My best friend has been married to an asexual man for 23 years.
The first 23 years she thought she was the problem. :frown1: In the last three years they have sought counseling and he has had his testosterone, thyroid, and all sorts of things tested. All are normal. She estimates that in 23 years they have had sex maybe 10 or 11 times. I don't know how she stood it. He also has a tendency to not be able to keep a job. He was the first white man I ever met who lacked the "I have a wife and child gene I should work and take care of them." He has held one job for 3 consecutive years that is the longest he has held a job since she has known him. I would have had to leave him.
Their marriage therapist strongly recommended divorce. They both refused, not for religious reasons as he is agnostic and she was a non-practicing Catholic. They refused for financial reasons and I guess fear. They have been together since they were in their early 20's and are in a somewhat comfortable rut.:frown1::redface:
So this marriage therapist who I swear is a quack and needs to be shot, told her to start dating! :wtf1: When that didn't work, because she refused. She couldn't reconcile her Catholic upbringing and the fact she is married with being told to date. The therapist signed them up for the local polyamory group. :yikes: So now she has a boyfriend whom she sees once a month for sex. Her bf is much older, married to a bi-woman, and oh yeah, he has 3 other girlfriends. :yikes: She says he makes her feel loved and cherished for the first time in her life.
I have trouble with that, mainly because I doubt it seriously. Then again I also have trouble with the fact that since becoming involved in this polyamory group she has become an atheist. I think it's because in her heart she knows what she is doing is wrong for her. The only way she could justify having sex with a man other than her husband was to become an atheist.
To add insult to injury she has legal custody of her younger sisters 5 year old daughter and has since her birth. Her sister has been a heroin addict for at least 16 years. One reason she doesn't want a divorce is because she is afraid her husband would get legal custody. The other reason is that even thought he has a great paying job now; she has been the major bread-winner for the bulk of their marriage and she doesn't want to have to pay him alimony. He doesn't want to get divorced because he likes his life. He is fine living without ex. Plus she takes care of him. She cooks, cleans, pays all the bills; and when his dad died a year ago she was the one who drove an hour to south Jersey to console his mom, make the phone calls, and plan the memorial service. He'd be a fool to want to divorce her.
Their marriage therapist strongly recommended divorce. They both refused, not for religious reasons as he is agnostic and she was a non-practicing Catholic. They refused for financial reasons and I guess fear. They have been together since they were in their early 20's and are in a somewhat comfortable rut.:frown1::redface:
So this marriage therapist who I swear is a quack and needs to be shot, told her to start dating! :wtf1: When that didn't work, because she refused. She couldn't reconcile her Catholic upbringing and the fact she is married with being told to date. The therapist signed them up for the local polyamory group. :yikes: So now she has a boyfriend whom she sees once a month for sex. Her bf is much older, married to a bi-woman, and oh yeah, he has 3 other girlfriends. :yikes: She says he makes her feel loved and cherished for the first time in her life.
To add insult to injury she has legal custody of her younger sisters 5 year old daughter and has since her birth. Her sister has been a heroin addict for at least 16 years. One reason she doesn't want a divorce is because she is afraid her husband would get legal custody. The other reason is that even thought he has a great paying job now; she has been the major bread-winner for the bulk of their marriage and she doesn't want to have to pay him alimony. He doesn't want to get divorced because he likes his life. He is fine living without ex. Plus she takes care of him. She cooks, cleans, pays all the bills; and when his dad died a year ago she was the one who drove an hour to south Jersey to console his mom, make the phone calls, and plan the memorial service. He'd be a fool to want to divorce her.