft and 7 inches hard. He's 13-14 inches hard (I don't know how many inches soft, I never asked him) and he's 6 feet tall. So he's basically a size queen.
I moved past it and I've had several relationships. The one serious relationship I've had is my current boyfriend (we've dated for 10 months, since April of 2023). But I do still think of Mr. Size Queen every now and then, and think of "What could have been" - but not as frequently as I used to.
My boyfriend is the first man I've dated who doesn't just ghost me or stray from our relationship like Size Queen did - my boyfriend cares about me, he's independent (we both are), he's loyal, he's ambitious. We have those things in common. And he never takes me for granted or weaponizes my privacy and secrets, the way SQ did.
My ex - Size Queen - was abusive (mostly verbal to me, but he did punch a "Children Crossing" sign in front of a middle school in the town I used to live in - because he was angry that my aunt called and forced him to leave my house, to which he screamed, "This always happens to me!" and a few minutes later, he screamed, "I'm over this s***!" and he punched the street sign).
SQ did betray me when I was vulnerable and opened up to him about my romantic attraction to him - and what I was scared would happen, ended up happening.
He dumped me and ghosted me, which - and for context: SQ and myself both had abandonment issues in the past, which is what bonded us originally - did deeply affect me.
As a way to heal, I (since I only know how to be vulnerable through my creativity) started writing song after song about how heartbroken I was and a few motivational songs to get me through it.
Healing takes time - even when a Size Queen breaks up with you.
It might sound ridiculous to say - but if he just wants to be friends, I'm fine with that. I'm much better (and healed) than I was when I dated both exes (When we met, I was 20, SQ was 18 - we started dating 1 year later; now, I'm 27, SQ's 24 turning 25 this year).
I'm dating my boyfriend, and happily in love with him.
I'd never cheat on him.
Another thing that may have been worse for me when I dated SQ was, I was addicted to pills from 2013 to 2020, and I feel that SQ and Ex #1 both dumping me the way they did, could have made my addiction worse.
I'm 4 years sober now and just grateful I overcame the abuse and found true love with a real man (Ex #1 even admitted, while crying to me after our breakup, that "You were right. I'm not a real man" - which did shock me and made me be nicer to him since I thought he never listened to anything I said, which made us argue a lot - but looking back, we were much better as friends or even friends with benefits, than dating each other).
Another thing is, I never told Ex #1 anything about my past until after our breakup (He'd always tell me, "I'm not going to baby you" when I'd want to have quality time alone to have private conversations with him, which did cause me to resent him).
But, back to the question - Should I stay friends with Ex #1?
I've forgiven him for everything and I'm no longer mad or resenting him, like I did when we were dating and when we got engaged.
I'm sober and moved on from Ex #1 and from Size Queen years ago - I'm in a happy 10-month relationship and just want to stay friends with Ex #1.
Our affair only started after SQ was in Florida.
For context, me, SQ and Ex #1 (and SQ's ex-girlfriend from 2016) are all from Central New Jersey.
In July 2016, I was in an abusive relationship with Ex #1 for three months at that time; SQ ended up telling me not to talk to my ex at that time (which I thought was him looking out for my best interests; but I got a rude awakening about that, years later).
I later found out this was so SQ could seduce my ex through Instagram DMs (which my ex admitted years later - he said SQ is not his type, that I'm his type - but my ex cheated on me constantly and laughed when I told him I loved him; I'm just glad to be away from the abuse of Ex #1, since this story isn't about him - he proposed to me; I said yes, and then the ex went on a date with another man 12 hours later.
But this story is about Size Queen, who's Ex #2, not the cheating of Ex #1).
|
I once had an affair with a DL guy (Ex #2 from before) from July 2016 to June 2019. I'm referring to him as Size Queen. He was 13-14 inches. He dumped me after 3 years because he got engaged to his girlfriend in 2019 (To this day, she doesn't know my ex cheated on her with a man - me). He's married with a daughter now. We were genuinely in love with each other, but the world thinks he's straight. By the way - the second reason he dumped me (and I'm embarrassed to say this) is because he thought I was too small to be a dom or a top in bed. Literally because I'm uncut & 4 inches soft and 7 inches hard. He's 13-14 inches hard (I don't know how many inches soft, I never asked him) and he's 6 feet tall. So he's basically a size queen.
I moved past it and I've had several relationships. The one serious relationship I've had is my current boyfriend (we've dated for 10 months, since April of 2023). But I do still think of Mr. Size Queen every now and then, and think of "What could have been" - but not as frequently as I used to.
My boyfriend is the first man I've dated who doesn't just ghost me or stray from our relationship like Size Queen did - my boyfriend cares about me, he's independent (we both are), he's loyal, he's ambitious. We have those things in common. And he never takes me for granted or weaponizes my privacy and secrets, the way SQ did.
My ex - Size Queen - was abusive (mostly verbal to me, but he did punch a "Children Crossing" sign in front of a middle school in the town I used to live in - because he was angry that my aunt called and forced him to leave my house, to which he screamed, "This always happens to me!" and a few minutes later, he screamed, "I'm over this s***!" and he punched the street sign).
SQ did betray me when I was vulnerable and opened up to him about my romantic attraction to him - and what I was scared would happen, ended up happening.
He dumped me and ghosted me, which - and for context: SQ and myself both had abandonment issues in the past, which is what bonded us originally - did deeply affect me.
As a way to heal, I (since I only know how to be vulnerable through my creativity) started writing song after song about how heartbroken I was and a few motivational songs to get me through it.
Healing takes time - even when a Size Queen breaks up with you.
It might sound ridiculous to say - but if he just wants to be friends, I'm fine with that. I'm much better (and healed) than I was when I dated both exes (When we met, I was 20, SQ was 18 - we started dating 1 year later; now, I'm 27, SQ's 24 turning 25 this year).
I'm dating my boyfriend, and happily in love with him.
I'd never cheat on him.
Another thing that may have been worse for me when I dated SQ was, I was addicted to pills from 2013 to 2020, and I feel that SQ and Ex #1 both dumping me the way they did, could have made my addiction worse.
I'm 4 years sober now and just grateful I overcame the abuse and found true love with a real man (Ex #1 even admitted, while crying to me after our breakup, that "You were right. I'm not a real man" - which did shock me and made me be nicer to him since I thought he never listened to anything I said, which made us argue a lot - but looking back, we were much better as friends or even friends with benefits, than dating each other).
Another thing is, I never told Ex #1 anything about my past until after our breakup (He'd always tell me, "I'm not going to baby you" when I'd want to have quality time alone to have private conversations with him, which did cause me to resent him).
But, back to the question - Should I stay friends with Ex #1?
I've forgiven him for everything and I'm no longer mad or resenting him, like I did when we were dating and when we got engaged.
I'm sober and moved on from Ex #1 and from Size Queen years ago - I'm in a happy 10-month relationship and just want to stay friends with Ex #1.
