This is what I was going to suggest!!! It's an awesome stress reliever!
Someone please kick me in the ass
- Thread starter davidjh7
- Start date
This is what I was going to suggest!!! It's an awesome stress reliever!
Wow, once again, I am overwhelmed at the depth of support, wisdom and caring I get whenever I have a pity party for myself here.:smile: Thank you, thank you, everyone. It means more to me than you can believe that you took the time and effort, to give me advice, a kind word, a virtual hug, and a virtual ass kicking.:biggrin1: To try and answer some of the ideas and suggestios:
I'm going to take a long weekend this weekend, which is my borthday, and go on a road trip somewhere--maybe downto Portland, some place where I don't feel obligated to do something for someone else. THat wil hopefully be asmall change that will help kick me out of the death spiral. I agree about the excersice---some years ago, I belonged to a gym, and carefully evaluated exactly how to make it work for me. I know who I am and how I work, so established goals that were realistic, but still challenging. I got training to learn some routines. I actually went often enough, despite travelling all the time at that time, to start making a difference physically. I reached that magic place that those of you who work out regularly know--where your body WANTS to go work out, and provides you with the motivation to do so. Where it punishes you when you DON'T workout.:tongue: I guess it is time to rejoin a gym, to seriously set a time to do so, and not make it a "soon", but an actual commitment to a date. Giving to others, volunteering, supporting, has always been very personally rewarding to me, but at the place I am right now, it would be difficult for me. In the last few years, all the friends I have who have been physically close to me, people I have actual physical contact with, have used me pretty badly, whether lovers, or friends. The people I have served in the community have, at best, turned their backs on me after getting what they needed or wanted, and that was the best case. I get a reasonable amount of positive feedback, and personal rewards, from my work. A good example was awhile back, because of the tools, and abilities, and willingness of myself and my coworker, we were able to quickly build a device that sheilded a patients eyes from a radiation treatment, that otherwise wouldn't have been sheilded. We did this in a day of extra affort, on extremly short notice--the patient had already started treatment. The result? A woman now has a chance to keep her vision, where without my coworker's an my extra efforts, abd bringing in our personal resources, she would have, at best, developed cataracts (sp?). This is very rewarding, and yet even this hasn;t countered what I feel, right or wrong, has been everything flowing out, and nothing back. Before I can be effective, and do it for the right reasons (because it is the right thing to do), and not hold expectations for reward again, I need to get over some bad bitterness. THat was why I said I felt like I needed something external, something tangible, coming back to ME. Selfish, I know, But I've reached the point where the well is dry. I will et there again, to help others the best I can, because it is at the core of who I am. I could no more chane that, than I could suddenly make my penis 12" long (hey, I figured I should bring the topic back to a penis SOMEHOW
). My happiness, and my satisfactio with life, is my responsibility--nobody else can make me happy, or miserable, but me. But all of you here give me hope---and show me that I matter enough to some people, to make an effort to care. Again, thank you---that is the most tremendous birthday gift I could have ever received.:smile: I also am going to try and set some goals that serve me, and only me. For once, I am going to learn that I am allowed to give to myself, as well as others. That will be the hardest thing of all for me to do, but I know it is necessary to the process of allowing myself to have some happiness. I thank God for all of you here, my friends, for those who I know love me unconditionally, and for my sense of humor. You, and those things, will see me through. And remember, I am here for you as well, to the best of my capacity. Be good to yourselves, everyone---someone has to!:wink:
I'm going to take a long weekend this weekend, which is my borthday, and go on a road trip somewhere--maybe downto Portland, some place where I don't feel obligated to do something for someone else. THat wil hopefully be asmall change that will help kick me out of the death spiral. I agree about the excersice---some years ago, I belonged to a gym, and carefully evaluated exactly how to make it work for me. I know who I am and how I work, so established goals that were realistic, but still challenging. I got training to learn some routines. I actually went often enough, despite travelling all the time at that time, to start making a difference physically. I reached that magic place that those of you who work out regularly know--where your body WANTS to go work out, and provides you with the motivation to do so. Where it punishes you when you DON'T workout.:tongue: I guess it is time to rejoin a gym, to seriously set a time to do so, and not make it a "soon", but an actual commitment to a date. Giving to others, volunteering, supporting, has always been very personally rewarding to me, but at the place I am right now, it would be difficult for me. In the last few years, all the friends I have who have been physically close to me, people I have actual physical contact with, have used me pretty badly, whether lovers, or friends. The people I have served in the community have, at best, turned their backs on me after getting what they needed or wanted, and that was the best case. I get a reasonable amount of positive feedback, and personal rewards, from my work. A good example was awhile back, because of the tools, and abilities, and willingness of myself and my coworker, we were able to quickly build a device that sheilded a patients eyes from a radiation treatment, that otherwise wouldn't have been sheilded. We did this in a day of extra affort, on extremly short notice--the patient had already started treatment. The result? A woman now has a chance to keep her vision, where without my coworker's an my extra efforts, abd bringing in our personal resources, she would have, at best, developed cataracts (sp?). This is very rewarding, and yet even this hasn;t countered what I feel, right or wrong, has been everything flowing out, and nothing back. Before I can be effective, and do it for the right reasons (because it is the right thing to do), and not hold expectations for reward again, I need to get over some bad bitterness. THat was why I said I felt like I needed something external, something tangible, coming back to ME. Selfish, I know, But I've reached the point where the well is dry. I will et there again, to help others the best I can, because it is at the core of who I am. I could no more chane that, than I could suddenly make my penis 12" long (hey, I figured I should bring the topic back to a penis SOMEHOW
). My happiness, and my satisfactio with life, is my responsibility--nobody else can make me happy, or miserable, but me. But all of you here give me hope---and show me that I matter enough to some people, to make an effort to care. Again, thank you---that is the most tremendous birthday gift I could have ever received.:smile: I also am going to try and set some goals that serve me, and only me. For once, I am going to learn that I am allowed to give to myself, as well as others. That will be the hardest thing of all for me to do, but I know it is necessary to the process of allowing myself to have some happiness. I thank God for all of you here, my friends, for those who I know love me unconditionally, and for my sense of humor. You, and those things, will see me through. And remember, I am here for you as well, to the best of my capacity. Be good to yourselves, everyone---someone has to!:wink:
madame_zora
Sexy Member
David, you really are a beautiful person! Take care and enjoy your trip, it's probably long overdue. Buy yourself something extravagant, just because you feel like it. No one will ever treat you better than you treat yourself, so set the bar a little higher by treating yourself very well. I hope the weather holds up and you get some sun- if you do, send some my way.
I really can't tell you how much good it did me to get out of my place for a while. I turn into a hermit when I'm not careful, and it just gets uglier and uglier.
I really can't tell you how much good it did me to get out of my place for a while. I turn into a hermit when I'm not careful, and it just gets uglier and uglier.
David, since very early on in my time here I perceived you as a good soul.
Have fun in Portland.:biggrin1:
Have fun in Portland.:biggrin1:
biguy2738
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Hi David
I'm pleased to see that you are feeling better and have made decisions for your own well being and happiness. I don't think that your decision to hold back is selfish, on the contrary its very wise. You cannot give what you do not have. Hope you have a wonderful break filled with much happiness and self indulgence. Above all else wishing you a happy and very blessed birthday.
I'm pleased to see that you are feeling better and have made decisions for your own well being and happiness. I don't think that your decision to hold back is selfish, on the contrary its very wise. You cannot give what you do not have. Hope you have a wonderful break filled with much happiness and self indulgence. Above all else wishing you a happy and very blessed birthday.
