Why wont my GF have sex with me anymore

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by wellhung9, Jul 25, 2012.

  1. wellhung9

    wellhung9 New Member

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    This is pretty embarrassing, but was hoping to get some input from other women. My gf and I have been dating for 2 years, with a 2 month break in between. But I would say the last 4 months she has not wanted to have sex and we have barely had sex at all. This was a pretty big drop off since she used to constantly initiate sex for most of the relationship.

    The weird part is I can tell she doesn't want to break up bc she talks about how much she wants to marry me, and we are looking for a place together(her idea too).

    Sex in a relationship is important to me though. I would like to have sex a few times a week, and I know for this site that is not enough for a lot of you on here. But she rejects my advances to have sex all the time now. Usually she says she isn't in the mood and too tired from work. It is beginning to lower my self esteem and I'm getting a little depressed/paranoid. I felt like she must have been getting it somewhere else, but now it doesnt seem like that's the case. I have talked about this with her twice since this started happening, and it's kind of awkward/embarrasing. I feel like it puts pressure on her.

    Anyways any tips from members would be very appreciated. I love her very much, but I don't want to be in a sexless relationship, especially since she wants to get married.
     
  2. IntoxicatingToxin

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    Might be a hormonal thing. I'm not sure if she's changed medications lately or started taking new ones. It could also be stress-related if she's been busier than normal. You've asked her about it a couple times, what does she say? And have you told her how important it is to you?
     
  3. wellhung9

    wellhung9 New Member

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    she does know how it's important to me. She reassures that she loves having sex with me and thinks I'm a hot piece of ass, blah blah blah. She says she's stressed from work, and when she hasn't had sex in awhile then she forgets how much she likes it.

    I'm to the point that I dont even want to try anymore bc it hurts my self esteem and am not used to this kind of rejection. And rejection from someone that loves me so much, and wants to spend the rest of their life with me.

    I might try to distance myself from her for awhile. Maybe that will help and make her want more. Just can't believe Im resorting to that.

    Breaking up with her would absolutely devastating to me though bc I love her so much. But it seems like this is turning into a glorified friendship.
     
  4. stockgroup14

    stockgroup14 New Member

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    hmmmm

    That's odd. Very odd.

    I'm sure she is stressed if that's what she's saying..but idk. I've been stressed/busy before and it's true that you don't think about sex, but I can't imagine it being constant. Plus, sex is a good stress reliever as far as I'm concerned.

    I don't want to sit here and accuse your GF of cheating on you..but solely from the words you have typed that makes the most sense to me.

    I don't think work stress turns somebody from 'constantly initiating sex' to constantly rejecting it.

    It could also just be that the honeymoon phase of the relationship is over and that she doesn't care about sex anymore..that the spark isn't there anymore..but again, from the way you layed it out, it seems like she's over the moon for you. If this is the case though you can always try spicing things up in the bedroom..role playing, massages, etc. etc. to warm her up a little

    ...bottom line something doesn't add up and all you can do is just keep trying to communicate with her.
     
  5. wellhung9

    wellhung9 New Member

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    Yeah I thought she was cheating on me too, but the times I've checked on her she's been where she says. I've checked her phone too and never sern anything bad. I just feel like communicating with her makes it worse. It kind of makes it seem like I'm pressuring her. And even if she did have sex with me after talking about it I would feel like it was just bc I asked and not bc she wanted to.

    I know many are gonna be mad I checked her phone and followed her a few times I was suspicious but I just had to see. It just seems weird that she would go from initiating sex a lot to never doing it.

    And I really am a good looking guy with a way above average penis. And sorry but it would be hard for her to find someone bigger where we live. Sorry to come off as so full of himself. I've actually been more modest lately. I hope me being less cocky isn't a turn off for her bc I prefer to be more modest these days.
     
  6. wellhung9

    wellhung9 New Member

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    I really want to believe that someone I love wouldn't be so fucked up to not only Cheat on me and not have sex with me, while talking about her wanting to marry me and move in together. Its not like she's with me for financial reasons either.
     
  7. wellhung9

    wellhung9 New Member

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    And I'm sorry gr posting this here. Will a mod move this to relationship issue section
     
  8. autoballer

    autoballer New Member

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    My girlfriend of 10 years is acting the same way. I know she isn't cheating because she isn't that type, but she has watched as friend after friend are getting married so she got that idea in her head too. The main problem is I work retail and never have any money. Also she is a cheap ass and I have to pay 80percent of the time. She came to me in tears saying while in tears " I just don't see it happening" later she claimed it was her period making her act crazy and took it back. I'm torn.
     
  9. pcghabsy

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    Firstly, the only one who can tell you exactly why is your girlfriend. No need to get into paranoid fantasies, such things are part of a long term relationship.
     
  10. VernalTiger

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    Why do you think she would only leave you for a man with a bigger penis?
     
  11. B_theaussieone

    B_theaussieone New Member

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    break up with her, sleep with her, cheat on her or stop complaining. those are your options.
     
  12. JPoster

    JPoster Member

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    Maybe she thinks that all you are interested in is sex and she wants to see if you want more than that. Hence she cuts back on sex and talks up commitment to find out if you are serious.

    And modesty, as you call it, (not being conceited about your dick) is really a change that should be permanent.
     
  13. LisaMarie

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    The comment she made about "forgetting how much she likes it" if she's gone awhile without it, there is some truth to that. Used to happen to me. In past relationships - if they hurt me in some way I wouldn't feel sexual towards them. If enough time went by having sex with them felt awkward. Stupid? Yes. But true.

    My suggestion? Plan a low key night. Rent a movie. Have a bottle of wine. Give her a massage. Romance her like you did the first time you made love to her. :wink:

    Good luck and keep us posted!
     
  14. D_Sal_Manilla

    D_Sal_Manilla Account Disabled

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    your a dick.
     
  15. wellhung9

    wellhung9 New Member

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    I didn't mean to say she would only leave me for someone bigger. I'm under the impression that she loves me but might of been getting some on the side from someone bigger or better in bed. Bc she never wants to have sex with me. But it seems she is not cheating but just lost interest in sex all together.

    She got promoted at work and works a little bit more and exercises a lot less. I know when I don't exercise for awhile my sex drive drops off. I don't want to come off as a dick and tell her she should go to the gym. She still looks great anyways.

    But I would say the times we have had sex in the last 4 months have almost always involved wine. So Im gonna try to set up a romantic evening involving wine. But I'll be pretty bummed if that doesn't work.

    And to the person who recommended cheating. Just not my style. Why stay with someone and cheat on them?
     
  16. Abraxas04

    Abraxas04 Member

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    As someone with some experience in long-term relationships (ltrs), this is just something that happens in the course of things. You guys met and had an intense experience getting to know each other, falling in love, and exploring each other's bodies. It was a rush, I'm sure, and I'm sure you were having sex often. But now you have gotten to the plateau part. The initial rush subsides into a more general, background warmth--and you have sex less. Once you get to 2-3 years, your relationship transitions into something else, an ltr. This is just how it works. You can't sustain that initial rush forever.

    So, as I see it, you have two options. 1) You can keep that excitement going by not getting comfortable, by continuing to make yourself desirable. Don't look needy or desperate for sex. That didn't work when you met her, and it won't work now. Just think about what it is that attracted her to you initially, and do that. Seduce her, but don't vocalize your intentions. If she shuts you down, don't get pissy, just try again.

    2) You can break up with her and start a new relationship with someone else. It will give you that initial "rush" that you crave (which, btw correlates with having tons of sex). There really is something about having sex with someone new that is just fun
     
  17. B_FootballStud21

    B_FootballStud21 New Member

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    If she ain't sleeping with you, she's getting it elsewhere. Whether it be from a vibrator, her fingers or someone else.

    Nobody "forgets" how good sex feels.
     
  18. camer999

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    Bro you see the lack of sex right now? If you marry her what do you that will turn into?
     
  19. ManicRichey

    ManicRichey New Member

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    I'm a guy and have been with my wife for 10 years. I'd say we have consistently had sex 2 or 3 times a week during those 10 years. It's not bragging - I'm not from a macho culture - but we have A LOT of sex.

    I am coming to the end of a 3 year work project and in the last month or 6 weeks I have had NO interest in sex. Not with my wife, not with looking at porn, nothing. She has noticed, we've talked about it, and its all cool. We have had sex twice in the last 6 weeks. And though I haven't said it to her, I was going through the motions slightly to do it for her (I enjoyed it obviously but if she hadn't have asked I wouldn't have done it).

    I guess communication and compromise is key. If respect is still there, from both sides, then you guys will get over it as a couple. If she is is working longer hours are you helping out at home? Are you treating her with silly small thoughtful presents? Are you talking to her and listening to her? I'm not threatening you (!) but these are the things I'v noticed my wife making an effort with me in the last 6 weeks. Just a thought.
     
  20. headhunter317

    headhunter317 Member

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    I have been in your shoes and I feel for you. I met a wonderful lady and we had sex every day. We got married after 6 months and a year later had our first child together. After our daughter was born there was NO sex. I was soooo frustrated, had all the thoughts you are having. Later on we had sex 1 time in one month and she got pregnant again. After that child she left me and we later divorced. I really think she had hormone issues....post partem depression? I didn't realize at the time that this could have been the problem and I really feel like a dick for not being more understanding instead of suspicious.
    I also had problems after that. I had no interest in sex. Stress can really be a BIG factor. Hormones are another BIG factor. I had NO interest in sex for almost 20 years because of stress and a low T count that went undiagnosed. Now I get hormone replacement and I am in great shape. I know I am a man but her problems may be similiar. Hang in there and LOVE her.....support her. Just sayin....I learned the hard way.