Will a huge dildo ruin her for me?

Discussion in 'Women's Issues' started by lucky99rumen, Sep 18, 2007.

  1. lucky99rumen

    lucky99rumen New Member

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    I have a question for the women out there that needs an honest answer. I'm an average-hung guy, and my wife and I are looking to spice up our sex life. We've always had great sex, but we are enjoying a sort of "rebirth" of our marriage after 11 years and want to try new things. So, we are considering using a large dildo as part of our sex play. It's 11" long and 7"+ in girth. My question is about the girth issue -- I'm only 5.25", and I've always listened intently when women have talked about how incredible a thick penis feels. When I talked to my wife about using this toy, she was hesitantly receptive, then admitted that she was a little worried because if she didn't enjoy using it (we tried it briefly once many years ago and it hurt her a bit), I might feel bad for having her try it, but if she enjoyed it, I might feel inadequate. She described it as a no-win situation for her, but said that she does think she wants to give it a try.

    So here's where I'm at. I have to admit I am a little worried that she will enjoy the girth so much that her mind will wander away from my equipment. It's not that I'm worried she'll prefer a dildo to the real thing, but it's a concern based on another guy she knows. She grew up with a good looking guy who has always had a thing for her. This guy once bragged that he's really thick. Something to the effect of "girls always say it hurts too much." In our third year of marriage, they talked about having an affair, but when they started fooling around, she stopped it and she came clean with me. Last year, he contacted her again and they emailed one another back and forth for a few months behind my back (we were going through a very rough time or she wouldn't have done this, so don't judge her for it- not that you would). Their emails were mostly innocent, but he did indicate at one point that he wanted to hook up and he tried several times to get her to meet "just for dinner." She put an end to all of this eventually, and we focused on our marriage and have made great progress.

    I hate to admit that I'm so shallow, but I'm worried that she'll like the dildo a lot and it will lead her to think more of him. Honestly, were they just friends and none of this other crap had ever happened, I don't think I'd have a problem with her fantasizing about him, but under the circumstances, I don't want to deal with that. And yes, I know she may fantasize about him anyway, but I don't want to do anything to encourage that! And we were young when we got together, both pretty inexperienced, so since she's never been with a guy bigger than me, she probably believes herself when she says it wouldn't matter to her. But I'm scared that once she's had this big thing up in her, she'll start to think maybe it does matter.

    On the flip side, I'm just like any other perv of a guy, and I'd love to see my wife writhing in ecstasy while I use the thing on her. I'm really into the idea if this other guy weren't lingering in the back of my mind and (god please no) her mind, as well. I hate that I'm so obsessed with this issue and that I allow it to cause me to question anything about myself, but it is what it is.

    And one other question, just on technique -- if we use the dildo, will it be useless for me to make love to her immediately after we use it, i.e., will she be so stretched at that point in time that she won't even feel me. If it would be more intense for her, I'm fine with just getting her off with the dildo and some creative rubbing/licking/etc, but I suspect she will at some point want to switch the dildo out for the real thing. If she doesn't feel much at that point, I know she would never ask me to switch BACK, but if I know that she may not be feeling me, I can slyly suggest it so that she doesn't have to worry about bruising my ego.

    Thanks for listening to the ramblings of an insecure husband. I look forward to hearing what people have to say.
     
  2. avantgarde

    avantgarde New Member

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  3. basque9

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    I am girthier than the dildo you are thinking of using....in my experience, once a woman or man has enjoyed intercourse with a truly large one....they are hooked on large forever guy!
     
  4. passiveboybigcock

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    Once you experience a big cock it really is difficult to go back to an average sized one again.
     
  5. zaza

    zaza New Member

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    Firstly I disagree with the other two responses. It might be true for some but not in my case.

    Secondly a dildo is not a substitute for a penis, so if you are asking if a huge dildo with feel better than your average sized cock I would say not,then again some may disagree.

    A dildo or vibrator is a great way to add variety and spice up your sex life, so have fun. If you are concerned that she might not like it why not try something smaller to start with? As for other questions you have you will probably have to try it and see.
     
  6. lucky99rumen

    lucky99rumen New Member

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    I tend to agree with you, Zaza - thanks for posting. I have experienced dicks bigger than either of the two guys that posted about it have, and while I enjoyed them a great deal, I have enjoyed guys much more in the average range as well, both before and since my big boy experiences. In fact, my favorite dick of all time was just over 5" long and quite average in girth. Size matters to me, but it's only part of the equation. Sometimes, a dick just has that certain "it" factor that may or may not have anything to do with size.

    Back to the subject at hand, though, I still want to know more about what women think about the use of a particularly large dildo under the circumstances described above.
     
  7. cone999

    cone999 New Member

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    I would say go for it. If you deny her then you come off as looking insecure anyway, woman like confidence in a guy, ...and its just a toy. At least you guys seem to have a good relationship going and can talk about these things.
     
  8. TheRob

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    you should let her know that her talking to that other guy hurt you tho
     
  9. lucky99rumen

    lucky99rumen New Member

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    We've talked about what happened with the other guy, and we are very clear on how it made me feel and how guilty she felt about it. Honestly, my wife is an amazing and a good woman. When she has looked to this guy for attention, it's been because I have failed her as a husband. I neglected her for years, putting my career first and dealing (or failing to deal) with my own emotional issues while leaving her to have faith in my love for her without me providing much daily evidence of that. She is not AT ALL the type to go looking for an affair, but was just in a very vulnerable position. We have worked a lot on our communication issues, on making each other feel special and valued. Our marriage is in a very good place right now, though obviously it's still in a healing phase. I guess that's why I'm writing about this -- it's something I want to try, but I don't want to jeopardize anything by setting off some "pandora's box" ( :wink1: to you, PW) that neither of us knows is there. I think it's just my own insecurity, which I don't want to let control me, but I thought getting some opinions from you fine people might help. And so far, it is helping. Thanks!
     
  10. BillyD

    BillyD New Member

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    If your marriage is now secure (it did sound how you wrote the post pretty messy) then go with whatever you want. My experiences with girls are always great and it spices things up. There is no reason she will not want you right before or after and what is wrong with a loose wet pussy for a few minutes after the huge dildo was in there? She will love the experience and it will help make things hot. However, I have experienced that girls don't always want to use a huge dildo or even a dildo for that matter...so communication is the key when to use and not to use.
     
  11. D_Kay_Sarah_Sarah

    D_Kay_Sarah_Sarah Account Disabled

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    She has been honest with you about the other guy all alone, trust her and her commitment to you that she wants YOU, not him. If she did want him then obviously she could have had him by now.

    7 inches is a thick girth but try the dildo, they are lots of fun. If it does hurt her too much then tell her to stop and go back to you/the real thing. But you have no need to feel insecure, regardless of size a dildo (or vibrator) isn't anything close to a good substitute for the real thing.

    Have fun, add that spice, shake it up
    enjoy
     
  12. Alexandra

    Alexandra New Member

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    Has your wife mentionned that she was still attracted to this man? Or that she was at one point titillated by his claims of "being vey thick"?
    Has she indicated that trying on a very large sex toy might make her fantasize about him, or his supposedly large appendage?
    From what you say I get the feeling that this is more what you fear than her reality, though it might be of course. Did I understand things correctly?
    Maybe she doesn't feel that way, and you might want to tell her about what's at stakes for you. That would also enable you to know her feelings about it.
    Hope this helps a lilltle:smile:
     
  13. lucky99rumen

    lucky99rumen New Member

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    Again, thank you guys (gals) for the advice. Several of you have picked up on the fact that my wife and I have communicated about this a little, but that we need to do so more. I recognize that, and I actually started this post so that when we discuss it next (it just came up for the first time this weekend), I can have a better idea of what I want to say. My wife has never said she is interested in the fact that this other guy is supposedly hung, in fact she's always says she doesn't think size matters to her (she's not very experienced, so may not really know) and that I'm perfect, and she has reiterated that before regarding him (years ago, when they almost had sex). But that is, of course, what many women think they are supposed to say, so a guy never knows if he can believe it. And I feel like I'm just big enough that maybe it's true, but not big enough to not care if it's not! Or that she only THINKS it's true because she hasn't been with anyone bigger than me.

    One other thing has come to mind as I've thought about this. I wonder what people think about the possibility that using the dildo will have an effect on her ability to orgasm from my penis. My wife always orgasms at least once, and usually within the first couple of minutes after penetration (or nearly immediately if I push the foreplay). I would imagine using the dildo a few times would have no long term effect on this, but if it becomes something we use on a regular (albeit only occassional) basis, is it likely that this will effect her ability to get off from my size?

    In case anyone is wondering where I stand at this point after reading your posts, I'm feeling like the right approach is to put this other crap out of my mind and just try to enjoy the experience and, most importantly, let my wife enjoy it. I agree that she and I should talk more beforehand, but I am afraid, a little, to bring up the direct question of whether the dildo will make her think of the other guy because 1) talking about his dick being bigger than mine POINTS OUT THE FACT THAT HIS DICK IS BIGGER THAN MINE, and why would I want to do that? and 2) maybe telling her that I am worried she will think of him will actually CAUSE her to think of him when she otherwise wouldn't have.

    MAN I WISH I HAD A TEN INCH DICK! Life would be so much easier... though tailoring might cost a tad more. :)
     
  14. readingHelpsMe

    readingHelpsMe New Member

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    Ever heard the phrase be careful what you wish for?

    I don't think having a 10 inch dick would make your life easier. I think the 10 inchers around here can attest to that fact, as it sound like they have a very hard time finding women that can accommodate (or are willing to accommodate) their size. On the other hand it might make you more desirable to some of the women here that are a small percentage of the general population.

    Now 8.5 x 6 inches on the other hand ... :rolleyes::wink: lol
     
  15. lucky99rumen

    lucky99rumen New Member

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    Okay, fine, I'll settle for 8.5" x 6". Where do I sign up? :)
     
  16. BillyD

    BillyD New Member

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    Stop worrying about what she thinks about during her fantasy or sex. Hell, encourage her to think in her head whatever makes her get off. It is you in the bed with her and if you show you are not scared and want to explore and let her use her mind, she will come craving more and more. Tell her to imagine the dildo is someone else if that turns her on, roll play even. There is no limit to what can be done in your bed and is she was going to crave or cheat then it would happen anyway.
     
  17. BoxerBriefs

    BoxerBriefs New Member

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    +1

    My experiences with several women and toys of a size much greater than my personal endowment has not "ruined" anything, but rather added spice to the lovemaking. I am of average size, but have been told by many "experienced" partners that the other aspects of my sexuality, such as adventurism make up for it. If you are in love it should be your first objective to bring the most amount of pleasure to your woman. That is my philosophy and I have found that in secure relationships even the occasional swing can be a great deal of fun, provided the conditions are right, such as chemistry, no friends, etc... If a woman that professed to love me found that the size of an object inserted into her vagina was cause to end our relationship, then it wasn't meant to be. One of my favorite acts to perform is to give oral while thrusting a girthy toy in and out at increasing speed. I am not made insecure if my lover has a more intense orgasm from this than from regular intercourse as my stated goal is to provide the most pleasure possible by whatever means are at hand. I have a drawer full of toys of all sorts and all of them are fun at various times. If I cannot make a woman orgasm through penetration, then we are probably not compatible and I think we would both realize that. The latter is a rarity, however.
     
  18. Skull Mason

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    www.thundersplace.com son you didn't know?
     
  19. thehighheelsgirl

    thehighheelsgirl New Member

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    A couple years ago I had a bf who was probably about 7" who loved using a big dildo on me while we had sex. Multiple times during sex he would pull out of me, use the dildo on me, then he'd fuck me some more and back and forth we'd go.

    Its not at all that she won't feel you. Could I tell his dick was smaller than the toy, yes. But, in a way it almost felt better. His dick slid back in me really easy, which was hot, but sine the toy felt great cuz it stretched me, it also hurt and got me sore, which made his dick feel great going back in.

    Really I wouldnt worry about it, just have fun!

    Jen
     
  20. D_Andy_Whorewall

    D_Andy_Whorewall Account Disabled

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    My wife and I have used dildos for years, of all differnt sizes. I too am avg in size and I wanted to have her experience a larger penis through the use of dildos.

    She doesn't mind them, but she prefers the "real thing" ALL the time.

    Unless you warm it up real good, a dildo is cold, not very pleasant at times unless she's real horny. I know I've taken the dildo out and put my cock in and her pussy was cool, it had lost it's own warmth. This turns her off.

    To each their own, but in my wifes opinion, the dildo isn't attached to anything, the penis is, and that's the sexual attraction. She has had many orgasms with dildos I will say that...but she doesn't ask for them, it's usually upon my initiation.

    Explore and see what happens.