A dark subject.

One of the hardest things I have to deal with is the knowledge of domestic abuse and rape. The problem is way too prevalent in this diseased fucking world. There's a banned PSA on Youtube of a guy getting pissed off at a waitress in a restaurant for spilling his coffee and proceeding to beat her senseless and knock her around in front of everyone as they all stare without moving a muscle. I can't watch it because seeing it gives me a stabbing pain in my chest. It's no different that a knife twisting in my heart.

Many of the women in my life I've been with or care for have been victim to this. My sister, my mother, nearly every girlfriend... and the girl I'm currently in love with.

In these past few weeks, I could feel something eating at her. Something distancing herself from me. Off and on I'd get clues or insight to what that was, but never any details. I guess I more or less knew, but I couldn't pry.

She is unquestionably beautiful, promiscuous, flirtatious and a bit of a nymphomaniac. She's quite busty and curvy, yet thin, dresses in cleavage revealing outfits, and rather short skirts. She has a thing for older guys, and she's 19. She has a very low opinion of her own self worth and beauty. She might as well paint herself a target for the kind of low-lives she ends up getting with. It's all the more reason I want to protect her, and let her know how much she means to me.

Since we've been dating, I knew about the guy who choked her after a make-out session because she refused to go any further. I knew about the guy who tried to rape her at a party.

What I didn't know is that there was no party, and "tried" would be replaced with "succeeded".

The more that was revealed to me, the more the knife twisted in my chest. I clutched at my head and my heart... I felt her pain in telling me this and I started to cry. I wanted to scream. Thinking about this, I still do. How could anyone harm someone so sweet... so adorable? I can't imagine ever harming her. The times we had sex, I felt horrible any time I made her wince or say "ouch" from driving too deep. The fact that someone could willfully force themselves upon her, as she begged them to stop makes me quiver in rage, and nauseous all at once.

This wasn't the first time this has happened to her... the problem is, she doesn't talk about it to anyone. She doesn't want to relive the moment, and tries to keep it inside... I know that's not the best thing to do. It shows as a friend of hers keeps asking about this guy, unknowing of what transpired. This understandably sends her into a depression and the friend thinks I'm being irrational when I get worried about her.

As of late, she's told me she's no longer interested in being in a relationship of any sort, and isn't sure if she'll ever want to. I still continue to tell her I love her, even against her friend's wishes, and that I'll wait for her no matter how long it takes. I know she likes me... perhaps even loves me... but I can feel that wall. That darkness and fear well up inside her, making her believe our possible relationship would be doomed for failure, and causing her to keep her true feelings trapped inside. I know this because she more or less told me.

I just wish I knew what to do in this situation. Do I back off completely, and let time take its course? Do I continue to pursue her, and let her know I don't want to give up on her? Do I find a happy median? This isn't easy for me.

I don't want to dredge up anyone's own horrible memories, but if anyone out there has been a victim of these types of atrocities, and perhaps even saw themselves in a mental state similar to hers, would you have any advice to offer? I would greatly appreciate it. I love her more than I can describe, and I can't stand to know she's feeling this way.

Comments

It's not like she's the only one you've ever known. Most women have been raped, molested, abused in some horrifying way. But admitting this tends to welcome other dudes to adopt the same behavior patterns. My point is, she's apparently the only one to admit it to you. She's either very courageous or looking for drama and pity, your call.

If someone is not ready, and they're working through things, they're simply not ready. If you care, just be her friend.
 
Waiting for her? Oh no, just go on with your life and date and love others.

But you should let her know that if something goes wrong, you will be there for her.

A point might be made from the previous poster--maybe she is looking for the drama and the pity. But you should be able to live your own life without fearing for hers.
 
People who do not love themselves do not show love to others.

Time is slippery-wait if you must but know that you are not the Universal Handyman. There are only so many tools in your chest.
 

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