What to do when the person you love, no longer loves you?

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by NottsBound, Feb 22, 2012.

  1. NottsBound

    NottsBound Active Member

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    So here I am, deeply in love with my ex who has just dumped me. She longer wants to speak to me after all the crying and pleading.

    I've avoided the urge to contact her for 2 weeks. She doesn't want to speak to me and is very busy studying. I don't hate her but I still love her and want the chance to make amends.

    What would do if the person you love with all of your heart just suddenly stops loving you and wanting you in their lives? How would you make yourself feel better, accept it and move on?
     
  2. erratic

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    You let yourself feel hurt. You remember that only two weeks have passed, and broken hearts often take much longer to mend than that. You be good to yourself. You make time for friends.

    Good luck, man. I'm sorry to hear things didn't work out.
     
  3. earllogjam

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    Sorry about your beak up Notts. I think there are things you can preoccupy yourself with so it doesn't sting as much like work, travel, other friends, or a new hobby which I personally think is better than dwelling on the break up. But you're gonna feel like your heart has been ripped out for a while if you really love her. I don't think there is a quick remedy for that. Welcome to life. Oh and ask for help when you feel low. Leaning on friends and spending time with them are a great way to get over this.

    Big hug to you.

    Earl
     
  4. Ohioguy

    Ohioguy Member

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    Get out there & try to have a good time. Throw yourself into situations where you can meet new people. Let your close friends know that you are hurting & ask their help in moving on & getting over your last relationship. Join social clubs, organizations, take a couse or volunteer. Good luck. You will find the right person probably when you aren't looking & are just enjoying being yourself.
     
  5. D_Bubba_Butter

    D_Bubba_Butter Account Disabled

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    You retain your dignity.
    You do not cry.
    You do not plead.
    You do not attempt to contact her.

    You enjoy yourself.
    You try something new.
    You go out & socialise with your friends.
    You flirt with other people, even if you don't want it to go anywhere right now.
    You put all that energy into studying. Trust me, it can be hugely productive.

    If you keep going back to her, you'll appear needy and unable to move on. & she'll want to avoid you for that. You'll dwell on it & the rest of your life will suffer. By staying away & getting on with your life, you give her the opportunity to realise she may have made a mistake. If she does, she'll come back to you... If not, you'll be ready to move on.

    Good luck!
     
  6. LaFemme

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    I know the feeling. I'm still counting it in days myself. I just keep moving. Just keep getting up, going to work, talking to people, acting as if everything is ok - and hopefully, one day everything will be ok. I've survived a broken heart before and I can do it again. Count on friends and family who love you. Let yourself cry when you need to and talk about it when you can. I'm sorry you are going through this, but it can be done. *hugs*
     
  7. ClawdineKitten

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    Moving on is one of the hardest parts. Dwelling on it only makes it worse. Being with friends and family is your best bet. Not being alone an surrounding yourself with people who make you happy helps. One thing that helped me the most was finding something you are passionate about and running with it. I looked to music and writing to heal my heart breaks.
     
  8. CUBE

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    This large dicked man has good words for you man. Stay busy. Be soooo good to yourself
     
  9. Hand_Solo

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    I hang out with my cat quite a bit since my wife split after 22 years.
     
  10. D_Sal_Manilla

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    This is going to sound corny and over played. but you have to let them go.

    I once made the foolish mistake of holding someone down. The resented me for it and It was no longer love. it was a job. I;m sorry for what you are going through because i was there once but just let her go. if you are lucky she will look back and change her mind.

    again sorry for what happening.
     
  11. 1Cody

    1Cody Member

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    Man! I am right there with you! It will be three weeks tomorrow. I decided to stay busy and help others. Today, I got an inclination that my time was to be spent being of service to help others. Part of this inclination was to not be resentful or inpatient with what I am asked to do. It is not easy, hang in there man! I don't or can't say how long before you can feel good again, but I will say that time really does heal all wounds. I had always heard that new experiences help to heal the spirit. I usually do things that I never done before or go places I never been before. It could be as simple as visiting a new outlet mall just to look around or eat at a restaurant that I never ate at before. Good luck to you.
     
  12. Infernal

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    A broken heart takes time to heal and you can't rush it. Surround yourself with friends. True friends. The ones that will lend you their ear at 2 in the morning, or fill you with laughter when you see them in person. They will get you through it. That's what friends are for.
     
  13. dolfette

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    you can't beg someone into loving you back. if you guilt trip her into giving you another chance she still won't love you. she's already gone so just let her go.

    so what do you do? you get the support of your friends, cry on your mom, drunkenly mumble your woes to the barkeep or stay at home blubbing to sad, sad songs. get it out of your system. then you buy some new shoes, comb your hair, take a deep breath and start living again.
     
  14. The Dragon

    The Dragon New Member

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    It took me 4 long years to get over my last broken heart to the point where I didn't feel broken anymore.

    It's the price you pay for loving deeply, passionately and completely.
     
  15. NottsBound

    NottsBound Active Member

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    Thank you all so so much for the wise and kind words. I woke up this morning and read all your posts and experiences and it instantly made myself feel better knowing exactly what I have to do.

    It also helps knowing I'm not the only one going through this and that it is perfectly normal. This help that you have given me has already made me feel better so I know I that shouldn't be so depressed and that I will get over this one way or another.

    I thought it was impossible to let go someone you love deeply but it seems more possible to me and I realise I'm strong enough to do it.

    For the first time in a few weeks the sun was out and it was a lovely day to be out, I think it kind of resembled a new day or a new beginning for me.

    I have saved your posts on my phone and whenever I feel down I will look at them to make me feel better.

    Thank you all so much. If anyone has any more tips or suggestions, I will be looking over this thread in the next few weeks. Thank you again.
     
  16. EllieP

    Staff Member Moderator Gold Member

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    Sweetie, your post made me sad. You can cry, and you can cry a lot. But don't go back, don't try to get it back and don't hold on to the past. It just gets harder to let go later on.

    My husband left me with a two-year-old. He said "it wasn't there" anymore. I never knew what he meant specifically, but I think we had sex once since I was pregnant. Of course, come to figure out later that he had it a lot more often than me.

    I realized he was an asshole, but he was my asshole. I cried for weeks, but never in front of my baby or my Mum. I just told my parents that we mutually decided to call it quits. Of course, it became apparent that it was all him when he never came back once to check on his daughter.

    It's hard to say it right now, but he was the love of my life back then. I see a lot more clearly now that he never really was.

    It took many years, but I have found the love of my life, and I wish that only the best happen to you.
     
  17. DavidXL

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    I've been where you are, and you have my best wishes. It's painful, I know. One of the mistakes I made was to try to stay in touch, because I wanted to be "friends." I wasn't even kidding myself. I didn't want to be friends. I wanted her back, desparately. I told myself that if we just spent time together, she would remember how terrific we were together and this all would be become part of of our past, a short rift we overcame. It never happened, because she just didn't love me anymore.

    We were in contact every couple of weeks for about a year, and I regret it. It just made it take longer to forget about her and move on. I still held out hope when there was none.

    My big advice to you is stick to your intuition and have no contact. It will make moving on faster and less painful. Every contact you have will set you back.

    The good news is, if you can love the way you have, you have it in you to do it again. Only next time, you'll have the benefit of everything you learned this time.

    Good luck and hang in there.
     
  18. B_625girth

    B_625girth New Member

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    if it's over, it's over. no amount of talking, pleading is gonna change her mind. yrs ago I had a gf. seemed like everything was fine. we made plans for our future together. one day it was over. I asked why, never got an answer. went to the gal's mom out of desperation. made myself look like a fool. took awhile but I finally got over it.
    after 30 some years I ran into her, guess what?? we were mostly being polite, cordial and she says I was the best man ever in her life. I muttered something about being a stupid bitch and moved thru the crowd. we were in a bar.
     
  19. upone

    upone New Member

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    Interesting. I had a similar experience with an ex-wife. Thirty years later we met, talked about a lot of things for a couple of months, and realized we had the same disconnect we had thirty years before, and parted friends.
     
  20. Billyhoe

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    Seriously mate, if it's fucked from the females standpoint, it's fucked. Mop up you tears and put it behind you. Just be thankful you don't have kids etc which rely fucks your life up