"Straight Acting Men" ???????????????????

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deleted235425

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When gay men say they want "Straight Acting Men" on their m4m ads, what does that mean to you?
It reminds me of the clone look from decades ago.
 

erratic

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When gay men say they want "Straight Acting Men" on their m4m ads, what does that mean to you?

It says "I still haven't gotten over my internalised homophobia and am looking for similar douchebags to have sex with and then spend the rest of our time clinging (transparently, that is, to everyone but us) to arbitrary markers of masculinity so we can pretend like we're not actually homos."
 

billybones

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Guys are very straight looking with a dick hanging out of their mouths.

I ignore guys with this stupidity in their profiles. And the few I have met, trust me Helen, no one thinks you're straight. Acting, maybe, but not straight.
 

dylz

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It says "I still haven't gotten over my internalised homophobia and am looking for similar douchebags to have sex with and then spend the rest of our time clinging (transparently, that is, to everyone but us) to arbitrary markers of masculinity so we can pretend like we're not actually homos."

yep! and it means i have no interest in them.

i love plenty of guys who are not effeminate. thankfully there are plenty who are not dumb enough to call themselves "straight-acting."
 
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kiltiesf

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Agreed with ever above comments about internalized homophobia and want to fit in and be accepted by straight society and try to erase the stigma that society had assigned to men who don't conform to the perceived stereotype of hyper - masculinity as the only acceptable male traits.
 
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milwjocknow

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I think they want a guy who lays on the couch all day Sunday, watching sweaty men in tights run around tackling each other, and slapping butts. The same man needs to be dressed in sweats or boxers, drinking beer, and eating chips with one hand down his pants.
 

jjsjr

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Any guy who calls himself straight-acting is just in denial that he's gay.
Any guy who calls himself straight-acting, knows how gay he is and chooses to conceal it.
Any actual straight-acting guy wouldn't bother saying it, he just is, he just does his thing.

Personally, I think that calling yourself "straight-acting" is like keeping one foot in the closet... just in case.
 
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Alonso

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It's a strange term, one I associate more with the late 90s/early 2000s. Fortunately I don't seem to see it around as much. (I do, however, still see people who irately insist on how they are "masc" or yelling they only want "masc" guys, right next to their profile pic wearing matching tights with their best girl buddy, haha.) And I fit the bill myself - I've had guys coo over how "butch" I am and acquaintances seem quite surprised when I mention that I'm gay - but, eh, that's just how it went. I'm not about to trumpet it nor demand it of others. I do prefer more low-key, laid-back guys, so I'd rather you don't burst into musical faves or dance routines during dinner, heh - but if they otherwise act in "stereotypically" gay or effeminate ways, so what. If anything, I tend to feel attracted to guys who more obviously trip my gaydar as soon as I meet them, because that tells me I can flirt with them. ;) And it seems like some of the most super handsome guys I've met have been pretty effeminate, and I don't care how you gesture or walk as long as I can stare into those awesome eyes, haha.
 
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AlexDB9

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Here in LA the term has mostly been replaced with "masculine." In the early 90s when I first ventured to this side of the fence, the most common request was "straight acting white guys." The current fad: gym muscled beard clones who call themselves "masculine."
 
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In San Francisco, some say Straight Acting, others say Masculine.
 

dong-in-khakis

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It says "I still haven't gotten over my internalised homophobia and am looking for similar douchebags to have sex with and then spend the rest of our time clinging (transparently, that is, to everyone but us) to arbitrary markers of masculinity so we can pretend like we're not actually homos."

Just like you they have preferences. If they're not you trash them, right?
 

erratic

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Just like you they have preferences. If they're not you trash them, right?

Hey, I don't want to trash guys who do and/or are into guys who do stuff that is considered stereotypically masculine. I'm one of them, in fact. What I found while dating was that guys who called themselves straight acting had one foot in the closet and hated all over guys who didn't fit their narrow definitions of manliness. I mean, the whole term "straight-acting" presupposes that straight guys are masculine and everyone else is less so - which is some homophobic bullshit.

So I'll happily trash the term "straight acting" just as I'll happily trash any kind of homophobia - and if that means offending the sensibilities of people who ascribe to that term or any other kind of homophobia, then so be it as they've already offended mine.
 

bigbadger

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Just like you they have preferences. If they're not you trash them, right?

I have to agree with this. I will never understand why gay men seem so determined to criticize, trash, and take each other down. If someone happens to have a preference for guys who are into more masculine activities, then so what?

It seems you are assuming and stereotyping all "straight acting" gay men as homophobic and closeted. Isn't that as bad as those "straight acting" men who supposedly hate and make broad generalizations about effeminate gay men?

Guess what, there are just as many stereotypical effeminate gay men who are in the closet as well. Being in the closet has nothing to do with what activities you like or choose to partake in.

The idea that being effeminate means you are not in the closet or self-loathing is non-sense. If anything, I have found men who are supposedly "out proud and not hiding their effeminate side" tend to be some of the meanest, cattiest, and petty men around. Being effeminate and out also does not preclude someone from being a douchebag or an asshole.

Yes, the concept of "straight acting" can be kind of silly, but if someone has a preference for more masculine acting guys then good for them. And if someone prefers a more effeminate guy, then good for them as well.

In some ways I can understand why the whole phenomenon of gay men seeking "straight-acting" men online is so prevalent as there are not many other options for most gay men to meet men like that besides online. The overwhelming majority of gay culture, night-life, and lifestyle interest seem to cater to the stereotypical effeminate fabulous gay man.
 
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dylz

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erratic is on the money yet again. sorry, but no matter how you slice it, the very term "straight acting" IS homophobic nonsense. to merely point that out, as well as the obvious reasons why certain masculine semi-closeted gay men tend to identify with it (hint: the immense social advantages that come with not being obviously gay, or not being one of 'those' (disruptive) gays), is not to unfairly stereotype these men. masculine guys, particularly straight ones and those who pass as straight, are, as a general rule, viewed as special snowflakes and individuals, so contrary to some of your (actually very typical) responses, they are not in danger of being victims of oppressive stereotypes. i am sorry that some of you (dong-in-khakis, bigbadger) seem to feel otherwise.

to address some of the other posts above, it does seem to look like more guys are now stating preferences for masculinity rather than "straight-acting" men, which is obviously far preferable terminology. i do giggle at the m4m ads/profiles stating how "masc" they are (and usually prefer) though, as theyre usually made by people who seem profoundly insecure. (also, wtf is this stupid "masc" abbreviation? do people actually say that out loud? it sounds dumb as hell.)
 
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