As much as I believe in discussing things and good communication, I think actions are just as important.
And, I'm not that sure that '69' would be a good idea. If she is hesitant about oral sex - '69' may freak her totally.
I'm sure you know something about your wife's thoughts and fears. If she is body conscious, I think you would know that. You have to consider her past: has she had much experience- do you think you'd be the first to do this (I'm assuming you are, but if not, then has she had a bad experience?)
I appreciate the way my husband handled the situation because I didn't feel pressured or guilty.
When he'd give me those quick little kisses it was very asexual. Very playful, and a few times he'd
give me a 'razzberry' kiss, like you'd give a baby to make them laugh.
And that would me me laugh. It made the entire issue much less serious, and more interesting.
The fact that he'd do this and then stop, took the pressure off me, and allowed me to go at my own speed.
What was I thinking as a young woman who was just experiencing my sexuality? Probably much the same as any young woman or woman coming into her own sexuality.
I knew people had oral sex, as a nurse I surely knew the human body. I wasn't shy about being naked, didn't have any body issues- so that wasn't my hang-up.
I knew people liked oral sex and I knew my husband probably did too. I knew that we hadn't done that and he probably wanted to.
So, as a woman I knew all that. But, you also have to consider that I probably heard all kinds of descriptions about sex from girlfriends, probably read all kinds articles in cosmo- and all that info was included in what I thought I knew.
So, I'm sure I felt self conscious about my performance. I'm sure I felt embarrassed and wondered how I was supposed to act. What if I look funny? Could I have an orgasm - just like that? How silly would I look or sound, and how much did all I'd heard and read affect me and how I felt about sex.
I wondered 'what if I don't like that'? Once I do that, will he always expect me to do that?
Is there something wrong with me? Was I supposed to feel like the women in the magazine, what if I don't- and will my husband think less of me? Sounds complicated, I know.
I know so much more now, and I have the confidence now that I didn't then. I also know that much I had read and heard from friends was not always the truth! Now I know I don't have to be anything but me.
I'm far more comfortable with my sexuality, and of course much of that is being with someone I love, and time.
I did not get much in the way of sex education; in fact I was told only that " when a man and woman want to have a baby- he puts his penis in a special place between her legs and sends a special fluid to grow the baby".
Much of what I heard was the emphasis on being "a good girl". Be a lady. I don't know; was laying on your back with your legs spread and moaning being a lady? :redface:
There was a big part of me that didn't think so! I had to get past that.
I think my husband handled the situation well. At least for me. By keeping it very playful and stopping at that, I didn't feel guild, nor did I feel pressured.
That allowed me to relax and think about the fact that I did like the way it felt, and found myself thinking about that more and more. I soon became curious- on my own. Without the thoughts of feeling pressured or feeling guilty cluttering up my mind, I was able to think more on my own terms.
It was probably 5 moths from the time that my husband first kissed the lower part of my belly to the first time we tried oral sex. But it happened because I wanted him to go a 'little' further!
You know, no matter what the issue, you can't make someone like something that they are not comfortable with. Can't pressure them or shame them. It just does not work.
There are so many reasons behind people's fears and dislikes; and the reason can often affect the outcome.
Taking this slowly and with great patience can mean the difference between her one day just begrudgingly allowing you there, or actually enjoying you there.
And dfox7.3x5....thanks!