"Straight Acting Men" ???????????????????

[deleted235425]

I am not a gay or a straight stereotype. Never ever have been.
I am surprised that some of you feel that if you aren't a gay stereotype, you are looked down upon in the gay community. I have never felt that way and most of my life, I have lived in gay meccas. I wouldn't care for ads that say the opposite of "straight acting" either. I have never gone with the flow over all. I have been into tennis and baseball and old movies almost my whole life. Side story: Once in a formal group setting with 10 gay guys, I said my fav movie was The Poseidon Adventure, and this was years before that movie became a gay fav. They thought it was a surprising choice.
I simply go for honest guys, who can be silly at times, among other attributes.

 

[draw22]

i dont put my shit on blast, im chill; dont act feminine, my walk isnt switchy, ive came out to people and they dont believe me. its funny as hell to see that look of TOTAL disbelief!

 

[fordonfire]

i dont put my shit on blast, im chill; dont act feminine, my walk isnt switchy, ive came out to people and they dont believe me. its funny as hell to see that look of TOTAL disbelief!

well, congratulations.

i guess you can compare it to any other preference really, i mean if you post an ad looking for hung guys only, it doesn't necessarily indicate intolerance or any other kind of derogatory attitude towards those who aren't, i suppose. i don't exclusively date hung guys but if that's what i'm looking for that day, i would hope it wouldn't offend average guys, but it might, but that's just how it is with dating. i do however find it a bit offensive when guys harp on how masculine they are, how everyone always thinks they're straight, and how they only date guys who are just as masculine as they are, to me it just indicates a level of insecurity and judgment that you wouldn't find with someone who is only seeking those who are hung, or hot, or whatever

 

[dylz]

the hilarious thing about the gay stereotypes that those on the "straight-acting" side of the spectrum have noted is that they don't even apply to many of us on the more effeminate side either. like, literally NONE of them that bigbadger and mikefole9 have mentioned apply to me. yet i'm assumed not to be an oddity in the gay community because i'm not "masc" or "straight-acting" (and because i've been calling out internalized homophobia for what it is itt). hint: we're diverse individuals united by little other than our shared sexual proclivities, cultural struggles, and a small number of social spaces in which we can tend to find each other (INCLUDING online outlets where guys who consider themselves "not part of the scene" congregate -- from "realjock" and g0ys.org to scruff and craigslist). it's legitimately shocking that some of you are so married to this sense that only other "straight-acting" men can understand you that you haven't yet recognized this.

but then again we have people here legitimately thinking of themselves as pariahs in the gay scene that they apparently aren't a part of. meanwhile masculine and effeminate gays alike are literally masturbating to the mere idea that the gay porn actors they're watching are actually not gay at all. yep. it's so much harder to be "straight-acting"!!

 

[erratic]

So if the term "straight acting" is now off limits and inappropriate to use as a gay man, then what term would you recommend we use from now on?

Does the term "masculine" suffice or is that also considered offensive and homophobic to those who are not that way? I am sure if we try hard enough we can find something offensive about whatever term we come up with, which is always the problem with censorship.

While I do not use the term "straight acting" when trying to meet men, it actually pretty much encompasses what I am looking for. Or pretty much implies someone who is a regular, down-to earth, guys guy. Besides straight acting or masculine, I am at a loss for a shorthand way to express/say the above qualities I am looking for in a partner.

What new term would you recommend using? Masculine seems okay to me, but I would be interested to hear your thoughts.

Oh and your welcome redheadinsf.

I am not taking on the mantle of language police, and I won't follow your line of argument in that direction. People may use whatever terms they like, but I think people must also understand that other people will have opinions about what words they use.

If, however, you're genuinely interested in what alternatives I'd suggest (which is fair enough; it's easy to take pot shots at a lazy term like "straight acting," but harder and more constructive to expand beyond that), as someone who is also attracted to down-to-earth man's men, I'd suggest using one's own terms rather than something so laden with homophobia as "straight-acting." It's pretty clear from this thread alone that while to some people that might mean "down-to-earth man's man" to many other people it means "self-hating queer with one foot in the closet."

And, as someone who is also attracted to men who embody more stereotypically masculine traits, I share your frustration in finding them, and in feeling like you're a part of the gay scene. If it helps, I had way more luck describing the outdoorsy, handyman kind of guy I am rather than the kind of guy I was looking for. After all, people are not really attracted to what you want in them, but what you can offer.

Frankly, I think a quick and honest description of oneself, like "Rock climbing, sea kayaking, travel nut looking for same" is far more interesting, attractive, and individual than "str8 acting u b 2."

 

[bigbadger]

the hilarious thing about the gay stereotypes that those on the "straight-acting" side of the spectrum have noted is that they don't even apply to many of us on the more effeminate side either. like, literally NONE of them that bigbadger and mikefole9 have mentioned apply to me. yet i'm assumed not to be an oddity in the gay community because i'm not "masc" or "straight-acting" (and because i've been calling out internalized homophobia for what it is itt). hint: we're diverse individuals united by little other than our shared sexual proclivities, cultural struggles, and a small number of social spaces in which we can tend to find each other (INCLUDING online outlets where guys who consider themselves "not part of the scene" congregate -- from "realjock" and g0ys.org to scruff and craigslist). it's legitimately shocking that some of you are so married to this sense that only other "straight-acting" men can understand you that you haven't yet recognized this.

but then again we have people here legitimately thinking of themselves as pariahs in the gay scene that they apparently aren't a part of. meanwhile masculine and effeminate gays alike are literally masturbating to the mere idea that the gay porn actors they're watching are actually not gay at all. yep. it's so much harder to be "straight-acting"!!

Your kind of missing the point for many people when they say straight acting or describing what they want in a partner. Especially online.

It's not so much looking for someone who understands me or "gets me" it's simply looking for someone who I have something in common with. I do not know about you, but I usually prefer to go out with someone I have something in common with. And If I do not know them, hopefully I will discover that we have some things in common.

As you said, we are all diverse individuals, therefore I actually would like to find someone who I know I have something in common with in this group of diverse individuals. Although despite this fact, the overwhelming majority of gay culture and lifestyle mostly caters to one segment of the gay community.

For me that happens to be things like watching football, drinking beer, listening to rock and roll, camping, hiking, etc. I do not think there is anything wrong with that. Nor is there anything wrong with wanting to date someone who is into those kinds of things. I do not know why some people here, especially you, are so intimidated or offended by other gay men being into those things or seeking those things out in a partner.

Nor do I consider that some homophobic conspiracy or action to make all the other gay men in our community feel bad or awful about themselves, nor to discriminate against them.

And I think most of us agree it would be rather stupid of me to go out with or place an online add seeking someone whom I have little to nothing in common with. Especially online, where I have more control of the type of guy I am hoping to find/look for or meet. Why would I waste my time purposely seeking someone who has little to nothing in common with me or me with them? Cause we all know how great a date is when there is nothing to talk about and just awkward silence. And no, the fact someone is gay does not really constitute having similar interests and likes.

Despite what you may believe Dylz, being into things typically associated with more masculine, or "straight-acting" men really does put you in a small minority within the gay community. I'm sure it is easy for you since you are not in that small minority to mock those of us who feel like pariahs but there is some truth to that, especially when it comes to the larger gay culture and lifestyle.

And wanting to date someone else who may be a part of that group is not a horrible homophobic action, its merely wanting to be with someone who has something similar to ourselves.

 

[Cloppo]

I was actually agreeing with and responding to readheadinsf post, but I guess I can take time to respond to your post as well.

Just so you know, I am not ignorant, stupid, or misinformed, as you so clearly and strongly imply and stated. I am well aware of the history (at least modern gay history post 1969) and well aware of what homophobia and self-internalized homophobia are. So thank you for trying to tell me that I am not.

I will again state that I am neither self-loathing, hateful, homophobic, or an asshole just because I happen to be more on the masculine "straight acting" side of the gay community. My demeanor and behavior are not to appease the straight community. Neither am I silent or a pushover when it comes to gay issues just because I happen to be more on the "straight acting" side of the gay community.

I actually do not consider myself to be "straight acting" as I find it a silly term and try not to label myself too much. But if you want to know why I consider myself more on the masculine, "straight acting" side of the gay community, its because there is no where else for me to self identify in the gay community. I certainly do not fit in with the stereotypical popularized version of what a gay man is supposed to be, so that leaves me little choice of where I fit in the gay community.

What else would you call or consider a guy who is into the things most typically associated with straight men (like beer, sports, rock n' roll, etc.)? Would the term masculine, bro, dude, or buddy be better?

The above is why I tend to pursue men who exhibit those "straight acting" qualities.
I do not choose to pursue men in the "straight acting" category because of the privilege and acceptance it may afford me or them. And I can promise you that despite my outwards "straight" demeanor and disposition, my life is neither charmed or extra special. Chances are I have the same problems and concerns any gay person has, "straight acting" or effeminate. I still went through the same difficulties with coming out, meeting men, and self acceptance that any gay person goes through. The way I acted or things I enjoyed doing had nothing to do with that.

My main objection is not your claims of the fact that the term is offensive, degrading, or dangerous (as you claim it is) my objection is to the fact a couple people here, including you, are assuming that anyone who identifies that way or uses that term is somehow closeted, self-loathing, homophobic or assholes. Or ignorant, uneducated and misinformed. Or somehow harming the gay community by using that terminology.

Yes some of the people who use that term are those qualities. But I'm sure some men (like me) who use that terminology do so because there really is not a better way to express those specific qualities they desire.

I am actually quite certain there is something you do that is not "straight acting". So, please quit trying so hard to convince that the term " straight acting" is not homophobic. The correct term is masculine or feminine. Those probably best equipped to handle life probably have a little of both. Straight acting would include the act of fucking pussy. When is the last time you have done that ?

 

[bigbadger]

^I never claimed to be 100% straight acting or hyper masculine. I simply stated the activities associated with that group of people are more of what I am into. And more of the things I would find enjoyable doing with a partner.

And actually there are some things I have done or enjoyed that would be described as effeminate. And there is nothing wrong with that.

You may have missed this above, but I said I do not describe myself as "straight acting". I am just me. But I will admit to having used that term in conversation multiple times in the past when describing other men.

And I never claimed that the term is not homophobic at all. I was trying to show (which you obviously missed) that many men, including myself, who have used the term in the past are not trying to be homophobic, hateful or self-loathing.

You might want to re-read my posts before you try and accuse me of things that I never claimed or stated in the first place.

And if you really want to know, I have never fucked a woman and have no intentions to. I would consider myself a Kinsey 6, and have no problem with that.

 

[bigbadger]

I am not taking on the mantle of language police, and I won't follow your line of argument in that direction. People may use whatever terms they like, but I think people must also understand that other people will have opinions about what words they use.

And, as someone who is also attracted to men who embody more stereotypically masculine traits, I share your frustration in finding them, and in feeling like you're a part of the gay scene. If it helps, I had way more luck describing the outdoorsy, handyman kind of guy I am rather than the kind of guy I was looking for. After all, people are not really attracted to what you want in them, but what you can offer.

Frankly, I think a quick and honest description of oneself, like "Rock climbing, sea kayaking, travel nut looking for same" is far more interesting, attractive, and individual than "str8 acting u b 2."

You are correct that people will have opinions about the language we use. I guess that is where I am different than some of the people here. I am not going to pander or change what I am saying when it was not meant to be homophobic or awful in the first place.

If someone is offended by it, then I guess that is there problem. Like I said above, I am sure there may be someone who is offended no matter what words I use. I'm sure someone else can find something offensive no matter what I say if they try hard enough. And if they are so easily offended by a silly term like that, then chances are we would probably not get along in the first place. Oh well, that's probably not a big loss for me in the long run anyways.

I have not really tried internet dating seriously yet. I have signed up for a site or two but ended up deleting them shortly thereafter. If or when I do, I will take your above advice. Your approach sounds like a great way to go about things.

 

[billybones]

I think it was the bit about being so butch that you don't fit in with the rest of the gay community part that clenched it.

 

[Cloppo]

^I never claimed to be 100% straight acting or hyper masculine. I simply stated the activities associated with that group of people are more of what I am into. And more of the things I would find enjoyable doing with a partner.

And actually there are some things I have done or enjoyed that would be described as effeminate. And there is nothing wrong with that.

You may have missed this above, but I said I do not describe myself as "straight acting". I am just me. But I will admit to having used that term in conversation multiple times in the past when describing other men.

And I never claimed that the term is not homophobic at all. I was trying to show (which you obviously missed) that many men, including myself, who have used the term in the past are not trying to be homophobic, hateful or self-loathing.

You might want to re-read my posts before you try and accuse me of things that I never claimed or stated in the first place.

And if you really want to know, I have never fucked a woman and have no intentions to. I would consider myself a Kinsey 6, and have no problem with that.

To have claimed yourself as such, is all I need to read. So, not as much an accusation as much as a truth. Let's just call a queen of spades a queen of spades. Last time I checked I know plenty of guys who are into beer, sports and rock n roll who are gay- and never claim to be straight acting.

 

[dong-in-khakis]

this always seems to be a controversial and delicate subject. It boils down to preference. All types out there, whether str8, gay, bi, male, female or whatever.

 

[deleted871301]

Hey guys... great thread. I want to weigh in. My profile reads: Naturally masculine. "Straight acting" by definition means one is "acting" and we all know guys that are not authentic. I am in the middle on the Kinsey Scale but prefer men so I identify only with gay sex. (if women were into sport fucking, that might be different)

I do not know fashion, musical theater, old movies with Betty Davis, Golden Girls or home decor and my friends tease all the time. My perception has been that I feel shunned and clueless at times so loving sports and being clueless with gay sensibilities is not all that great.

Great answer!

I can cook to the point that my food is edible, I can service a car, I do DIY around the apartment.

I cannot bake, I have no desire for the theatre or Opera, I am clueless when it comes down to anything classical, My fashion sense is what I feel comfortable in (usually jeans & t-shirt with sneakers), the furnishings in my apartment kind of just happened over the years. I love uplifting music (happy music) and play it loud when I drive my 2006 2.0i Z4 on the open road with the top down. I drink beer etc etc.

When I meet a man, I prefer that he be masculine (straight acting) :wink:

 

[dylz]

"when i'm looking for a partner, i prefer that he be as white-acting as i am"

 

[andy_life]

what really is straight-acting!!

 

[bigbadger]

I think it was the bit about being so butch that you don't fit in with the rest of the gay community part that clenched it.

Do you actually know how to read? Who here is claiming to be super butch? No one that I have seen. I would love to know what the hell your talking about or where your getting this shit from.

 

[deleted235425]

As Andy_life asked and has I said before does this mean straight acting?
Actually straight guys have feminine qualities too. The arts have many many many straight guys that dance, wear makeup, do costumes, etc, and what I mentioned is normally considered feminine. The posts that state "Straight Acting" also stereotypes straights. So do those guys in those ads weight-lift 3,000 lbs and grunt and eat raw meat and use their teeth to open bottles? Do they all want to be In The Strongest Man competitions? I do know know some actors started acting to meet women.
Yup, I had a reason for posting this question. I wanted to put this out there.

Picasso, Eastwood, Affleck, and many other straight men have been in the arts.
Some wear costumers, sing, wear make up, etc. Are they not straight for doing those things?
So does being in fashion mean you are gay? Is every man in Musical theatre gay?

 

[malakos]

"Str8", "Straight acting" or "masc(uline)" to me means "Next!"

 

[deleted235425]

I agree.
It stereotypes everybody.
It creates division.
So I guess one the greatest athletes of all time is "too fem" because he likes musical theatre. Just kidding. I mentioned him to prove a point. I don't like labels.
That athlete is Greg Louganis, maybe the greatest Olympic diver ever.

 

[malakos]

The funny thing is that I am sexually attracted to more masculine guys (not exclusively), but this arrogant attitude that is often now accompanying it is a huge turnoff for me, to the extent that I would much sooner be with a humble and sweet "flamer" than an arrogant "masc" guy.