There's this woman at work.
No, I'm not having an affair. Nor am I contemplating an affair.
However, we have developed an intimacy that seems entirely work-related. It's weird and hard for me to understand sometimes.
She started working for us about a year and a half ago. Several years earlier, she had worked for a much larger, more prestigious 'division' of our organization. I did not know her then, although I frequently saw her at large meetings. When I met her at the new job, I recognized her. When I had seen her in the previous years, I didn't think I liked her. She was noticeable, physically speaking, and seemed to have an attitude. She worked for organization's VIPs, and there was a smidgen of arrogance in her ways. "She's stuck-up," I told myself every time I saw her.
However, we got to know each other and occasionally worked together. I found her to be pleasant company. Shortly after she started working for us, she asked if I knew a girl friend of hers, someone I had known years earlier. I guiltily stroked my ego--I must have made a good impression if they're talking about me favorably like that.
Her family background is similar to mine, she is married with three children, as am I. We have a lot in common. We're nearly the same age--although she just had a birthday and was pleased to learn that I'm a year older.
About a year ago, I was promoted to be the 'boss' of our division. She was at the same time promoted to fill the position I had held. We began working together closely on an almost daily basis. The relationship was rocky to start with. She seemed to retain some of the arrogance, and regarded our group as a backwater, an outpost. She had a tendency to be a snit. I told her point blank that I needed her to be on my team. At times I grew so frustrated with her that an inner voice would say, "Just fire her! Make her go away! You have the power to do that!" The voice scared me, because that's not the person I am at all.
She became more of a team player. She began to believe both in our division and, I think, in my nascent leadership abilities. She continued to be critical on occasion, but learned to be constructive.
She is good counsel. I rely on her advice quite a bit. In return, I do my best to support her in her regular, day-to-day functions.
Sometimes I get confused by her. Last summer, she had one of her daughters with her at work for part of the morning. She invited me to join them for breakfast, which is not the kind of thing I would normally have expected from a coworker. It was at once relaxed and natural, and yet I felt conspicuous, as if we were a family, or playing at family.
And sometimes we'll wander to Starbucks where we have quiet, supportive discussions about work, office politics, etc. They're intimate conversations, frankly. The time it happened a couple weeks ago, when it was time to go back to the office we left the table almost like we had been on a first date and were tentatively agreeing to see each other again, as if we were setting up the second date.
Yesterday we were once again sitting at a Starbucks table, discussing good news (for once) and several times she reached out and touched my arm, which is something she's never done before.
There's a fitness center here at work, and we run into each other there once in a while. She invited me to go with her on Monday. That was a first.
This morning we were talking about dealing with sick children, and she told a story about it, and added with frustration, "Of course, (husband) was completely unavailable at the time."
We were at a meeting on Tuesday, and she started to tease me a little with an inside joke, and we had to explain what it was about.
She's started to point out attractive women to me. "Her outfit was really cute. Did you notice? Her boots went with her dress perfectly."
"Uh, no, not really. I didn't pay attention."
"There she is again. She's cute, isn't she?"
Or "You don't know Mary from the Mail Room? I gotta tell you, she's a hottie. I'll have to introduce you."
What's she look like? She is slender in a "mom" sort of way. Not in great shape, but healthy. Long, wavy, dark hair. Very blue eyes. Fair skin. Generally speaking, an overall look I would go for, but I never really thought of her that way. Until over the past few months, when sometimes she's striking.
Now here's complicated part. I've never, in my whole life, felt an emotionally intimate connection though sex. I guess you could say, despite 15+ years of marriage, I'm not sure I've ever Made Love. I love sex. I love my wife. But never surmounted the level to intimacy. For the first time in my life, I'm getting a sense that a guy might want to have sex with someone based on psychological intimacy alone. If she and I were single, I don't think I'd want to have sex with her because she's physically attractive (I honestly DON'T find her sexy) but because ...maybe I want to experience the emotional connection? Sex for intimacy not physical pleasure? Sex that is a union, not based on orgasm?
Whereas, with my wife--it's as if SHE'S the 'mistress,' the fun sex on the side. And I realized that she's always been that person to me. She was, quite naturally, that woman when she was single before we started dating, she was (with all due respect--this is my wife I'm talking about after all) a "sure thing." She's queen of the quickie. She's a quick b.j. at a house party. She's a fun romp on a Sunday afternoon. I love her with all my life, but when I'm with her, it's fun sex and I almost feel like I'm cheating on the woman from work.
It's so confusing sometimes. But good to get it off my chest.
No, I'm not having an affair. Nor am I contemplating an affair.
However, we have developed an intimacy that seems entirely work-related. It's weird and hard for me to understand sometimes.
She started working for us about a year and a half ago. Several years earlier, she had worked for a much larger, more prestigious 'division' of our organization. I did not know her then, although I frequently saw her at large meetings. When I met her at the new job, I recognized her. When I had seen her in the previous years, I didn't think I liked her. She was noticeable, physically speaking, and seemed to have an attitude. She worked for organization's VIPs, and there was a smidgen of arrogance in her ways. "She's stuck-up," I told myself every time I saw her.
However, we got to know each other and occasionally worked together. I found her to be pleasant company. Shortly after she started working for us, she asked if I knew a girl friend of hers, someone I had known years earlier. I guiltily stroked my ego--I must have made a good impression if they're talking about me favorably like that.
Her family background is similar to mine, she is married with three children, as am I. We have a lot in common. We're nearly the same age--although she just had a birthday and was pleased to learn that I'm a year older.
About a year ago, I was promoted to be the 'boss' of our division. She was at the same time promoted to fill the position I had held. We began working together closely on an almost daily basis. The relationship was rocky to start with. She seemed to retain some of the arrogance, and regarded our group as a backwater, an outpost. She had a tendency to be a snit. I told her point blank that I needed her to be on my team. At times I grew so frustrated with her that an inner voice would say, "Just fire her! Make her go away! You have the power to do that!" The voice scared me, because that's not the person I am at all.
She became more of a team player. She began to believe both in our division and, I think, in my nascent leadership abilities. She continued to be critical on occasion, but learned to be constructive.
She is good counsel. I rely on her advice quite a bit. In return, I do my best to support her in her regular, day-to-day functions.
Sometimes I get confused by her. Last summer, she had one of her daughters with her at work for part of the morning. She invited me to join them for breakfast, which is not the kind of thing I would normally have expected from a coworker. It was at once relaxed and natural, and yet I felt conspicuous, as if we were a family, or playing at family.
And sometimes we'll wander to Starbucks where we have quiet, supportive discussions about work, office politics, etc. They're intimate conversations, frankly. The time it happened a couple weeks ago, when it was time to go back to the office we left the table almost like we had been on a first date and were tentatively agreeing to see each other again, as if we were setting up the second date.
Yesterday we were once again sitting at a Starbucks table, discussing good news (for once) and several times she reached out and touched my arm, which is something she's never done before.
There's a fitness center here at work, and we run into each other there once in a while. She invited me to go with her on Monday. That was a first.
This morning we were talking about dealing with sick children, and she told a story about it, and added with frustration, "Of course, (husband) was completely unavailable at the time."
We were at a meeting on Tuesday, and she started to tease me a little with an inside joke, and we had to explain what it was about.
She's started to point out attractive women to me. "Her outfit was really cute. Did you notice? Her boots went with her dress perfectly."
"Uh, no, not really. I didn't pay attention."
"There she is again. She's cute, isn't she?"
Or "You don't know Mary from the Mail Room? I gotta tell you, she's a hottie. I'll have to introduce you."
What's she look like? She is slender in a "mom" sort of way. Not in great shape, but healthy. Long, wavy, dark hair. Very blue eyes. Fair skin. Generally speaking, an overall look I would go for, but I never really thought of her that way. Until over the past few months, when sometimes she's striking.
Now here's complicated part. I've never, in my whole life, felt an emotionally intimate connection though sex. I guess you could say, despite 15+ years of marriage, I'm not sure I've ever Made Love. I love sex. I love my wife. But never surmounted the level to intimacy. For the first time in my life, I'm getting a sense that a guy might want to have sex with someone based on psychological intimacy alone. If she and I were single, I don't think I'd want to have sex with her because she's physically attractive (I honestly DON'T find her sexy) but because ...maybe I want to experience the emotional connection? Sex for intimacy not physical pleasure? Sex that is a union, not based on orgasm?
Whereas, with my wife--it's as if SHE'S the 'mistress,' the fun sex on the side. And I realized that she's always been that person to me. She was, quite naturally, that woman when she was single before we started dating, she was (with all due respect--this is my wife I'm talking about after all) a "sure thing." She's queen of the quickie. She's a quick b.j. at a house party. She's a fun romp on a Sunday afternoon. I love her with all my life, but when I'm with her, it's fun sex and I almost feel like I'm cheating on the woman from work.
It's so confusing sometimes. But good to get it off my chest.